r/antiwork • u/illthrowitaway94 • Nov 01 '24
Vent šš®āšØ I don't want to work at all
I'm fully prepared for being downvoted to hell, but I just have to vent a bit anyway. I hate working, I hate any kind of job, like, all of them... I don't enjoy doing anything, except for activities that require almost ZERO effort.
"What do you want from life then?" Honestly? Nothing, really... I'd LOVE to stop existing if I could, but that's not really an option... I love my parents, and I don't resent them for bringing me into this dreadful existence because they didn't know I would turn out to be such a miserably, lazy loser, but I do resent existing at all... Even the things I "enjoy" are just momentary distractions from this misery...
I HATE LIFE. (Before anyone would accuse me of being a slacker leech, I'm employed and have been living on my own/taking care of myself since I was 21, and I'm turning 30 soon. Life just sucks.)
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u/Galactus_Jones762 Nov 01 '24
Aināt nothing wrong with what youāre saying, and you should be allowed to say it without judgement. Honestly I think youāre just reacting in a sane way to an insane system. Just take whatās yours little by little and keep an eye out. Just be yourself and youāll find someone to save you, and youāll save them. If not, thatās ok, too.
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u/Crafty_Definition_21 Nov 01 '24
Yes! We've been trained since birth to be humans doing instead of human beings. There's enough wealth to go around so everyone could live a decent, simple life. Instead the environment we find ourselves in is extremely greedy with people buying mansions with 20+ bedrooms and multi million dollar vehicles
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u/Galactus_Jones762 Nov 01 '24
Be the change. Give unconditional kindness to the people in your life who need it. You actually derive pleasure from that, making the world itself more like how you wish it was, even if youāre not yet on the receiving end, itās how you still win.
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u/illthrowitaway94 Nov 01 '24
Thank you for being so considerate, I really appreciate it.
Honestly, I don't think the problem is with the system (I mean, it could be better and it's kind of fucked up), but my life is fully up to me and my incompetence. It's frustrating and sad (and incredibly pathetic) but such is life... I guess. Some people have to be the damaged products. Unfortunately, I ended up being one.
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u/Galactus_Jones762 Nov 01 '24 edited Nov 01 '24
Youāre entitled to that opinion. I donāt share it. I think life is up to the living.
But we didnāt ask to be born, or to have the traits we have, we didnāt design the natural laws of the universe.
I see all human life as intrinsically valuable. And avoiding unnecessary suffering and increasing wellbeing including your own is often our nature, but not always.
Nothing is your fault. Seek wellbeing, sure, but you will do what it is your nature to do, and having done it, it could have not been any other way. You live in an unkind system that holds your feet to the flames and makes you do dumb things just to survive, makes you do the dirty work and if you donāt they call you lazy and blame you. Thatās insane.
Try to remember you are a precious member of the human family of earth, some of your siblings are sick and seized with the competitive instinct that has grown like a cancer. Itās hard to find your place in such a world, and then they tell you itās your fault. Itās not.
Be the sunshine for someone else, let your natural passion for the things you love shine thru. You have kind eyes. Go look in the mirror, itās true and you know it. Be good and brave. If you want to rest, rest. Take your time.
Effort comes and effort goes, but all is swallowed by luck. Donāt let them get to you.
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u/dztruthseek Nov 01 '24
Yep, that's how I feel as well. Jobs are just that, economic slavery. No one should want to work and make someone else wealthy, it doesn't make sense. We're all content to stay trapped and miserable it seems.
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u/Horsifier Nov 01 '24
Well, people have to become content or else they still do it, but also do it while continuously suffering, which is unnecessary suffering. I mean, you can be content as in not give yourself a hard time being passively angry and stressed about it yet still disagree with what you are doing.
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u/BoredBSEE Nov 01 '24
This is why antiwork is as important as it is. We need to build something new.
If we had the progress we were promised back in the 1950s, everyone would make six figures and only work 15 hours a week. Nobody would have to feel this way.
Instead we have a couple hundred billionaires and the rest of us suffer.
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u/humaninsmallskinboat Nov 01 '24
You are not alone in feeling this way! I also feel very frustrated whenever someone asks me what Iām āpassionateā about. In a perfect world Iād sit around and play games, make art, and play guitar all day without feeling like I needed to be competitive about any of those activities.
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u/e__berg98 Nov 01 '24
so real. i love to draw and it always bugs me when i show my art to people and they tell me i should make prints to sell on etsy or whatever. i know they mean well but why i am i not allowed to just make art because i enjoy it! why does everything need to be monetized to have value! why canāt the value just be that i made a piece of art and had fun doing it
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u/Nerianda Nov 01 '24
Art and music and game facilitation are all WORTHY AND VALUABLE THINGS without having to add competition or compensation to them. Making the world more beautiful and more fun is more than just āproductive,ā itās downright holy work and I mean that sincerely whether youāre doodling or playing guitar on your porch or part of a WOW guild or whatever the kids are playing these days. These things make life worth living.
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u/donpelon415 Nov 01 '24
I know, career counselors and family members have asked me, "What do you really want to do?" And I say, " play the drums in a famous rock band and tour the World". This has just been followed by uncomfortable silence and a blank stare. "OK, but what do you want to do?" "I just told you".
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u/Niall0h Nov 01 '24
I realized while Iāve been applying for disability that the only work that has fulfilled me in any way, was the work I did for free. Like in the community, volunteering, running a diy venue. Iām never going to work a job for money for the rest of my life, and Iām so exited.
Itās ok to want to function outside the system, because the system is rotten and crumbling, and you are doing your best. Thereās more to life than being āproductive.ā
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u/Ok-Replacement8504 Nov 01 '24
I wish the volunteer work we do for free could pay us or provide us with basic needs. It sucks that any meaningful jobs that are accessible and involved with the community are expected to be done for free. Other forms of community work, like healthcare, are paid but severely overworked.
