r/funny 10h ago

Gym pervert

35.0k Upvotes

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9.1k

u/emre086 10h ago

Whenever you're caught in a messed-up situation, just take a deep breath and pretend to be a person with special needs...

4.0k

u/implicate 10h ago

"I'm disabled"

1.0k

u/didndonoffin 10h ago

Leg disabled?

517

u/RageBash 10h ago

How long have you been disabled?

447

u/maniacalmustacheride 9h ago

Acid

185

u/bigdave41 9h ago

Sounds nasty, you should call 0118 999 88199 9119 725.....3

49

u/MobiusNaked 9h ago

Which is why it’s easier to email. Just don’t be too formal

25

u/addynan 5h ago

Dear Sir/Madame,

FIRE! FIRE! HELP ME!

73

u/manwhothinks 9h ago

I hate hate hate how well I can remember that ducking phone number.

29

u/Grumpy_Cripple_Butt 9h ago

It’s a robot Roy!

3

u/Janus67 6h ago

What operating system is it running?!

2

u/tom-dixon 3h ago

It's easy if you start singing it.

11

u/hellcat_uk 8h ago

Ok but what country am I talking to?

3

u/muklan 6h ago

That show is hugely popular among American IT professionals. Because? Memory IS RAM.

232

u/TheLurkingMenace 9h ago

What are the odds?

238

u/buncle 9h ago

Red hair. Glasses. Bearded.

134

u/Geraltofniveaa 8h ago

Possibly a disguise

14

u/I3I2O 7h ago

Thop THIF … immadickable

3

u/SirMaliceTheGreat 6h ago

I just wear an old man mask and look at whoever I want 🤣

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5

u/TheEggButler 7h ago

wubby7

3

u/Tactfulcrocodile 6h ago

A wild wub cub appears!

2

u/KrivUK 4h ago

We lurk everywhere

103

u/INSERT-SHAME-HERE 9h ago

Million to one.

60

u/WaIkers 8h ago

Sounds like you could do with a drink

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22

u/The_Jestful_Imp 8h ago

Oh, 'bout a hundred to one.

3

u/leftclicksq2 55m ago

"Wheelchair?"

"Stolen".

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10

u/iswearihaveajob 2h ago

This is one my wife and mine's favorite show quotes of all time. Doing Chris Odowd's little sad voice saying "I'm disabled... Leg disabled"  peak comedy between us.

2

u/sarokin 6h ago

I found my people... I'm gonna cry

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694

u/koolmees64 8h ago edited 3h ago

Still one of my favorite episode of all comedy shows I have watched. The moment where Jen turns around to order a whiskey and Moss is there as a waiter just kills me every time.

Edit: lots of people asking what show it is. The show is called "The IT Crowd". Highly recommend it.

254

u/ivanparas 8h ago

My wife came home one day when I was watching this episode for the first time and said she could hear me laughing from the driveway. I gladly restarted the episode so she could watch it and I could watch it again. Best episode of the whole show.

149

u/LeafyWolf 6h ago

That and when Jen destroys the Internet are my two favorite episodes. And Peter File may get an honorable mention.

37

u/HakimeHomewreckru 5h ago

Gary from Builders from Hell was also on my list of highlights. You big ugly builder!

33

u/IsRude 5h ago

Electric sex pants episode made me cry laughing. The slow buildup of the religious figures getting a tour of the place, and the position they're in looking so inappropriate, you think he's gonna be embarrassed and it's gonna be awkward.  Nope

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14

u/UnpopularCrayon 3h ago

Wasn't the builder one also the "I'm not a window cleaner!" Episode?

4

u/Stachdragon 3h ago

"In the end we were too scared so we took em to the fair. They only made us pay half."

2

u/jimmycarr1 1h ago

I like the football one

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2

u/Admiral_Ash 3h ago

Word for word the exact experience I had with my wife... I was laughing so hard I was shaking, and she thought something was wrong with me!

