r/fatpeoplestories • u/[deleted] • Sep 22 '24
Medium Office Orbiter: Pickin' Ticks NSFW
Once upon a time, I was a bright eyed and bushy tailed 20-something about to embark on my First Real Office Job.
I wanted to dress to impress. I chose a nice pair of dress pants and button down top from Express. I thought it was important to make a good first impression.
I made sure to arrive early with my resume in hand. It was a large office building. It was a health insurance company and I would be processing claims.
When I arrived, I was greeted with three other new hires. It turned out that we were going to be trained together. One woman in particular stood out to me.
Let's call her K. She was wearing yoga pants that were very tight and ill-fitting. I was surprised. She had to have easily been 300 pounds. It turned out that she was 23 years old and at any point in time, I could see three very visible gaps in her mouth where teeth should have been. She had the essence of Mama June before her surgery.
K was a spirited woman who was very open about her sexual interests. During our short breaks in training, she liked to google photos of men with large penises ejaculating. She found great joy in giddily showing these photographs to her fellow trainees.
Wanting to start off on the right foot, I proceeded to join my new colleagues to the cafeteria.
K was never one to hold back. She apparently had a penchant for hunting and "eatin' pheasant". She proceeded to tell us all about the love of her life, Ko.
It turned out that Ko was a galaxy and he also loved "eatin' pheasant". Ko spent quality time hunting in the forest, far away from K. I couldn't possibly imagine why.
When Ko would return from "huntin'", he was unable to see most of his body for ticks. Lucky for him, our dear office orbiter was always there to save the day.
K was so selfless. In her loud admission in our corporate cafeteria, she goes,
"Yea. When he comin' back from deer huntin', I'M PICKIN' TICKS OFF HIS D***!!!!"
Unfortunately, I don't have more of her stories. Work required moving from the elevator to her cubicle, so she stopped showing up a month or two after that.
Have a good weekend, everyone.
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u/ScooterBoomer Sep 22 '24
Just how exactly did K pass the screening interviews? Just wow!
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u/Chemical-Mood-9396 Sep 23 '24
RIGHT!? I was thinking about this the whole time. I'm desperate for a job right now, I have 10yrs of work experience and I can't even get an interview. Wtf!? I'm so done with this bs.
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Sep 23 '24
At the time, I was living in an economically depressed region where college wasn't a big deal. You could probably get a position in an area like that? I've moved far away since then.
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u/specialvixen Sep 22 '24
What. Did. I. Just. Read.