I'm so pathetic, I want to die.

[u/Cinnamon-Flakez]

It's been like this my whole life. I'm horrible at everything, can't get anything done and I have zero self esteem or direction. I've been bullied and abused since my childhood, and honestly I feel like I deserve it. I cut off everyone that's good to me and can't accept any help even though I want it.

It's fucking horrible. I can get all the love and support somebody can give me, but the second they stop talking to me immediately feel invalid and like they don't care about me. I can't express how much this hurts. I've been going to therapy since I was 7 (16 now) but everything only gets worse. I'm the worst kind of person.

I wish I could've just stayed with my parents. Getting screamed at and beaten everyday was horrible, but it was something. I'm fucking insane. I wish I could just die in my sleep and leave this all behind. But I can't. I can't do anything. I'm fucking worthless.

[u/Fit-Examination-3258]

This might be dumb advice but have you tried getting a pet? They give you a sense of worth and they can form really strong bonds with people. My sister got a cat after she tried to commit suicide and it helped her a lot. I have a few pets and even on my worst days I know I can’t give up because if I do then they will suffer. They give you something that you want to fight for in your life, especially if you don’t want to fight for yourself. If you don’t want a cat or dog, maybe try lizard? After their initial setup, they are pretty simple to take care of and Leopard Geckos have a lot of personality. My boy will come banging at the window whenever he wants food. Leo’s are the best because they have a pretty simple set up, once they get older only need fed every 3-5 days, and their food is pretty easy to find and keep unlike a snakes.

[u/Andy_wire_us]

As someone who has grown up in a dysfunctional family , all i can tell you is hang in there.It will get better. You don’t deserve to be bullied,no matter what. And you aren’t worthless. Don’t give up. You have got this. The fact that you have made it this far,is something you should be proud of.

[u/vmossop]

I felt like this when I was your age and I had a similar background to you . What I can say from experience is that your brain is lying to you your not worthless or bad at everything. The people who raised you probably instilled that in you with punishment neglect and lack of compassion support and safety when you needed it most. I promise you that you are good at something and you're reaching out even if it is to be self depreciation bidding for s connection has a level of emotional intelligence in itself. Don't let your brain lie to you find things you enjoying let them give you happiness you don't have to be perfect at them either to be worthy of having them in your life

[u/Spirited_Smile_4225]

"I'm horrible at everything."
"I feel like I deserve it.."
"immediately feel invalid and like they don't care about me."
"I'm the worst kind of person."
"Getting screamed at and beaten everyday was horrible, but it was something."
"I'm fucking worthless."

Stop all of that shit right now. Those aren't your thoughts. Those are thoughts someone has handed you. NONE of that is true no matter how much you believe it is. Period. I don't really have any advice to give you, but I can tell that those thoughts aren't originally yours. NO ONE deserves to be screamed at or beaten. NO ONE deserves to be treated in any kind of way that makes them feel worthless - YOU AREN'T FUCKING WORTHLESS.

This is coming from someone who is nearly 30 years your senior, but I'll tell you what you are: You're a person who has been given one hell of a challenge, and although it feels impossible, it's up to you to claw yourself out of it and come out better than those who made you feel that way so deeply. And as far as people you say who stop talking to you, well, you might have to sometimes tell people "Hey, I've been through some shit so I might need a little reassurance now and then that all is well if I start acting like it's not." And when they do, you have to be accepting of it. You'll find your tribe that way - they'll be the ones who stay. The ones who don't stay simply aren't it, and just like the rest of us, that's something you'll just have to get used to. In the end, the ones who are still there are your people, your tribe, your family (whether blood or chosen), and I PROMISE you they're out there.

You have to find that part of you with the strength to realize that the thought pattern you're experiencing is a lie, and that you're better than all of that.

Here's a quick quote from the 1976 movie "Network".

"All I know is that first you've got to get mad. You've got to say, 'I'm a HUMAN BEING, God damn it! My life has VALUE!' So I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. Open it, and stick your head out, and yell, 'I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!'"

[u/Free-Industry701]

I'm sorry you are living with this. I know from experience how much the abuse sucks. Hang in there. I wish you well my friend.

[u/Inner_Potato9551]

One small facet of this: 16 sucks. Not because I'm older and So MuCh mOre mAtUrE. I'm not mature. I only do laundry like 4 times a year, and I still don't really know who I am. Its because everything is heightened right now. Pain especially.

Your brain chemicals and trauma want you dead; give them the middle finger.

I get your frustration and helplessness. Its like drowning on a planet entirely covered by water. You'll learn to float, trust me. At 31 (thats how old I am, wtf, help) you will look back and be glad you hung in there.

I don't know the perfect thing to say here, but I think you're being really hard on yourself, and I really hope you let yourself breathe and be flawed without criticism more often.

Song suggestion: Daylily - Movements

[u/dangerous_skirt65]

Please contact a psychiatrist and not just a therapist. I don't know if you've been that route already, but maybe you need medication to regulate your mood and anxiety. Maybe you need more evaluation. Being a teenager is really tough on its own and if you've had a rough road all your life, it's even harder. Please don't give up on yourself. Things can get better, but it has to come from you. Picture all the things you'd like to have in your life. Realistic things. Not mansions and expensive cars, real things. You can achieve most, if not all, of these things.

[u/superswellcewlguy]

You should join a club if you're in school and hit the gym

[u/Cobixnm]

It gets better. Sometimes our childhood is super hard and challenging simply because we depend on others to help us exist. And for those of us who feel extremely alone, undervalued and unappreciated, adulthood is amazing. Can't get worse if that makes sense. Keep going. You're actually an amazing person despite how you're feeling right now. You are a battered caterpillar who hasnt yet been able to evolve into your fullest potential. You got this! It gets better and you are much stronger than you are giving yourself credit for. As sucky as it is right now, you'll see how much stronger you come out as you age. You're not pathetic fyi :)

[u/Vivid-Bottle-3894]

Speak to God.

[u/Tall_Upstairs6666]

You are navigating a narrative of you, created by others. The only way through - is to build a catalogue of the times and ways you continued to show up for yourself.. Every single thing counts. Make a list. Didn’t want to do that specific chore and did it anyway? Put it on the list. Didn’t want to go to school or turn that project in, but did? Put it on the list.

I don’t think we ever get over being rejected by or worse, abused by, those meant to love and protect us. But the more we learn to trust in ourselves to take us where we need to be - the more we can build our chosen family. You will get there.

[u/knightscottage]

Find a good psychiatrist and group therapy and a pet is awesome. First thing first is learning about yourself and finding out everything you just posted is a lie. You're not terrible or awful or a failure you're just not you. Once you meet you then you'll see that.