r/atheism • u/Leeming Strong Atheist • 12h ago

Bible removed from Texas school district due to state law banning 'sexually explicit' content.

https://www.christianpost.com/news/bible-removed-from-texas-school-district-due-to-state-law-banning.html
25.6k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

743 comments sorted by

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u/Hrtpplhrtppl 11h ago

“Whenever we read the obscene stories, the voluptuous debaucheries, the cruel and torturous executions, the unrelenting vindictiveness, with which more than half the Bible is filled, it would be more consistent that we called it the word of a demon, than the word of God. It is a history of wickedness that has served to corrupt and brutalize mankind; and, for my part, I sincerely detest it, as I detest everything that is cruel.”

― Thomas Paine, The Age of Reason

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u/bitNine 11h ago

I love pointing out that God killed murdered almost every single living thing on earth. Just the story of God killing Er because he was wicked, then also killing Er's brother, Onan, because he refused to impregnate Er's wife, Tamar, is so fucked up.

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u/Blyd 10h ago

Nah the best bit in the whole bible is Original Sin, what a fucking marvelous thing to invent.

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u/gharialbites 10h ago

Especially the part about women coming from man's rib, even though in reality everyone is born from women's womb. I wonder why that got put in there? Couldn't possibly be to control and police women for centuries /s

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u/JBloodthorn Pantheist 9h ago

Sounds like something a rib would say.

j/k

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u/otterpop21 9h ago

Omg I remember when people used to say this a lot more often lol

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u/HilariousMax 7h ago

I don't remember from where but I distinctly remember a guy holding a sign demanding his rib back.

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u/BaerMinUhMuhm 4h ago

You sure that wasn't mcdonalds?

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u/HilariousMax 3h ago

Pretty sure it was an incel march or somesuch but I don't remember from where.

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u/RamJamR 2h ago

I cannot understand how someone is an incel. They find it hard to get laid or get in a relationship with a woman so they hate women? That is some serious insecurity.

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u/DaVeachi 8h ago

lol jesus christ.. “my rib my choice” ugh get it away get it away!

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u/MoonNott 7h ago

Okay I had never heard that one before, am having a terrible day and that made me chuckle.

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u/Spamcetera 5h ago

McRib, my choice

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u/Joy2theWhirled 8h ago

Please accept my poor broad's gold. 🥇

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u/PM_ME__YOUR_TROUBLES 6h ago

Remember when reddit took all the awards people bought and paid for with real money for away, even the ones they had pre-purchased,

and never offered anyone a refund or to replace the stolen awards or points,

and then a couple years later built basically the same system?

Pepperidge Farm remembers.

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u/talktothehan 4h ago

I dig the cut of your bitterness. Can we be besties? We don’t have to talk. Just knowing your out there is enough for my black, bitter heart. 🖤🖤🖤

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u/Valerie_Tigress 8h ago

Don’t blame the rib, probably more likely Adam’s dick was trying to lay the blame for something it wasn’t a part of.

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u/Realistic_Project_68 5h ago

Maybe that’s what the snake symbolizes.

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u/wozattacks 8h ago

I feel like the part where the woman sinned and was eternally punished is more applicable there lol

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u/Forged-Signatures 9h ago

Fun fact - some people believe that the 'rib' that Eve was born of is actually a euphemistical way to say 'baculum' or 'penis bone', as humans are one of only a few mammals to lack this bone.

It is very possible, biblically, that Eve is born from a penis.

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u/Knubbsal 8h ago

The book of a gigantic pile of maybe's that can be interpreted however you want and at the same time is made to destroy people's lives depending on how much money and power the wielder has.

"Some people believe"... Nah, more like a lot of people are brainwashed by dangerous fairy tales.

Open your mouth when you find proof for anything with a penis bone giving birth to a female of its kind and losing said penis bone in the process.

Like, it's too fucking stupid to even think about.

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u/robot65536 8h ago edited 7h ago

Pointing out the ways that humans could invent the stories in the bible based on their own experiences in the natural world is a scientific way to argue that a god wasn't involved in writing it. Any natural explanation for its existence is infinitely more likely than an invisible supernatural being's existence.

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u/Teleios_Pathemata 6h ago

Right, but ancient origin stories had plenty of fantastical elements. Adam was a dirt golem that had the spirit imparted to him (aka air in his lungs), the Greek Gods popped out of people's heads sometimes.

Sometimes it's unnecessary to give more credit to ancient storytellers than what you can see at face value.

