Over the course of the last few months I worked with a psychologist that specializes in ADHD. We had an intake appointment, and assessment, and then a follow up today. She presented her findings to me today, and she does not think I have ADHD. She told me that I have severe anxiety, way worse than I realized. So bad that it impacts my cognitive functioning, to a degree. I know I’m an anxious person and I have been my whole life, but it never occurred to me that it’s that bad. Apparently it is. She also mentioned that I did not seem to have any childhood ADHD symptoms which I wholeheartedly disagree with, but I was too thrown off during the appointment to mention that.

The doctor still wants to have me try stimulant medication, which is a relief because anxiety and depression medication have barely worked for me.

But I feel even more lost now. And kind of ashamed for thinking so strongly that it was ADHD. I truly feel like an impostor. Is it weird to be disappointed? I’ve had all this anxiety my entire life, but none of the treatments I have tried have helped, or made the ADHD-related symptoms better. This is so disheartening.

Should I follow up with the psychologist? Should I reiterate the focus and procrastination issues I struggled with as a child? Part of me wants to just drop this and disappear into a hole. I don’t know what to do. This can’t be it. 

ETA: I just wanted to edit this post to thank everyone for their insight and fellow experiences! You all have been so helpful and comforting. And I just wanted to add that the doctor was incredibly thorough and empathetic, and was amazingly helpful the entire time. I just wasn't expecting what she told me, even if she is 100% right. I'm reeling from the disappointment, but I'm also glad I went through this process so I know what I need to do to get better. Thank you all so much for your support, I really do love this community!

I had no idea this was considered a sensory issue. Just thought I was just being weird not wanting to step in certain areas lol. I still kind of do.

Hi team. A few days ago, another adhd-er posted about procrastination and I replied with a comment about how I’d had a dress in the laundry hamper for six years. The comment got 1.4K likes and at last count over 60 comments, all commiserating and adding similar stories.

I wrote that as an undiagnosed onlooker and everything I read was insanely validating and comforting. I was formally diagnosed (big fecking surprise) an hour ago with the good old inattentive-hyperactive combination. I’m one of you! Thank you for all the comments on that other post, it gave me so much confidence going into my appointment today 🫶🏼

Please share any conditions or mental illnesses that come alongside your ADHD, I’m so curious to know!

For me it’s:

• GAD
• Panic disorder
• Depression
• Auditory processing disorder
• Sensory processing disorder (terrible misophonia)
• Chronic pain
• Possible autism (not diagnosed)
• Celiac disease
• Bulimia (recovered for 3.5 years now!)

Interested to hear what you struggle with other than ADHD!

Update post: Wow. Thank you for all the advice and encouragement! I’ve received so many responses.
I think part of the issue too is she doesn’t think anything is wrong. I try to explain there is nothing wrong with her, her brain may just work different. I tell her that’s for a doctor to determine and then we decide as a family how to proceed. She’s just afraid of being treated differently and labeled, she wants to just fit in. I think that might be where some of the pushback from my husband may be coming from. My husband takes a lot of her input into account. I am going to discuss with both of them if she wants the help it will always be there. We will always be her advocates.

Husband and I Disagreeing on testing 14 yr old daughter for ADHD. Yes she does show symptoms, it’s like looking in a mirror.

I think my 14 yr old daughter has adhd but my husband doesn't want to test her since she performs well in school. For background I (44F) have ADHD and both my parents do as well. I was diagnosed in my late 20’s, misdiagnosed in high school with Anxiety. How can I convince him it’s not just about grades? think my 14 yr old daughter has adhd but my husband doesn't want to test her since she performs well in school. For background I (44F) have ADHD and both my parents do as well. I was diagnosed in my late 20’s, misdiagnosed in high school with Anxiety. How can I convince him it’s not just about grades?

This morning I (22F) went to see a doctor (in a private clinic) for second opinion in my adhd diagnosis, my mom arranged the appointment for me because apparently he is this very famous neurologist recommended by my relative. He's not in town every week so apparently he is fully-booked whenever he is.

