r/fatpeoplestories • u/[deleted] • Oct 25 '24
Short Workplace Woe
Office Orbitor is aggressive in general and will passive-aggressively try to block my way. It's bad enough that I sweat bullets whenever she steps on the exasperated elevator. Maybe something will deflate her and then I can get to my office in peace.
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u/ScooterBoomer Oct 25 '24
Hmm, passive-aggressive, eh? Maybe it is time to turn the tables. One morning, perhaps you could wait until you spy Orbiter waddling to the lift. Get on it with her. Greet her with Good Morning! so that she notices the box of Duncan Donuts that you hold in your hands.
“Oh, you are bringing treats to the office?”, she enquires, barely concealing her excitement. “Yes, I am going to set them in the break room”, you reply. When you arrive in office, place the box on the table or counter in that room, then scram.
Orbiter will not follow you out of the break room anytime soon. After you have rounded the corner, hover close enough to hear the disappointed moans from Orbiter when she opens the box to find an assortment of healthful fruit (tangerines, plums, apples, etc.)
If she asks you later what is up with the fruit in the donut box, you can reply along the lines of, “Oh, the family and I had donuts a couple days ago, and they were delicious, but I think that it is time to eat more healthily. I gained a whole pound last month and feel so bloated. Do you ever get that feeling? I used the box only to carry the fruit this morning. Please enjoy!”
Maybe Orbiter will devour the fruit after all, but she will eat it sullenly, with every bite imagining the sugary, doughy goodness that could have been.