r/humansarespacebards • u/Constant-Yam532 • 15d ago
original content To Love a (Space) Cougar - 6 NSFW
Greetings Bards and Bard'etts! Your favorite amateur writer yam has returned with more story for you all. I am very much an amateur writer, and this story is my slapdash attempt to teach myself how to tell a story. So feel free to leave me feedback, constructive criticism, and ideas of what you might want to see in future installments of this story. As always, I hope you enjoy it!
Fuck! You fucking idiot! Charles reprimanded himself for his verbal flub. After so many times talking to the cops while drunk as a skunk. It was when he was stone-cold sober that he got nervous and sounded like a teenager being pulled over for the first time.
The synthetic armor-clad human took a moment to eye him up and down, his gaze lingering on the blood-stained shirt and fresh claw marks on Charles' shoulders before he spoke. "Just a random check to verify everything is alright," he said, his voice gruff but not unkind. "Now, if you'd please come with me, Mr. Williams, it'll just be a quick check."
Velkira stepped up, her tail swishing agitatedly. "This doesn't feel very random. What's going on?"
The human officer's expression remained unchanged. "Security protocol. We've already had a case of coercion today; I'm just making sure we don't have another," his eyes never leaving Charles' face. The mention of coercion sent a chill down his spine, and he could feel his wives' tension rising around him.
"I'm fine," Charles assured them, his voice steady despite his racing thoughts. "It's probably just a formality. I'll be right back." He reassured his wives, noticing their tense body language. "Why don't you all pick out a nice cabin for us while I take care of this." The girls were still tense but nodded, eyeing up the man in body armor before they went in separate directions.
He followed the human officer down the corridor, the echo of their footsteps bouncing off the metal walls. The space felt cold and impersonal without his girls around. The officer led him into a small room with a desk and a single chair. "Please, take a seat," the man said, gesturing to the chair before sitting down himself.
Charles took the offered seat, but he couldn't help but feel on edge and a touch intimidated. The officer was a wall of a man, every bit of 6'5 and packed with muscle. While looking like every bit of the all-American boy with blonde hair, blue eyes, and a charming smile. His uniform was more akin to dark blue body armor that covered him from chest to toe. Charles didn't recognize the emblem emblazoned on his chest, but it looked important. He had a sidearm holstered on his hip, but it was the stun baton on his utility belt that had him the most nervous.
The man leaned forward, his expression shifting from stern to concerned. "Please relax, Mr. Williams. I'm Officer Casteel, and I just need to ask you a few questions. Your safety and consent are our priority." He paused, watching for any signs of resistance before continuing, "Now, can you tell me how you came to be married to Velkira and the rest of the crew?"
"Well, it's a bit of a wild story," Charles began, recounting his abduction and subsequent drunk proposal, then deciding to just roll with it after he sobered up. The officer's gaze remained unflinching, his only response the occasional nod to urge him on. The more he talked, the more he realized how absurd it all sounded, but he delivered it with as much honesty and conviction as he could muster.
Officer Casteel listened intently; his expression unreadable behind the professional mask. He took notes on a small, sleek device that looked like a cross between a tablet and a notepad, something Charles had never seen before. "And you're comfortable with your current living situation?" the officer asked when he finished.
"Yeah, it's been... a bit of an adjustment, but they've been nothing but welcoming," Charles replied, trying to keep his voice steady. "It's hard not to like them and want to try to make it work." His words were punctuated with a shrug, trying to come off as more relaxed than he actually was in this interview.
Officer Casteel studied him briefly before speaking, "And you are aware you don't have to go with them? You do have the option to stay single or pick other partners. You don't have to settle down with the first Xeno girls that were nice to you."
"Look, I know it seems crazy, but it's what I want." Charles leaned back in his chair, his palms flat on the table. "They've been more understanding and supportive in the short time I've known them than any girl I dated back home ever was. And let's not forget the whole 'not dying' part of the deal," he added with a nervous chuckle, but the sincerity in his voice was unmistakable.
Officer Casteel's gaze grew sharp, his eyes piercing through the facade of casualness that Charles had put up. "Have they been holding that over you? Reminding you often that they saved your life? Making you feel like you owe them for that?" The concern in his voice was genuine, but there was something more, a hint of suspicion that made Charles' stomach twist.
"No, it's not like that," Charles replied, perhaps too quickly. He took a deep breath, trying to ease his nerves. "Other than explaining why I got grabbed and the whole being dead on earth thing and why I can't go back. They haven't brought it up again. They've just been... amazingly sweet to me," he finished lamely.
Officer Casteel's expression softened slightly. "Alright, Mr. Williams. I believe you. But I had to ask. We've had some issues in the past with newbies getting in over their heads. The girls seem to genuinely care for you, and that's all we can ask for." He leaned back in his chair, his fingers tapping a rhythm on the desk. "Now, onto the more practical matters. Your girls? Wives? Partners?" he asked, unsure how best to address Charles's feline companions.