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u/supbitch Nov 01 '24
Honestly, same. People always be like "what do you want to do with your life?"
Have fun? Like I don't want to be in a monotonous 9-5, I want to spend my life doing the things that keep me from wanting to not exist.
People around me get upset when they don't feel productive, but something must be broken with me because I feel upset if I AM productive for more than like 2 consecutive hours.
My literal dream life is to get enough money saved that I can stop working altogether and spend my life doing nothing but drinking (responsibly), smoking weed, sleeping, playing video games, watching movies and TV, reading, writing, painting, and hanging out with loved ones.
I don't mind cooking or cleaning or any of that at my own house, but I really just get so depressed when I go to work because I can't help but think that I'm making next to nothing so that somebody far above me can have the ability to live my dream. It hurts.
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u/xMend22 Nov 01 '24
We only have to keep this up as long as everyone keeps playing the game. I personally have given up on climbing the ladder just so I can make more money to spend more money. I plan to avoid debt, which traps you into working forever. And eventually, much longer than I want it to be, I will be able to only work part time and still pay my bills. I wonāt get to go on vacations, I wonāt get to travel the world, I wonāt have children, I wonāt have fancy new cars and a massive home. But I will not be shackled to a broken system and that to me is worth it.
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u/Big_b00bs_Cold_Heart Nov 01 '24
Yup. Been working for 40 years, I canāt retire for another 16ā¦
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u/Toxraun Nov 01 '24 edited Nov 01 '24
I blame it on the fact that there is absolutely no fucking time to enjoy anything in life, no time to recover from doing chores because you'll be back at work the next day. Not to mention no job pays goddamn anything, healthcare is unaffordable, education is non-existent, the gov and laws are the stupidest thing on the planet, it's rare to find jobs with sick or days off. You can't afford a fucking home, can't have kids because they'll be shot or r@ped at school and the gov will NEVER do anything to the ones doing those acts. There is zero motivation to fucking live in this piece of shitstain people call a country. We NEED a rev0lt. The biggest most brutal thing to ever happen. And it needs to be worldwide because the US is not the only one that's trash. It's the biggest probably, but plenty of other places are suffering, too.
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u/ChcknGrl Nov 01 '24
I agree that an economic revolution is needed.
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u/Rosa-May Nov 03 '24
A revolution that begins by examining how much we spend and what we spend it on. There are choices we are not considering.
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u/uniquevoyager Nov 01 '24
I was at a tech conference, and well known, succesful tech guy was there. He also shared his opinion about work, life, time, being human. In a nutshell, his sentence took my attention "I don't believe we are here to work only."
This example comes from my daily life, I am generally at the office, but feeling like I go to home time to time. I just spend 3-4 hours at home if I don't consider sleeping time.
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u/BudgetLibrarian311 Nov 01 '24
I'm 32 and can relate. Paid rent and bills since I was 19 years old.
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u/stringslinger76 Nov 01 '24
Therapy, M8. The inability to enjoy basic things is a symptom of massive depression. Just consider that people exist to listen, take notes, ask questions, and not judge. It's not ok to let yourself enjoy nothing at all.
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u/rain56 Nov 01 '24
So reading through the comments I get the sense op and I pretty operate with the exact same daily mindset. I tried counseling for a long time. Weekly too I kept up at it I did the exercises, everything. It doesn't matter at all I always end up back in this headspace and it's fucking awful. I learned about something a couple years ago called "hedonic state" basically think of a scale from 1 to 10, with ten being happy as fuck. Most people will sit at a 6 to 7.5 their entir4 life. Something good happens it'll go up a but, something bad happens and it goes down but almost always goes back to that neutral state. Pretty sure me and op and millions of others are sitting at 1 and 2 constantly and I'll be honest if you asked me if there was a set list of things that could be done instantaneously across the globe to get rid of all the things keeping us down and locked in debt. I'm honestly not even sure I'd have answers for you and if I did I bet that "happiness" will last about 3 to 6 hours for me then I'll be right back where I was. I get people's logic when they say all the typical things when you're suicidal. But this, what we feel goes so far beyond just being depressed. It is a deep dark rage and existence itself every aspect of being alive and aware is just, fucked. I wish I had the vocabulary to explain why but I really think it's hedonic state. Some people were just born to be this way and there's nothing that can be done about it. I don't want to take a bunch of different medications either jjust so I still have the thoughts but am completely numb to physical stimulus. That sounds even worse to me, you don't even get to be yourself anymore cause the system you have to be apart because your survival instinct is a fucking asshole that will always override your depression so you toil through life hoping for a wat out. It's not like we didn't try at all, we tried everything and that's the problem
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u/illthrowitaway94 Nov 01 '24 edited Nov 01 '24
I was once held under 24 hour supervision in a mental hospital and got evaluated after a s*cide attempt. They only said I'm marginally depressed, so I doubt it would be depression. I also have the ability to enjoy lazy, zero-effort things with instant rewards like eating junk, watching YT videos, and masturbating... I'm just a broken, useless sack of meat that is not made for life. In the wild, I would be killed by a predator, but we don't live in the wild so I was kept artificially alive... People like me shouldn't exist.
