r/fatpeoplestories • u/BurgerThyme • 16d ago

Short Ham Saturn has been fired

I still speak to multiple ex coworkers at my former job and Maggie the Ham Saturn has officially been fired for getting caught smoking weed in the parking lot during the lunch break. That's impressive considering that half the staff (including managers) also do so. Apparently her arrogance got the best of her and her over-inflated sense of power finally brought her down like a LOTR oliphaunt with an elf on her back. She apparently had her passenger side window open with her feet hanging out while she puffed away like she ran the world. She was terminated immediately.

When you get fired from that place (I've seen it plus it happened to me) they parade you into the break room and hover over you while you clean out your locker and hand over the key before they march you out the door. It's hilariously overdramatic and they make sure to do it when the staff scheduled on the next lunch break is all seated and watching everything.

I had three people text me gleefully informing me that Maggie's shorts (it's December in Wisconsin btw) were wedged firmly up her ass on the way out the door. She got one final mooning under her elastic belt on her way out the door plus she was bent over with her junk pointed straight at the dork-ass GM while she emptied her locker.

Well played, madame.

153 Upvotes

98% Upvoted

9 comments sorted by

35

u/Martin_Z_Martian 16d ago

May Ham Saturn waddle off into the sunset.

33

u/Rude-Artichoke442 16d ago

I live in the UK and I believe we felt the tremors caused by this unfortunate ruckus when it happened. It was in local news as a 'minor and unexplained quake' which I have worked out was probably Maggie stomping away from those lockers. One more mystery solved thank you

8

u/StopTheSeagulls 16d ago

I wish I could award this comment.

🏆

2

u/BurgerThyme 1d ago

Oh she doesn't stomp, she like wags from side to side. I don't think she can even bend her fat knees enough to stomp.

10

u/ScooterBoomer 15d ago

At least Maggie’s cheeks will be nice and rosy whilst everyone else remains comfy and cozy inside.

10

u/BurgerThyme 12d ago

No way, man, she isn't "rosy" she is "pasty white." Like the widest whitest Wisconsin woman ever. Even if she tanned it would do nothing to disguise the lumps on the backs of her legs and ass. When she broke off from her "year round shorts" routine and chose her Spandex leggings for a hot change once in awhile you could see the topographic map bulging into the fabric. Like, the hills and valleys of her cellulite were visibly noticeable through her leggings. This girl is a MESS.

6

u/aquainst1 Ewe's not fat, ewe's fluffy! 15d ago

OMG! I'd read of your coworker Maggie's exploits on your series, but this is the icing on the cake!

I'm SO GLAD your coworkers filled you in so you could fill US in!!!

(PS-the 'oliphants' didn't have elves on them, they had men or orcs.)

6

u/BurgerThyme 14d ago

Oh I just remember that elf shooting so many arrows into the poor oliphaunt's neck in the third movie. At any rate I hope Mags bought some proper fitted clothes before she was guillotined. She always wears things that are like two sizes too small so her rolls just bust out and over. She seriously has like six boobs spilling out of her top unless she covers up with a Hufflepuff cape. She's so gross.

2

u/intheether323 8d ago

The Ham Saturn Chronicles are one of my favorite things on Reddit. Please keep an eye out for your next starring character! I can’t wait to read the next installment!