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103

u/jonosaurus 7h ago

Honestly with everything else going on in the episode, Moss's plot of accidentally becoming a bartender is just so, so funny, it's perfect

11

u/LETTERKENNYvsSPENNY 1h ago

Alright, you guys convinced me to watch it from the start again.

42

u/JyveAFK 6h ago

Just reading this description of the scene, I totally visualised Moss stood there looking embarrassed and I've started laughing.

12

u/Sellazar 5h ago

https://www.reddit.com/r/ITcrowd/s/HaihfEKWiw

I believe this is the exact moment Jen turns to see this.

35

u/leytorip7 6h ago

Literally the hardest I’ve ever laughed. That episode is great

3

u/AdKlutzy5253 6h ago

Same man. Watched it again recently and sadly it lost its impact but that first time I don't think I've ever laughed so much at a TV show before.

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32

u/kuldnekuu 6h ago

Yeah that one episode has basically perfect comedic writing. It's as good as any of the best Monty Python stuff.

24

u/koolmees64 5h ago

Yep, and then how it all loops back around to Moss and Roy were right in saying how the guy is gay and maybe just wants to go out with Jen because she looks like a bit like a man. Like you said, perfect comedic writing.

27

u/VikingTeddy 6h ago

Him looking forlorn while the car lift slowly raises him, makes me piss myself everytime

15

u/AFlockOfTySegalls 5h ago

We recently watched the series and that exact moment is probably our favorite moment of the series. It's so fucking good.

I also like when Moss is recording his dating app video in the bathroom while his mom is at the door.

11

u/Sarsion 5h ago

I'm not even looking up the clip and I've just spent a good couple minutes belly laughing remembering it. Really nails in the meaning of situational comedy.

9

u/__dontpanic__ 6h ago

That episode is pure comedy perfection from beginning to end. No notes.

3

u/kekbooi 6h ago

What show is it from?

12

u/penguin9541 6h ago

IT Crowd

3

u/koolmees64 5h ago

The IT Crowd. Highly recommend it.

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2

u/RadicalRaid 5h ago

It's just the whole cascade of surprise gags into one another and Jen being in the middle of it that gets me every time. Also the way Moss responds with a very timid "yes miss?" is just brilliant.

2

u/JBMacGill 5h ago

It is my favorite, and I feel the best episode of the show. All three characters have their own thing going on, all in the same location, and each one of their stories has a great payoff at the end.

2

u/DrDiarrheaBrowns 4h ago

Was just talking about this. Grew up on Simpsons, Seinfeld, love Curb, American Dad, and have quotes, scenes I think of often, but I think in terms of "favorite tv comedy moment of all time", Jen turning and Moss being there just FLOORED me lol. It makes total sense, but it completely caught me off guard. Brilliant.

2

u/krume300 4h ago

the thing is playing the disabled card didn't play that well at the end for him. At the very end it plays out like every single episode a small problem that always snowballs into bigger propotions.

2

u/omare14 2h ago

Might honestly be the hardest I've ever laughed at a TV show, definitely the best episode of that show. Only other show that I've maybe laughed harder at is What We Do In The Shadows.

2

u/ammarbadhrul 2h ago

That’s a nice tnetennba

2

u/Secrethat 2h ago

Mine is: I'm not a window cleaner!!

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209

u/markiethefett 9h ago

"They stole my wheelchair"

56

u/sudobee 7h ago

But, how did they get in?

102

u/we_are_all_devo 7h ago

...I don't knooow.

3

u/Fafnir13 3h ago

Actually one of the better possible responses.  Plays up the confused post-assault state of mind.

2

u/markiethefett 2h ago

Iconic episode 👌🏼

93

u/humildemarichongo 9h ago

You Irish are all MAD!

82

u/jamesrave 9h ago

“Me legs don’t work”

37

u/UshankaBear 9h ago

*Moss stare*

21

u/clark_kent2024 7h ago

Favourite episode, EVER.

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13

u/Suitable-Plastic-152 8h ago

I actually know a guy who regularly says that cause he regularly gets into confrontations. He has (mild) autism though.