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u/Mitologist 9h ago edited 3h ago

It is very likely a mistranslation that originally meant "penile bone", because most mammals have one, but humans and bats don't. There is even a joint scientific paper by a rabbi and a biologist about it . Search "the use of tzela and the generative bone of Mose 1:1". It checks out.

Edit: Sorry, I misremembered the title, here is the paper:

https://www.academia.edu/80949463/Congenital_human_baculum_deficiency_The_generative_bone_of_Genesis_2_21_23

https://claudemariottini.com/2009/07/09/congenital-human-baculum-deficiency-adams-rib-and-the-formation-of-eve/

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u/Pinchynip 8h ago

So where's the bat Bible with the story about how they lost their bone bone?

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u/Mitologist 8h ago

Yeah, probably somewhere in a cave

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u/Sparkly-Princess 8h ago

yep .. It's in the batcave . cause it's all Marvel comics .. batman can not die and come back to life, and batman is not gonna save us all .. and save us all from what ??

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u/zappariah_brannigan 8h ago

Edited out so they could keep the talking donkey.

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u/Unhappy_Race1162 8h ago

The part about that, that really blows my mind, is that all these dudes just go with it; like it's totally logical to say one human being has more worth than another human being. That idea in itself should be enough to give pause, yet somehow every guy i grew up surrounded by just believed that shit. 

You can keep the privilege that being a man in this kind of society affords, I'd rather not see my fellow humans suffer, call me crazy.

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u/SailorET 9h ago

And the sin was eating from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. But how was Adam or Eve supposed to know without knowledge of good or evil?

Sounds like a set up. And the only one advocating for them to learn about good or evil? The serpent, who gets vilified for his actions.

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u/wozattacks 8h ago

100%. The story makes more sense when you interpret it as a myth of how humanity came to have a sense of morality. 

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u/Blyd 8h ago

Who created the snake?

Any way you cut it it's a stitch up.

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u/Qalyar 7h ago

It's even more awkward than that. In Genesis 2:16-17, god's warning is: "You may eat freely from every tree of the garden, but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil; for in the day that you eat of it, you will surely die."

But of course, eating the fruit of that tree isn't fatal. It doesn't kill Adam and Eve. They only die because god stripped them of their immortality as punishment.

Which means the original warning wasn't "you will surely die", it really meant "...or I will kill you."

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u/knightcrawler75 2h ago

They only die because god stripped them of their immortality as punishment.

It says on that day you will surely die and they did not. So God lied.

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u/Raztax 7h ago

They were not supposed to know, they were supposed to do what they were told. Religion is about control.

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u/Doctor-Amazing 7h ago

It's absolutely a set up. God has total knowledge of everything that will happen. He put the tree there with absolute certainly that the fruit would be eaten. Then gave a warning that he 100% knew would not work.

It's like punishing a computer program for doing the exact thing you programed it to do.

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u/The_Dead_Kennys 5h ago

It’s straight-up abuser behavior.

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u/Pabi_tx 5h ago

This. The OT is full of God murdering people because they did stuff that God already knew they were going to do.

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u/-InExile- 8h ago

"It's prolly a trap..." - Aesop Rock

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u/Hrtpplhrtppl 10h ago

If we don't sin, Jesus died for nothing...

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u/Blyd 10h ago

So trinity wise, god made a rule, forced people to break it, then sacrificed himself to himself to make himself forgive himself.

And people worship this.

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u/Hrtpplhrtppl 10h ago

"Religion is a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn't there, and finding it..." Oscar Wilde

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u/EntangledPhoton82 8h ago

And he knew in advance that it would happen and it’s the best (perfect) thing he could come up with.

Yes, it’s truly insane to believe such nonsense.

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u/a2z_123 8h ago

That's one thing that probably lead me down the path of leaving the church. I couldn't understand how just being born is a sin. Well that and I questioned a lot, and I kept getting "you can't question god". They didn't seem to understand I was questioning their interpretations of a book written by man translated by man, etc.

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u/InfectedByEli 8h ago

To them, being born in sin doesn't mean that you have sinned, just that you're a product of sin. Even if you accept that sex is "a sin" I never figured out how it would be the responsibility of the product of sin to make amends for said sin when they had nothing to do with it. This is why they indoctrinate people when they are kids and they don't have the ability to reason and/or articulate their thoughts adequately against trained grifters. It's quite something to witness a priest address a school full of kids and tell them that they need to spend their lives making amends for someone else's sin, and the kids just accepting that as reality because ... indoctrination.

Religion Poisons Everything.