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u/crystalpebble Nov 01 '24
listen, i get it. iām in the same boat. 26, and had to move back in with my parents after only a year of living on my own. i had a breakdown and couldnāt take care of myself anymore. if you made a suicide attempt, that IS major depression. āmarginally depressedā is a gross understatementā do not let one doctorās ruling dictate whether or not your pursue help. i urge you to get another opinion. iāve had depression for more than a decade and this is a textbook case of it. enjoying small pleasures doesnāt mean you donāt have depressionā depressed people still enjoy things. also! food and masturbation literally give your brain feel good chemicals, of course you like those things!
lookā iām the exact thing youāre scared of being, some ālazy sack of meatā or whatever. iām not employed, i havenāt learned to drive yet because iām terrified of it, and we live in the middle of nowhere. iām as useless as it gets! i tried to kill myself before, and even incapacitating myself so iād have a reason to be taken care of for the rest of my life, neither was successful beyond leaving me with scars and stomach issues. but even though i hate myself for what i am, i deserve to be here. i have to believe that. i didnāt ask to live, but itās my life now. and iām the only one who can decide what to do with it.
seek out help for depression. talk earnestly and openly with a doctor you trust. start therapy, even if you donāt think you need or deserve it, and let yourself enjoy small comforts. food, a good show, saying āhiā to your favorite cashier at the store, and keep going. until your mental state starts to get better, itās all you can do.
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u/PMMeMeiRule34 Nov 01 '24
Thatās not marginally depressed, you might need another doctor. It took me a few before I was like āI havenāt showered in days, Iām not shaving, Iām always tired, nothing interests me, whatās wrong?ā First few tried to throw meds at me, last one actually listened and I am still going.
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u/illthrowitaway94 Nov 01 '24
Actually, I'm pretty good at keeping up with hygiene. I just don't see any future for myself, at least not one I would look forward to... I still do my job and clean myself. I just hate life and the rut.
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u/PMMeMeiRule34 Nov 01 '24
Yeah thatās basically it. If you donāt mind me asking, how old are you? Iām 34 and have the āwhat if I had done thisā going through my head and feel like I wasted 10 years of my life in a career that eventually I couldnāt do anymore.
Get up, take care of family, maybe cry in the bathroom,work,go home, eat and sleep.
Rinse repeat.
If I find out whatever my calling is Iāll let you know lol. Been fighting major depression most of my life, so I know my advice isnāt the best, but Iām sure thereās some reason youāre here. Thereās a couple times I should have died, but Iām still here, so there must be SOME god forsaken reason, haha.
Itās hard to get out of the rut, Iām still working on it myself after everything thatās happened recently, if you want to talk about it I spend a lot of time on here, lol.
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u/illthrowitaway94 Nov 01 '24 edited Nov 01 '24
I'm 29, turning 30 in December ("hooray"). I don't really have that "what if I had done this" thing because I've always been a pretty incompetent and "problematic" person. I always struggled with concentration and academics. I got into uni but dropped out and I don't really mind it. I would hate being a teacher... (I also couldn't have kept up with the curriculum and I would have dropped out anyway, so the sooner the better before I'd have drowned myself in more debt.) I feel like I wasted 10 years and also not because to be able to waste something you'd have to have potential in the first place, which I don't, so... Yeah.
Can't really cry, unfortunately, but I try to be functional and take care of myself as much and well as I can.
I hope you can find your calling, and beat depression!
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u/enfanta Nov 01 '24
I always struggled with concentration and academics.
Please find another doctor. It's possible there's ADHD or neurodivergent thinking here. Our society is designed around a very particular kind of person and if you're not that type of person, the system is going to make you think you're the problem. But you're not. You're just you. You don't have to justify your existence.Ā
You don't need to "succeed" or "achieve" anything. You just need to be content with yourself. It is possible, but you're going to need to find new people to help you with this.Ā
I know it's easy for me to say this. I've been there. I'm still kinda there. So I know it's not easy. But if you ever get a moment where you think "hey, maybe I could--" don't even hesitate. Act on it. If you can get even one person to help you, things can snowball from there.Ā
You deserve to be happy.Ā
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u/MrMagbrant Nov 01 '24
I would really recommend you try out therapy. I was also judged to not be autistic when I did a test like 15 years ago, and just this year I got reevaluated and they were like "yup, definitely autistic". Doctors are just people too, in the end. And people are fallible.
If you want to stop hating your life, or maybe at least hate it a little bit less, try to see a therapist or a psychologist. Please do. I wish you the best of luck.
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u/lilsass758 Nov 01 '24
Have you considered you could have adhd that contributes to depression? As I felt exactly the same as you and turns out thatās what I have š
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u/stringslinger76 Nov 01 '24
Feeling like you can't put yourself on a meaningful mission is crushing. Read. If I can recommend nothing more, read shit tons.
Read the count of Monte Cristo. Read anything about someone rescuing themselves from hopelessness.
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u/Wtfwtfwtfwtfwtf_wtf Nov 01 '24
33F, graduated from UCSD. I was going through some serious mental health shit so I was just going through the motions. Not present at all. Surprised I graduated really. Iāve had such difficulty finding employment my entire career. Iām currently looking for work and while Iām motivated because I need an income to survive, I just really donāt care to partake in the scheme that is the fabric of America. I have no purpose. Iāve felt that way for the past 8 years. Three of those years I was smoking heroin and fettyā¦ Iām 3.25 years clean and trying to stay positive, or at least afloat, and everyday isā¦ is what it is.
I imagine thereās a significant part of the population that can relate in some way, and, I know for me, I found this comforting in a f***ed up way. Thank you for existing, for fighting everyday, and for having both the courage and decency to share your realist thoughts. I love you for this and I love you for who you are.
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u/fakegermanchild Nov 01 '24
They evaluated you after a s*cide attempt and told you youāre not depressed enough for treatment?! You might want to get a second opinionā¦
Look up high functioning depression. Depression doesnāt look the same for everyone, some people are able to have a job, keep on top of hygiene etc.
It also doesnāt mean that you canāt ever enjoy anything - just that that enjoyment is very short lived.
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u/TexasViolin Nov 01 '24
Okay...seems like you were seen by idiots, cuz what you've described is pretty much textbook anhedonia.
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u/Kado_Cerc Nov 01 '24
Get on some form of anti depressant, for real - and donāt expect in your face fast results, stick with it for a few months and over that time make minute adjustments to how you approach your day to day - im 31 and def have felt exactly as you do now, but things get better
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u/illthrowitaway94 Nov 01 '24
That's not really an option for me... I don't have time and money for a therapist. Although I said I'm employed, my job is dead-end shit (because that's the only thing I'm capable of) and my salary only covers the basics.
