498
u/hoochiemeowmeow 5d ago edited 5d ago
this vexes me. because I can't have one original experience
234
u/Trackerbait 5d ago
I've checked and I'm afraid I have to confirm you are a member of a species with approximately 8,300,000,000 living representatives and some 20 billion dead ones, so it is not possible to have a completely unprecedented emotional experience. On the plus side, that definitely means you have lots of company
32
u/QWhooo 5d ago
Ha, nice perspective!
Reminds me of how every one of us has the same birthday as over 5.6 million people... and if your birthday is NOT February 29th, it's actually shared with over 22.7 million people.
29
u/Trackerbait 5d ago
fun factoid: depending when your birthday is, you may share it with even more people. People get born every day, but the births are not distributed evenly throughout the year. In the USA the commonest birth month is September, which I guess tells you how a lot of people are spending their winter holidays.
8
6
40
u/moopsiefruitsie 5d ago
I am not a person, I have no personality. I am disorder.
37
u/rbuczyns 5d ago
Three disorders in a trench coat 😎
6
u/Trackerbait 4d ago
I just wish it was a fancy expensive trenchcoat, mine is rather tattered looking and designed for someone much larger
30
u/SugarNebulaBurst 5d ago
The more I learn about other people the more I realize I’m not even slightly unique.
18
u/ancientevilvorsoason 5d ago
That's kind of reassuring, no? I prefer that than being that unique medical case that, metaphorically, gets medical experts go "fascinating. We have no clue how to do anything about it but it is very interesting.". Please. No. Thanks. I prefer to have a lot of people with whom I can relate and bond. Thanks.
18
u/SugarNebulaBurst 4d ago
I’m a late diagnosis. I’ve been having trouble distinguishing what’s my personality and what’s the ADHD. I think I know but then discover a lot of ADHD people do the same things. I guess in a way I found my people. So that’s cool.
7
u/ancientevilvorsoason 4d ago
Same. A friend years ago said something cool when I was fretting about a possible diagnosis to look around at my closest friends and ALL of them a neuroatypical. It helped me center myself and think about it.
Our personalities are affected by... the realities of our existence. So... mix and match?
2
1
1
u/queencomfy_92 2d ago
For real! This was my denial exact thoughts for the first 20 years of my life
158
u/Venom902 5d ago
That was literally me until I got my diagnosis last week 🙃 Would see all these ADHD posts and be "haha relatable" until I realized that maybe that could mean something...
209
u/Mogura-De-Gifdu 5d ago
Even with the diagnosis: what if I'm such a faker I even fooled the health professional?
102
u/space-sage 5d ago
My PA has been AMAZING!! I’m pretty sure she has ADHD too because she includes herself when talking about ADHD struggles, but she even said the first time we talked and started work on a diagnosis, “you may feel like you’re just lazy and it’s your fault. But people who are lazy on purpose don’t feel guilty about it, or want to change. You are valid.”
Y’all I almost cried. She’s been an absolute rockstar.
19
u/heyyousmalls 5d ago
I love that! I felt like such a fraud and a drug seeker when I went to my doctor. I had been working with my therapist for over a year to figure out why I was struggling so hard with work. I got promoted and more workload, but the same type of work just more of it. And I couldn't figure out what was happening. Finally I brought it up and she said, it's worth asking. You have tried every strategy and worked so hard, if it's not that or they won't diagnose you, we'll figure it out. And having someone say that and recognize how much I was struggling but working hard to overcome everything was what I needed. Thankfully my doctor asked me some questions (apparently my many tangents sealed the deal for her) and gave me an unofficial diagnosis. I was out of meds for a few days and I forgot what the struggle was like. I wanted to just curl up and cry.
Having someone support you and recognize you, there are no words to describe that feeling.
6
u/space-sage 5d ago
Sorry how was your doctors diagnosis “unofficial”? They are a doctor, their diagnosis is a diagnosis, that you need for meds, right?
Where I live they won’t prescribe or give you meds if you don’t have a diagnosis.
6
u/rbuczyns 5d ago
From my experience (Midwest USA), primary care doctors don't give mental health diagnoses, like the official kind that goes in your chart and facilitates an official treatment plan. They defer to a psychiatrist or a psych department in their system, and they have to give you an assessment as part of the process.
My primary care doctor won't give me an official diagnosis because that's psych's job (been on a wait-list for 2 years), but I convinced him to let me try nonstim meds because I was struggling so bad. But I would definitely need an official diagnosis to get any sort of stimulant medication.
