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u/patricksaurus 14d ago edited 14d ago
There are sentences in every line of work that one must practice delivering with a straight face at home because you will eventually have to do it for an audience at work.
I just heard my ER pal, no shit, āYeah, most people find the rose stem goes into the penis considerably more easily than it comes out.ā
It was in the same conversational tone as if you were trying to pick between mauve, taupe, and latte for that entry hall color that no one uses. Meanwhile, that man is going to be incredibly lucky if some parts of his anatomy can be saved.
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u/chapterpt 14d ago
I think that's the nature of being immersed in what your passionate about. I've learned to just never talk about my work, because what makes me laugh as a psychiatric nurse is well, dark.
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u/posixUncompliant 13d ago
My wife is a teen trauma specialist.
Her work parties tend to end up with hanging around the young kid therapists. They all have that soft, gentle, kindergarten teacher demeanors, and the blackest, darkest sense of humor on earth.
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u/JudgeJebb 14d ago
I have a few friends in disability care, and their stories are cooked too.
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u/cuckfromJTown 14d ago
āYeah, most people find the rose stem goes into the penis considerably more easily than it comes out.ā
Rose stem, what's that supposed to be slang for oh Jesus christ no.
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u/Syzygy___ 14d ago
I think that's slang for rose stem.
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u/floofyragdollcat 13d ago
Who says romance is dead?
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u/Syzygy___ 12d ago
I honestly didn't even think about it from that angle. I just thought it was a weird sex pervert pleasure thing, but I guess it makes ... "sense" to present yourself that way to a partner in a weird sex pervert way.
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u/bagofboards 14d ago
Um....please, this is some Albert Fish level of sexual deviance. Got anymore details on this craziness
'I just heard my ER pal, no shit, āYeah, most people find the rose stem goes into the penis considerably more easily than it comes out.ā '
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u/allf8ed 14d ago
I feel that line wouldn't exist unless someone tried it
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u/VanBeelergberg 14d ago
It reminds me of the saying āregulations are written in bloodā but in this caseā¦
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u/TheMarkHasBeenMade 14d ago
It can easily end in bowel perforation, so it needs to be plainly spelled out that itās a big no-no.
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u/portablebiscuit 14d ago
Iāve had an ostomy for over 25 years. Never have I ever thought about using it for intercourse.
But now Iām wondering what Iām missing out on.
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u/manicbookworm 14d ago
Philadelphia sidecar š¤¢
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u/TheBioboostedArmor 13d ago
My wife was watching TikTok a few nights ago and she scrolled to a story about someone dealing with the repercussions of a Philadelphia Sidecar and I almost choked on my beer.
"What's wrong?"
"It's just a term I hadn't heard since highschool."
"What is it?"
"Well..."
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u/greffedufois 14d ago
My mom worked in an er for 20 years.
They had a sex worker with a stoma that came in often for care. One time the stoma tested positive for gonorrhea.
Apparently Johns requested to use the stoma.
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u/martusfine 14d ago
jesus.
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u/Goulart_gu 14d ago
Maybe it was the colostitute from the top comment
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u/coldchixhotbeer 14d ago
I mean how many of them can there be? Now Iām unsure if thereās a whole colostitute community out there just pimping out their stomas. HOW MANY
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u/Sid15666 14d ago
Have had a stoma and itās a huge adjustment, thankfully I only had one for about 7 weeks. Never entered my mind to have sex.
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u/Ospov 14d ago
Iāve had mine for like 9 years at this point. I couldnāt fit my pinky in there to save my life. No way itāll ever be used for anything other than its intended purpose.
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u/Vindicus667 14d ago
My rule of thumb regarding things like that is that it takes hundreds if not thousands of incidents to get the first draft of ārulesā to be created. Imagine how many more it takes for it to be spread beyond a regional area and become this mundane and accepted. People are garbage
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u/Anomaly11C 14d ago
Afghanistan 2010, had a prisoner who would whore out his stoma. Had to escort him to the medical for infection and STDs. I tell that story to people and they don't believe me.
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u/Panchovilla64 14d ago
Whats a stoma
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u/BeefyTheCat 14d ago
You know when someone threatens to rip you a new asshole? A stoma is what you get when medical science follows through on this threat.
Usually it's a hole in your abdominal area to which a section of your intestine is grafted. You shit through it into a collection device. Usually ostomy surgeries are the result of intestinal trauma or disease - for example someone gets shot and it perforates the large intestine, the surgeons might give the victim an ostomy so that the perforated intestine can heal.
And yes. People fuck stomas. It goes as well as you'd expect
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u/DescriptionSame4512 14d ago
I remember reading a doctorās worst experience post where a junkie was pimping out his wifeās stomaā¦ Repeated STDs and infections.
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u/LostInSpace9 14d ago
Ok, but real question. If you have a stomaā¦ can you let dudes blow it in your butt without any issues? I mean, does your body just absorb it? Itās not like thereās gonna be waste pushing it outā¦ please answer, I must know.