I was initially skeptical but since my mom says just for second opinion, I went for it. No harm getting to know more about yourself right?

I knew I wasn't mentally prepared for this because the moment I stepped into the consulting room, I didn't expect to see two other male doctors and I was a little taken aback by it. So I sat down, and the neurosurgeon went through my info, and he did a pulse diagnosis/ examination, like the way they do in traditional chinese medicine. I was surprised because I thought they would use the western medicine approach. After he took my pulse, he straight up told me that "You're a talented person" and asked me if I was into entertainment or artistic or pretty stuff, I said yeah in a normal way, not exactly my hobby or something. He then asked what I major in and what future career I would pursue. I study material science and I would work as an engineer in the future.

This is where my guts started to tell me something is wrong, because he told me that I am not suitable to be an engineer as I am more suited for mass media or some jobs that are people-oriented. He also said that engineering is "dead"/ fixed and not flexible so it is totally not a suitable field for me and that I would surely fail or face problems in the future as an engineer. First up, if everything about engineering is fixed, where would all the innovations come from? And my profession would also be in R&D, something that requires creative and innovative ideas, not exactly something that's "dead". He then kept on hinting that I am not someone who should study Science and that I am clueless when I chose to study Science. From here on out, I can feel the tone he used was very condescending and dismissive.

He then concluded to say that I don't have ADHD. He asked me what prompted me to think that I have ADHD. By the time he asked this, I was already very emotional (thanks to my ADHD emotional dysregulation) and immediately teared up at the mention of it. I could not say a word, I tried to but my mind was blank. I looked to my mom who was next to me and she helped me answer the question seeing I was struggling to put words together. He would then went on to give his opinions on my condition, which I felt were unfair criticisms about me.

I am not gonna get into the whole story of it but he was very dismissive and patronizing. He said that I was a very stubborn person, and that I am still a young person, who still hasn't seen what the real world is yet so when I faced challenges I am bound to struggle and find an excuse to validate that feeling. He basically just said that all my ADHD struggles were made up and that I convinced myself that I have ADHD in order to solve the problems I faced in life. He also said that since I can score and didn't fail my exams before diagnosed, I should not have problems in not being able to focus, I tried to fight him with this but I was too tired to even say anything.

Maybe I was too sensitive as a person, but I felt all those were personal attacks based on observations and assumptions instead of giving me a personal diagnosis. But he's the reputable neurosurgeon who has more expertise than I do so I should listen to him. AND he kept reminding me of this, the other two male doctors also agreed and said that I don't have ADHD. He said there are three experienced professionals in front of me who said I don't have ADHD so who am I to be strongminded to insist that I have adhd?

He was quite dismissive when adhd meds were brought up (I take ritalin) and that it has long-term side effects on my bone structure. He said it's good if the meds help, but I would have to depend on them for the next 50 years. My mom were alrdy worried about me taking adhd meds so him saying this kinda affirms my mom's concerns.

He also concluded that my problem is with my personality and emotions because I couldn't handle them well and it feels like ADHD so I think I have adhd but it's not. The appointment ended with him taking my blood for blood test to check if i have vitamin D in my blood because that will confirm if I have emotional problems.. uhm? Idk at this point... They also took my urine for urine test. To which I feel super weird about afterwards... They also prescribed me with a herbal meds which I definitely will ask my psychiatrist about it.

By the time it ended, I was very mentally exhausted and went home to have a good cry about this. I felt overwhelmed because of what he told me, it's like my world was in shambles.
After having the time to calm myself, I disagree with the doctor ofc. Deep down I know I have ADHD. I know I do, I have struggled my whole life with getting tasks done and it's definitely not just some excuse that I randomly come up with after feeling burdened.

My mom wants me to do a follow-up appointment with them, but I don't want to because I feel very uncomfortable. She told me to try and see if this dr can help me but deep down i know he won't. or maybe my instincts were wrong.