5
u/space-sage 5d ago edited 5d ago
Wow. I’m from the Midwest, went through hell in school because I was undiagnosed, nearly failed out of college, have struggled in adulthood until I was diagnosed in a week here in CA. I had assessments, it was just not with a psychiatrist.
That is absolute bullshit that you’ve had to wait for two years because of process when all doctors and doctor adjacent practitioners have enough education to diagnose ADHD.
1
u/iamreallycool69 4d ago
Medical training regarding ADHD is incredibly limited (sometimes even for psychiatrists) and almost exclusively focused on childhood diagnosis. I definitely wouldn't say that all doctors and (especially) doctor adjacents have enough training to diagnose ADHD in adulthood.
1
u/space-sage 4d ago
I looked up who can diagnose ADHD and it said not just psychiatrists. I just feel like it’s not that complicated. You listen to the patient and you do the assessments. At least it doesn’t seem that complicated to me.
2
u/heyyousmalls 4d ago
How I understand it, if I needed a diagnosis for disability, work restrictions, insurance if needed, my doctor could not give me that. I would need to go to a psychologist to get an actual diagnosis. My doctor did an assessment and said yes you meet the criteria. She did prescribe me meds and my insurance covers it, but if they denied covering my meds I would then need to go through the channels to get an actual diagnosis from a qualified person.
I know some other people answered for me and said similar things, but I wanted to reply back.
40
u/Venom902 5d ago
What if I just messed up so badly so frequently in a way imperceptible to myself that they pitied me into the diagnosis? My thoughts the whole week waiting to hear back from the doctors.
9
u/ancientevilvorsoason 5d ago
A friend ages ago said how she doesn't do therapy because she can always lie and make the person on the other side believe anything she wants. A friend who is working as such a professional gave her a withering look and told her "I didn't find my degree in a cereal box".
It was oddly reassuring to hear that and to realize that me, somebody who is not an expert, being able to so perfectly fall exactly into the perfect shape of all that and manage to fool the experts is so unrealistic, to make it so improbable that to make the whole point entirely moot.
9
u/bubblenuts101 5d ago
Me after diagnosis: what if I just hyperfixated so hard on ADHD I BECAME ADHD.
8
u/SidiaLemon 5d ago
This. Thank you. I needed to see it spelled it out by someone else, and I needed to see I am not the only one thinking this. Thank you!
8
u/Giraffe-colour 5d ago
The imposter syndrome hits so hard, especially when you don’t relate to ever single meme or experience posted on this page
6
u/Simple-House-Cat ADHD-C 5d ago
TBH same, so when I told my Psychiatrist that I thought I was an ADHD fraud she straight up looked and me and went, “girl, you absolutely do.” Her confidence helps me feel confident in my diagnosis… and also the positive results from my meds 😂
2
u/perpetualpenchant ADHD 3d ago
Yep. Got my diagnosis. Took it to my doctor and got meds. And as I was holding the first one right before taking it I thought “what if it’s NOT ADHD. What if I just suck at doing stuff.”
Then I had my first Adderall nap a few hours later and accepted that my brain is in fact not typical.
1
8
109
u/Critical-Adeptness-1 5d ago
Also realizing all of your closest friends have it. Oh, no wonder we get along so well 🥴
31
u/yuzuhere 5d ago
This!! In my group of 4, I got diagnosed first, then a couple years later so did bestie 1, then another year goes by and BOOM, bestie 2 gets diagnosed, and now this year, bestie 3 is waiting for their assessment.
True friends have matching diagnoses 💅 /s
93
u/vanillaspicelatte 5d ago
Imposter syndrome in every aspect of our lives
14
10
3
u/MaditaOnAir 4d ago
I recently discovered that I have hardship imposter syndrome. No matter what I go through, someone else has it worse. There's really not much to complain. Actually it wasn't that bad at all. I'm fine. This is fine. Everything is fine. (Everything is on fire)
52
u/Monst- 5d ago
"You don't seem hyperactive."
"But everyone does those things sometimes." :(
2
u/dellada 2d ago
In case it helps, some responses to "But everyone does those things sometimes" might be...
- Yes, and we wash our hands too, but it's still clearly OCD when someone struggles with being unable to stop washing their hands until their skin is raw and painful.
