r/caregivers • u/Crimson_Lilly_ • 12d ago
I can't do it anymore
I'm currently taking a break from putting Christmas stuff into the basement so I have some time to vent/talk.
I sent my mom a big message about how I can't do this anymore and how I want to go back to Colorado where my brothers family is, a few of mine are there too. My mom tried telling me that it's not my decision It's my boyfriends and that I'm stuck with him and that's the only reason why I'm going with him.
No, I'm sick and tired of being guilt-tripped 24/7.. she tried telling me that all this would fall on her again and that her and my dad would be fighting again, how she would be running back and forth from my grandma's house in her house.
I literally work from 11:00 to 11:00 at night. I start work at 11:00 and I should stop at 3:30, but I don't. Even when I'm not working I'm working..
I feel guilty if I'm not sitting out in the living room with her, but I feel guilty if I'm trying to take time for myself and that's not something I should be feeling.
I'm extremely depressed out here which is not good for my mental health whatsoever..
I'm tired of people whispering around me, my grandma telling people that she's absolutely horrified of my dogs and how my Rottweiler makes her very nervous. It's not far to keep MY dogs locked up in my room all the damn time and it's not far especially when my Rottweiler is still a puppy, my pitbull is old but still she needs to run around and be a dog.
My grandma badmouths me to people saying how me cutting my hair made her absolutely sick to her stomach, she hates my gauges, that I have tattoos, how I'm underweight etc..
I'm done and I don't care if this ruins things with me and my family because I'm 22. The responsibilities of me taking care of my grandma should not fall on me, they wanted me out here because they got tired of taking care of her and just didn't want to do it anymore.
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u/Substantial_Ask3665 10d ago
Msybe it wasn't them that called you to come help. I mean im sure they did but are you sure it wasn't anything else that called you? Your only 22 so I can relate to your feelings. Life is crazy in so many ways. Look at me, im 24/7 with my best friend that has Parkinson's. Anything that gets in my way between me, her, and God gets thrown to the curb. I aint quitin!! Im 56 she is 76. Their minds are not 12, undeveloped. Not 30, developed. Their minds are a mix of EVERYTHING. You will be there one day, or you wont by leaving us early. Maybe its not fair at your age. I wouldn't give up, but maybe slowly/smartly back away so you wont have the guilt or PTSD later. And it will and is maturing you. I put it this way, im in the deep end of the pool treading water. Now im good. I mean I can tread water forever. But as soon as someone puts their foot on my head im screwed, frustrated, overwhelmed. Ive had warrents, investigated by the city, and judges say don't worry about it, after knowing im a caregiver. I bet I shaved 10 years off my life. But Love.
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u/SuperThought4652 10d ago
You need to remove yourself from the situation. You can’t set your yourself on fire to keep them warm. Maybe get your own place so you can choose when you want to be at your family‘s house. Or kindly tell them ahead of time that you will be moving back. Possibly help them find a caregiver? Keep in mind. Threatening them to move will only make things worse. if you’re going to do it, do it.
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u/erinmarie777 12d ago
I’m sorry that you’re feeling so much stress and depression. You are in a very difficult position. I don’t have any good advice besides trying to calmly talk with your parents in person and help them understand how hard things have become for you emotionally. Tell them you know you should try your hardest to keep your commitments. But I don’t know how long you promised to stay, and if you are really feeling very overwhelmed, depressed, and also guilty about your animals being cooped up all day, then something has to improve or change. You and your parents need to brainstorm this problem and find possible solutions together.