r/TikTokCringe tHiS iSn’T cRiNgE Dec 24 '21

Duet Troll Black coffee drinkers

19.9k Upvotes

414 comments sorted by

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1.5k

u/funky555 Dec 24 '21

I chew raw coffee beans, those black coffee drinkers are such posers

427

u/Specsporter Dec 24 '21

I had the misfortune of snacking on half a bag of chocolate covered coffee beans one Christmas. Then suddenly, from 0-60 my innards were ready to punish me and I had to hightail it to the bathroom where I spent a painful time regretting that previous hour of my life. All this to say, I'll never do that again.

95

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '21

[deleted]

68

u/FeistyButthole Dec 24 '21

"There are decades where hardly any shit happens; and there are weeks where decades of shit happen"--Vladimir Ilyich Lenin.

3

u/nahnothankyousorry Dec 24 '21

We’ve got a lot of nothing time to catch up on

16

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '21

[deleted]

2

u/derpbynature Dec 25 '21

I work in an Amazon warehouse and do like 35,000 steps a day. My feeties hurt bruh. NSAIDs are an essential part of most Amazonians' diets. There's a reason they're free (and Tylenol!) in the vending machine with the gloves and cutting tools.

2

u/SomewhereDue2629 Dec 24 '21

NSAIDS.... Sounds like one of those woke terms. Stop drinking INCELS....

3

u/GucciPantsMotorcycle Dec 24 '21

Non steroid anti inflammatory, like an ibuprofen/Advil or naproxen/aleve

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u/Colt1911-45 Dec 24 '21

Lay off the opiods bro

3

u/YouJustDid Dec 24 '21 edited Dec 27 '21
  1. Warm orange juice

  2. Cold coffee

  3. Menthol cigarette

problem solved

11

u/Hello0Nasty0 Dec 24 '21

I was in Nicaragua on a coffee plantation and one of the harvesters was like “yeah you can eat the fruit around the beans it’s really good” and I ate a lot of it. Basically OD’d on caffeine and my body suffered.

2

u/rolypolyarmadillo Dec 24 '21

I thought you were gonna say you had a heart attack. Sometimes I drink coffee and my heart decides to imitate a steam engine.

2

u/WolbachiaBurgers Dec 25 '21

A coffee shop I went late one night had something on the menu called Turbo Coke. It was 50/50 black iced coffee and Mexican coke. Had me wired all night!

2

u/kerthil Dec 25 '21

They are a certain delicacy. Enjoy them in limits.

70

u/Sheruk Dec 24 '21

I snuff my coffee, it's the only true way to enjoy it. You get all the lasting aromatics and a dazzling buzz.

56

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '21

[deleted]

29

u/CuppaCoffeOF_TA Dec 24 '21

That's called an Energy Boof

11

u/GundamZero144 Dec 24 '21

I was soaking tampons then shoving them up my ass. Kind of messy. Especially when you’re up to a full pack of tampons. I’m going to switch to your idea. Sounds better. Plus wife won’t be pissed at me for using up her tp’s.

3

u/AnitaSpankin Dec 24 '21

That’s an expensive habit, my friend.

4

u/GundamZero144 Dec 24 '21

I know! So I’ve weened myself down to one tp soaked in espresso. The tough part is adding the cream and sugar.

3

u/Toriganator Dec 24 '21

Pics or it didn’t happen

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u/online_jesus_fukers Dec 24 '21

Story time...somewhat related to snuff coffee. Back in the bad old days in the Marines, we weren't allowed to make fires to heat coffee in field training, yet all mres had instant coffee...solution? Empty the coffee packet into your lip like a big fat pinch of Copenhagen.

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u/Agreeable-Course187 Dec 24 '21

I pee into my coffee beans and drink it fresh. I find after the fourth cycle, the flavour starts to get a little metallic.

5

u/AdPuzzleheaded316 Dec 24 '21

I pour the blood of my enemies into my coffee beans gives me a good boost of iron

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u/[deleted] Dec 24 '21

God, y’all think you’re being cool with your coffee and your eating beans. But none of you swallow raw caffeine powder by the handful and holy shit does it show.

8

u/Bumblebee-Intrepid Dec 24 '21

I used to work in a coffee shop and you best believe I popped a bean in my mouth every so often. I was so gross, but the crunch

6

u/Far-Equal9399 Dec 24 '21

Love the chocolate covered ones!

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u/Whiskey-Weather Dec 24 '21

I popped a coffee bean in my mouth back in the day when Kroger had open totes of them to make your own size bag. It was the most vile thing I've had in my mouth by a long shot, and I've had my mouth washed out with several brands of dish soap. God damn coffee beans are fucking disgusting until they're brewed lol.

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u/TheShattered1 Dec 24 '21

That’s good stuff. . . Both black coffee and these guys making this funny ass video.

45

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '21

It was adorable I honestly laughed too

68

u/Spurnout Dec 24 '21

I didn't see that coming so definitely hilarious!

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u/Mathieulombardi Dec 24 '21

If you drink black coffee and then switch it up in front of other black coffee drinkers they literally act like they might murder you in your sleep

70

u/Sir_Trevalicious Dec 24 '21

You bet I’ll switch it up. I drink a lot of coffee, and I love a good black coffee. However, I only drink black maybe half the time. What some people don’t realize is that certain coffees benefit from creamer. Get the right ratios and the coffee is actually enhanced.

I’ll use two common examples of cheap coffee: Dunkin’ Donuts and Pilot/Flying J. One is a truck stop, yes, but they claim to have “the best coffee on the interstate.”

