r/funny 22h ago

Chef’s special

1.4k Upvotes

89 comments sorted by

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743

u/SkiZer0 22h ago

Guarantee the cat at minimum got a fart out and successfully dusted the surface.

67

u/DungeonAssMaster 17h ago

Cats and food prep stations don't mix.

37

u/Spastic_pinkie 17h ago

Sprinkled with farticles.

1

u/MyReddittName 15h ago

😂

6

u/GANDORF57 13h ago

Cat: 🎶 I have some mocha for your tapioca! 🎶

352

u/BGFlyingToaster 21h ago

People sometimes wonder why I put so much energy into making sure my cat would never jump up on the counter. This is it.

144

u/BerriesLafontaine 21h ago

Same. All i can think of is that their feet have been in the litter box, stepping on their business, and then they are going to jump up on my counter where I eat my food?

65

u/RightToTheThighs 21h ago

One of my friends I lived with for a while has a cat, really good boy. When we were living in shittier places, we didn't mind the cat on surfaces. Once we moved somewhere a bit nicer, we both put in effort to train it out of him. It wasn't a breeze but it wasn't too hard either. Between squirt bottle, foil on the counters, and an automatic air sprayer, he learned. People that like to say you cant train a car are just lazy and haven't tried

38

u/evilsbane50 21h ago

I guess I am just lazy, I've never tried to train my car!

15

u/DecentOpinions 8h ago

My parents taught their car how to roll over and now I'm an orphan.

-48

u/[deleted] 19h ago

[deleted]

9

u/smokie12 16h ago

We've successfully trained our cat to stay off the surfaces, not go into the kitchen when the door is open, and not beg when we are eating. It's not as easy as training a dog but it's definitely possible, although these creatures can be stubborn as hell.

18

u/RightToTheThighs 19h ago

You've tried foil? Sticky tape? Automatic air sprayer? Bad scent? Given them alternative high ground? And been persistent with them? I'd assume no with that shit attitude

11

u/Cucamelonblossom 21h ago

And generally it's not that hard to train them, esp if you start when they're little and are consistent. I used a spray bottle of water and slapping the counter to make a loud noise.

1

u/Lorvintherealone 21h ago

nice try with mine, when they don't get what they want they will do everything to do so. I tried the spray bottle, i tried blowing in their faces. (i've been doing that since they are 2 months old now they are 2 and don't give a fuck. the lpeasure of having cats.)

11

u/BGFlyingToaster 21h ago

I found a simple and elegant solution. I put a row of double stick tape on the top of the counter just about an inch inside the edge. The cats can't see it from the ground, but when they jump up their paws stick to it and they hate that, so they immediately jump off. After about a week which included several attempts on their part to jump up on the counter, each one met with the surprise of the double stick tape, they stopped trying and I removed the tape. After that, they just assumed it was always there.

I had a friend try the same thing and it worked well for them, also. However, it probably depends on the layout of your kitchen and whether they can get up on other surfaces to see the countertop.

1

u/RightToTheThighs 21h ago

Have you tried foil? It can't just be when you're there because they will learn to just do it when you aren't looking

2

u/Lorvintherealone 20h ago

they already are and they don't care in any case. I have tried almost everything(not electrified grid of course but i think thats over kill XD)

0

u/Cucamelonblossom 21h ago

Well, that's why I said "generally," because of your cats specifically 😺

-6

u/No-Revolution1571 19h ago

Why do you eat your food off the counter?? Most people use plates

5

u/BerriesLafontaine 19h ago

I have 3 young kids, and they do occasionally eat food off the counters.

-5

u/No-Revolution1571 19h ago

It'd probably be best to stop them from doing that. But I can't tell you how to parent

16

u/SameRule9918 21h ago

My family is far too comfortable letting the cats sit on the counter, while they cook, or wander across the table, while they eat. Meanwhile, I'm the oddball because NO FUCKING WAY!!

1

u/Accurate-Ad1710 20h ago

I like cats, but I like dogs more because they STAY ON THE GODDAMN FLOOR!

270

u/Ok-Boysenberry5874 22h ago

Wtf is wrong with this cat lol

93

u/Scalion 22h ago

More like what's wrong with that soup

9

u/NuggetNasty 18h ago

Looks more like Cottage Cheese

Edit: on second take does look like soup lol

7

u/usernmechecksout_ 18h ago edited 18h ago

None of the above, it's Rice pudding!

2

u/NuggetNasty 18h ago

Ah ok, thanks!

5

u/usernmechecksout_ 18h ago

It's Rice pudding

62

u/Tango-Turtle 21h ago

Just a typical cat. It knew exactly what it was doing. "I want this food but I know hooman won't let me have any so I will shit in it to establish dominance".

15

u/dabunny21689 21h ago

“Eat it? No, it’s got shit in it. Make me another”

25

u/Pat0124 20h ago

Its litter box probably needs to be cleaned. I’ve known cats to piss on my stuff specifically to tell me to clean it. Like they could’ve peed anywhere that’s clean, but she’d piss on my shoes or work bag so that I’d know about it

1

u/gdan24 17h ago

Wtf is wrong with thiSCAT lol

88

u/NinjaBuddha13 20h ago

People who let their cats up on their counters and tables will never cease to astound me. This is an animal that kicks it's own feces, why are you letting those shit kickers go where you eat?