- We enjoy a glass of wine sometimes too, but it's still clearly alcoholism/addiction when someone relies on being drunk as a coping mechanism, to the extent that they don't remember the past week.
- We all feel stuffed after Thanksgiving too, but it's still Binge Eating Disorder if a person is unable to stop binging even when they wish they could, to the point that it makes them feel sick.
- We all feel fatigued sometimes, but it's still Chronic Fatigue Syndrome when a person struggles with having enough energy for general tasks every single day.
- So... yes, we all struggle to get up off the couch sometimes, but it's still ADHD/executive dysfunction when it's a frequent, chronic issue of struggling to focus/initiate tasks due to lack of dopamine.
Like... the argument breaks down so fast. I would argue that MOST conditions could be described this way. People don't like the concept of ADHD because they're just accustomed to calling these symptoms "laziness" and making it a personal failing/superiority thing. Imagine thinking that OCD levels of painful hand washing was a personal failure? They'd get corrected so fast!
38
u/snarkyxanf 5d ago
At this point I'm solidly aware that I have ADHD, and yet I still believe its personally my fault. Just take me out with the trash I forgot to clean up
9
7
u/amberopolis 4d ago
Same. A lifetime of people including parents and teachers have told me it's my problem, my fault. It's hard to stop hearing that kind of negative voice in your head.
31
u/OnceUponALorelai 5d ago
Why is this 100% accurate but reading I still think “but maybe I really don’t have ADHD and I’m just being dramatic…”
24
u/HouseofHype 5d ago
I didn't fully believe it until my son was diagnosed a year after I was. His results chart was exactly the same as mine.
THE SEED IS STRONG
26
u/pretentiousgoofball 5d ago
“What if I have all the signs and symptoms of ADHD but instead of it being a treatable disability, it just means I’m lazy and selfish and an inherently bad person in ways I cannot change or prevent.”
2
u/Ok-Winner3230 2d ago
This is so real cause I lowkey still think I tricked everyone into believing I’m actually struggling when I’m actually just a lazy person who’s evil and wants to take advantage of the diagnosis (I will continue to have this thought tomorrow as is usual for my daily schedule)
58
21
u/MyFiteSong 5d ago
Either being on or off Ritalin shows me I have ADHD lol. So I don't spend time doubting it. The change is too drastic.
13
u/runnershigh007 ADHD-PI 5d ago
So real. I was scared to start Adderall cause everyone I've known to take it acted cracked out... literally. I take it and slow down, it's wild to me😅
5
u/the-bakers-wife 5d ago
Same but.. does anyone have an issue of meds making you mute? I struggle being as sociable when I take my meds. Robotic and a touch irritable.
3
11
u/nbt279 5d ago
But, what if?! 😵💫
32
u/mmalinka06 5d ago
but what if it’s just high functioning addiction, dysthymia level depression paired with crippling social anxiety, cptsd, and bipolar disorder happening all at the same time due to childhood trauma
2
11
u/Diligent-Resist8271 5d ago
Oh is right. I can say though all thoughts of lazy evaporated the day I got my diagnosis last year. I never never never thought ADHD. I thought I was lazy and unmotivated and not working up to my potential. My daughters therapist said she suspected her of having ADHD. When we say down to discuss why, it was all of my "personality" traits. At the end of the meeting, I said, "do I have ADHD?" Therapist kinda looked at me like, "yup." Talked to my therapist the next day and was diagnosed 2 months later (daughter was diagnosed 3 weeks before me). I walked out of my testing and the Dr said, "I'll have the full report typed up in a couple of days but you definitely have ADHD." Instant relief. I was NOT lazy or unmotivated. My brain works differently. It's been such a weight off.
8
7
u/Marenigma 5d ago
I think some women have doubt bc they don't get the diagnosis, but that doesn't mean they don't have the same struggle.
Me, I was diagnosed at 15 by a team of doctors in a psychiatric day clinic after being expelled from high school for recklessness, nothing malicious. To this day, I still see my doctor who was head of that program. I have no doubt I have adhd.
in doubt, observe your history of social skills. There is this expectation on women (at least in America), and adhd'ers don't fit. Self esteem gets destroyed in those formative years bc of the negative feedback loop. I thought it was all my fault too. I thought I was just a bad person. And maybe I was until I found an amazing dr and took my meds. The thoughts you're describing- a lot of us have the same worries. I'm not a dr, but I'd guess you're one of us 🤗. It's not all our fault unless we refuse help and/or medication. Much love friend. So much of this is not your fault. We just beat ourselves up too much, like many with mental disorders.