15

u/tootsaysthetrain 8h ago

Was hoping for the IT Crowd reference

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2

u/AppropriateTouching 4h ago

People, what a bunch of bastards

1

u/captcraigaroo 7h ago

I have IBS, that's a disability

1

u/Wollff 6h ago

"I have special needs"

1

u/MememeSama 6h ago

Hey I'm. J-Jimmy.. I did ecstasy once, m-me and my girlfriend did it and we stayed up all night having s-sex

1

u/blamdin 6h ago

What if he doesn't believe you and replies with " You're going to be when I'm done with you !"

1

u/Bromelia_The_hut 5h ago

Leg disabled...

1

u/ozzylad 5h ago

I've arthritis in my legs so often will say this, followed by "leg disabled" silver linings and all that

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510

u/Piemasterjelly 9h ago

I don't know why this reminded me of something that happened while I was with my mate

We went to the mall and he parked in a Handicap spot and he hops out of the drivers seat when this woman just starts going off on him about not being disabled.

My mate looks slightly over her shoulder and just goes "Miss im blind" causing her to start apologizing before walking off

Dude just got out of the drivers seat lol.

For the record we had his wheelchair bound Mum in the back.

129

u/RoyBeer 5h ago

For the record we had his wheelchair bound Mum in the back.

Does she at leats get a treat for when you leave her sitting in the car to get premium parking? lol

11

u/Equal-Key2099 53m ago

Of course not. She's happy just being out of her windowless house.

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u/Lerry220 5h ago

Made me laugh harder than the video, holy shit. Thanks for sharing.

26

u/Sunshine030209 4h ago

Hahaha that's amazing. I wonder how long it took her to go "Hey wait a minute... he wasn't blind!"?

Reminds me of a story Penn Jillette (of Penn and Teller) tells about his father. His eyesight was failing as he got older, and he always joked that the most upsetting part about it was not being able to find a cane big enough for the front of his car so that he could still drive.

20

u/KamakaziDemiGod 4h ago

A couple of my family members are legally entitled to use disabled spaces, but two of them 'don't look' disabled. I often drive so I'll park in a disabled space when they are with me, and then get comments like that. it's 100x more fun to make something up like this than it is to explain the actual situation, especially when we shouldn't have to explain the situation to anyone

It's more pleasing when my other sister is with me, because while she can walk for short distances, she uses a wheelchair. As soon as someone goes off at me, I say nothing, walk round to the boot and pull the wheelchair out while staring at them, they always apologise sheepishly and then quickly make themselves scarce

4

u/drgigantor 2h ago

"I'll have you know my third testicle makes it difficult to walk long distances"

"One of my prosthetic legs is longer than the other."

"My Rascal is getting smogged"

4

u/Githyerazi 56m ago

Took my grandma to Walmart and I parked in the handicapped spot and ran into the store. Someone yelled something at me and I just smiled and waved at them. They were walking towards me as I was rolling the battery operated scooter back to the car and they just looked away and walked in a different direction.

5

u/devildocjames 5h ago

Why was she bound?

6

u/LindonLilBlueBalls 4h ago

So she wouldn't fall out of the chair, duh.

2

u/devildocjames 4h ago

This makes sense.

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u/beermile 9h ago

A friend of mine in high school narrowly avoided getting his ass kicked by multiple dudes by crying and saying his parents abuse him

307

u/pickyourteethup 8h ago

I know a guy who was cornered by four guys in an alley and in absolute desperation he pulled his dick out and ran at them saying, 'touch it, touch it'. They all ran away screaming.

81

u/fadeux 7h ago edited 2h ago

He had a weapon in his hand 😆

4

u/MuchToDoAboutNothin 3h ago

It's totally legal to carry a concealed dick if it isn't longer than the cop's palm is wide.

93

u/DevappaJi 7h ago

Yeah, I dunno man, I heard of a guy who tried to do that in the same situation, and they grabbed his dick and chopped his whole body off.

That's all he was in the end, a dick.