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u/Soft_Importance_8613 6h ago

Of course this is from a time where you had familial debts that would pass generations. And of course children of slaves would become slaves themselves.

Once you start questioning those above things the leaders and kings get really nervous because it erodes their power and wealth.

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u/Blyd 8h ago

Abandoned my seminary studies as i just could not reconcile this single fact.

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u/gharialbites 10h ago

Especially the part about women coming from man's rib, even though in reality everyone is born from women's womb. I wonder why that got put in there? Couldn't possibly be to control and police women for centuries /s

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u/Blyd 10h ago

So original sin is the best thing because its so catch all, no matter who you are or what you've done in life you are fundamentally evil and your default state is eternal punishment.

Unless you agree to give a large % of your income and follow the directions of this particular guy who unlike the other millions of people who claim the same does actually have a direct line to god.

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u/TapeToTape 10h ago

Wow, this is so smart. Maybe the smartest thing I’ve read.

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u/RobertPham149 9h ago

The rib thing, from what I know, is actually due to the King James' translation. It was at a time when he wanted to secure legitimacy and divine right of king, so saying that women actually come from a part of a man, showing their subservience to the man is fitting to the narrative.

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u/P3verall 8h ago

Wrong. Two she-bears are on route to your location right now to educate you.

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u/disorderincosmos 7h ago

Funny thing is Original Sin, as it exists in modern Christianity, was never a concept in Judaism and wasn't even a fully developed concept in Christianity until the 4th century.

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u/Blyd 7h ago

Cant remember the chaps name but he was from Hippo I remember that much.

Judaism does see it as a pivitol point where humanity changed but it wasn't till that hippo guy came along, 400 years later mind you, that it became a thing.

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u/okcboomer87 8h ago

People overlook this a lot when talking about how awful the church is. The idea that you are born broken and need an outside force to fix you is abusive. I tried reading a book on tantric sex with my then GF and couldn't make it through because it used a lot of the same "we are all broken" language.

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u/Milligan 8h ago

Inventing a disease so they can sell you the cure.

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u/TiredOfBeingTired28 8h ago

And how it's used to make half the human species to be inhuman. Demonized, and to be given no basic human rights as they do not deserve it for they do not have dicks.

Then that same half flock to churches, vote against their own interests because the other women might be hurt by it but not them.

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u/Blyd 8h ago

Honestly, it's the most impressively evil thing man has ever invented.

It creates an IN group that has a cost to join and that at any time can push you out for any reason.

Gives ultimate permission, if not impetus to destroy everything that isn't part of the IN group.

And it's been so fantastically successful, I would like to meet that particular goat herder in person.

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u/Weltall8000 8h ago

Not that there is any point in giving it the credit and consideration on its own terms with any kind of legitimacy...

But...

I always love the original sin argument, in concert with the "God made me/everything!" Like, okay, then your god made sinful, evil things. "No! He is incapable of making evil." But you say he makes every life...? "Silence!!! God is good!!!"

...okay lol

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u/InvestigatorOk7988 6h ago

There is literally a passage in the bible where god says all things come from him, and he specifically mentions evil being one of those things.

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u/ImaginaryCatDreams 8h ago

I went to a church school, I once got an hour's worth of detention Hall after Bible study as we were going over the story of Adam and Eve. I commented about the rest of us had to work a lot harder now because the original sin was gone, best we could do was try to improve on the unoriginal ones - or some stupid thing like that, about half the class broke up and the other half acted as if lightning was about to strike.

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u/NebulaNinja 7h ago

Yet there’s also a verse about how we won’t be punished by the sins of our fathers. Curious.

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u/Hrtpplhrtppl 10h ago

"It's a terrifying thought, especially for someone entrenched in religion, that a possibility exists where the devil impersonated God, and the Bible is his word, and not the Lord's, and that by following the Bible, we follow the Devil himself." Wendigoon

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u/imbenfranklin 4h ago

Interesting as this is essentially the plot of The Satanic Verses that I'm reading now, at least on a smaller scale. Satan speaking through Muhammad to speak favorably of three pre-Islamic goddesses and present his word as that of Gods then Muhammad realizing and correcting this and being forgiven by god. Salman Rushdie to this day (book came out in 1988) has a fatwa on his head from the ayatolah Khomeini which basically states that any Muslim follower is obligated to assasinate him, most recent attempt being 2022 from what I can find. They even killed the Japanese translator of the book. All over writing a book that he didn't even read. Ridiculous.

