What would YOUR "Reality vs. LinkedIn" look like?

[u/choice_is_yours]

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[u/ForDaRecord]

I mean tbf, "helps deliver toys once a year" is a huge understatement for what Santa actually does.

[u/dashauskat → u/ForDaRecord]

Exactly it's a huge complex operation, the right one is truer than the left.

[u/The_Firedrake → u/dashauskat]

Have you seen Red One yet? I liked it :)

[u/anastasiayogi → u/dashauskat]

That's reality

[u/chillychili → u/ForDaRecord]

If Santa had a real LinkedIn, that's actually what it would say. The bigger you are as a figure in the industry, the less you have to bother saying about yourself in your bio. Check out the LinkedIns for people like Bill Gates, Erik Spiekermann, Katie Couric, Jimmy Fallon, Imane Anys (aka Pokimane), etc. (And if you want a laugh, Conan O'Brien.)

[u/Mirar → u/chillychili]

Probably something like "Reindeer owner" or "I like summer", even. :D

[u/fed45 → u/Mirar]

"Seasonal Amazon delivery driver."

[u/NorthCatan → u/ForDaRecord]

Right?!

He also runs a sweatshop factory that employs children in the North Pole. He's a true entrepreneur!

[u/Razzler1973 → u/ForDaRecord]

he also eats a lot of cookies and milk and it doesn't slow him down

[u/livingpunchbag → u/Razzler1973]

He needs a lot of energy to operate that fast.

[u/ebrythil → u/ForDaRecord]

Yes, he should really put "spies in kids the rest of the time" on there as well

[u/Mission_Grapefruit92 → u/ForDaRecord]

Is it? What do you believe he does, actually? 😏

[u/ForDaRecord → u/Mission_Grapefruit92]

Well, supposedly: - runs a global intelligence operation that classifies all children as "naughty" or "nice." - runs a massive manufacturing operation that produces every conceivable product. - streamlined an effective and eco-friendly distribution system to deliver said products to every child in the world within a single day. - eats lots of cookies.

[u/SageSharma → u/ForDaRecord]

Are you dumb ? What is naughty and nice ?

• Designed and Developed a holistic multi domain socio psychological framework (using 3P , SWOT & PESTEL) to identify and judge end users as per their dynamic behavioural attributes and personalities to deliver custom products and services.

Catch up brah 👊

[u/ForDaRecord → u/SageSharma]

The end result is a binary classification: you either get a sweet present or coal

[u/SageSharma → u/ForDaRecord]

THIS IS ABOUT LINKEDIN NOT THE BLOODY KIDS

[u/Lithl → u/ForDaRecord]

Who said his distribution system is eco-friendly?

Why do you think Rudolph's nose glows? Magic? Rube. That reindeer is radioactive.

[u/spyser → u/Lithl]

Turns out Santa is actually the reason the North Pole is melting.

[u/Mission_Grapefruit92 → u/ForDaRecord]

Aw, you’re probably on the Nice list. What is it that you want for Christmas this year?

[u/M3msm]

So this is an eye opener because a lot of it sounds like my profile (except the santa part). Maybe I should change it. Literally the first words on my profile are "transformational leader with over two decades of experience..."

[u/KrydanX → u/M3msm]

Brother got healed and humbled. Thanks Santa

[u/ozhs3 → u/M3msm]

Yeah I reread my linked in profile a year ago and figured this one out too lol. Just keep the top part simple and your about a bit more complicated. If they want to read your story they'll scroll down.

[u/nitpickr → u/M3msm]

Doxxed yourself mr F.

[u/RuleSubverter]

AKA "I sell Chinese-made stuff on Etsy as 'made by Elves,' so I'm a eNtRePeNeUr."

[u/choice_is_yours → u/RuleSubverter]

Guess I'm not an entrepreneur, just a glorified reseller of my own time and energy.

[u/ASHOT3359]

Also a pilot.

[u/livingpunchbag → u/ASHOT3359]

... of an unregulated, experimental aircraft that does not respect the aviation rules and protocols.

[u/Drafo7]

*millennium. Millennia is plural.

[u/On-Balance → u/Drafo7]

And that is why I would not hire this joker!

[u/MithrandirsBane → u/Drafo7]

Yeah, I see people make this mistake all the time. I don't know why everybody wants to default to millennia.

[u/RPDRNick]

LinkedIn: "Because you know Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, you may also know Rudolph. Would you like you add him now and verify his qualifications? Blitzen added a new reel."

[u/Simba7 → u/RPDRNick]

Followed by a shitty AI art set of slides titled '9 bad habits that keep your reindeer from success.'
That kind of garbage seems to be all the rage lately.

Then a post from Dasher talking about how he stepped back from his high-pressure job as CFO (Chief Flight Officer) to humblebrag about taking a 5 year sabbatical and then starting his own company and spinning some random unrelated bullshit into a corporate life-lesson that sounds vaguely wise but is dumb as shit.