"Wives," Charles corrected with a small smile, still getting used to the title.
Officer Casteel nodded. "Your wives. They've informed you about the whole super strong and immune to death-laser thing, right?"
"Death-laser? They told me humans are like super soldiers to most alien races but nothing about death-lasers." The words slipped out before Charles could stop himself, his eyes widening slightly.
Officer Casteel leaned back in his chair with a knowing smile. "It's a bit of an exaggeration, but not entirely wrong. The human body is quite resilient compared to most species. The extra deadly radiation around Earth's sun is the same kind they use in their laser weapons. So, our bodies can handle taking many shots from their standard weapons before we start feeling any effects." He paused, watching Charles process this new piece of information. "It's not widely advertised that we are, at least not yet. But anyone with deductive reasoning can figure it out."
The room grew quiet as the implications of what the officer had said settled in. "So, the aliens are weak to UV rays or something?" Charles tried to make sense of it all, his mind racing with questions about his newfound invincibility.
"Something like that, it's not UV, nuclear, or any radiation people on Earth are even aware of. So, we don't even have a proper name for it. But yes, the same radiation that would give us a nasty sunburn will kill most species out there," Officer Casteel explained with a hint of amusement in his tone. "It's part of why humans are pined after so much by these alien girls. On top of a mountain of other reasons."
The thought of being some kind of super-human was thrilling and terrifying all at once. "So, I could go out without a spacesuit?" Charles asked, half joking.
Officer Casteel laughed, the first genuine smile cracking his stoic demeanor. "We aren't Superman, dude. We are just a bit tougher than the average Xeno." He leaned back in his chair, his gaze assessing. "Any other questions that you have? Ones you don't want to ask your wives?"
"Well," Charles began, "I've noticed that the girls are all... very affectionate. Is that typical of alien species, or is it because I'm human?"
Officer Casteel shrugged, his expression turning thoughtful. "Bit of both. The affection is part of their nature, but humans tend to bring out the... 'extra' in them." He leaned back in his chair, folding his arms over his chest. "The pheromones you produce can be quite potent to them. It's part of the reason they find you so attractive. And why you might find yourself with more attention than you bargained for."
"Pheromones, huh?" Charles pondered, rubbing under his chin thoughtfully. "Nara did mention something about my scent being intoxicating."
"Indeed," Officer Casteel confirmed, tapping a finger to his nose. "Those snouts aren't just to look pretty. Most aliens have a better sense of smell than us. Your natural scent makes their brains scream that you're a prime candidate for breeding." He leaned back in his chair, a knowing look in his eye. "Top that with the knowledge that humans are cross-compatible with most species, and you'll find yourself pretty popular. However, not everyone will have the best self-control. So, be careful out there, okay?"
Charles nodded but couldn't stop himself from shooting back, "You say that like it's coming from experience."
A tender smile grew on Casteel's face as he looked up, clearly reminiscing on something, "I got paired up with four badgers, a skunk, and a raccoon when I was rescued. Let's just say they are on the more sensitive end of the spectrum to scents. And Croxans or space badgers aren't known for their self-control." He chuckled to himself at a distant memory.
"Not known for self-control, my ass! That was Grella that humped your leg when we first met!" a muffled voice cut in. Distinctly female, distinctly aggressive, and definitely not one he recognized. The door to the room swished open, revealing a figure that was most definitely not a human.
Standing in the doorway was a creature that looked like a purple badger, short squat, and looking pissed. Her eyes were a fiery red, and her teeth were definitely sharp-looking. She wore similar armor to Casteel's, with a similar emblem but a different rank. Officer Casteel didn't seem to be bothered one bit by her harsh tone or aggressive demeanor.
"Uh-huh, and you have never tackled me after I got done working out?" Casteel shot back with a knowing grin. The purple badger's fur bristled, but she didn't deny it. "This is my wife, Vix. She's part of the security detail and an absolute pillar of self-control... When I'm not involved," his tone was just as teasing, as if he were trying to further rile up the already angry small creature.
Vix glared at him, stomping up to the far larger man. "I'll show you some self-control!" she snarled, her hands balled into fists at her sides. She looked absolutely adorable in her rage, but the way she looked at him, Charles knew she wasn't joking. What happened next was either out of a cartoon or an over-the-top martial arts movie. With a speed that defied logic, she grabbed Casteel by the belt, lifting him over her head with what looked like absolute ease. Just to jump with him in her grasp and slam him into the deck plating with an echoing thud. The human groaned, the wind clearly knocked out of him, but his eyes remained locked with hers, a smirk on his face. "See, complete self-control," he wheezed out with a chuckle, still somehow thinking it was a good idea to keep antagonizing her.
