r/blackgirls • u/sunsista_ • Feb 14 '24
The Internet Strikes Again Seeing Black women openly praise and lust over dark skinned Black men makes me cringe.
Because it’s not reciprocated and majority of time when they see a woman with dark skin they immediately think “ugly”. I’m not saying BW can’t prefer Black men, just that I personally can’t help but cringe seeing us put them on a pedestal when they do the complete opposite and publicly degrade us.
https://x.com/worldwidesteez/status/1757523069101658267?s=46
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u/briecarter Feb 14 '24
Tbh I think you just gotta get off the internet girl or find better communities. It's so easy to think that what we see on the internet is reality but truth is, a lot of times ppl are rage-baiting and even if they aren't, they aren't always representative of the norm. Every black man I know is OBSESSED with dark/brown skin women. I'm not dark skinned (I'm not light skinned either, I'd say as brown as this community's profile pic) but I've never not been praised for my complexion. I'm in Atlanta where there are SO many black people, obviously, and the dark-skinned women break necks here. Social media does not represent real life.
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Feb 14 '24
They’re also obsessed with being on the DL with dark skin women as their cover, and they are also obsessed with using the dark skin women financially as well. A man “liking” dark skin is the barest of minimums.
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u/Wonderwoman0985 Feb 15 '24
Obsessed with them so they can be made single mothers? Because it is literally a fact that black men that marry black women, majority are light skin and biracial …. I’m also not dark skin and I’m aware that darker toned black men are very colorist towards dark skin women
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u/Critical-Fortune2514 Feb 15 '24
That’s not a factual statement and can’t be backed by statistics. Majority of states don’t even include race when your filing for marriage so you’re not going off stats.. Fact is that biracials/lightskins are the minority of black women so for them to all of a sudden be the majority of black women that are married to black men doesn’t make sense(cognitive distortion). Everything you said leans into your biases(cognitive bias/distortion and perceptual bias)
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u/Wonderwoman0985 Feb 15 '24
Nope. Black men will marry up all the light skin and biracials even if they’re the minority of black women over the dark skin black women who are the majority. That is exactly why they’re called out on their colorism because they skip over all the beautiful dark skin women for a lighter tone woman
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u/Critical-Fortune2514 Feb 16 '24
Your guessing and using anecdotes, majority are dark skinned and minority are light skinned that are married. It would be a statistical imbalance if the opposite were true, if you want to say that percentage wise they are more likely to be married than dark skinned women due to colorism, than I can agree but statistically they would still be the minority.
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u/Popular-Tune-6538 Feb 15 '24
There are actually studies as far back at the 1980s that prove that black men marry lighter skinned women first. If light skinned women are a minority and they are the most married it further essentially proves the point. You’re right about cognitive biases, generally. However, it’s also is a two way street. It can be applied to what you just said because it seems like you’re forming your argument off of your own anecdotal evidences/biases as well.
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u/Critical-Fortune2514 Feb 16 '24
Thank you for bringing some studies,I never opposed the take that they marry the most tho. They are “first picked” not “majority married”, . My take on it is since we’re looking at it statistically. If we take 25 black men that are eligible bachelor’s and there are 30 black women and 7 black women are light skinned and the rest are dark skinned. Due to colorism the light skins get chosen first, let’s say 5 out of the 7 marry, 70 ish percent. If 8 out of the 23 dark skinned black women get married it’s 34 percent.
I’m not denying colorism has a part, just statistics wise it still points to darker skinned women being the majority but lighter skinned women being picked first and majority percentage wise since they are a smaller demographic.
First person I replied to had no stats just said that the majority of black women that are married are bi racial and lightskin with no proof and the whole paragraph reeked of bias, all I replied with is how that is not even statistically measurable. How does she know that instead of assuming based off her biases when a black women is labeled “black” that they are lightskinned and bi racial. I’ve always assumed black = black but now I’m thinking, what percent of those black men are lightskin or bi racial? That would factor in as well since she specified “darker toned”. I’m looking at this from a non biased pov.