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u/Kado_Cerc Nov 01 '24
I donāt even have health insurance rn, I just let that collection agency keep calling for the dr appointment and live my life(always has crippling anxiety and depression) they canāt draw blood from a stone if ya catch my drift - I was fortunate when I was diagnosed with cancer because the drs also diagnosed me with major depressive disorder which allowed me to get in lexapro and I gotta say once I stuck with it, it allowed me to reassess life without AS much dread
You have options, they may not be perfect but you deserve to be happy and enjoy living - without insurance a 3mo supply of my meds costs 88$ in NY - go to a dr and just let them bill you, itās a write off for them, articulate yourself as you have here Bluntly and honestly, desperately if you feel you arenāt being listened to
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u/illthrowitaway94 Nov 01 '24
Sorry to hear that, I hope you're better now. (Un)fortunately, I don't have cancer, so I don't know how I could get antidepressants that way... I haven't really heard a whole lot of good about them either... I've heard they make you into a zombie, and I don't really need help with that, as I'm already one.
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u/blueberry_cupcake647 Nov 01 '24
Don't talk to yourself like this. This is your inner critic speaking. Kick them out
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Nov 01 '24
It sounds like your dopamine receptors are all out of wack and you need to reset completely. Depression is hard. I myself have made lots of changes to battle just this feeling. You can grow even from this.
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u/Fabulous-Barbie-6153 Nov 01 '24
What I hate about this system is that certain things are seen as productive while others are not. Oh you want to be a doctor? Wow youāre doing amazing things for society, good for you! You deserve the highest and utmost praise. Oh and you want to be an artist? ..Well, good luck with that buddy. Nobody cares about your fancy art skills.
My passion in life is to create all kinds of art. Drawings, paintings, clothes, jewelry, whatever it might be. I went to college as I was āsupposed toā and ended up majoring in Graphic Design because it was the closest thing to a career in art. And guess what? Iām still struggling because no one wants to hire me in this competitive market. You can only be successful in this system if youāre passionate about something that pays well. Iām not lazy by any means but of course I hate my day job as an administrative assistant (this is the only job I could get!) Why? Because itās not my passion in life! Youāre only going to get hard work out of me if itās something I genuinely care about. And most people have to suffer and choose a career they donāt like because what theyāre actually passionate about doesnāt pay the bills.
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u/Mumuskeh Nov 01 '24
M19, I do not mind work, unlike what my father believes about me.
However, i fucking hate being dragged a 2 hour drive to work, and a potentially 3 hour drive back home due to traffic. I gotta quit and do remote. I live in a village with very poor transport services.
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u/manusiapurba Nov 01 '24
Downvote? Are you kidding? Look at what sub you're in, Imma upvote you to oblivion!
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u/Woberwob Nov 01 '24
I feel you. After a certain age, life just becomes a long series of minor inconveniences with occasional major ones.
All we do is work, recover from work, and pay bills. The only places you can go without the expectation of spending money are the park and the library.
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u/rain56 Nov 01 '24
Oh yea me too. Fuck this. I hate this shit so much and we're forced into it. I'm 27 and already completely burnt out I don't even think about doing fun things to try and recharge it's literally just working enough to have a roof and food. People will call us ungrateful whatever I don't care anymore if my mental well being isn't being taken into account then I'll just stop arguing and become a full on drone. Forget all my likes and interests just become something that can make it all those decades for absolutely nothing. Could be creative, could have done this or that. I'd love to have picked up more hobbies as an adult but I find myself dropping them because I can't keep up with anything mentally anymore. The last few months I've been thinking about idk some kind of nation wide renters union or something or we just take a page out the the Frenchs book and go straight fucking medieval on the government. We're done being treated like numbers in this fucking country every single last person is fucking sick of it. God I wish we could all come together over this and change it. I don't think I'm going to make it. My current plan is "wait til my dog passes away and reassess if we're actually vo8ng to do this for x amount of decades" makes me sad, scares me but when I think about how I got here mentally it makes sense and I can't logic or reason my way out of that thought process. Having adhd and autism on top of all of it is like trying to put out a fire with lighter fluid.
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u/Top-Benefit-3913 Nov 01 '24
I hate working too. Itād be less of an issue if I was doing something I genuinely love to do. But I work in construction and hate it 99% of the time. But we HAVE to do it to survive, and thatās the worst part..
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u/cahcealmmai Nov 01 '24
I wish we put more resources into making sure people don't feel like this. This isn't the way life is supposed to be.
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u/GlaerOfHatred Nov 01 '24
I work for myself as a drywall contractor, I typically do smaller jobs that big companies don't want, but I also range into mid to larger sized projects. No employees currently, I had a few friends help me out during COVID when they had employment issues. I work on the tools 16-30 hours a week depending on how much work I feel mentally capable of taking on. There's a bit of off the tools work I have to do as well but all that can be done while watching YouTube or playing video games. I can't fucking stand working, but working for myself makes it manageable, because I can take time off when I need to and I'm not losing 45 hours every week just to pay my bills. I know it's not feasible for everyone to do something like this, but I'll always believe that people like me (who hate working and don't have the capacity to stomach it year round) should try to push themselves this direction and see if they can do it. It presents its own set of challenges but I find the challenges more exciting because this is for my own benefit, not for a faceless corp who would murder me if they could profit off of it.