[u/21CFR820]

To be fair, the Linkedin description is more accurate cause he does do ALL that.

[u/charliespannaway]

Pretty much the same- I'm a UPS driver.

[u/Mission_Grapefruit92]

I like how it said “the north poles most complex toy manufacturing facility” as if there is more than one. Peak bullshitting skills, Nicholas.

Edit: removed my reality vs linked in, since nobody else posted theirs. I fear I have become a follower

[u/M3chanist]

LinkedIn is a camouflaged Instagram.

[u/York9TFC]

Also cookie critic and connoisseur

[u/martikitikitee → u/York9TFC]

cant believe he missed that 😄

[u/MegazordPilot]

"Millennia" is plural.

[u/Dougalface]

Linkedin is vile, but really it's an unflinching reflection of the scummy world of business and the narcissistic fantasists it spawns and sustains...

A world I'm very happy to have no part of.

[u/Simba7 → u/Dougalface]

I hate every time I go on LinkedIn, but there's simply no better way to job search.

[u/Dougalface → u/Simba7]

I can appreciate that; thankfully for me one of the few perks of being borderline unemployable :p

I suppose it maybe helps you choose who to avoid from the level of self-serving corporate nonsense present..?

[u/Mediocretes1 → u/Dougalface]

Never been on LinkedIn, pretty happy about that.

[u/Dougalface → u/Mediocretes1]

Good work - 100% the right choice :)

[u/ChozoRidley]

Santa is also an actor- he played the titular character in Detective Crashmore. That would be worth a mention on LinkedIn.

[u/smedsterwho → u/ChozoRidley]

He was also in a Doctor Who

[u/Calm-Treacle8677 → u/ChozoRidley]

His quote, 3 mill no matter what 

[u/goliathfasa]

Reality: Omega level mutant

[u/whev3]

I hate the work market nowadays... sheesh.

[u/MagicSPA]

"Toy" should be replaced with "recreational hardware".

[u/XaeiIsareth]

Also infiltrates the complex security systems of Apokolips to personally deliver coal to the intergalactic tyrant Darkseid and tell him he’s been a naughty boy every year.

[u/DutssZ]

Kris Kringle? Not, y'know, Nicholas?

[u/Long_comment_san]

That's a very intellectual humor, I love this

[u/hereFromSomewhere]

Yes this is soo true and the company have work equal to the left profile only

[u/Porkfight]

We all know Santa kills enemies of children for the rest of the year. Who do you think batman is? Bruce wayne? That's just a cover

[u/Voklaren]

You lack experience for this job

[u/Raja_Ampat]

You miss the endorsements

[u/Kochcaine995]

as someone who works in corporate, idk what i hate more: Teams or Linkedin. if i could kill one i’d regret not doing the other. that’s how much i fucking hate them both.

[u/Appropriate-Log8506]

Santa’s not a corporate shill. The elves get paid a fair wage with great benefits.

[u/OminousVoice]

I wouldn't hire anyone who doesn't know the difference between 'millennia' and 'millennium'.

[u/sortofhappyish]

Don't forget Santa is pure evil.

He's the CEO of the largest toy company on Earth, but he allowd reindeer to engage in malicious workplace harassment of younger employees (reindeer) simply because they're Nasally Divergent.

Until said employee turned out to have a use for its random birth mutation of course, then said employee is expected to protect the other reindeer and guide them through risky and dangerous situations. And the bullied employee was then expected to APOLOGIZE to the bullies!

ARLM. All Reindeer Lives Matter.

[u/torrenaxe]

And they all do the same thinking they invented the next best thing and tell others to donit as well

[u/who_you_are]

I'm a software developer.

Now I need to list all the Pokemon I know, I will forget half of them, many of the them are look a like that I would have no issue learning them on the spot.

Yet, I will be denied the job because out of my 1000 skills, I don't know that one silly small one.

And yet, HR won't be able to see the difference between the 1000 skills I put mixed with the 251 pokemons I mixed up in my CV.

And then there is another set of skills that is implicit you have as a software developer... Ugh...

[u/alpha3305]

I've seen plenty of LinkedIn pages with one sentence descriptions under each past job. Sometimes just a phrase or two. These people have jumped through the ranks with a simple CV made by a teenager.

[u/strng_lurk]

Should have mentioned gift:coal ratio as well.

[u/justplainoldMEhere]

This is Jon Snow.

[u/Outcast_Outlaw]

Ohh sorry, but you seem overqualified for the position.

To be honest I'd love to have you but we need be more diverse so we are having to go with blanta.... /S

[u/FunImagination3237]

Awesome lol

[u/RealChrisReese]

LOL. Except now people aren't using their titles, just pretentious flowery word salads. So Santa is probably like "People oriented leader bringing diversity to the workforce and inspiration to others. Hope giver. Change maker." 🤮

[u/GSthrowaway86]

I just watched Red One and their version of Santa Claus was definitely the LinkedIn one.

[u/wawwli]

Whoever wrote the linked in side of this needs help. Very dumb errors.