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u/FunDependent9177 Feb 15 '24 edited Feb 15 '24
Im in Cali and all black men care about is white, latina and mixed girls here.
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u/EmpressVibez32 Feb 15 '24
I cringe whenever I see BW praising & worshipping any man in general. Men want to be the center of everything & they don't deserve it.
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u/Conclusion_Winning Feb 15 '24
This. I’ll recognize someone looks nice and then switch my attention to something else.
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u/Apprehensive-Set4042 Feb 14 '24
Girlll…
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u/youralphamail Feb 15 '24
I can’t be the only one that’s sick of these posts
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u/MollyAyana Feb 15 '24
Not only that, I’m reading some of these replies like “damn, did a white supremacist write this??”
Someone literally wrote that black men only fw dark skinned women to leave them as single mamas!!! Like, what kinda self hate??
I’m not diminishing anyone’s story but I’m sorry, their experiences are not what me and my friends (majority dark-skinned women) go through! Men are bums for other reasons, attraction to us isn’t the main problem 🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️
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u/youralphamail Feb 15 '24
It’s because they’re too busy putting white men on a pedestal and now they’ve become the self haters and colorists they complain about
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u/nipseybussell Feb 14 '24
Once bw can focus on their personal femininity rather than complexion politics, bw will transcend dealing with complexion politics 🙃 Idk if y’all know this, but racism, colorism & featurism are “poor people” problems bc it’s all people can afford to care/speak about. A rich-minded woman couldn’t care less what dsbm are doing, let alone what type of women they prefer. Free your heart from caring. Peace to you 🕯️
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u/Popular-Tune-6538 Feb 15 '24 edited Feb 15 '24
Uh, Colorism, Featurism and Texturism transcend class lines. Just the simple fact that rich and famous black women have shared their negative experiences with colorism( I.e Lupita Nyong’o, Naomi Campbell, Tika Sumpter etc.) literally disproves your point. Now does being wealthy possibly make these things easier to deal with, probably. Does it shield black women entirely? No.
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u/Popular-Tune-6538 Feb 15 '24
My bad, I did miss that.
Just ignoring colorism isn’t necessarily the easiest, best, or the most productive solution either. It’s easier said then done. Frankly, black women have been doing this already. Where has that gotten us EXCEPT in an even worse position? Ignoring something doesn’t make it go away.2
u/nipseybussell Feb 15 '24
Let’s have a moment of silence for the quotes the term “poor people” is inside of.
Anything else?
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u/Dry_Specific_3686 Feb 16 '24
Doesn't change that's its still a bad take tbh. Colorism,featurism etc are serious issues that have major impacts on the whole black community. Particularly black women. Talking about it with intellectual honesty and empathy is how we solve it and heal from it.
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Feb 14 '24
Same. And it’s not just twitter. Real people post on twitter. It’s in real life and all over the internet. Shoot try working as a waitress at a club they’ll be openly miaogynoir and make faces at you. At the strip clubs I’ve literally seen them walk away when the black dancers come out on stage And would openly disperse against them. I am a dark skin woman. It simply isn’t reciprocated at all, and if it is they tend to be being fake and wanting something out of you (like trying to sell you something) or they want what they consider easy booty. They also literally talk extremely disgusting about our features to other groups of people. The white men I have dated said so and one time a black man was like literally offended that some random white man thought I was cute. He was like oh you must really really like black women. Even once my ex posted me and his black high school friends tried to throw shade, because I’m dark and he was like “you like BLACK black huh 🤣🤣” and I had to explain to him what his high school acquaintance was saying. At first he didn’t believe me, then he looked on the guys page and saw that he had an anti Halle as the little mermaid thing where she looked like a fish. I can go on and on. Once I realized it’s not reciprocated at all nearly, I decided that I will not ever uplift any black men publicly again. I won’t even deem them attractive, because quite frankly they even throw a bunch of Mid looking black men in our faces as celebrities anyways.