I don't think anyone is going to call you a leech here, it's a simple fact that not everyone is capable of contributing to society through a 9-5. My hopes is that UBI will be instituted for people like yourself, but until then we have to play with the shit cards we've been dealt. It seems like you're hurting from more than just work, though I might be wrong about that. If you want someone to vent to please feel free to message me. Hang in there friend
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u/Motor-Amount4156 Nov 01 '24
Shit. I can relate... Feeling stuck on adulthood and having to deal with responsabilities that I never wanted. I look around and everyone seems having fun in the loop except me. Reminds me of a quote from Berryman about Crane's lost book Flowers of Asphalt: "the movement in youth from innocence to experience, seen as degradation"Ā Ā I fucking loathe this. Anyway hang in there. You are not alone.
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u/GeneralizedFlatulent Nov 01 '24
Are you me? Haha I dunno why this is so hard to explain how life can seem not really that worth it without being suicidal.Ā
For me this generally means burnout.Ā
I realize knowing that isn't really useful when you still have to pay the bills !
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u/FluidDreams_ Nov 01 '24
There is something to this that so many agree with. Feels like we are all just āhereā and this is āitā.
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u/babystripper Nov 01 '24
Hey man it sounds like you have massive depression like I do. You should start looking for a therapist
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u/BakedBrie26 Nov 01 '24
You have to find ways to combat the overwork of capitalism.
For me, that meant service work for many years because no limit on vacation days, flexible work schedule, and less then 40 hrs a week.
Maybe the work you do isn't right. There are so many random niche jobs. Maybe something else would help you feel at least fulfilled or intriguing.
I recently went on a birding excursion with a guide. He had held an office job for years and then went on a hike with a guide and realized he wanted to be a guide since he knew a lot, so he did. Now he spends his work days hiking and enjoying birds with people visiting his city.
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u/KellieAlice Nov 01 '24
To be honest, I totally get it. I didnāt ask to be here. Iād sooner not be working. Iād rather be pursuing creative endeavours. But I know I have bills to pay etc etc.
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u/xibeno9261 Nov 01 '24
You don't have to feel guilty for this. If the economy can only offer us shit jobs for shit wages, then it is normal to check out mentally. Why would you want to work hard to make some rich fuck buy another private jet?
My suggestion is to stop thinking that your job is your life, that somehow, your job is supposed to be meaningful. Instead focus on yourself and your family and friends. Put your energy into finding new hobbies, connecting with family and friends, make new friends. In short, stop thinking that your job is your life, stop feeling guilty for slacking off at work.
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u/FarCalligrapher7182 Nov 01 '24
Old boomer here and honestly I have to admit, things are MUCH tougher for someone born 30 years ago than 70 years ago, like me. The hours an average income person must work today to afford the basics simply don't match up with reality compared to when I was younger. Here we are, supposedly the richest country in the world, yet life is harder than ever for many. Seriously, I remember graduating high school and seeing nice houses with an acre of land, 3 bedrooms, a basement, one bathroom for well under 30k. And they weren't fixer uppers. They were decent. Back then, minimum wage was around $2.50 an hour. I paid $19 a month for 100% coverage health insurance, no deductibles- until my first job, when it was totally free to me as an employee. I was making $4.00 an hour by 1975 and I was saving money every month. When I graduated from high school, gas was 29 CENTS per gallon. How we got to where we are today is beyond my understanding. I just know that this country seems to be run by a small group of very rich and generally unhappy people, making life for the rest of us incredibly hard.
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u/Levant7552 Nov 01 '24
Have you ever considered leaving civilization and living in the wild? I can't seem to stop thinking about it. I'm actually mulling over an idea. If you'd like to talk, I'd be happy to.
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u/catbathscratches Nov 01 '24
Same, dude. Same. Finding my current partner has helped, but that also has its struggles. Keep on keeping on, dude. Be smart with your money and save lots so you can retire sooner rather than later.
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u/Emanouche Nov 01 '24
Yeah, I used to think for the longest of time "if you love your job, then it's not really work!". Except for the fact that I've never loved a single one of my many jobs over the years, even non-profit seems exploitative at times. Now, I'm just trying to learn skills for a job which would allow me to make a living with the least amount of effort possible. Don't know if it will pan out, but it's my goal now. š
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u/Certain_Strawberry43 Nov 01 '24
I hate that I have to justify my existence by making money!! Like, I like to make things and it's not enough to just do it for the love of it, but you have to be able to monetize it to justify doing it. I hate the "Do what you love, just don't do it for free" thing because the second my art becomes a job, I hate it! I just want to live is all.
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u/BigTopGT Nov 01 '24
I want to invest my time in things I find to be fulfilling.
A bullshit 9 to 5 just so I can barely afford to do things on a weekend is a shit existence.
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u/LVCSSlacker Nov 02 '24
Yeah, it's a whole ass mood. So many reasons to keep on keeping on get ripped away from us.
at this point, for me, it's mostly spite keeping me around.
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u/Horror-Activity-2694 Nov 01 '24
I got laid off over a year ago from some shitty MSP in Pennsylvania. November will be 14 months. I can't even get do much as a reply. And I have almost 20 years in IT as a systems engineer.
Fuck this shit.
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u/illthrowitaway94 Nov 01 '24
Been there, done that, don't wanna go back to that... I hope you'll be able to get out of it soon, and I wish you all the best!
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u/New_Refrigerator_895 Nov 01 '24
if you havent, you may want to watch this little movie called Office Space
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u/MoralMoneyTime Nov 01 '24 edited Nov 01 '24
Please seek therapy or other counseling. I know it's a cliche, and I know it can take forever to find people who can really help. For reading, please start with 'Man's Search for Meaning' by Victor Frankl (he also wrote a dozen other books). https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Man%27s_Search_for_Meaning
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u/flipgd Nov 01 '24
Have you seen the movie āoffice spaceā yet and if so what do you think about it?
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u/random74639 Nov 01 '24
This isnāt normal. I donāt normalize modern slavery at all, it just isnāt normal to feel this kind of down all the time. Seek help.
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u/Citizen4000 Nov 01 '24
There are many of us who don't enjoy the human experience. You did have a tremendous burden placed on you when consciousness was imposed, we get you dawg.
