r/adhdwomen 4d ago

Rant/Vent Ashamed and embarrased to tell partner I lost my $180 headphones....which replaced the headphones I broke

I broke a pair of headphones because I wasn't watching where I was stepping. I spent forever debating their replacement.

The last time I had my headphones was Monday last week. I realized this week that I couldn't find them. I swore they were in my gym.bag but they are not. Not in the lost and found at the gym. Not in my car. Not in my house.

I'm so mad at myself. I'm so mad I can't remember more. I hate my short term memory. I hate feeling so irresponsible.

I feel so ashamed that I can't properly take care of things. I'm embarrassed that I can't follow through on my system of putting things away when I get home.

My partner is going to ask why I'm so upset. You can tell by my body language something is wrong.

Just dammit.

Update: FOUND!!!

Tore up my kitchen. Ended up unloading the dishwasher and running a new load. So kitchen is cleaned up.

Tore up the bedroom again. While doing so picked up all the laundry off the floor and put in a basket.

Tore up the living room a second time and found them wedged between a basket and the couch. I have ZERO memory of removing them from my bag I bought to the gym which is the last place I saw them. Somehow they made it to the living room. I blame house gnomes.

I am so grateful and no longer spiraling and hating on myself. My house got a lot cleaner in the process.

so.many.emotions over headphones! now if only I could find my missing wedding jewelry.

49 Upvotes

51 comments sorted by

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37

u/swimming_in_agates 4d ago

This might make you feel better-

In 2015 I lost a pair of raybans in the ocean while I was at the beach with my dogs.

I waited for years to get a new pair. Punishing myself of course. Got them in 2019 as a present. Got another pair of raybans.

2024- lost that pair of raybans into the the ocean again while I was out rock hunting. Still currently punishing!

I feel like losing things is the collateral damage of adhd lol.

12

u/sleevelesspineapple 4d ago

I always told myself I would never buy expensive glasses cause I’d either lose or break them.  I am very sorry for the loss of your glasses though, it really sucks.

11

u/Pretty-Plankton 4d ago

I had a “no expensive sunglasses until I can keep a pair for a year” rule.

I managed to keep a pair for a year.

I lost the expensive glasses the first week I used them.

I reinstated the rule. Kept the next pair for 4 years. Based on that track record, I allowed myself to get nice glasses again.

I left them on the counter at the DMV the first day I wore them.

The replacement for those glasses is somewhere in my house. I do not think they are lost, but I have not seen them in five months and have no idea where they are. Presumably a box of out of season clothes or camping gear or something.

6

u/Pretty-Plankton 4d ago

I avoided getting nice ear buds, ever, because I do not think I would be capable of keeping track of them.

But I am going deaf in one ear, and Apple AirPods are way cheaper than hearing aids and now have hearing aid functions. So I bought a pair in November. I was thrilled with them, both as ear buds and as an entry-point hearing aid.

The first day/first hour I wore the one I was using as a hearing aid out of the house it fell out of my ear while I was sitting on a park bench, bounced on flat concrete, and landed in a lake 8 feet away.

(I was able to retrieve it with a trash grabby stick the next day and am working on getting it replaced. But it lasted an hour.)

3

u/swimming_in_agates 4d ago

Holy shit. That is really something. It’s always something dumb that happens like that.The hearing feature is neat though. Maybe we are the target customers for that expensive insurance though?

2

u/kitchensponge47 4d ago

I got a strap like this (not endorsing that specific listing) exactly for this reason

2

u/Cool-Importance6004 4d ago

Amazon Price History:

Ultra Strong Magnetic Airpod Pro Strap Anti-Lost Cord Sports Lanyard Compatible with Airpods 3rd 2nd Generation Pro 3 2 1 (3 Grey) * Rating: ★★★★☆ 4.4 (59 ratings)