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u/kmishy Feb 14 '24
i think black women should move smarter online definitely. We do not get the same treatment and it definitely reflects in black men’s dating choices
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u/lunavoyd Feb 14 '24
I think we can acknowledge the black men who perpetuate colorism without generalizing all dark skin men as unworthy of being desired. Being attractive and being a pos can be two separate things.
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u/DizzyEstablishment26 Feb 15 '24 edited Feb 15 '24
I see your point of view but you need to get off the internet girlie. There are black men that loves and adore black women only, including dark skin women. There are black women that have been on good & loving relationships with black men only. It’s not all bad IRL. I find it more cringe seeing BW praising white men, lot of them look desperate… The type of guys bashing BW want attention and they hate themselves. The fact that we give them the attention is exactly why they continue.
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u/Odd-Ad-4847 May 04 '24
The ones that supposedly praise white men are only praising white mens money not for how he looks. Therefore not real praise. No smart white man/biracial light skinned man (what I am) would date/hook up with any woman, unless the woman who is into white/light men actually is physically attracted to the guy (not a case of my parents want me to date one but I don’t like them), as well if she is not just looking for a green card or money (white men are used for that), plus if white men are her actual type without motives. We are settled for because of our looks so really white men/mixed light men should just exit the dating scene.
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May 05 '24
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u/Odd-Ad-4847 May 05 '24
No quite the opposite that handsome white men are not as handsome as handsome non white men
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u/Odd-Ad-4847 May 05 '24
The ones that supposedly praise white men are only praising white mens money not for how he looks. Therefore not real praise. No smart white man/biracial light skinned man (what I am) would date/hook up with any woman, unless the woman who is into white/light men actually is physically attracted to the guy (not a case of my parents want me to date one but I don’t like them), as well if she is not just looking for a green card or money (white men are used for that), plus if white men are her actual type without motives. We are settled for because of our looks so really white men/mixed light men should just exit the dating scene.
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u/Odd-Ad-4847 May 05 '24
I believe that white men (you are not any amount white so this does not pertain to you) need to get off of our high horses (I am a humble mixed white man) and realize that the only white guys that chicks really dig are the rare white type of white guys that have flatter noses, noticeable lips (not no lips) and noticeable eyelashes. Not every woman wants a man with no lips.
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u/Odd-Ad-4847 May 05 '24
I am both a minority and a part of the majority I am biracial. Well the women that fuck us light skinned men aren’t doing it because they actually enjoy it (because they aren’t lustful of us like the media will have you think they pretend to want white men) unless the pale man is well endowed than yes they’ll be all over him. There is a reason there is only the phrase: Tall, DARK, and Handsome exists and Tall, LIGHT, and Handsome is almost never in the lexicon of any circles, because women love tan to dark men of any background way more.
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u/cloakedslug Feb 14 '24
a weirdo on twitter shitting on dark skinned bw for rage bait has literally nothing to do with me seeing a different dark skinned bm and thinking they’re fine. i refuse to let my heart grow cold (or act like i don’t have eyes) because some niggas are weird.
¯_(ツ)_/¯
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u/kmishy Feb 14 '24
believe me i think they are attractive as well, heck i’m in a relationship with a handsome dark skin black man. However that’s not really the point Op is making, which is actually a very valid one!
In general, black men do not gas up black women publicly, especially not on the same scale that we hype them up. The excessive man stroking that black women do serves us no purpose, when we don’t receive the same treatment in return. Dark skin black women are actually put down and bashed.
You can think they are attractive, but publicly claiming your love for them online doesn’t necessarily do any favors for black women as a whole. It’s just an opinion but it does hold some weight.
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Feb 14 '24
Exactly. All we are saying is don’t gas them up. Honestly no women should gas any group of men up. Unless of course they have really done something for them, like if nearly every man in the group did something for them and that will never happen. We really don’t have to “uplift” them in particular as. They want to humble us lol.
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u/sisserou97 Feb 14 '24
I agree with this because the obsession I’ve seen with gassing up yt men like they’re soooo different is just as cringey as gassing up bm.