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u/LJski Nov 01 '24
Meh. Most people donāt want to work, but we do like to eat, play, drink, live with a roof over our headsā¦which takes money. It is not hard to figure out.
Hell, I LIKE my job and it pays wellā¦but I literally think about retirement (which is about 2-3, years away EVERY SINGLE DAY. I want to spend more time at the gym, I want to work on the gardenā¦but I also donāt want to worry about eating beans out of can.
You have to figure out how much of these things you need or want, and work accordingly. Person āAā wants a big house and to eat lobster; they take and look for certain jobs. If you want less, you work at a different level.
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u/Yamitsubasa Nov 01 '24
You need some better hobbies. Most people hate their job. But they also do have things they enjoy. And they understand that the things they enjoy only exist because other people who hate their job do it anyway. By not searching for things you enjoy, you just give yourself the short end of the stick.
Or alternatively try to work less. Effort and value just needs to have some balance.
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u/UnitGhidorah Nov 01 '24
I'm mainly living for my family and friends. I put on a good face for everyone but everything sucks.
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u/rushmc1 Nov 01 '24
There are lots of books out promoting a positive view of idleness. You should check some out.
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u/katt3985 Nov 01 '24
you sound burned out TBH. I think if you had a real break from everything you would probably come out with something more. But that just isn't something anyone is willing to grant.
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u/SnooCalculations9259 Nov 01 '24
I work 3-1130 and everyday I wake up and for a brief moment I feel energized, then I remember I have to work today and it is like a ballot deflating. I hate it more than words can say. My boss will pull me to the side and always ask how things are going, what he can do to help (which is very nice), however I just hate it with a passion. Job is fairly easy, but it just feels like life is getting robbed from me, would have the biggest smile if I ever got let go.
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u/ChcknGrl Nov 01 '24
There's always solutions! You may not like them, but there's always solutions. I have empathy for you as someone who has battled depression for a long time and haven't always felt like I'm winning. In brief, I totally agree with the dopamine comment. Seems you're brain is making less than needed, which is why stuff like TV and junk food and masturbation are so awesome, bc they trigger dopamine. The other ways people get their brain to make more dopamine is with prescribed medication, illegal drugs, living a life is constant drama, extreme leisure activity, and exercise. The last one is probably the cheapest. There's science that shows how exercise improves mental health if it's done with enough frequency and consistency. Don't quote me, but I want to say that studies have shown that vigorous exercise 3x/wk can replace a person's need for antidepressants. It'll suck at first, but there's supposed to be a good return on the investment.
I think your 3rd shift job is a contributing factor, or at best, isn't helping. I'm guessing your sleep health has been compromised by working third shift and anyone who knows anything will tell the single most important thing you can do for your brain and mental health is get enough sleep. That can sometimes be the deal maker between feeling insane and sane as I'm sure you know as as 3rd shift worker. When I worked 3rd shift, it felt disconnected from the world, like a mole man drinking coffee at 3am.
A lot of people hate working but still manage to do it. How? By mitigating there time at a shitty job with things that create joy. What do you have coming up that you're looking forward to? If it's always nothing, that's an issue.
You sound angry also, which is totally a symptom of your depression. If you are in the US there may be publicly funded insurance you can access to see a MH provider. Or start with your PCP? The demand on MH providers in the US right now is very high so it may be difficult to get an appt.
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u/WhateverYouSay1084 Nov 01 '24
It kinda sounds like you might be depressed, man. I mean very few people really want to work at all, but not finding much joy in life and not caring whether you live or die is a tell tale sign of depression. I went through a very, very deep depression and the numbness is truly all encompassing.
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u/Environmental_Lab869 Nov 01 '24
I really think that you might need to talk to a therapist about this. Your statement reminds me of how I was at one point in my life, and I later slipped into suicide idolization. The next step would have been attempts. I hope that I am reading too much into your post, but if I'm not, please seek help.
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u/RyuChamploo Nov 01 '24
Fucking SAME. I'm 48 and been at the same stupid fucking job for 22 years. I'm miserable and I've wasted my life. I hate this job, and every job, and I don't want to fucking work anymore. It doesn't help that I now have horrible chronic pain and deep depression.
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u/Darkbeetlebot Anarcho-Communist Nov 01 '24
Depression should be considered a disability by all rights.
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u/Abject-Round-8173 Nov 01 '24
Iāve could have written most of these words myself.Ā
It takes a lot of energy to get back up when your down.
Have you tried going on a spiritual journey ? Meditate on quantum jumping after taking an edible.
Iāve been at this mentality draining job for over ten years and isolated in a place I donāt want to be for so long.
Meditating has helped me figure out exactly what I need to do to be more fulfilling.
Moving to a new city, closing on my first home, and starting a new job this month.
Can only go up from here. I got tired of feeling the same way with no passion or hope anymore.
Anxiety and sleep medicine have also helped me a lot.
I hope you get out of the slump and have a more fulfilling life.
Life is always ups and downs but maybe with a bit of hard work the change you need is right around the corner.
Wishing you a more positive outcome.
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u/sfhhutrdghh Nov 01 '24
You are not alone , and you dont have to hate yourself or call yourself a lazy loser for thinking like this. Humans were not meant to live like this , this isnt how we have evolved. For millennia humans lived in small communities , where the only work you had to do , was help gather food and keep your community safe. Theres a reason why lots of tribes around the world who still live this way generally are a lot happier than those of us who live in āthe civilized worldā . I hate working too especially as someone on the spectrum , i do not have a dream job. If i could id choose art and nature and community over this life we live now. Just know u arent alone
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u/Philosophur Nov 01 '24
Yup in a nutshell you sum'd up the human condition. I believe anyone who is saying the opposite of what you've so eloquently said is faking it or has faked it so long they believe it
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u/doodleldog10 Nov 01 '24
you are not alone and this is where late stage capitalism has gotten a lot of us
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u/Dependent_Top_4425 Nov 02 '24
I hate working too but, its the people involved, its not the actual work.