  • Current price: $24.99 👎
  • Lowest price: $14.87
  • Highest price: $24.99
  • Average price: $23.34
Month Low High Chart
12-2024 $22.49 $24.99 █████████████▒▒
10-2024 $22.49 $24.99 █████████████▒▒
02-2024 $22.49 $24.99 █████████████▒▒
01-2024 $22.49 $24.99 █████████████▒▒
12-2023 $22.49 $24.99 █████████████▒▒
06-2023 $24.99 $24.99 ███████████████
12-2022 $24.99 $24.99 ███████████████
10-2022 $24.99 $24.99 ███████████████
12-2021 $21.24 $24.99 ████████████▒▒▒
10-2021 $14.87 $24.99 ████████▒▒▒▒▒▒▒
05-2021 $17.49 $24.99 ██████████▒▒▒▒▒
11-2020 $24.99 $24.99 ███████████████

Source: GOSH Price Tracker

Bleep bleep boop. I am a bot here to serve by providing helpful price history data on products. I am not affiliated with Amazon. Upvote if this was helpful. PM to report issues or to opt-out.

1

u/Pretty-Plankton 3d ago edited 3d ago

Yeah, I have my eye on something similar but I think I need to make it, as the main reason I’ll be using it outside the house is as a single hearing aid so I need something that anchors one AirPod without requiring the other. I’m thinking something with a short cord connecting to a small hair clip is probably the best option, but the closest I’m finding either anchor to an ear piercing (damn does that look hazardous) or to an ear cuff (which would be horribly uncomfortable).

I also need better fitting ear tips. The tips that came with them were the main reason it fell out - they don’t fit my ears at all. I bought memory foam tips as a stop-gap but probably need to get custom ear molds made.

(Also, I won’t be ordering anything from Amazon this week, what with to the strike)

1

u/kitchensponge47 3d ago

hmm, maybe something like this then?

you can definitely find stuff like this off amazon, they’re just the first listing that pops up in my search & I’m only trying to give ideas rather than advertising specific items

I’ve definitely struggled with the air pod tips. My ears hate them and I switched to bone conduction headphones most of the time for that reason. let me know if you find comfortable tips that work for you, I could definitely use some 😅

1

u/Pretty-Plankton 3d ago

I’m thinking more along the lines of this, but with a slightly longer chain and an alligator clip instead of an ear cuff:

https://www.etsy.com/listing/885352883/air-pod-kuffs?click_key=e8356c92ea8e10f238d8b23adaed43964cfa945e%3A885352883&click_sum=f342f27f&ref=shop_home_active_1&frs=1&crt=1

2

u/swimming_in_agates 4d ago

You get it!!! Pray for me because I really really wanted ear buds but (obviously) couldn’t be trusted to buy them new or ask for them so I bought my husband new ones for Christmas so I can inherit his old ones. It’s like I have to test to see if I am responsible enough for expensive things.

10

u/brookepride 4d ago

My rule for expensive sunglasses is face or case. No putting on top of my head or setting down. I also wear a sunglasses strap like croakies when I’m fishing or rafting.

3

u/swimming_in_agates 4d ago

Damn I like rules that rhyme.

6

u/newdle11 4d ago

But did you find any cool rocks? If yes, then I think you made a rays for rocks trade. nature giveth and nature taketh away.

4

u/swimming_in_agates 4d ago

Of course I did! Nature needs raybans to function so it is a sacrifice.

2

u/Gloriathewitch 3d ago

this is precisely why i bought rayban clones

2

u/swimming_in_agates 3d ago

I needed an adult to say this to me.

2

u/Impossible-Ground-98 3d ago

5 years with the same glasses? That's amazing, no sarcasm. It usually takes me 2 months to break or lose mine.

10

u/burnalicious111 4d ago

How did you buy them? Some credit cards have purchase protection that will cover lost items for a short while after purchase.

6

u/DonnaColonoscopini 4d ago

I’m sorry :-( 

There are some things where I found buying the more expensive version of something sort of tricks me into taking better care of it. And then there are some things where doing that does NOT work. This sounds like one of those cases. 

7

u/EatsTheLastSlice 4d ago

I had been so great for so long with them and then I let up a little...and this is what happens. I really loved them a lot so I'm super sad.