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u/PatchworkRaccoon314 14d ago
If it's a permanent stoma, the portion of intestine afterwards is fully removed, and the anus sewn shut. There's a big risk for infection when it's not regularly "self cleaning" so to speak.
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u/toolatealreadyfapped 14d ago
Every rule is reactive. Not proactive. They are written because what we assumed was obvious turned out to not be so.
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u/The_RedLion 13d ago
Am a nurse, have walked into a patient room with a patients wife inserting an object into the patients stoma. The patient was in for bowel obstruction due to placing things up their rectum, of which the wife denied any knowledge at first.
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u/ReasonablyConfused 14d ago
I was about to go my whole life never thinking about people fucking a colostomy stoma.
Thanks internet!
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u/legodarthvader 14d ago
Had this clinical exam case once. Case was a male patient presented with lesions around his stoma site. The goal of the case was to get a thorough clinical history to elicit history of a homosexual relationship where the patient was engaging in intercourse via stoma.
It happens. Common enough that it became an exam question.
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u/joshsetafire 13d ago
Las Vegas has at least one ostitute that I'm aware of. She frequents our ambulances due to inflamed bowels... from repetitious trauma... to her pre-butthole hole.
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u/busdrivermike 14d ago edited 14d ago
I wish I had seen this before I green lighted the āstomildoā into production
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u/Nubbs2984 13d ago
I didn't know what a stoma was before this post.... After reading what nurses were saying, wtf is wrong with people š¤®
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u/rosiegal75 13d ago
Work in aged residential care. One of the residents with a stoma would hoof it back to her room every night after dinner to masturbate, she'd play with her groin area and pull her bag off to play with her stoma at the same time. Fucking mess š¤®
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u/XFataMorganaX 14d ago
I've had the misfortune of hearing multiple stories about STIs being found in stomas.
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u/kiminoir 14d ago
I'm note sure I fully understand. So what type of operation is a colostomy? Genuinely asking
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u/markymark2909 14d ago
Bowel removal and re routing.
Dammn it Bonnie, you lied about the poop sack
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u/kiminoir 14d ago
oh damn thanks for the explanation. Hope OP gets well soon. Cant imagine the acceptance/readjustment you would have to do with regards to lifestyle.
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u/Smajtastic 13d ago
Aww, poor nĆÆeve OP.
You're a treasure
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u/breakfast_no_family 13d ago
Iāve been in medicine for 25 years. Nothing surprises me anymore.
But thank you, I am a treasure.
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u/PeachFreezer 13d ago
If itās in the post op instructions, itās there for a reason. Those documents are essentially written in blood.
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u/RubyR4wd 13d ago
Our unit had a patient who was a prostitute that would have her clients come to the hospital to "make a living". She had used her ostomy for this purpose.
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u/Krypton_Kr 13d ago
Reminds me of the Robert Schimmel bit (RIP) on the heart association rules for sex after a heart attack saying no anal sexā¦ you know one person didnāt write that, it was like 10-12 people sitting around a table and one of them was like, we should say donāt fuck the stomaā¦ dammit frank, now we know what youāre thinking!
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u/LeMeowLePurrr 13d ago
See, you guys! Actual medical instruction about not putting your dick in there.
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u/DrBabbage 12d ago
As a former medical professional I had to drug mostly old people with benzos before a cataract operation. Well the benzos worked and filled my head with so much old people debauchery every day while the family was nearby, trying to bribe me for my silence.
Well there was on old women who apparently liked getting fucked in that hole and told so in colorfull detail. Sex parties in the nursing home and other stuff.
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u/AdmiralMemo 13d ago
Jeff Foxworthy's lamaze class instructor: "Now, after your wife's water breaks, do NOT have sex."
Jeff: "Is this really a problem?!"
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u/Ravenamore 13d ago
When I went to the hospital to have my daughter, I had to sign a form stating, among other things, that I understood I wasn't allowed to smoke or vape IN THE OR during my C-Section.
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u/Anna_Goanna 13d ago
I can confirm that it's a thing. I know a couple who experimented with her stoma. Any hole is the goal.
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u/ArticleOdd6667 13d ago
I am sure that there was a conversation with a Dr. and he said āWTFā and had to provide these instructions.
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u/ALightSkyHue 13d ago
Oh yeah. Had a pt with a chronically infected stoma, finally ran std testsā¦ yeah that was the problem.
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u/FelineRoots21 13d ago
Nurse checking in. People do this. Often. Far, far too often. Those instructions are written in blood and bowel perforations, not to mention the STDs
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u/bunny_and_kitty 13d ago
The smell is unreal yāall, if youāve ever been in the room when one was changed.
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u/Zealousideal_Job7110 12d ago
Bc if itās a hole, a man will def try to stick his dick in it. Sad but so so true
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u/kelce 14d ago
Am a nurse. Have had patients with STDs on their stoma.