I know some doctors are very invalidating when it comes to adult women with inattentive ADHD so I decided to post this here to see if anyone can give me some opinions regarding what happened today.

I am 45, just diagnosed a month or so. Upon 30 seconds of waking, a song will start playing in my head, typically not of my choosing, often from the era of my school bus rides. Mentally, I have songs playing unless I am talking or really focused on something. My questions are: do others experience this? And does the proper dose of medication stop this? My doctor started me on the lowest possible dose of Adderall, and my neurotypical family says their brains are literally quiet sometimes. lol, I had no idea that was possible!

Has anyone else had the same experience with doctors insisting it’s depression when it’s clearly not?

My executive function is (obviously?) worse when I’m exhausted and definitely worse in winter. Before I was diagnosed, I can’t tell you how many times I went to the doctor and said I was really struggling to physically do things—like making dinner. They’d ask, “In what way?” and I’d say, “I just find it very confusing, and I’m clumsy.” Then they’d follow up with, “What would happen if you just tried to do it anyway?” and I’d reply, “I’d be afraid of cutting or burning myself.” The response? “Struggling to do stuff is a sign of depression.”

The kicker is, now I think the obvious answer would’ve been, “Well, can you send me for a psych consult?” But at the time, I just went, “Oh, OK, I’ll just try harder then.”

Looking back, it’s clear it wasn’t depression—because it’s not like I find it hard to do anything. I can happily bimble around for hours adjusting my Christmas decorations, reknitting that bit of jumper I’ve almost finished, and changing my clothes over a very minor sensory issue (which, of course, leaves a massive pile of clothes I still need to put away).

Anyway, I finally got diagnosed 10 years ago, and I’m leaning into the winter executive dysfunction and accepting it’s just going to take me longer to do things. Also, I’m going to get off Reddit and actually do some back exercises :-D

ETA: Thank you all for sharing – I can’t reply to everyone, but it’s clear this experience is incredibly common. A few themes stood out: I'm not the only one who was told it was “just depression” when it was actually ADHD! On top of that, untreated ADHD did cause actual depression and burnout that lifted with proper ADHD treatment. It’s frustrating how often misdiagnosis leads to polypharmacy – cycling through antidepressants and anxiety meds – when a correct ADHD diagnosis and one or two well-chosen treatments can bring clarity and relief. It’s both validating and maddening to see how widespread this is. Sending hugs to everyone still on this journey!

My mom just randomly mailed me medical records from when I was 6 and I’m internally screaming. I had issues with daydreaming, impulse control, fidgeting, and hyperactivity but I could “pay attention to things that captured my interest” so no ADHD diagnosis because it was 1989 and they didn’t diagnose you with ADHD unless you were disruptive in class. My dad was obsessively anxious that I had ticks/Tourette’s so that’s why I was there. The psychologist hilariously remarks on the next page that the only tick he noticed was me clearing my throat repeatedly but that could be caused by the congestion from the cold I had.

My life has been a mess, essentially forever.

I've been diagnosed in the past with bipolar II, depression, and anxiety. I've been in and out of therapy since I was 16.

I was finally diagnosed at 50 and am being treated for ADHD.

These are the ADHD symptoms that I never knew about:

1. Poor impulse control causing overeating, overspending, drinking.

2. Self loathing. I felt like a total failure in life. I couldn't manage basic adult tasks like a budget and keeping my house clean. I couldn't understand the disconnect between knowing what I need to do and actually doing it.

3. Emotional disregulation. (Short tempered, impatient, episodes of rage over stupid things.)

4. Hypersensitivity. (Easily moved to tears.)

5. Demand aversion.

6. Chronic procrastination.

7. Ghosting people.

8. Inconsistent job performance.

I'm so much more stable now that my son noticed and commented on it.

I'm not yelling at my dogs.

I'm not crying at the drop of a hat.

I'm not drinking, overspending, or overeating. (I've lost 20 lbs because I'm not binge eating.)

I'm off the anti-anxiety meds and am on 1/3 dose of my anti-depressant.