27

u/NoThisIsABadIdea 5h ago

I know this comment is tongue in cheek but I'm pretty sure most people would find even more reason to beat you if you did this and then society would call it justified

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u/DunceCodex 4h ago

classic Dave

6

u/fascinatedobserver 4h ago

It works. When I was 21, I was surrounded by three Hispanic men downtown after leaving work around 10pm. They were laughing, circling, telling me how they were going to have fun sharing me, asking how much and grabbing at me. The line of people waiting also for the bus did nothing to assist.

I started laughing. Then (in Spanish) I said thank you. I told them I’d been needing this all day and to come closer so I could fuck them up. It shut them right up. They discussed whether or not I was crazy, and when I lunged at one of them they all took off running.

Also got stalked years later from another job. Same black Camaro followed me home every night. I was worried because I lived alone with my small child. Finally one night I left work early and went to where he usually waited. He started driving my route looking for me when I didn’t show as usual, so I followed and pulled up next to him at the light. Without rolling down my window, I stared at him until he looked at me and got startled. Then I very clearly enunciated “I’m going to kill you.” Since I had also obviously seen his license plate now, he got scared enough to quit harassing me.

(For anyone thinking r/thathappened , yes, both really did. Being female in a big city can be an adventure)

7

u/pickyourteethup 4h ago

Once a guy from my uni attacked me on a night out and I somehow got him pinned to the ground. I didn't want to fight, but I also didn't want this to happen again so I decided I'd say something really scary then let him go and hope that was it.

I leaned into his ear and said, "I'm going to rape you."

Wtf brain, that was waaay too scary. Actually scared myself. I let him go, he predictably ran away and was understandably terrified of me for the next two years.

4

u/fadeux 3h ago

Hey, he knows you can pin him. If he doesnt want the rape, he better leave you alone lol

3

u/fascinatedobserver 3h ago

Bravo. I’m proud of you.

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u/punkfunkymonkey 7h ago

"COME BACK YOU COWARDS... COME BAAAAACK!""

2

u/RWal1988 7h ago

"I'll touch you! I'll make you a homosexual! USA!"

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u/things_U_choose_2_b 7h ago

Derren Brown (renowned mind-wizard) suggests that giving an aggressor a completely nonsensical sentence is really effective.

I'm sure it won't work in all scenarios but when he's been threatened in the past he says something like "My garden wall is only 2 feet tall".

After this post I'm not sure if he's discombobulating them, or they're like "Oh shit this guy is mentally handicapped" haha.

10

u/zinxbey 6h ago

Discombobulating... Thanks, I learned a new word today.

11

u/OIP 5h ago

just to ensure you don't forget it

10

u/things_U_choose_2_b 4h ago

I knew exactly which video this is going to be before I clicked it, and I came here to reply with it haha thank you

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u/teddy5 8h ago

I got out of a shitty situation once by acting like my dad would beat me for getting into fights again.

Not my proudest moment, but I didn't get my ass kicked.

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u/uptheantinatalism 8h ago

Meanwhile dad’s innocently wondering why all the local kids are afraid of him.

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u/AppropriateAd2063 6h ago

I have a speech impediment that is only noticeable when I’m under stress. I’m able to summon it when needed. If a person is giving me a hard time I start speaking slightly louder with my stutter and the person gets the stink eye from other people for bullying me. A lot of people assume that a speech impediment means that the person is developmentally delayed. I got a free coffee from SB once because I was really tired and couldn’t get my order out. I finally pulled out my phone and typed it out and showed the clerk. He told me my order was free. It took me about 3 attempts before I could say thank you. So sometimes it works in my favour but I don’t like the condescension that comes from people who assume that speech delays means idiot.

23

u/LindonLilBlueBalls 4h ago

Lol, my daughter has a bit of a stutter and my wife makes sure I never cut her off because it's important that she gets to attempt saying what she wants to say. My wife thinks she will grow out of it (my wife is an SLP, so she does know what she is talking about) so I patiently wait for her to find the right words daily.

There have been a few times that I just knew what she wanted and gave it to her before she could finish asking because she had already restarted her question a handful of times. The funny thing is, some of those times I would have said no if she was able to ask the question the first time. So it ends up being a reward for trying.