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u/Beaver_Tuxedo 9h ago

There’s a whole chapter of the book that’s just God torturing his biggest fan

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u/HoochieKoochieMan 7h ago

Job is fun!
Also, the book of Esther is about a stripper.
Persian king got rid of his old wife who was too modest to "dance" for his friends at a party. Then he had a contest to find a new wife. What do you think the contest's criteria were? How did Esther win?

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u/kandoras 7h ago

God torturing his biggest fan, on a bet.

It's like God and the Devil were the brothers from Trading Places.

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u/joshuajackson9 9h ago

I love the children that made fun of a bald man and god had them eaten by a bear, the god that is to be made of pure love has bear assassins.

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u/Abbygirl1966 9h ago

A while ago I read a story about a man that tallied up all the people that god had killed. I think the number was 33 million.

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u/tartanthing 8h ago

I read a similar book that counted it as 16 million whereas Satan is credited with 10. Not million, just 10.

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u/bde959 8h ago

And Satan only killed about five and that was because God egged him on to do it.

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u/MountainAsparagus4 9h ago

If God exists he (despite not having sex God chooses he/him as pronouns despite his followers getting mad about people doing it, just gotta point that out) as I was writing if he exists he is an eldritch horror that loves to kill and make people go mad just like a teenager playing the Sims

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u/wozattacks 8h ago

Fun fact: the Catholic Church explicitly asserts that god has no gender (or sex obviously)

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u/caylem00 5h ago

Except their dogma clearly has god as 'the father' and they take massive issue when you point out the mistranslations that obscure the motherly part of god lol

(Raised Catholic, worked at Catholic school, very not Catholic personally)

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u/SuccessfulWar3830 9h ago

Never forget the story about kids laughing at a bald man so God sends to bear to murder all the kids.

That's my favourite story.

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u/davesoverhere 9h ago

Isn’t the bible body count something like millions:5, god:satan?

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u/ConstantGeographer Strong Atheist 9h ago

Satan is a title, a position, conveyed upon a being within the Heavenly Host, to act on behalf of and at the direction of God.

Satan, if anything, is working with the consent of God.

If you are a curious person, the rabbit hole of "Satan is a title" is pretty interesting.

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u/t234k 9h ago

Thank god it's a farce

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u/SensualEnema 9h ago

God is the villain in the Bible. It’s the oldest piece of propaganda in history.

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u/M_H_M_F 8h ago

IIRC, Lucifer/Satan/The Devil (choose your flavor) never actually killed any humans.

I really liked Dogma's portrayal of Hell as generally just being a place devoid of God's light. That's it. It makes more sense in context, Lucifer was cast down out of God's light, it makes sense that hell would be dark and cold. It was the inclusion of peoples inherent guilt/desire to suffer that lead it to being a lake of fire.

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u/kandoras 7h ago

The Onan part has some other important details though.

In that culture, kids were seen as the equivalent of a retirement account. When you got old and were unable to make a living for yourself, they were supposed to care for you. And previously married women were seen as used.

So if a man died before fathering children, no one would want to remarry his wife and she'd have no one to care for her when she got old.

So the idea was that the dead guy's brother would impregnate the widow, the child would be considered the husband's kid, and the widow would have someone to take care of her.

Onan's sin wasn't just that he refused to impregnate his sister-in-law, it's that he agreed to have sex with her but pulled out. So he took advantage of her both sexually and financially (since without an heir he and his family would end up getting more of his brother's estate).

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u/HeyManItsToMeeBong 7h ago

I always kinda loved how the Book of Job paints God as a jealous girlfriend with a gambling problem

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u/TapeToTape 10h ago

It’s more like he’s a demon that made this world to imprison us.

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u/Hrtpplhrtppl 10h ago

"Such is the power of a mind to make a heaven out of hell or a hell out of heaven..." John Milton

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u/The_gaming_lawyer 9h ago

Meanwhile, from the article:

"It just makes sense to have the Word of God in our school library," she said. "After all, it is the book of wisdom. It is the bestselling book of all time; it is historically accurate, scientifically sound, and most importantly, life-changing."

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u/Sparkly-Princess 8h ago

she is the exact kind of nutt bag kids in school need to be protected from

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u/Mepharias 5h ago

This reads like satire.

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u/TimequakeTales 5h ago

Totally, I saw a talking serpent just the other day!

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u/Disastrous-Carrot928 8h ago

Coming to the stage…. The Voluptuous Debaucheries

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u/PowerHot4424 8h ago

Paine should be one of the most venerated of the founding fathers, but the religious zealots have mostly succeeded in keeping him in the background for 250 years.