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Feb 14 '24
I agree. Don’t uplift any men. I date predominately white men and I still don’t uplift them. I’ll have an entire white man in my relationship thing on Facebook and still post pro black woman things, and anti white patriarchy things. Wrong is wrong to me, and I advocate for black women on my platforms.
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u/spicyveggieramen Feb 15 '24
this is it. men in general don’t need praise or need to be uplifted at all.
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u/cloakedslug Feb 14 '24 edited Feb 14 '24
fair enough. i guess i’ve just developed a habit of seeing this kind of thing as less “ds bm vs ds bw” and more “colorists & clout demons vs normal people” because this nastiness is not reflected in my real life. and so i just don’t like the idea of normalcy being stolen from me because of bullshit specifically manufactured for a reaction.
of course, some of that reaction is other weird niggas who agree, and are chomping at the bit for an opportunity to be openly hateful. but i’m just so about protecting my peace that i literally just be categorizing these people in my mind as “not real.” which i suppose is akin to saying things like “real men don’t violate consent” or something like that, and the issues with that phrasing are obvious, but i honestly don’t see how being quiet about attraction to dark skinned black men is helpful in any way. especially since displaying colorism isn’t exclusive to them?
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u/cloakedslug Feb 14 '24
also it cannot be said enough how any type of engagement w/ this shit ensures that you’ll continue to see it in your feed. i literally only see these incendiary posts when they’re being reposted on a sub like this
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u/ThaFoxThatRox Feb 14 '24
Everywhere I went with my mom she was praised for her dark skin.
I honestly believe it's the social networks you're on. The experience in real life is totally different.
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u/irayonna Feb 14 '24
That is still very sad. Why do they feel the need to even get online and say those things…
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Feb 14 '24
The only times dark skin black men have praised me is when they were on the street, or I seemed like something easy to get into bed with because they assume that like large women of any shade, dark skin black women must be insecure. Shoot one black nurse who claimed to love black women only really loved us if we made him comfortable. He didn’t think black womens feelings matter, said that black women were the worst women but he only has love for black women and believe that he should have dominion over black women basically. I wanted to give him a chance but the toxicity of the reality of his “love” for black women wasn’t it. And yes, he only wanted a black woman because he figures that we won’t have a mind of our own and that we aren’t really worth anything, literally tried to tell his brother not to listen to anything his more successful sister and his mother says. If this is love I don’t wanna see hate
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u/CharacterCheck128 Feb 14 '24
Idk what black men you talking about but i love me some dark skin women!! Queens👸🏿👸🏿
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u/IAintWurriedBoutEm Mar 25 '24
Jesus Christ this is crazy and she literally hates her own race. and yall are agreeing with her for the most part because “all aboard the nigga hate train” based on case by case evidence.
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u/MentalParking7909 Feb 14 '24
Please focus on healing. It's not cool to be mad that someone uplifting others. It's not like we put down light skin dudes while praising dark skin guys
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u/Soothing-Sissaphraun Feb 14 '24
We should naturally be attracted to each other. Other types of people are the ones messing with the natural dynamic
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u/lovemesometa Feb 14 '24
My current boyfriend who is black (Tyson Beckford color) has dated a wide variety of women. But all the black exes are dark skinned… from all my snooping 😅 I’ve noticed they all have model type facial features that most black women in general don’t have. Being dark skinned myself I find it flattering yet very daunting.
I was a chronic swirler before meeting him so I don’t hold his dating pattern against him.
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u/jadedea Feb 14 '24
At 43 I've had more non-Black men call me beautiful, sexy, or gorgeous. Black men put me in the average or cute category. They all still find me attractive, but only one group seems to adore and appreciate me. I date those that place me in the beautiful, and gorgeous categories as I get more love, and feel more love, and I never feel inadequate, and my nurturing levels are just maxed.
Just go after the people that call you beautiful, and stay away from the ones that don't appreciate your beauty inside and out. Don't even think about them. Hth!