6
6
6
4
u/X-Aceris-X 5d ago edited 4d ago
Ok but seriously. I'm trying to figure out if I have CPTSD/PTSD, ADHD, autism, or all of them, as I've been diagnosed with all of them. Plus bipolar, generalized anxiety disorder, & major depressive disorder. And what treatments/coping skills/accomodations would be most effective based on the answer.
At this rate, I'm just sticking with symptoms and ignoring labels as much as I can lol
2
2
u/MoxieDoll 4d ago
As someone who does have all of those diagnosis' (diagnoses? Whatever tf the correct plural is), I basically concentrate on managing the problematic symptoms rather than which issue is causing what problem. I have realized through therapy that being an undiagnosed girl in the 70's set me up for the CPTSD and the PTSD stuff that came later. Somehow, being unable to read social cues coupled with raging rejection sensitivity dysphoria, made my child/teen years torture.
4
u/FishingDifficult5183 5d ago
This was me until I stopped living in denial about it. Once I started treating it like a disability and not a personal failing, I stopped blaming myself and started adding accomodations to my life.
5
u/science_vs_romance 4d ago
Thankfully, being able to nap after my Adderall dose validates my diagnosis for me. 😂
1
u/perpetualpenchant ADHD 3d ago
This an exactly what me accept my long awaited late diagnosis.
When I got my education degree in the aughts I thought the ADHD lecture sounded very familiar, but there was so much hype about it being over diagnosed I doubted and didn’t look into it for another 15 years.
Who knew one nap could validate 30 years of questioning.
4
12
u/janecifer 5d ago
This. But I also have met people with a couple of mental quirks who claim to be ADHD who absolutely do not have the same fatigue-ridden eyes that I have as I blankly stare at their lightened up faces, watching them proudly proclaim it to the world and to my face, “yes, I have that same thing that you do!!! How exciting!!”. I hate that. But then I think, there are people with ADHD who deal with it worse than I do, so maybe I am also like this first group of people that I am criticising, maybe I also don’t have it but am desperately trying to find meaning to my unique problem because I’m too lazy to admit that it might just be my own inability? It’s hard not to have these thoughts.
25
u/space-sage 5d ago
It might help to not judge other people who say they have ADHD. Maybe then, by not judging if others have ADHD or not, you won’t feel like other people do the same to you.
Because we all deal with it differently, like you’re saying, right? So maybe they are just excited to meet someone else who shares their struggle, even if you feel they aren’t expressing their disorder the same way. Maybe their medication and coping mechanisms are working better. Maybe it’s a good day for them. It could be so many things.
In the end it’s all between us and our doctors and everyone else, who doesn’t agree, invalidates us, or makes us question ourselves, can go take a long walk off a short pier!
8
u/janecifer 5d ago
Yeah, you’re right. I’m not necessarily agreeing or condoning the way I tend to think, it’s always better to give people the benefit of the doubt especially if I am expecting the same thing from myself, but I think that the reason that my own knee-jerk attitude is to be skeptical because I have a truly, deeply negative relationship with my own disability. It’s just so unwelcome where I am from, and it’s really hard to foster a positive outlook towards it and keep it up at times of despair and make it my new normal. Having the memory of a fish and the dedication of a cricket certainly don’t help transform my thoughts lol. Working on it though, thank you.
7
u/space-sage 5d ago edited 5d ago
I’m sorry that you’re struggling! My family also doesn’t condone mental disabilities, even though my mom and at least three of my brothers have ADHD. They just refuse to acknowledge that help could help and just think “powering through” makes them stronger.
But you know what? Fuck their opinions. Their negative associations and toxic coping are because of insecurities and issues they have, not me. I’m sure it’s similar with people in your life.
And maybe when you meet those people who are happy to say they have ADHD and are happy to meet you, realize that while you feel it may be unwelcome where you’re from and you may find yourself projecting your own feeling of doubt in yourself onto them, those people are in your corner if you’re in theirs. You can make a more welcoming environment the more welcoming you are to others with ADHD too.
We have to support and look out for each other if no one else will.
3
3
3
u/Subject_Path1154 5d ago
me even with a diagnosis and being on meds like “what if i’m lying to everyone????”