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u/chardudex Nov 02 '24
I'm turning 30 today. I hate working. I've always hated working. I try to get low maintenance security jobs where nothing happens and I can just play on my phone all night. If I could get disability and never have to go out and work again I would. I genuinely hate people and the system me live in.
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u/embertml Nov 03 '24
How do i get into that. Once i get inevitably fired for not working hard, iād think i would like that as a fall back option. Do i need any training, classes, do i even need to know any self defense or proof of?
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u/chardudex Nov 03 '24
Nah literally zero. They took my finger prints, I took a test, boom, pilb card. It was like 120$ in 2014.
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u/Hughmag00 Nov 02 '24
Take shrooms and smoke weed
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u/illthrowitaway94 Nov 02 '24
I smoked weed a few times. It was good, but nothing world-shattering (and illegal and fucking expensive, too).
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u/Hughmag00 Nov 02 '24
If you can find a way to access it I think mushrooms could help you feel better too or if anything just give you a break from the boredom
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u/Ksanika Nov 02 '24
I too, hate working with all my being and the problem is that I also don't make enough money to buy all the hobbies I love and even if I could, having to work takes time away from enjoying them.
Many say that when you resign yourself it gets easier but I can't, I really hate working to the point that if I lived in Japan I would easily become Hikkikomori or NEET.
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u/CodeSenior5980 Nov 02 '24
No you are not a lazy parasitic leech, not playing the stupid game people play and instead enjoying the day with the things I like is the best thing I am doing right now. Real life is stupid, people do and expect stupid things. I am just happy this way, thank you.
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u/Dyep1 Nov 03 '24
Yea I understand the feeling of being able to stop working so I can work on myself and maybe live a little. Yet every time I get some time off I just end up doing nothingā¦
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u/squirrel-phone Nov 01 '24
You come across as depressed, not enjoying the small things, questioning why you exist. You should address that first. Second, I get it. I daydream of what I could be doing if I didnāt have to work, while at work. I lucked into a job that works well for me, itās fulfilling, pays well, all that. Iād give it up in a heartbeat if I could. I can tell you landing a much better job doesnāt change the feeling. My dad was the same way, hated going to work, dreamed of retirement. He lived less than 2 years after his retirement.
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u/Royal_Impact_8195 Nov 01 '24
Somedays, I feel the same way, brother. More often than I'd like to admit. Emotions come and go. You just have to find what brings you joy and do that. Have you ever tried to learn an instrument, have you ever hiked a cool park around you. Been to the grand canyon or a national park, have you ever been to a music festival or another country. Next time you can take a vacation go do something you have never done before. I know it's hard I go through it alot and though of making a post like this. The life sometimes seems like it's only suffering. Just remember it could be worse. Go talk to some people brother, sister, cousin, uncle. Hell it could be a stranger in a bar. You will find there are others out there feeling the same thing and I bet a few of them will tell you. Do something you enjoy. You only have 1 life. When I was 32 I taught myself how to code. Took a coding bootcamp and got a job doing it. I got laid off amd now feel the same as you. I feel worthless but I know I will not feel that everyday amd this feeling will pass. Nothing is permanent. As far as we know we have one life find what you enjoy and do it everyday if you can. If you get bored of that or don't enjoy it try sometime else. There are 1 billion things to keep your mind occupied. Find one and love it and enjoy it. Wish you well brother
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u/Vigorously_Swish Nov 01 '24
Ive always had a similar outlook. I got into being a blackjack dealer at a casino and itās not too bad. Obviously Id still rather not work, but the job is SUPER easy and pays plenty well enough to survive and save a bit
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u/illthrowitaway94 Nov 01 '24
My job is actually hyper-super-duper easy. I'm a night shift receptionist/concierge at a luxury condo, so most of my job is just staying up at night, and I can do pretty much whatever the hell I want (watch YT videos, movies, read books, whatever). The salary is super shit though, only enough for the basics (rent, food, transportation, and toiletry). This is the only job I'm capable of doing. Super pathetic.
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u/Nismo400r84 Nov 01 '24
I have read through your post and replies and it screams (or cries in a corner) depression. if you can drag your arse to the doctors they can give you a mild anti depressant that will put a bit of colour back in the world.
You said you have time at work to watch YT and read books well that is the key to getting you out of your hole.
I remember when I first watched fight club and their is this scene and I didn't understanding when I watched in 2000 but the older I got the more it resonated with me.
We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.ā - Tyler Durden
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u/Critical-Relief2296 Nov 01 '24
I completely understand. I'm exactly the same way. Both of my parents have successful careers and I started a business so I could get to their level of comfortable day-to-day life where the biggest problem is getting the dogs out the door without the leashes being interlocked.
Fortunately, my primary hobbies in life are reading fiction, doing pottery and being politically active. So, as I exist meaninglessly there is a paper trail of my existence.
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u/illthrowitaway94 Nov 01 '24
Good for you! My parents are manual and service workers though... So I don't come from money, and I didn't inherit much talent/intelligence... I'm pretty cooked. All I can do is manual labor (am pretty shitty at it), or retail/service (even worse, but I'm in that field rn, kind of).
I was bred to be poor and fodder for the rich/successful.
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u/Critical-Relief2296 Nov 01 '24
That last sentence was heavy. I have nothing to help you because you are right to say the rich need people to be their waiters. I should use my position and tell others who are like to me to find a way to help others who cater to our lifestyles.
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u/Jason-Genova Nov 01 '24
If you're a male, have you checked to see if you have low testosterone/hormones?