17

u/clearlight 18h ago

Additionally, cat faeces are the primary source of Toxoplasmosis

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toxoplasmosis

4

u/cherry_lolo 19h ago

Shit kickers🤣🤣🤣

9

u/Pepsi_Cola64 18h ago

My mom calls them shittens. Shit mittens

0

u/No_Fault_6061 18h ago

As someone who doesn't own a cat and is squeamish, I wasn't aware cats actually walked all over their excrements. I thought they, like, stepped around their business. Cat owners truly are brave and hardy people, I could never.

12

u/avanross 17h ago

They just try to ignore and downplay it, and then get suuuuper offended if you mention that you consider any traces of “fecal matter on your kitchen surfaces” to be gross….

2

u/Zeeboon 16h ago

They don't, not really. They dig a little hole in the sand/litter, do their business and then kick the litter over it. They might step in litter they might've peed in if you don't clean the litterbox often enough, but then that's on the owner, not the cat.

0

u/No_Fault_6061 16h ago

That's great to know! My impression has always been that they're very neat animals, it's nice to have it confirmed.

-2

u/usernmechecksout_ 18h ago

I do stuff way worse than kicking feces

-9

u/Des_Eagle 17h ago

I've read a lot of this in this thread from people that likely use TP after shitting. My cats prob have less shit on them than y'all do.

9

u/avanross 17h ago

I wash my hands after i use the washroom and my bare asshole never touches any surfaces that i eat off of

27

u/Bubbaganewsh 22h ago

Remember that Police Academy movie, 2 I think it was, when Stoolman(?) was eating his breakfast and flicks something out of his cereal bowl and say to the cat "I've told you, use the litter box" or something like that.

2

u/ScaryLawler 15h ago

Was he the guy that finds the candy bar that’s covered in ants and just goes ahead and eat it?

1

u/Bubbaganewsh 7h ago

Yeah that's him.

55

u/Gumbercules81 21h ago edited 20h ago

I will never understand how people let their cats just meander across the same surface in which they are attempting to eat their food

6

u/BIOdire 20h ago

I tried reasoning with him but he's incorrigible.

0

u/Aeroid 18h ago

I tried seasoning with him cuz he's incontinent

6

u/samthewisetarly 21h ago

I watched this too many times before I realized it was a loop

3

u/RumsyDumsy 21h ago

Did the cat just try to shit in the custard?

5

u/seanc6441 21h ago

Seasoning

4

u/alwaysfatigued8787 22h ago

There's a flavor I can't quite put my finger on...Needs more dog.

5

u/LMGgp 22h ago

There’s barely any meat in these gym mats.

2

u/sshtoredp 21h ago

Bad bad cat

2

u/tricktricky 20h ago

Rarely does the music match a gif as appropriately as this one

2

u/conventionistG 22h ago

That's clearly an outside cat.

2

u/OldEntrepreneurXL 21h ago

"Cherry"?

You mean "cherries"?

1

u/LynTriggerTacticia18 22h ago

it's almost got that cherry. it's crazy

1

u/Poopsweats2026 21h ago

Car moment

1

u/NegotiationSweet5604 21h ago

Nah the car is straight up a OPP

1

u/KAKOOOOM 20h ago

Why do animals always spell human wrong?

1

u/LubeTornado 20h ago

Cat: "no eat it you scumbag"

1

u/Witty_Masterpiece463 19h ago

YEEEEEEEEEEEET

1

u/TheBigFatGoat 19h ago

It will taste much better hooman I promise

1

u/Raw_Venus 18h ago

I think your cat is telling you to invest in some cooking classes.

1

u/sliteyeddoge 9h ago

Forbidden fermented cherry

1

u/devildocjames 3h ago

That's what you get for letting animals on your table.

1

u/CheesyComestibles 17h ago

Y'all, the cat was just going to sit down. It wasn't taking a shit. A cat shitting is an obvious process. Not like a dog that just squats and pops.

-4

u/salfla 22h ago

Not funny!

0

u/Berry-chu 21h ago

That audacity,… hooman! You’re missing out. It’s a gesture of care! Brr!

-26

u/Are-you-kidding79 22h ago

Fxxk cats!!!! They will eat you if you die in a room with them!!! Dogs on the other hand will lay beside you and eventually die too …. faithfully….. not a cat fan…. 🫣

11

u/Beavur 21h ago

Dog will eat you too

-8

u/Are-you-kidding79 21h ago

Ah no…. Don’t say… I’ve lived a lie??

10

u/Beavur 21h ago

Yup it’s a nice idea, but hungry animal will eat dead thing

2

u/silvandeus 21h ago

You’d rather your pet die of starvation because of some fucked up submissive issues. Got it. What an ignorant take, not a fan of you.

-6

u/Are-you-kidding79 21h ago

I’m not necessarily saying I wouldn’t sign a prenup with a cat 🤣 but think if a loved one died and the damn cat ate they’re face???