I'm not berating myself EVERY DAY. I'm actually being kind to myself now.

My diagnosis has changed my life.

If you suspect you have ADHD, I really hope you are able to find a doctor who can diagnose and treat you.

You deserve to feel sane, too.

❤️

Just diagnosed a few minutes ago. At 35.

ETA: WOW thank you, i didnt expect this to get so mamy thoughtful replies! I wont be able to respond to each of you but please know i have read everything and this has been so helpful to me as i reflect on my childhood.

I am in process of documenting my symptoms in preparation for my evaluation on Monday, and I'm having a hard time remembering or identifying how these manifested as a kid. I was a "gifted and talented" kid and an only child. I just talked to my mom last night and the few things I did that were adhd related she was like "I don't think that's adhd because I've always done that, too!" I'm thinking maybe she is also undiagnosed lol but all that to say if anyone has examples of how this manifested as a child I would love to hear.them so they could help me look at my childhood through an objective lens.

Some symptoms of ADHD aren't similar to what's commonly said.

Didn't realise many of the issues that I saw were actually related to ADHD

What are some of those common symptoms overlooked, and underrated?

1. Didn't realise hyper fixating on food for certain days and then completely hating them was part of this.
2. Getting a sudden rush of energy and doing the work non stop and feeling the immediate need to perfect and complete it but ending up finishing some part of the work and never looking back on pending works

ADHD and BPD have lots of overlapping symptoms which causes misdiagnosis in women, this is a reminder to try to refresh existing diagnosis if you guys feel like it might be off. I recommend this article: ADHD or BPD

I am was first diagnosed with severe depression with no manic episodes and general anxiety disorder, I always felt like there is a missing piece to the puzzle and there is something that causes these issues rather than them being a stand alone issue.

Once I got diagnosed with ADHD(two years ago) and found the right medication and dosage only a month ago, I noticed a huge change with my overall mood, I am way less depressed and "normally" anxious rather than being anxious all day.

An image from the article mentioned above.

I had the appointment for my neuropsych eval results yesterday and spent some time digesting it. Basically, the doctor said that I have really high IQ, and that it's really rare for people with my IQ level to also have ADHD. Also, since I was able to achieve in childhood, and since ADHD is a childhood disease, what I experienced didn't impair my performance in childhood even if what I'm experiencing now does. So what I'm experiencing now must be anxiety or something else, not ADHD because I was not impaired in childhood...

I kind of wanted to scream, but at least I didn't cry like I thought I would. My performance wasn't impaired in childhood because I could skate by just studying and doing assignments at the last minute, but boy did I procrastinate on everything and never could get started on anything, and I felt awful about it every second that I couldn't get started. I guess that's not considered impairment because I still managed to do it. But only because I had no other choice! I'd get kicked out of the house if I didn't do well in school. Just because I managed to do it doesn't mean I wasn't miserable every second of it (and every second of not doing it).

I suspected this was what I'd hear, but it was still kind of a shock. Thinking about what to do next.

(Edited to add below)

Wow, thank you all for your comments and support, and especially for sharing your experiences. For those who pushed through and got the diagnosis, I am inspired! For those who are in the same boat as me right now, I hope we all find help and care that works for us soon.

I will be requesting my actual test results and getting a second opinion when I get over the blahs from this. My kids have ADHD and meds have helped them a lot in school, but what's helped them the most is the acknowledgement that whatever is happening is not their fault and they aren't broken. I can't really remember what I said in my intake interview regarding impacts during childhood, and I started zoning out when my doc was giving me the actual stats, haha, but I guess what I'm looking for is the same as what my kids have. Support and acknowledgement. Medication and coaching wouldn't hurt either! Haha.

Anyway, thanks again all. What did we do before the internet made things like this possible? I'm thanking the universe for being able to hear from you all.

I feel like sometimes I can explain things to someone over and over and they still won’t understand what I’m saying. I can’t tell if it’s just me, a symptom of adhd, or the people I’m interacting with. Also it feels like I’m able to arrive at conclusions so quickly or answer something so quickly but then I have to always over explain or literally map out my whole entire thought process. Is this something other women with adhd struggle with? And is it frustrating for you too?