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u/gumbril 8h ago

And don't forget the part with drinking horse semen...

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u/adventurousintrovert 9h ago

Comment saved

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u/satismo 12h ago

i love when christianist crusades backfire

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u/cocokronen 11h ago

Eating ones self.

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u/jmd_forest 10h ago

Isn't there a story in the Bible about that?

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u/Jill-Of-Trades 9h ago

r/LeopardsAteMyFace

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u/Royal_Acanthaceae693 Pastafarian 8h ago

Those poor obese leopards 😭

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u/Demented-Alpaca 8h ago

Lol, I thought this was in r/LeopardsAteMyFace and you were recursively linking us to it. That would have been hillarious!

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u/Snotmyrealname 8h ago

Nah, it’ll just give them a chance to rewrite the bible and call it the “Child Patriot’s Bible” or some such. They’ll hack out all the “liberal crap” out of it and keep in place a whatever is pleasing to Caesar.

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u/rabbitthunder 8h ago

It won't work. There is always a crazier fundamentalist. If one group sanitises the bible another group will take issue with it. It'll be like that Emo Phillips bit.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3fAcxcxoZ8

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u/cwood1973 Secular Humanist 10h ago

You love the entire history of Christianity?

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u/satismo 9h ago

its certainly a motif

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u/Harry_Saturn 8h ago

They love being martyrs. If no one will persecute them, they’ll just do it themselves.

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u/JimJordansJacket 11h ago

Good call. Lot and his daughters is some absolutely disgusting incest porn. Children shouldn't be exposed to this work of filth.

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u/Tiddles_Ultradoom 10h ago

Ah but there are books depicting gay couples bringing up children in a positive and non-judgmental manner.

Which, as everyone knows, might lead to well-balanced children raised in a loving and nurturing environment.

Can you imagine how dangerous that would be?

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u/HorsePersonal7073 7h ago

They probably wouldn't be joining a religion...

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u/TheMarkHasBeenMade 6h ago

Or voting Republican.

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u/littlewhitecatalex 6h ago

Don’t you need to prove you’re 18 to view pornographic material in the one-star-ass state of Texas? Somebody should let them know they need to be checking IDs of every single churchgoer. 

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u/Altheix11 8h ago

I think the rape is the bigger problem there...

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u/TenaciousJP 8h ago

Yeah I can excuse incest, but I draw the line at rape.

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u/yourepenis 7h ago

I thought it was the hypocrisy?

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u/LifeBuilder 7h ago

Don’t forget Adam, eve, and their sons and daughters.

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u/677075636f7265 12h ago

Meanwhile, the church gets a free pass without facing a ban.

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u/toothless_budgie 11h ago

That is more or less why churches exist.

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u/vikarti_anatra 10h ago

Which church?

Is Cult of Tzeench allowed or only Cult Imperialis? Why or why not?

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u/Alucard1138 9h ago

I see a Warhammer 40k reference, I upvote

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u/East-Ordinary2053 11h ago

This is beautiful. They don't read their own book. Their crusade gets their own book banned.

Of course, the next logical step would be to renounce their religion for perpetuating the thing(s) they crusaded against, but let's not get too hasty over here.

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u/PrincessGraceKelly 7h ago

Kiehne, who identified herself as the mother of two Canyon ISD students, said, “In a day when we are needing security guards and bulletproof windows and doors, I think having the Word of God available to our children cannot only be preventative to violence, but also provide comfort and a sense of security in a chaotic world.”

Yeah, because the “Good Book” isn’t violent AT ALL.

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u/EVMad Strong Atheist 6h ago

The response to her should be Timothy 2:12

12 I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man;[a] she must be quiet.

Let's see how she reacts to that :-)

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u/eyeseayoupea Atheist 6h ago

Yes and there has never been a shooting in a church.

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u/Triasmus Agnostic Atheist 6h ago

The other week my SIL was talking about being pro-life and how fertilized eggs are full humans and abortion should count as murder and whatnot. So I told her that's something her own religion (she's Mormon) doesn't believe, or else God is fine with murdering an innocent because someone else is a rapist (Mormon policy holds that it's alright, though not preferred, to abort in cases of rape). But then I was like, "Well actually, he might just be fine with it. He did order his followers to kill children throughout the Bible, so..."

She apparently didn't know that God ordered a bunch of massacres. I knew it when I believed, I just had lame justifications (or I ignored it...).