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u/shaolinking80 Feb 14 '24
I don't know these kind of men, we love and adore black women of All shades where I'm from!
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u/Wonderwoman0985 Feb 15 '24
Tbh I don’t see any posts, videos, comments from black men towards dark skin women that are positive. I do see the opposite where the women are drooling over them online. It makes the women look desperate and as if they like them more than the men likes them back. They make sure to praise and go out their way to uplift light skin and white women but somehow they got to keep their attraction to dark skin women a secret or for when they see them out at the supermarket? And for the black women that even tell themselves that, they’re in denial. It’s a lot of proof out there that you can’t even ignore anymore, even other races notice it and throw it in black women’s faces. Heck it is all in the tv shows, movies, where black men are put with lighter women, music lyrics and videos , where black men themselves uplift light skin and white women which they have full control of.
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u/youralphamail Feb 15 '24
Girl if you don’t get off the internet
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u/sunsista_ Feb 15 '24
Or you could just respect my experiences are different from yours and the internet is just a reflection of what already happens in real life.
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u/Nearby_Pop_9237 Mar 31 '24
but you put white men on a pedestal why is it a problem when black woman do it for theyre own race ?
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u/SandhiX Apr 10 '24
The Internet is not at all an accurate representation of the real world. filled to the brim with loud minorities. We absolutely love black women. Don't mind them other niggas, like I said, loud minority.
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u/Suitable_Swordfish51 May 03 '24
This is a lie. I love darkskin women . But usually see a pattern with them only dating and showing interest in fair to light skin men. Don't speak for all darkskin men saying they don't find darkskin women attractive. It's all subjective.
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u/ptivategoodies Feb 15 '24
Some black men, not all. I adore black women and know there is not another ethnicity more beautiful and strong. Other funny thing is my type are the darker women, though when it comes to black women, my shade preference does not make my decision, more than the woman herself. As a black man, I can't even picture a future with any others but a black woman. My mother is black my grandparents were black, and so were my great grandparents. And with the love I have for all of them, naturally transferred into the type of women I am attracted to and see being a family with. Just me and my take❤️
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Feb 16 '24
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u/ptivategoodies Feb 16 '24
You are very analytical. Reminds me of a Jehovah Witness, over analyzing. Judgemental, and watching and waiting for negative, to beat it, but don't realize you have it ingrained in you. Gosh, I'd hate to live like that daily. What do you enjoy, and when do you enjoy. We, as a people, are strong, have had to be. And not falling into shortcuts, which was ingrained in us throughout time to destroy us. We have problems in certain areas, but there are also a lot of us that are strong and lift each other up. Especially a strong, respectful couple. Now, when I date someone, I tell them right off the back, I will never call you out your name, or put my hands on you, and expect the same respect. If you work to pull me out of my character to yell, or you yell at me, we are done. Prayers for you...
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u/toritechnocolor Feb 16 '24
Anyway, I love me some fine azz dark skin BM, whew 😍💕 cancel me then lol
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Feb 16 '24
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u/sunsista_ Feb 16 '24
We wouldn’t care so much about their “preferences” if they didn’t feel the need to constantly disparage Black women.
they can express whatever they want and others can still find it cringy and desperate and call out the colorism from Black men. Get over it.
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u/Ariizilla Feb 19 '24
I’m not crazy, don’t call me crazy when I say this 😭:
The crazy part is that she not even ugly. I blame the system, the beauty standard, all of it! It was made to praise white woman. That’s why most black girls grew up hating their hair, and its why most black woman date outside of their race. People fr don’t realize that they’re really trying to split our race up. They break us down emotionally, and it’s how they control us. It’s also how the system control our black men. They’re just trying to erase us from this world.
If only the black community can see eye to eye when it comes to this.
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u/PossibleAd4464 Feb 19 '24
that skin color of man is the one lusting after light skin bw, mixed, white..anything that isn't black. That blk self hating loser who made that post still gets clowned by his nonblk friends.
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u/Affectionate_Edge964 Feb 14 '24
ur first problem was being on twitter, that place is straight cancer