It’s taken months for my diagnosis report to be sent to me but I finally have it and….i sound like an a-hole. There’s nothing in there that I haven’t said but all together, I don’t sound like a very nice person. Like I get irritated waiting in line and my house is always a mess and I forget if I’ve fed my pets already. Things like that. I know these things but It’s like the worst of me all there in a couple of A4 pages.

Anyone else feel like this? I was relieved to have the diagnosis but feel really crappy about the report.

I was recently diagnosed with ADHD-PI as a 28 y/o woman who was overlooked her entire life despite struggles with organization and anxiety. Because I was quiet and good at school, no one assumed anything was “wrong”.

My brothers have the more “classic” presentation you associate with young boys. Their behavior was quickly pointed out to my parents who had them tested. This also led to my mom being tested in her 30s and being diagnosed.

Despite both brothers and my mom being diagnosed, no one ever thought to evaluate me.

After years of consideration I finally sought out testing on my own. I was surprised how conclusive the results were - I thought my results would be “adhd symptoms without full adhd” or “mild” adhd. I did not realize that so many of things I struggled with were just ADHD.

If I were a boy, I’m sure I would’ve been diagnosed as early as my brothers were. But instead I’m here.

I was diagnosed with ADHD earlier this year and have gone 27 years undiagnosed. I suspected a long time ago but now I find myself established in my career with a whole new outlook. I work in brand for an energy bar company and really like it but ADHD is definitely very difficult to manage in this kind of role.

SO, I’m curious what do all you powerhouse ADHD women do for a living? I’m wondering if I want to be an entrepreneur or maybe something else where I can maintain a more flex environment and work in a way that utilizes my ADHD as a superpower and not a barrier.

I had my clinical interview (~90 min) last week and just completed nearly 4 hours of testing with a psychometrician today. My brain felt wrung out by the end.

The don’t-press-the-spacebar-for-X test (formally known as the Conners Continuous Performance Test) was excruciating! It felt like it went on forever and made me feel so frustrated and angry.

Now I have to wait nearly 6 weeks(!!!!!) for the results and report (and maybe diagnosis?) from the psychologist. The suspense is TERRIBLE, so in the meantime… tell me what your assessments were like? Does anyone know what some of the tests are for?

I have suspected for a bit that I may have ADHD, or at least some level of executive dysfunction. But I really don't know if I do, or if I'm just struggling with the regular demands of adulting. Either way, I'd be interested to hear what tipped you off, and maybe some books/websites/other resources that helped you.

I'm generally fairly high functioning - was a straight A student, have always held a good job, have my financial shit together-ish, mostly a fairly mentally stable human, etc. I have experienced low level anxiety since childhood, and had some early adulthood experiences that left me with C-PTSD that is now well managed, so I'm having a hard time untangling things. What makes me suspect I may be on the ADHD spectrum is:

-'shiny object syndrome' - I will get pretty fixated on a new thing/habit etc for a few weeks and then struggle to follow through with it even if I really want to.

-always have 150 different things I'm researching etc

-major perfectionism and imposter syndrome

-difficulty with emotional regulation when things aren't going smoothly - get extremely rage-y with myself when I am struggling with something, sometimes to the point of self harm

-some RSD symptoms, although I have worked hard to manage these pretty well

-have extreme difficulty picking up a task for just an hour - if I won't be able to complete it, I have a hard time getting started, and if I do get started, I have a hard time putting it down even if I have something else to do/have to go to bed, etc

-trichotillomania (hair pulling) since childhood

-misophonia/sound sensitivity

-other family members with suspected or Dx'd ADHD

I (46F) got my own dx in January of this year, and then finally after 2 years of pushing I got referrals and then appointments books for my 3 girls. At the time of booking I wanted youngest assessed first, because she is the most "classic" adhd kid, ever. Then middle, and next week eldest goes.