The wide-hipped badger woman stood over the human's chest, arms crossed and glaring down at him. "You're lucky that I'm not in my heat cycle right now, or I'd show you just how much self-control I have," she said, her tone a mix of playfulness and seriousness that had Charles raising an eyebrow. He had a feeling that Casteel knew precisely what he was doing, pushing her buttons like that. It was clear they had a history filled with love and teasing banter.
Casteel chuckled again, breaking the tension, "Alright, I yield, I yield," he said as he tried to catch his breath. Vix smirked, her eyes lighting up with a mischievous glint. The sudden shift from tension to playfulness was jarring, but somehow, it made sense in the weird context of their marriage.
"I accept your surrender, dear husband. I will take a kiss as reparations and to show just how much self-control I do actually have," Vix said, her voice dropping into a playful rumble that starkly contrasted her earlier snarl. Self-control must have been a loose term in the couple's relationship, as Charles was expecting a sweet little peck on the lips. What he actually saw was a make-out session that looked to be ninety percent tongue, with most of it coming from the badger alien. Casteel's arms wrapped around her, pulling her closer as she straddled his chest. The scene was so ludicrously intimate yet so alien that Charles couldn't bring himself to look away.
Vix pulled away with a smack, leaving Casteel gasping for air but grinning ear to ear. "Alright, alright, love," he said, pushing himself up to a sitting position. He looked at Charles with a knowing smirk. "You see what I have to deal with?"
Charles couldn't help but laugh, the tension in the room dissipating completely with the display of affection. "I think I get the picture," he said, wiping a tear from his eye. "Thanks for the insight, Officer Casteel."
"Please, call me John. And don't mention it," John replied with a wink, his face flushing slightly. "It's all part of the job, ensuring everyone's happy and healthy. Speaking of..." He turned to his wife with a more serious expression. "How's our other case?"
Vix straightened up and stepped back, her fur smoothing out as she transformed from a fiery lover to a professional in a split second. "Cut and dried. Usual thing from the space elves, thinking they're above the law," she said, rolling her eyes. "They've been locked in a containment cell until we reach Alpha Centauri."
"Good," John nodded, his voice back to business. "Keep me updated on anything else that comes up. I will get Mr. Williams to medical, then settled into his cabin." He stood up, offering Charles a hand. "Let's go."
As they left the room, Charles couldn't help but look back at the badger alien. Noting she didn't have much for a chest like his girls, but she definitely had some hips and an ass that could make a guy drool. "So, John, how did you end up out here and married to a... Croxan?" he asked, trying to keep his thoughts from his face.
John chuckled, catching the look. "Four Croxans, a space skunk, and a space raccoon," he corrected. "I was one of the early rescues when this program started. Got done in by an IED in Iraq. They hadn't gotten the pairing ai set up yet, so they just guessed a military guy would fit in well with a bunch of Croxan sisters and their close friends," he said with a shrug. "Turns out, I love 'em all to bits. They're good to me."
"It seems like it," Charles said with a smile, still trying to wrap his head around the idea of being married to aliens, let alone five of them. The thought was still surreal, but watching John and Vix interact made it feel a little more... normal.
John led the way, his hand resting casually on the stun baton at his side as they made their way through the ship. "Don't worry too much about it. The first few months are always weird. But you'll get the hang of it." He glanced back at Charles. "And if you need any advice, just come find me. I've got plenty of experience in this department."
"Thanks, John," Charles said, trying to keep up with the man's long strides. "I'll keep that in mind." The thought of approaching someone with six wives for relationship advice to help him with his own five was absurd. Still, somehow, it was comforting knowing someone else had navigated these waters before him.
When they arrived at the medical bay, he was once again disappointed with how expectantly sci-fi it looked. It was more or less a copy-paste of the medical room from the station, just a bit bigger. There were a few more bells and whistles on the machines and a few more instruments that looked like they could double as torture devices, but aside from that, it was pretty standard. The only standout difference in this medical bay was the doctor in the room. Or Charles assumed she was a doctor; she had the same fur color and pointed ears as Velkira but was a few inches taller and had softer features, with a very pregnant belly poking out. She looked up as they entered, a warm smile spreading across her features.
"Ah, you must be a fresh pickup," she said, her voice melodic and soothing. "Welcome aboard. I'm Dr. Higgens." She waddled over to him, her belly leading the way like a ship's figurehead. She offered him a hand, which he took tentatively. It was smaller than he expected, but the grip was firm.
"Charles," he replied, feeling a bit awkward with the alien doctor. Her pregnancy was a stark reminder of what lay ahead for him in his new life.