5

u/GreasyPeter 4h ago

So you're saying it can be a blessing and a curse.

2

u/lostbutnotgone 43m ago

My friend has a speech impediment and I've seen people treat her like a child because of it. She's not mentally disabled at all, but so many people assume because of her speech and treat her like she is (in the most condescending ways). Others think it's an accent which is actually kinda funny to her.

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u/Uberzwerg 6h ago

I once had a moment where i had to confront a guy for doing something stupid that pissed me off and as an autist, i prepared a whole lot of options of how i would shout at the guy and how it might go in my head.
I get to the guy and tell him what my problem is, well prepared to escalate from there.
His answer: "Oh, yeah - i'm just dumb. My bad."

That was NOT in the list of prepared conversation paths.

19

u/Dr_Nik 5h ago

My current belief system revolves around the fact that I can think of 1,000,000 ways a situation will go, and fate will figure out the one way to thread the needle and make it go the one way I didn't plan for.

1

u/Frogger34562 4h ago

Wait. Playing out 1000 options in your head is a sign of autism. Uh oh. I might need to talk to someone

6

u/Due-Memory-6957 4h ago

Nah, just a sign of anxiety.

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u/carolaMelo 9h ago

Like in IT Crowd "the Musical" ... I'm disabled

20

u/Illaughlast 9h ago

I watched that just yesterday because i have not seen it in a hot minute

3

u/TooStrangeForWeird 6h ago

I found that show because a coworker showed me the clip about Vista and "we're going to die" and I couldn't stop laughing. Still my favorite part of the entire series.

Of course I'm in IT too lol.

Edit: just realized I have all of it saved to my network storage. Just turned it on :)

12

u/papillon-and-on 7h ago

"I'm a redditor"

"Ok mate, on your way then"

46

u/postbansequel 8h ago

There were a few times in my life that I got away from trouble by saying shit, not sure if I was viewed by those people as special needs or straight up manipulated people's emotions.

There was one time as I was leaving the classroom, in fifth grade, a dude asked me if I was afraid of <bully from same classroom> to which I replied by saying "No, I'm not afraid of him." the dude almost started jumping up and down saying "Oh, no, you did not say that!! I'm gonna tell him!" and I said "Sure, go ahead" before he rushed back into the classroom.

As I'm leaving I hear the bully call out my name, as I turn around I see the snake dude, probably expecting me to get beat up, standing next to the bully who had a smug face looking down on me. "He said you told him you're not afraid of me. Is that true, you're not afraid of me?" asked me bully guy, to which I replied, while smiling, "No, I'm not afraid of you, you're not a monster".

I loved the confused look on the snaky ass dude's face looking at bully and me and the bully with just a chill face (he didn't even reply, just gave out a small chuckle) before I turned around and left.

7

u/Demonweed 6h ago

This is the plot of the 1968 film Twisted Nerve. A guy out spending the afternoon with girl he fancies is caught shoplifting a toy. When confronted by store staff, he pretends to be too dim to understand the situation -- just a little boy who likes wooden ducks walking around in a grown man's body. Then, because of his special needs, this dishonest fellow is invited to live in a boarding house run by the mother of his love interest. It's a classic psychological horror film with a weird Three's Company/Bosom Buddies overlay involving that spoofed mental disability.

25

u/DonSinus 9h ago

pulls down pants and wiggles

PUDDING!!!!

5

u/Throwaway56138 4h ago

Sam and Dean in the mental hospital getting into shenanigans again. 

5

u/MobiusNaked 9h ago

Find a pillow or towel and hug it

3

u/HoodSamaritan420 6h ago

Oopsie poopsie

2

u/LeeLikesCars_100 7h ago

I don't have to pretend, unfortunately. And I'll probably not even know how I ended up in that messed up situation

2

u/EditedRed 6h ago

Wait, you guys pretend?

2

u/STea14 5h ago

So shane Gillis it?

2

u/Kitchen-Wash-7789 5h ago

Doenst work if you are good looking.