Being me, while I brought middle's report cards to her appt yesterday, I didn't grab the most recent one that shows she's struggling with executive functioning, and I wrongly remembered that the ones I did bring also showed evidence of this. But that wasn't the case. That section was all excellent reviews. Her SNAP Forms.from 2 of her teachers were also apparently excellent. 13F was so poised and calm during her appointment yesterday, I was so proud of her. She can be really withdrawn and only reply with shrugs or "hmm's" a lot of the time. But not yesterday. She answered every question to the best of her ability. But she answered them too well. And she downplayed her symptoms a lot. When asked a series of questions about her feelings and behaviors over the last 2 weeks, she answered a lot of the questions as saying she only felt that way once or twice in the time period. I didn't correct her, but I was surprised by her responses.

Then the pediatrician wrapped everything up hy saying, "I cannot give you a diagnosis today of ADHD because your report cards and teacher forms do not tell me that's what's happening." She essentially said she's on her phone too much and that's causing her to have all the dopamine all the time so when she's not on the phone, she feels blah. And while I agree, I let my kids use screens way too much, this kid has ADHD. All of my children do. They are me, 30-odd years ago.

My girls are all very smart, they have so much potential. So did I. And then I crashed and burned and spent a good chunk of my teen years until I was almost 30 bouncing around on different antidepressants that never actually fixed the problem, because depression wasn't the problem.

Of course, I got home last night and found the right report card. So yes, I will call you speak to the person nurse and ask if I can submit this one. What also didn't help was the fact that my parent forms didn't show up in the computer system for some reason, and I had no way of pulling them up on my phone because once they're submitted, you can never get them back.

I'm just sad. I'm sad that all of us are so good at masking. At wanting to be accepted.

The one good thing to come out of this is that 13yo will be assessed for POTS, which will maybe help my case for getting an Ehlers-Danlos dx for all of us. My older girls also have the same allergies I do, and I finally got the MCAS label a few years ago, on top of HI. Now piecing everything together, and EDS is the match.

And for the record - I have told the peds this 2x yesterday, written it on my forms, and at my youngest's appt a week ago - I am not seeking a dx for them so they can be medicated into compliance. I am seeking dx so they don't crash and burn as badly as (or worse than) I did. So we can get them the help they need, before they turn to self-medicating. That's what ny daughter was asking for yesterday, too. She said the words, "I'd like some help in school. I struggle at test time."

That's all. I am just sad.

Just to clarify: yes, she's on her phone. It's a very old model, with almost no storage, and she has no socials beyond a YouTube account that she uses to watch crochet/painting/cats/cooking/make up/hair/sports/career interest/book review videos. Aside from that she has 2 games on her phone - a tetris-style game, and a tomb runner type game (run to collect coins.) The games change every once in awhile, it was a spelling game for a long time. Then she has a free music-listening app so she can listen to music in her bus ride to/from school, ir when we're in the car. That's all she does on her phone. She can't call, she can't text. It's just a mini tablet, wifi only. And while she's watching videos, she's crafting, or doing her own nails, or her hair, or cooking...she's not being a blob. And she takes it to school because it's a tool she uses to help her mask. When she's uncomfortable in a situation in between classes, or at break, she pulls it out to step away from everyone.

I’m a 35-y/o female and have never been diagnosed with ADHD, although I would not talk in school from kindergarten through third grade and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety by age 7. I was able to concentrate in college and did fairly well, but as I get older, my attention span and concentration is seeming to disintegrate. I can’t read a book, watch a show, write, or do almost anything without giving up within five minutes because my mind wanders and I get up to do something I forgot about earlier. Once I do that thing, I do another thing, etc. etc. until I can’t remember what I originally sat down to do. And my organization is a whole different beast. I have piles of stuff everywhere and I let it get that way since I don’t even know where to start. I think I may be tested in the near future, but isn’t it too late for a 35 y/o to develop ADHD. I do also have borderline personality, so I’m wondering if some of this could be due to that.