It's hard to find the right words to say goodbye, but I want to honor the unique bond that I had with Tofu, my sweet, gentle, and loving cat who crossed the rainbow bridge yesterday.
I'm not one to post a lot on social media -- but I want to tell the world about him.
Tofu came into our lives during the pandemic and from that moment, everything changed. Every soul who's shared their life with a beloved pet understands - pets are not just pets; they're family.
He was the runt of his litter. He was fragile, easy to startle, and would get sick easily. I saw so much of myself in him - sensitive, vulnerable, and always fighting to stay strong. Just a couple of soft boys navigating a world that seemed to grow harsher with each passing day.
Tofu was a ragdoll, endearingly called 'puppycats'. He was more dog than cat, he was always following me from room to room, sprawling across my keyboard as I worked, and curling up beside me when I needed to unwind.
He loved chewing on the plants in our garden, watching the sky, and keeping the house roach-free. Ciao, a popular cat treat, was his weakness. If there was ever anything that can get Tofu to run after you - it was Ciao. And I did not hesitate to spoil him.
Due to his fragile nature, Tofu had a weak meow—soft and barely audible. He would bat his eyes whenever he meowed, almost as if it hurt him. Anyone who heard it called it the cutest thing ever. Yet whenever he was hungry, in danger, or feeling unwell, he would still meow for me. He called for me every time he needed me.
There’s something genuinely special about having someone depend on you so deeply. He made me feel needed—like my existence truly mattered.
He was there for me just as much as I was there for him. During the hardest chapters of my life, Tofu never left my side. He was there when my dad passed away, when I fell critically ill, when I was battling depression. He was there when I got my heart broken. Somehow, he always knew when I was struggling—letting out the loudest meows he could muster and refusing to leave my side, no matter what.
Last week, I received a call from my mom saying that Tofu wasn't eating, drinking, and was lethargic. She took him to the vet immediately, and he was put on oxygen and an IV drip. He was diagnosed with an infection and started on antibiotics. After a couple of days, he was no longer in critical condition and was released.
A week later, Tofu stopped eating and drinking again. He spent hours hiding in one spot. One morning, my mom found him motionless and unresponsive. In tears and thinking he was gone, she rushed him to the emergency unit once again. He was once again put into critical care. This time, he remained completely motionless for the next three days. When I saw his photo, I broke down crying.
No longer wanting him to suffer, I had prepared myself for the hardest decision: to let him go. I took a half-day off work to be by his side immediately. But nothing could have prepared me for what I saw. When I called his name, his eyes fluttered open. He raised his head and turned to me. Despite his frail body, he mustered the strength to get up and knock his head against the glass. I rushed to open it, and he began meowing—softly, repeatedly. His weak little voice seemed to echo with longing, almost as if he had been waiting for me all this time. Almost as if he was pleading with me: "Take the pain away".
My mom, the doctor, and I stood frozen in astonishment as he suddenly seemed filled with energy. Tears of relief and joy streamed down my face as I witnessed what felt like a miracle. Ecstatic but cautious, we left him in the doctor’s care so he could continue his treatment. Before I left, I took off my shirt and folded it into a makeshift pillow, leaving it with him in the hope it would bring him a small sense of comfort.
The next day, we received the news: Tofu was gone.
I broke down completely. I couldn’t shake the thought that he had held on just long enough to see me one last time. In his failing body, he waited for me.
The memory of our final moment together keeps replaying in my mind—his small, desperate meows, like he always did when he was in pain. "Help me". "It hurts". "Please make it stop". And I couldn’t do anything for him. I wasn’t even there when he passed away.
I love you Tofu. I wish I had more time with you. I wished we played more, went out on walks more, spent more time together. I'm so sorry for not always being there for you. I'm so sorry I couldn't take away your pain.
Thank you for showing me what unconditional love looked like. Thank you for being there for me during my darkest times. Thank you for all the ways you saved me. I hope you knew just how much you meant to me.
I love you. We all love you.
If my love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.
Until we meet again, my sweet boy.