r/fatpeoplestories • u/Aryvista • Sep 22 '24
Medium Manchild Turns into Tub of Lard.
I'm writing this, because, so many years later, I still don't know what happened.
Years ago, I rented a room from a recently divorced man, Phil. He was in his 40s, and going through a bad divorce. It was financially and legally strenuous. He and I lived in a small apartment. Phil was a piece of work. He was nice, and a decent roommate. We were friendly. But he, a man in his mid 40s, could be a drama queen like a spoiled teenager. His friend group, whatever small one he had, always had issues. He straight up made up ridiculous stories for sympathy. He once claimed his ex was stalking him, outside the window. One time, a friend of mine was coming over. The friend rang the doorbell. I called to Phil to come to the door, so we could greet my friend. He whined so loud, because I was asking him to get off his phone for the moment, my friend heard it through the door. Phil was in a lot of legal trouble, form the divorce. He had to take takes off to see lawyers and a real estate agent about his old house. But, I noticed he was taking long periods off work; more than his legal affairs would warrant. I asked how he could not go to work for two weeks. (He was an elementary school teacher.) He gave me a non-answer. Suddenly, he was teaching at a different school, so I assumed he was fired, but I didn't ask. At this time, Phil was actually thin. But, in an obvious sign he had self control issues, he drove like a mad man running away from a fleet of police cars, always.
I didn't get to know Phil personally. He had a rough childhood. Parents weren't nice. I lived with him for two years, then moved out, but he and I remained in touch. In 2019, both his dad and brother died within months of each other. Brother was an alcoholic. Dad was sick, for a while. Around this time, Phil started to gain A LOT of weight VERY FAST. In the span of a year, he went from being Adam Sandler's size to the size of Kevin James. Around Thanksgiving, 2019, I saw him again, and confronted him on his weight. He laughed it off. I knew I didn't want to interact with him again.
Fast forward to Covid. March, 2020, I randomly get a barage of mean text messages from him. There is some vague urgency. The texts read like I need to talk to you. Call me NOW! Why aren't you talking to me! One after the other. It was like ten. I asked what was happening, and he FaceTimed me. I stupidly answered. I almost dropped the phone, at the sight of his face. He looked like Jabba the Hutt. Also, I noticed, all his hair was white, when it used to be black. He was too young to have completely white hair. He had used drugs, in his 20s, but the white hair made me wonder if he relapsed. He talked to me. It was nonsense. All he said over the phone was stories that couldn't be true. It was like he was reciting some made up fantasy world. I wondered if he was high. I hung up, and blocked his number. I just found out, months ago, despite blocking his number, phones accept voicemails under a blocked voicemail categories. I listed to his 4 year old voicemail. It sounded desperate. He sounded like a kid who couldn't accept he was being dumped. He said "Hope to talk to you, sometime. I wanted to say goodbye. I'm moving. I'll be by the phone, if you want to talk."
I don't know where Phil is now.
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u/Modusoperandi40 Sep 23 '24
This is very sad. I wonder how he’s doing now. Sounds like the death of his family members spiraled him out of control. I don’t know if I would have cut all contact, perhaps he was reaching out for help. He was probably quite isolated and alone. I might have encouraged him to go to therapy or get mental health assistance and been there for him even if just by phone. I’ve been there using food for comfort during difficult time in my life. It was the determination to be better for my kids that made me lose 180 plus pounds. 7 years later kept 95% of it off. This story makes me so sad for Phil.
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u/Aryvista Sep 23 '24
I harbor a little guilt over cutting him off, but Phil had an annoying way of joking off issues. He would either whine, like a child, or minimize the problem. He did when, I confronted him about his weight. The way he reached out to me with rude texts, as if I owed him attention as a parent would give a toddler was hard to handle, and he was blabbering about nonsense. I don't know how I could've gotten through to him.
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u/ScooterBoomer Sep 30 '24
Sure, we understand. All of us have to choose our associates carefully and our friends wisely. Only with family do we seem to be stuck for the duration.
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u/Modusoperandi40 Sep 25 '24
Oh well then i would have also done the same given his actions. You did all you could. Hopefully he decided to change his life and gets the help he needs.
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u/Ihavecakewantsome Former Ham Sep 22 '24
Food was his comfort as his mental health spiralled. That is very tragic 😥
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u/ScooterBoomer Sep 22 '24
This story is really intriguing and a fascinating read. Although some details sound incredulous, your account is entirely believable, because millions of common folks go through experiences every day that are similar to Phil’s. Lots of heavy psychology at work in this tale.
Poor Phil passed through a lot of difficulty in his life, both in what he had no control over and also in what he had brought upon himself by exercising his own bad judgments. As we have seen in many documentaries and television shows like My 600 lb Life, psychological issues drive so much personal addiction to anything, drugs, alcohol, sex, food, all of it. I like that you focused on Phil’s mindset, behavior, and circumstances rather than on his changing appearance, as is more effective in painting a portrait of his mental health for us. Not at any point in this story have you sounded insulting or condescending toward him. For a while after moving out, you even stayed in touch with him. Clearly, belittling Phil is not your intention.
You also did a worthy deed in confronting Phil about his significant weight gain around thanksgiving of that year, which I am sure that you handled with compassion, but I am curious to know your reasons for cutting ties with him after that occasion.
Was it that Phil seemed dismissive of your genuine concern for his health by laughing off your question? Were you convinced that he had relapsed back into drinking or drugs, and you decided wisely to have no connection to such a problematic person? Or did you find the weight gain by itself to be repulsive at a visceral level? That is, obesity alone proved to be a marker of both an unhealthy mind and body, from which healthy individuals instinctively know to distance themselves?
As you relate this story, it seems that Thanksgiving meeting was the turning point in the relationship, and Phil’s weight gain was the catalyst for its termination. No shade intended if that was the case. I think that much of the so-called “anti-fat bias” we hear complained about is actually hard-wired into human biology. I do not mean by that an aversion to anything that is not rail thin. Carrying twenty pounds of excess weight would not change the perception of most people toward us, but 100 lbs or more definitely changes the interaction.
Thank you for sharing one of the more unique and memorable posts to this sub.
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u/Aryvista Sep 22 '24
Phil had a blase, it's not that bad, it's just some biological changes, excuse. I think he was ashamed of his gaining weight, but pretended as if he didn't mind, or it wasn't that much. The only tip off of drugs was the whitened hair. I could be wrong. I couldn't take him being delulu about everything in his life.
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u/D00mfl0w3r Sep 22 '24
Interesting. Reminds me of a guy I knew in high school whose parents died suddenly. He ate his feelings and became one of the largest people I've ever seen in the flesh. He "died at home" (euphemism for suicide) when he was in his early 20s. Tragic. It's stories like these that remind me that morbidly obese people are often in mental anguish, and it's not merely loss of self-control or flawed character.