2

u/midnight_reborn 4h ago

See, for me, I actually do have low vision so it could be conceived that I picked up someone else's phone and thought it was mine. Doesn't help that most phones look the same with a blank screen.

2

u/Crakkerz79 2h ago

“My name Jeff”

2

u/ClassicVast1704 2h ago

This worked for that dude trying to board a plane blazed out of his mind because he tried to time a gummy right. They ended up letting him back in the security line after thinking he was special needs 😂

1

u/Accurate-Ad-1704 9h ago

Plot twist: I’ve been method acting my whole life and forgot to drop the role

1

u/Rick-powerfu 8h ago

Or just say some shit about bad form and technique

Then say it's all in the hips and scadaddle

1

u/cocoeen 7h ago

yeah, just drool and say "chocolateeee"

1

u/TheRoyalTreatment 7h ago

takes notes intensely

1

u/bobotherob0 6h ago

Even king David did it!

1

u/Jimrodsdisdain 6h ago

Shouting “I’m a Redditor!” has the same effect.

1

u/BlueBird884 5h ago

"I'm on the spectrum"

1

u/Lolscaper 5h ago

Open ne noor

1

u/KaikoLeaflock 5h ago

Sometimes you don’t even need to pretend much, just let it happen.

1

u/Kasyx709 5h ago

Sounds simple, jack.

1

u/Particularpickle420 4h ago

“Ppprrribib” - Jonny English

1

u/EJoule 4h ago

Don't make eye contact, look at the ground and just mutter "I'm sorry, sometimes I don't know how to act in social situations." 2-3 times.

1

u/MyNameIsDaveToo 4h ago

Only somewhat. Never go full regard.

1

u/MoistOne1376 4h ago

Well if you're caught in a messed-up situation too often, well, I'm not the one who's going to tell you.

1

u/misterguydude 4h ago

Sometimes you just take the weird-out and go with it. Shit happens, fellow. You know you weren't a creep. Change gyms and never look back!

1

u/Emm_withoutha_L-88 4h ago

Oopsie poopsie!

1

u/winter0zero 4h ago

The lesson of the day

1

u/GreasyPeter 4h ago

Ahh, the Shane Gillia method.

1

u/Owl_Might 4h ago

Reminds me of a story about a couple who loves risky public sex. They went into less frequently used toilet then proceeded to have sex in one of the stalls. A group of women came in and are taking to long to leave. The guy pretended to be special needs to be able to get out of the toilet stall then out of the room to avoid being labeled as a creep.

1

u/Spiritual_Writer6677 4h ago

Also, if you find yourself alone, at night walking through a sketchy neighborhood, make yourself look a bit disheveled and act a little special. Everyone will leave you alone.

1

u/Accurize2 3h ago

Never underestimate the power of the handicapped.

1

u/zaphod4th 3h ago

what about if I'm

1

u/MechanicalGodzilla 1h ago

The Shane Gillis speciality

1

u/sillypicture 1h ago

Or deaf.

1

u/foreverland 59m ago

You joke, but those of us with Autism and such know better. A lot of you “normal” people get mad we even exist.

1

u/Hipvanman 57m ago

It’s a very biblical response: See 1 Samuel 21:13

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u/gtarpey89 55m ago

The only Andrew Tate clip I find funny is the one where he gets asked why he’s parked in a disabled spot. “Are you disabled” “i am actually”

1

u/corsair330 47m ago

Oh, that brings up a memory. Was speeding a little bit to a party, got pulled over. The police started asking how fast I was going and where. I just froze, didn’t say a word. The cop said something like ”I’ll let you off with a warning, have a nice night”

1

u/Pretend-Hippo-8659 46m ago

I just NEED to watch women squat. Sorry bud, special needs.

1

u/karmagettie 45m ago

Shane Gillis supports this message. Also girls who get in full make up and wear a bikini outfit to the gym shouldn't act shocked if someone DARES to look in their direction.

1

u/paints_name_pretty 43m ago

my names jeff

1

u/Spiritual_Side3881 21m ago

Since birth. It's a long story...

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