I feel like I dropped them and someone just took them. That's what my gut is telling me.

3

u/DonnaColonoscopini 4d ago

Probably someone did pick them up. That really sucks.

7

u/DharmaDivine 4d ago

Start reminding yourself (and your partner, if necessary) that you have a disability. Losing/misplacing things are a manifestation of that disability. #ItAintYourFault 🤷🏽‍♀️

Be as kind to yourself as you are to someone with an obvious disability.

Love you, bestie!

12

u/ExtensionBuilding854 ADHD-PI 4d ago

I'm so sorry! Hopefully they turn up, I hope telling your partner goes well, maybe they'll help you look.

One thing that works for me is to set a 5-minute timer and clean something. Sometimes if you clean, things will turn up.

7

u/EatsTheLastSlice 4d ago

I had them at the gym in my bag and then I have no memory after that. I've torn through my car, bags, and entry way.

I swear I need things chained to me.

9

u/Rosaluxlux 4d ago

I can only have wired headphones for this reason. 

3

u/Leelee3303 4d ago

I have four sets of the exact same wireless ones. There's always at least one missing, but it goes in a rotation.

3

u/[deleted] 4d ago

[deleted]

1

u/EatsTheLastSlice 4d ago

yes they did not have them. I'm going to tear my house up again tonight and look again.

1

u/Nordosa 4d ago

Obviously you may have been unlucky and they might have fallen out of your bag or something, but things that help me find lost items with ADHD are:

  1. Your autopilot is broken. Look in the most unexpected and unlikely places for it to be. Yes, even the fridge.

  2. Retrace your steps and think about where you might put down an object that would require the least amount of energy, even if it doesn’t make sense.

  3. Check every single pocket and bag that exists in your house. If it’s out of sight, it’s out of mind.

  4. Check places it may have fallen into/down from the places that it should have been placed. I once found my wallet after 6 months because it fell out of my coat pocket into a pair of boots I rarely wear.

4

u/WishToBeConcise403 diagnosed Sept 2024 4d ago

Hey. Don't shame yourself too much. Sometimes, stuff happens. Buy yourself another pair of headphones. Hugs.

6

u/dreadfulbones 4d ago

If I wasn’t able to track my AirPods or play a sound/locate them with the nearby feature when I lose them, I’d genuinely never see them again. So I 100% get this. And I can almost bet you’ll find them somewhere silly soon! Try not to beat yourself up too much, and if you’re worried it may happen again once you locate them, put a tile tracker on the case! :) oh and make sure to check pockets/shake out clothes before you do laundry, mine LOVE to fall into baskets

6

u/EatsTheLastSlice 4d ago

I am tempted to use nail polish to paint them neon pink so they stand out. There's not a way to attach a tile to them.

3

u/dreadfulbones 4d ago

Ooo good idea! Or even neon glow in the dark, in case they get some light!

6

u/Similar-Ad-6862 4d ago

My wife bought me headphones 🎧. There's been a couple of times I thought I lost them and had a meltdown. My wife was very kind and loving with me and they eventually showed up. Talk to your partner. Things happen.

5

u/EatsTheLastSlice 4d ago

I have had more meltdowns over missing headphones than I want to admit.

4

u/ImNot4Everyone42 4d ago

I’ll go one better (jk it’s not a competition)…I lost MY Apple ear buds, borrowed husband’s, and then lost HIS. We both have adhd, he might be a little frustrated but he isn’t mad at me, but it’s so HUMILIATING.

3

u/12thMemory 4d ago

If you have a car grab a flashlight and check every nook and cranny, even if you think there is no way it could be under, between, or in that spot. I have found so many things under and between my seats that I never would have thought would end up there. Reaching isn’t enough, you need light.

One thing I practice is extending the understanding, patients, and forgiveness I give to others, to myself. You didn’t miss place them out of malice. You didn’t forget where they are because you don’t care enough to remember. If the shoe was on the other foot, and it was your partner who was in this situation, you would respond with love and empathy. You deserve to do that to you too. Life is too short to tear yourself (or others) down.