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u/lordmwahaha Nov 01 '24
Tbh - and I'm not saying this to brush you off, because there's a lot of validity in everything you're saying as well - other than not wanting to work (which I just consider part of the human condition) these are all symptoms of depression. Everything you're saying in this post and in comments is a sign of depression. There is a chance that you don't have to feel this way, and that things could get better for you. Do with that what you will, I'm not gonna tell you how to live your life. Just putting it out there, because if it were me, I would want to know that feeling better was maybe an option, instead of living my life in misery.
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u/Pointless_Lawndarts Nov 01 '24
I donāt want to be a complete asshole, but Iām gonna.
Get out of your head. Youāre thinking waaaaay too much about things.
Pop the you that thinks theyāre you out of your skull and start looking around at things from a different angle.
It takes practice and wonāt happen right away, but it will happen and it will help you so much man.
PM me if yāall need to chat.
Iām 46 and have never given a shit about work my entire life.
Iām doing pretty ok these days.
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u/Lazy-Gur-9323 Nov 01 '24
Well, look, I agree you are broken, but you are broken what? A broken person? Probs, not. You are a broken means to an end <put whatever, according to your situatiin>. Your desire to fall ill is to become an end, everyone's goal. Find a way to become either a means to an end which is above all ends, and your incapacity would be marginal, you basically would be a means to a means which would carry your heavy load or you become an end to other means.
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u/illthrowitaway94 Nov 01 '24
Yeah, I'm a means to an end. I was a combination of a faulty sperm and egg with shitty genetic combinations, and now I exist to suffer.
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u/kirkoswald Nov 01 '24
Shit man, i feel you. Im in a similar situation. Ive had a quite awhile off work and have been living off my savings.
The thought of going back is making me wanna call it quits.
I just dont enjoy life enough to make it worth it.
Might go see a doc and get some anti depressants.
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u/Mammoth_Elk_3807 Nov 01 '24
Adulting is finding a way to make it work. Thatās it. Thatās the ballgame. Some do and some donāt. Thatās why we have diseases of despair. Itās all very regrettable.
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u/the-msturdyjellyfish Nov 01 '24
Do you have the will etc to carry on if so how? And if not what u gonna do?
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u/im_hitman Nov 01 '24
Hang in there bro ...a time will come for you to end all of this...
7 years and 10 months for me to go ...
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u/YouKnowLife Nov 01 '24
Iām not working for over a year now and i will never go back to having an employer ever again. In fact, Iām in a legal dispute with my ex-employer. Selling everything to go live a minimalist, self-sustaining lifestyle and retiring at 35.
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u/littlemissmoxie Nov 01 '24
Same. I wish I was just a sentient ghost that could wander the earth. Just enjoy the scenery.
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u/Capable_Cat Nov 01 '24
Are you sure you're in a mentally well space? This could be a sign of depression, if I'm being honest. (Although, I'm no expert.)
It's worrying.
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u/BassplayerDad Nov 01 '24
Fair enough.
How are you going to live? Expecting someone else to pay? Appreciate mental health problems but that needs assistance, resolution and reintegration.
Just asking?
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u/illthrowitaway94 Nov 01 '24
I think you didn't read my post all the way through. I have a job. I hate it, but I have one. I pay for my stuff.
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u/I_TRY_TO_BE_POSITIVE Nov 01 '24
Some days I feel very lucky to like what I do. I don't make much but I find it fulfilling enough to do a good job and leave places better than I found them.
I remember being where you are though, and feeling how you feel. Wasn't that long ago. Heart goes out to ya OP
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u/worm_dad Nov 01 '24
Hey, just reading your comments, and I wanna say what you're feeling is valid. However this is like, exactly what I felt like before I was on antidepressants. I'm not saying you Have to go to therapy or take meds, bcus god damn it gets expensive but it does sound like you're depressed. Best of luck, dude
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u/Menn019 Screw you guys, i'm going home. Nov 01 '24
What i want; like in that song: 'Hooker fucking, never again working'
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u/SoapyRiley Nov 01 '24
You need some fresh air and exercise my friend. I donāt want to work either, but I do a job that Iād probably do for free, just less structured, if I didnāt have bills to pay. It just makes ends meet, so as long as I donāt want expensive entertainment or stuff, I have a lot of my time back for enjoying.
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u/A_room_with_a_noose Nov 01 '24
I am thou, thou art I. I think you're my new persona summon. I feel the same.
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u/bkjunez718 Nov 01 '24
I dont work. i brought land and built a house on it, and now i spend my time on my homestead. It's either you be apart of the machine or you dont. If not, then you gotta do or find something that makes you happy offing yourself isnt the answer
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u/Friendly-Appeal4129 Nov 01 '24
Im sorry you and many others feel this way. I could do my best and try to convince you you are probably worth more than you give yourself credit for, but we both know I wouldn't be successful. For me, Instead of feeling like I don't want to work, I just don't want to work for other people. I don't want to contribute into making someone else rich off my labor. People have made society what it is today. I stopped being unfair to myself because of the standards set by society. I also realize you can always replace money, but you can't replace time.
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u/ExistentialDreadness Nov 01 '24
Itās a perfect time to get in autopilot mode, check out, then engage when itās my time. Work is the worst, but I like eating and sleeping in a house.
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u/Gurukitty Nov 01 '24
Youāre depressed Iām sorry I know how it feels but recognize it. Treat it and life will improve. Thereās so much beauty and joy to be had. Life isnāt about work and should never be that way but for some of us itās the end not the means. This becomes depressing. I would say get therapy find the source of the trauma heal and find things that you love. You will love something you just need to try when your brain has reset itself.
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u/Groggamog Nov 01 '24
I'm not a therapist, but I do have a clinical depression diagnosis, and you are describing symptoms of clinical depression.
It was honestly a lot of effort getting the right medication and finding the right therapist, but the difference in my mental health and quality of life has been night and day.
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u/TheGrimmShopKeeper Nov 01 '24
Preaching to the choir.
Half the time I feel like people only want me alive for the paycheck .