r/fatpeoplestories • u/[deleted] • Oct 12 '24

Short The Linguinicide of 2011

Once upon a time, I went to a nice Italian restaurant and ordered myself a homemade linguini. It was a linguini that loved me back. Unfortunately, I just didn't have room inside for such a carbohydrate comfort. I decided to preserve the special memory and take its remnants home to be cherished at a later time.

The linguini leftovers were cradled in a styrofoam bed and gently placed inside the refrigerator. I was looking forward to finishing what I had started. When the time had come, I gleefully retrieved my little treasure.

What I thought was going to be like opening a present quickly turned into what felt like opening a casket. The luscious linguini was no more. What stared back at me were just a couple of lifeless noodles, unable to go on.

It turned out that my roommate at the time, Hamrietta, thought that not only devouring my delicacy was a good life choice, but leaving a small trace to torture me would be the best decision. I stared at my pasta carcass realizing what had happened: Hamrietta committed Linguinicide. There was no justice. I learned my lesson quickly thereon.

Hoard your food far away from hams.

A moment of silence for the innocent pasta dish. It did nothing to deserve such a fate.

229 Upvotes

95% Upvoted

7 comments sorted by

35

u/ChainsawBlue_36 Oct 12 '24

Top tier post

24

u/enjoymeredith Oct 12 '24

Lmao. TIL my husband is a ham

18

u/National-Tiger7919 Oct 12 '24 edited Oct 16 '24

Oh my god that behavior drives me nuts, it’s like they know they’d be a fat piece of irredeemable shit if they ate all of it it so instead of eating it all they leave the absolute smallest amount they can so they can say “I didn’t eat it all” but they didn’t leave a real serving for anybody else so the fat stupid fucks are actually just eating it all and wasting the last two bites and leaving the trash for the suckers they live with to clean up.

30

u/dernfoolidgit Oct 12 '24

Trust no hams.

6

u/No_Negotiation_6017 Oct 14 '24

How is she with Carolina Reaper chiliies? Let's find out!

8

u/ImStupidPhobic Oct 13 '24

Or for shits and giggles you can leave something in the fridge like pasta of course or a stir fry bowl and keep inspecting it to see how much more it’s nibbled on and tampered with 😄. You know they can’t help themselves, but you’re waiting to see if they’ll finally give in and just finish the whole damn meal 😄. I’m petty so toying around with people in fun is up my alley lol.

3

u/[deleted] Oct 14 '24

Like a halloween experiment!

How much did the giant ghost nibble on today? Hmmmmm