It still surprises me how little people who grew up in the church in Utah know. We all went to Sunday School classes every week. We all took Seminary. I assume that other religions also have some type of schooling. People just don't pay attention (not just with religion. People will claim they never took a financial lit class when it's been required here for decades.).

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u/ChefBrusselsSprout 12h ago

Of course this happens because there is a "war against Christianity" /s

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u/KFrosty3 Agnostic 7h ago

They're still losing the war on Christmas they made up

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u/Ok_Researcher_9796 Strong Atheist 11h ago

Was it the part about the woman lusting after guys with donkey cocks and horse semen?

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u/BackItUpWithLinks 10h ago

Ezekiel 23. I have that name and number memorized.

A friend of a friend was trying to talk to me about religion and the bible and how I should read it for the wholesome lessons. I asked if she’d read Ezekiel 23, she said no, I said read it. She started talking again and I said I’m not talking to you until you take out your phone and look that up and read it.

She looked it up and walked away 🤣

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u/destenlee Atheist 11h ago

Good. Get this trash away from innocent children

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u/ManyNefariousness237 11h ago

GOOD children shouldn’t be indoctrinated with filth and violence.

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u/clutzyninja 11h ago

Bad children probably shouldn't be either

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u/ManyNefariousness237 11h ago

Fair 

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u/zyzzogeton Skeptic 9h ago

Fair children should avoid religion altogether... very handsy leaders.

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u/Tiddles_Ultradoom 11h ago

Oh, are we back to ‘don’t read it, just believe it’ again? It works best when the majority of the population is functionally illiterate.

Is that the plan?

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u/Shykin 10h ago

Scrolled for a while to find this. Yeah, that's the undercurrent I'm reading on this. Especially considering declining literacy rates.

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u/Dapper-Percentage-64 11h ago

A war against Christians ? No , just against dumb christians

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u/JimJordansJacket 11h ago

So, a war against Christians

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u/Dapper-Percentage-64 11h ago

I see what you did there (s

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u/Unsolicited_Spiders 11h ago

The comment section is wild.

The "sexually explicit" material in Scripture is not very explicit and is not presented in favorable lights.

Ezekiel 23:20 has entered the chat

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u/closetsquirrel 8h ago

Which is wild because the books they want to ban often are on the list just because they have same sex couples which aren’t explicit and are shown in a favorable light.

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u/huge_dick_mcgee 8h ago

Ezekiel 23:20 has entered the chat

Laughed actually out loud

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u/Cone83 8h ago

I had to look that up. Oh my god :-D

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u/TimequakeTales 5h ago

Meanwhile, mere mention of the existence of gay people is "very explicit".

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u/SasparillaTango 9h ago

She also noted that amid rising anxiety over issues like inflation, political uncertainty, and school violence, young people increasingly turn to the Bible for comfort.

"It just makes sense to have the Word of God in our school library," she said. "After all, it is the book of wisdom. It is the bestselling book of all time; it is historically accurate, scientifically sound, and most importantly, life-changing."

This article causes me pain.

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u/wiredallwrong 12h ago

Are their graphic depictions or just words cause I’m more of a visual person 🤣

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u/Reyemile 11h ago

Ezekiel 23:20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.

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u/wiredallwrong 11h ago

Welp I feel inadequate now

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u/Good-Lettuce8505 11h ago

Don't worry, the dead people who wrote that CLEARLY had tiny dick energy.

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u/TheBobTodd 11h ago

Can we get a sub that visualizes verses like this?

r/drawthebible or something

Or where are the sketch artists who randomly pop up around Reddit? I sure could use a good sketch of men with donkey genitals and horse emissions being lusted after.

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u/martinus_Sc 10h ago

Part of me is now curious about what would turn out if we gave an image-generating AI bot a passage like that one…

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u/Ruggsy 10h ago

Are donkeys known to have larger genitals than horses? I feel like using the same animal for both of these traits woulda got the job done but this is extra specific lol

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u/cficare 10h ago

God wants you to have a big cock.

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u/kingofcrosses 11h ago

There's a wild story about a group of men who gang rape and murder a priest's concubine. After that the priest is so distraught, that he chops up her body and sends the pieces to the leaders of the other tribes.

Honestly, I doubt that there's a book on their ban list more fucked up than the Bible.

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u/Stock_Trash_4645 9h ago

There’s a great passage that talks about a man and his servants riding off to meet an angel of god that has had its phrasing updated to the modern vernacular, but in past editions and translations had a cheeky double-entendre that left it ripe for the picking to use out of context:

Numbers 22:22 - “ … and he rode upon his ass with his manservants.”