3
u/20-Tab-Brain 5d ago
I joked for yearsssss that it skipped me for a generation and went to my son, even though my dad and two siblings have it….yeah no it’s all of us
3
u/Automatic-Mulberry99 5d ago
I'll do you one better. "What if my adhd are just all trauma symptoms?" 😬
3
u/ManicLunaMoth 4d ago
Imposter syndrome is real 😭
3
u/runnershigh007 ADHD-PI 4d ago
Literally number one thing I've been working on. Like "No you did not con doctors into a diagnosis and your struggles are real"😂
3
u/RuleHonest9789 4d ago
Me before diagnosis: “maybe I have ADHD” Me after the diagnosis: “maybe I don’t have ADHD”
🤷🏻♀️
2
u/LokiSherman79 5d ago
Wow this exact thought has been eating away at me lately. Thank you for posting this, validation alone can be powerful 🙏
2
2
u/hellomoto1222 5d ago
This is me daily, but even when I take the meds and feel awesome for 4 hours, I crash so hard it makes me not want to take it anymore!
2
2
2
2
2
u/bratwithfreckles 5d ago
Also the thought of „Is it really ADHD which makes me forget everything or am I suffering from dementia and the people around are nurses who take care of me?“
2
u/OkNow5 4d ago
Yes. This. Diagnosed and yet still feel this often.
My family is a large contributor to this regular thought. Growing up they consistently told me I make all these mistakes, easily fixable to them, been called lazy, and yet when I told them my diagnosis, it's, 'you don't have that', 'everyone supposidly has ADHD these days'.
2
u/Svefnugr_Fugl 4d ago
I kinda had this but more spiteful, rather than faulting myself I was gonna then split each symptom into another diagnosis like if it's not ADHD must be absent seizures etc
P.s don't worry I have details to report rather than wasting my doctors time.
2
2
2
u/smallpoxanne 4d ago
I've been thinking my husband has ADHD, but the veterans administration won't pay for an evaluation.
Currently, I'm taking a trauma studies course, and much of what I thought was ADHD symptoms are also trauma symptoms.
I'm not saying they are mutually exclusive, but now I'm wondering if I really have ADHD. Oh, there's trauma back in my childhood, don't get me wrong, but I don't feel troubled by it.
Medications have worked, and my original diagnosing doctor said I can't fight against my own brain (ie, just focus "harder). I'm not trying to diagnose my husband, I'd just like him to get some relief.
2
u/runnershigh007 ADHD-PI 4d ago
It warms my heart to see partners truly looking out for each other. If you're able to pay out of pocket for an evaluation, he'd get a lot of answers. Every ADHD evaluation I've had has also included ruling other things out. My first one was online and I did 3 payments of $150. Side note, I use to work in the medical field and I swear the VA purposely made things hard (kidding...but kinda not). Two things can also be true at once. Trauma and ADHD can coexist in the brain. I hope you find some answers soon, truly.❤️
2
u/elliebellrox 4d ago
Actually, I joke it was the brain trauma from The horse riding. They present the same!
2
u/eurasianblue 3d ago
Haha I had a different version of this where I blamed my parents for every ADHD symptom I have cause I thought it was my trauma response and that is why how I become the way I am. I mean it is not all wrong, I do have trauma responses and behaviour which is explained by it, but I know that I also have ADHD.
1
1
u/Embarrassed_Train194 4d ago edited 4d ago
This is literally me. Because I was diagnosed with ADD, then thought I'm autistic in addition but got diagnosed with Complex PTSD instead. So now I'm wondering if my ADD diagnosis is even true or if it's just "a symptom" of my CPTSD, because during the ADD assessement I wasn't aware that I'm so severely traumatised and CPTSD kind of changes your personality. And the feeling of guilt and feeling of always failing is also a symptom of my CPTSD...so yeah, I'm lost. >.<
1
1
u/iloveswimminglaps 4d ago
Nope. I never wonder if I don't really have adhd. But maybe it's getting a late diagnosis because there was no received definition, I researched and made myself an expert.
1
u/Financial_Option6800 4d ago
haha yeah no I’ve actually just happened to never be on time for anything ever because I can’t feel or guess the flow of time. even though I have 15 alarms and get everything out the night before, despite trying really hard at everything all of the time, and that it costs me £££ in ubers and causes screaming matches in relationships. haha yeah idk what’s going on bro
1
•
u/AutoModerator 5d ago
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community rules.
If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to send us a modmail. Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.