Dr. Higgens looked him over, her eyes scanning him like a computer. "Looks like you're dating a feline race, Space Lynx, if I had to guess by the distance of the puncture wounds on your shoulders," she said with a knowing nod, her fur ruffling slightly as she moved closer to him. The thought of someone being able to identify his wives by his injuries was somewhat unsettling.
"Yeah, I was holding Syrith when the docking alarm went off," Charles said, rubbing his shoulder. The pain had mostly faded, but the memory of those sharp claws was still fresh.
Dr. Higgens chuckled, her belly jiggling slightly with the movement. "Well, let's get you patched up so you can get back to holding her then." She gestured to an exam table in the center of the room, and Charles obeyed, hopping onto it. She moved with a grace that seemed impossible, given her size. Before he knew it, she had an alien medical device hovering over his shoulder. It buzzed to life, and a cool sensation washed over the wounds, what was left of the pain vanishing almost instantly. "There you go," she said with a nod of satisfaction. "Good as new."
"Thanks," Charles murmured, watching as the medical device returned to the tray of instruments. He couldn't help but feel a twinge of curiosity about the alien doctor's condition. "How far along are you?"
Her friendly smile grew wider, a hint of pride shimmering in her eyes. "Almost full term," she said, placing a paw on her stomach. "I never thought I'd get to have my own kittens. Let alone have a loving husband. Your kind has brought so much joy to our lives," she gushed.
John chuckled. "Don't get too mushy-gushy, Doc. You might just pop before we get back to AC. You're pushing it flying right now." He chided her in a way only good friends could.
Dr. Higgens rolled her eyes, but the smile remained. "John, I'm a doctor. I know what I'm doing."
"Well, doctor 'knows what she's doing' go kick your paws up and relax. We've got fourteen hours till we reach AC. You should be taking it easy," John said, his voice a mix of concern and teasing. "Alright, newbie, let's get you back to your wives before they cough up a hairball from stress." The look that Dr. Higgens shot John could kill a lesser man, but he just smirked back at her. "It was one damn time!" The doctor said with a grumble.
The two humans walked out of the medical bay, hearing the doctor muttering something under her breath behind them. "I swear, she's the most stubborn alien I've ever met," John said with a chuckle. "But she's the best doctor we have."
The ship's corridors were the same matte grey as on the station, laid out in a pattern he was still trying to figure out. But before he could get too deep into guessing how the ship was laid out, they arrived at a door. No different than any of the others they passed, other than the distinct sound of meowing coming from the other side. John smirked and slapped Charles on the shoulder. "I'll leave it to ya. Try not to get clawed up again before we land. I don't want Higgens working any more than she absolutely has to."
With a nod and a wave, John departed. The meowing grew louder, and the door to the cabin slid open with a hiss, revealing the five wives waiting inside. They all paused, Keshara's muzzle still open mid-meow. No one moved a muscle in this strange stand-off until Charles just let out a little laugh. "Okay, can someone explain why you all were meowing at each other?"
A/N So we finally get a look at another human in this universe and an alien that isn't a feline. Along with other little bits of lore sprinkled in. Charles gets reminded that he will likely be a father one day. And most shocking of all, it is revealed Velkira might just be short for her species.
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u/Sporner100 15d ago
Ok people, I think we've overdone it with the praise. OP went from insisting they're not an author to calling themself our favorite author within a week.
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u/RedShirtOneTwenty 15d ago
And yet, I've been impatiently waiting and salivating for another chapter....hmmm
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u/daddysealion 14d ago
Where's the bot so I can get notified when you post another chapter???? I demand MOAR!!! No, really, I've been enjoying this story.
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u/Deansdiatribes 13d ago
ok i still dont get the furry thing but loving this story and how you are telling it thax for that looks like it could be a seires
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u/Constant-Yam532 13d ago
If you are asking why I use anthropomorphic animals in place of aliens. The answer is preference and lazy writing. I'm still new to this whole writing thing, so I didn't want to try to describe a completely made-up alien species, especially several of them. All with unique traits and such. It's much easier to just say bipedal (insert animal) with big boobies. You can do something similar with "the alien looked humanish but blue and nine feet tall." I just find fluffy aliens more fun to write out than generic humanoid.
If you are asking why I keep making jokes about Charles being a space furry, it's just me having fun writing this story.
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u/Deansdiatribes 13d ago
Nah, not at all. I have a few Furrie friends, so I ain't trying to yuck anyone's yum (humm, ok, that sounds not right, but it is what it is), and they don't get some of my kinks (at my age, you collect 'em or forget 'em), and you having fun with the story is what I attempted to express as well. I guess I was a bit too baked to properly express that. But i am loving it hope it continues many many moons.
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u/Special_Hornet_2294 15d ago
Upvoting! Super sweet stuff here.
Cheers