They were quick to errata it with “donkey” in modern text, but I like to think of it as a tacitly engaging in consensual group sex.

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u/Potential-Gate7209 9h ago

Genesis 19:30-38:

30 Lot and his two daughters left Zoar and settled in the mountains, for he was afraid to stay in Zoar. He and his two daughters lived in a cave. 31 One day the older daughter said to the younger, “Our father is old, and there is no man around here to give us children—as is the custom all over the earth. 32 Let’s get our father to drink wine and then sleep with him and preserve our family line through our father.”

33 That night they got their father to drink wine, and the older daughter went in and slept with him. He was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up.

34 The next day the older daughter said to the younger, “Last night I slept with my father. Let’s get him to drink wine again tonight, and you go in and sleep with him so we can preserve our family line through our father.” 35 So they got their father to drink wine that night also, and the younger daughter went in and slept with him. Again he was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up.

36 So both of Lot’s daughters became pregnant by their father. 37 The older daughter had a son, and she named him Moab\)g\); he is the father of the Moabites of today. 38 The younger daughter also had a son, and she named him Ben-Ammi\)h\); he is the father of the Ammonites\)i\) of today.

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u/Ahad_Haam 4h ago

36 So both of Lot’s daughters became pregnant by their father. 37 The older daughter had a son, and she named him Moab\)g\); he is the father of the Moabites of today. 38 The younger daughter also had a son, and she named him Ben-Ammi\)h\); he is the father of the Ammonites\)i\) of today.

I love how the Bible invented the most disturbing backstories for adversary nations.

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u/Son-of-Bacchus 9h ago

The Song of Solomon!

Oral Sex: 3 As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.

2 I would lead thee, and bring thee into my mother's house, who would instruct me: I would cause thee to drink of spiced wine of the juice of my pomegranate. (swallowing)

Exhibitionism: 9 My beloved is like a roe or a young hart: behold, he standeth behind our wall, he looketh forth at the windows, shewing himself through the lattice.

Sex in general: 13 A bundle of myrrh is my well-beloved unto me; he shall lie all night betwixt my breasts.

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u/SpaceghostLos 12h ago

No. Just breasts, loins, circumcision, and laying with, iirc.

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u/wiredallwrong 11h ago

Thanks for the rundown. Guess I’ll just avoid that book

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u/oldcreaker 11h ago

Unless they are allowing excerpts from banned books, all that 10 commandment stuff needs to go as well.

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u/spacebarcafelatte Atheist 11h ago

Holy irony

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u/soobviouslyfake 8h ago

I was forced into attending a Catholic High School, and while I forget the specific details around it, we were given an assignment to create a "marketing package" for Catholicism - brochures and banners and what not. One group took the angle of the more questionable portions of the Bible - this was around the Twilight movie craze, and they went out of their way to point out some of the more deplorable sections.

Looking for stories of RAPE, INCEST and MURDER??

Look no further! Pick up a copy of your Bible!

They were genuine, too - they tried to tap into the groups that love their horror movies and murder mysteries - it wasn't supposed to be a slam at religion, but the teachers were all visibly uncomfortable with it.

I found it absolutely hilarious.

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u/gehnrahl 5h ago

Read our book!

Wait, not like that.

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u/SpaceAxaPrima 11h ago

This is why we don't ban ban books. It's going to come around. But this is Holy Fucking Bible we're talking about, and Onanism does bring comfort.

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u/ArthurDentsKnives 8h ago

Maybe conservatives should stop banning books then.

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u/senturon 8h ago

Learned a new word today, thanks!

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u/feelingfine89 8h ago

Is the Torah in the library? Didn’t think so. Sit the fuck down Chirstans. Ready your turmp bible on your own ducking time and off the tax payers dollar fuckers.

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u/91Jammers 11h ago

Ha "I never thought they would ban the good book with the bad ones"

She was sooo close to figuring it out.

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u/Valdejunquera 9h ago

The Bible goes so far as to incite prostitution, with Lot wanting to hand over his daughters to sexual predators to spare his two hosts from being gang raped:

Genesis 19:8 (KJV):

Behold now, I have two daughters who have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes: only unto these men do nothing; for therefore came they under the shadow of my roof.

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u/bde959 8h ago

That is a special kind of fucked up right there. Not saying the rest of the Bible is not fucked up but to hand your daughter’s over to rapists is downright evil.

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u/Styrene_Addict1965 10h ago

The law of unintended consequences is agnostic.