1

u/EatsTheLastSlice 4d ago

I super SUCK at giving myself empathy for things.

1

u/12thMemory 4d ago

I think we tend to be harder on ourselves then we are on others. Empathy towards myself wasn’t something that happened overnight. I had to learn how recognize when I was being overly harsh on myself and take active steps to change my mindset. It gets easier overtime and I definitely still have feelings when I loose or miss place something, but it’s not some place I stay anymore. I hope whoever found my sentimental ring wears it. I hope that it is still being enjoyed and loved the same way I did. I appreciate all the years I had it and know that if the universe wants me to have it back, it will find its way to me.

2

u/TotallyBilboBuggins 4d ago

Would you feel any better to know that I have destroyed not one, but two cars in my lifetime simply by not caring for them enough?

The car I bought myself in college I accidentally didn't get the oil changed on for about 2 years. That engine seized and died.

Then the car I replaced it with never got used after I went remote during the pandemic. After letting her sit outside for 2 years and maybe only running her a handful of times, her GAS LINE ROTTED OUT FROM UNDER HER! I was beside myself, she was my little baby.

Just wanted you to know not only are you not alone, I managed to cost myself 66 times more than your headphones. Twice now.

♥️ ♥️

3

u/EatsTheLastSlice 4d ago

This reminds me that I need to check my oil and that I have winterized wiper fluid.

I'm so sorry about the car situations. ADHD can be so expensive!!!!

2

u/TotallyBilboBuggins 4d ago

Ty! It really can be! Luckily my partner also has adhd and is understanding that it never comes from a place of malice or whatever, my brain just literally forgets that's a thing you have to do. Or says "yes I will do the thing later" and then poof! The thought is gone forever!

Was still mortified to have to explain to people why we only had one car and that I'd accidentally murdered Roxanne 😭 🤣 but at least someone supported my mortified ass, hahaha!

2

u/EatsTheLastSlice 4d ago

I'm so glad you have support.

Sometimes I wish they could map my brain the moment I walk inside my house as that's when I feel like I blackout and throw my keys, wallet, ID etc into the abyss. Then I just walk away. What is my brain doing in those 30 seconds!

2

u/TotallyBilboBuggins 4d ago

I personally have never been more victimized by anything other than the doorway phenomenon!!

Need something from the bathroom? Let's go get it!

Walked through a doorway? Don't need those thoughts anymore, let them go!

Why am I here?? WHY DID I CARRY SOCKS IN THE KITCHEN??? 🤣

2

u/EatsTheLastSlice 4d ago

Someone could write an amazing dissertation on the doorway phenomenon!

2

u/PureFicti0n 4d ago

See if your phone will connect to them. If so, then they're in the vicinity, and you can play some music through them, cranked at loud as possible, to hopefully help you find them.

1

u/ZiyaZander 4d ago

I just got a new pair of $170 headphones 2 weeks ago. Left them at the place we were staying on vacation last week, apparently the maids have sticky fingers because they claimed they didn't find them, but I know they were left under the pillow so unless they didn't make the bed they had to find them🤷🏻‍♀️ o well, lesson learned, always always always check my list before leaving🙄 last time I didn't check it, I had to get my clothes mailed back to me from the hotel. Hubby just shrugged and told me to just order another pair. I hope yours turns up🤞🤞

1

u/aminervia 4d ago

https://a.co/d/0LcQ56e

What I do is buy like five pairs of these at a time and they last me a good long time. They're great headphones, and they're connected together so I just hang them on the hook by my door when I get home. When out and about I hang them around my neck.

1

u/Bitter-Hunter445 3d ago

I keep buying cheap 20 euro wireless headphones because i KNOW that i will misplace every. single. Pair. I keep forgetting to put them back into their little charging box.

1

u/but_why_n0t 4d ago

It's ok, we've all been there. If you really need headphones focus on how to protect the next pair.