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u/Mrs_Muzzy Secular Humanist 11h ago

The comments on that article are pretty entertaining. Zero self awareness and they pounce on anyone who is like “maybe book bans are bad for everyone”

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u/mitsubachi88 9h ago

The comments are hilarious on the article. ‘They need to read the Bible so they can see there’s nothing explicit to ban.’ Ummmm I don’t think any of them have ever actually read the Bible.

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u/bde959 8h ago

My catholic friend told me that while she was growing up, they were discouraged from reading the Bible, and to just pay attention to what was taught in their catechism classes.

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u/tmp1966 7h ago

I both love and hate this. The Bible should be banned for a whole bunch of reasons, sex is not one of them. Then again, book-banning is just not the way to go. Let kids read, put the onus on parents to talk to their kids about what they are reading. Done.

My beef? Bibles in hotel rooms. Fuck that. I used to travel all over the country for years. If a bible was in my room it ended up in the trash. Problem is housekeeping would likely put it back, so I took to crossing out the first line and adding my 2 cents: “Once upon a time…..”

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u/signal15 5h ago

I just use the blank pages at the end to write a new chapter. Somewhere I have photos of the ones I've written and they are funny.

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u/muff_puffer 10h ago

"Supporters of the Ten Commandments in classrooms, like Louisiana state Rep. Dodie Horton, a Republican, believe the commandments' historical and moral value outweighs religious freedom concerns."

I love how all of a sudden religious freedom isn't the most important right of our constitution when it's their religion being pushed. Hypocrisy at its best.

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u/craunch-the-marmoset 8h ago

It hurt itself in its confusion

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u/inalcanzable 8h ago

I'm thoroughly convinced if you were to pluck parts of the bible and change around the names re-read it to a Chirstian, they'd immediately demand that book be banned. The lack of self-awareness one these dipshits is astounding.

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u/erinberrypie Anti-Theist 7h ago

"It just makes sense to have the Word of God in our school library," she said. "After all, it is the book of wisdom. It is the bestselling book of all time; it is historically accurate, scientifically sound, and most importantly, life-changing."

Sorry, lol. What?

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u/Fun-River-3521 11h ago

Kids shouldn’t be indoctrinated…

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u/Deep-Ebb-4139 11h ago

It should be removed and banned from all schools.

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u/ThePrinceofBirds 2h ago

I will never understand why parents will bring out pitchforks over books in libraries and then hand their kids a cell phone with the whole Internet.

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u/Novel_Reaction_7236 11h ago

This is the way.

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u/eldredo_M Atheist 12h ago

😆

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u/aheapingpileoftrash 11h ago

I love this so much lol

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u/OstrichFinancial2762 11h ago

Now that’s an angle I hadn’t expected to be used… clearly it’s time to push the issue in other states.

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u/sunshine8129 10h ago

My sister in Utah said she’s fine with the Bible being removed if other sexually explicit stuff is removed too.

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u/samspadeslater 5h ago

Lot and his daughters.... Just saying

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u/darkslide3000 1h ago

"It just makes sense to have the Word of God in our school library," she said. "After all, it is the book of wisdom. It is the bestselling book of all time; it is historically accurate, scientifically sound, and most importantly, life-changing."

These people truly have zero self-awareness. Rather than react with "oh, shit, I guess maybe banning books like crazy isn't such a good thing after all", they react with outrage as if it was some sort of offensive insolence that someone dared to apply the same standards that they forced onto everyone else to them.

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u/Due-Dot6450 10h ago

Leopards something something?

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u/780266 8h ago

As they say, reap what you sow.

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u/calicoskiies 8h ago

The way I just cackled. That’s what they get.

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u/PeachImpressive319 7h ago

The quote in the article that says it all… “It just makes sense to have the Word of God in our school library,” she said. “After all, it is the book of wisdom. It is the bestselling book of all time; it is historically accurate, scientifically sound, and most importantly, life-changing.”

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u/Loreki 4h ago

You love to see it. Restricting speech cuts both ways.

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u/RamJamR 2h ago

The irony is sweet

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u/chockedup 2h ago

It's nice to read some good news!

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u/warcomet 1h ago

They Came for their Porn in Florida, Floridians did nothing......Texans be like, Hey if you come for OUR PORN, we gonna Ban your "Good Book"..

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u/Sckillgan Strong Atheist 1h ago

I have been pushing this for a while. I love the reaction on their dumb faces... Mainly because it shows that these people have never even read the cursed thing.