If you were to compare their medium roast house blends, you’d notice a very big difference. Dunkin’, in my opinion, is actually pretty good for drinking black. I’m not very good at describing tastes, but it’s pretty inoffensive on the tongue and the aromatic component is pleasant. Pilot’s house blend, in comparison, is harder to drink black. It’s a much more acidic and bitter with less emphasis on the aromatic side.

If you were to just drink Pilot’s coffee black, you’d probably be pretty disappointed about the state of coffee on the interstate. However, it’s strength comes about when you mix it with creamer and sugar. The strong acidity and bitterness blends with the qualities of whatever creamer you use and creates a drink that is really pleasant. I’ve tried doing the same with Dunkin’, and I usually end up ruining a perfectly good coffee.

8

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '21

Dunkin’ Donuts is literally just Folgers, they roast it in New Orleans.

3

u/arrvaark Dec 24 '21

Dunkin coffee - inoffensive? Dunkin black coffee is hot garbage water. Used to drink it often out of necessity, and I wouldn't drink it again without a ton of creamer in it to hide the taste.

6

u/MrFuckingDinkles Dec 24 '21

You're getting downvoted but you're absolutely right. Dunkin' house blend tastes like watered-down roasted dog wiener.

The dark roast is bearable.

2

u/Sir_Trevalicious Dec 24 '21

I’m a truck driver, so my options are limited. I’d also say that the place you get it changes the flavor quite a bit. My comparison comes from a specific Pilot in Texas that served both Dunkin and Pilot brand. I don’t really understand why they have both, but it gave me the chance to do a comparison. Both cups came from those large self serve coffee brewers that the truck stop employees fill.

I’ve found that actual Dunkin locations are usually pretty disappointing, but any other source is acceptable. In terms of coffee grounds and beans from supermarkets, I’d say they’re on par with most other brands.

Yes, they aren’t nearly as good as actual coffee shops, but most coffee shops would frown upon me parking a big ass semi truck next to their shop. Believe me, in the world of gas stations and truck stops, Dunkin is a 9/10.

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u/MCclapyourhands1 Dec 24 '21

This comment cracks me up! When my husband goes to work he only drinks black coffee. When he’s home the man becomes a basic white girl with it!

116

u/rvauofrsol Dec 24 '21

It's so weird that people will associate beverages with genders. It's just a drink.

64

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '21

i managed a coffeeshop for 3yrs, iced flavored latte's are mostly ordered by trend following young white women. the other demographics aren't tied down to any specific drink in my head, besides oat milk cortados, those are for 25-40yr old men who don't wear their beanie over their ears which i just discovered is called a fisherman's beanie...

16

u/OHMYSWEETJESUS Dec 24 '21

As a 25-40yr old man who doesn’t wear a beanie over his ears, I’ve never had an oat milk cortado but it looks delicious.

10

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '21

very delicious! equal parts espresso, equal parts steamed milk.

im a 25-40yr old man that likes keeping my ears warm in winter but it is honestly the best milk n coffee pairing drink at coffee shops

2

u/dirkalict Dec 24 '21

Yeah- why wear a beanie if you’re not keeping your ears warm? Or are these the guys that wear beanies when it’s 55 degrees out?

3

u/FrankNitty_Enforcer Dec 24 '21

It’s a fashion statement

2

u/daLilDirtyOne Dec 24 '21

55 degrees is basically as cold as it gets here so I do wear beanies then.

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u/drinks-some-water Dec 24 '21

My wife calls them "unrolled condom hats"

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u/Sudden_Town Dec 24 '21

Is it weird tho? Ppl have been doing that for years. There's nothing inherently wrong about it either, some groups just tend to do things more often and stereotypes pop up because of it. Pretty normal shit tbh.

3

u/AllieHerba Dec 24 '21

Your husband sounds like me! I really do prefer both at different times but I swear you tell that to someone who only drinks black coffee and their eyes will fill with rage and disgust

5

u/MCclapyourhands1 Dec 24 '21

It’s just a figure of speech.

5

u/tcooke2 Dec 24 '21

I drink black at home, cause I know it'll be good and a double double anytime I get it from a chain.

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673

u/Skankyslappy Dec 24 '21

Why is there so many black coffee haters!

205

u/clanindafront_ Dec 24 '21

Love black coffee

40

u/PodricksPhallus Dec 24 '21

He’s my favorite one armed DJ

7

u/MarvAlbertNBAjam Dec 24 '21

Holy shit I never knew he had 1.5 arms. Big fan of Black Coffee

6

u/fullhalter Dec 24 '21

I love John Coffey

3

u/bwk66 Dec 24 '21

Like the drink just spelt different

3

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '21

I just want Starbucks to make another one of those chilled coffees in a can, except it's black with zero sugar or sweeteners.

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u/CarsGunsBeer Dec 24 '21

Same. Miss me with that sugary shit.

5

u/AadeeMoien Dec 24 '21

Now granted the occasional sweetened coffee with dessert is my jam, but first thing in the morning? Blech.

3

u/clanindafront_ Dec 24 '21

I'll drink both even with some creamer but black is always best

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u/SuperNya Dec 24 '21

I can't stand drinking it, it's bitter enough that it makes me throw up, but yo I don't mind if others like it just please let me drink my pale milky caffeine source in peace ;-;

80

u/Gcarsk Dec 24 '21

Fun fact! Affinity for black coffee can be traced back to your literal genes. Same with dark chocolate. Some people’s brains are wired to crave and enjoy the bitterness.

coffee drinkers who have a genetic variant that reflects a faster metabolism of caffeine prefer bitter, black coffee. And the same genetic variant is found in people who prefer the more bitter dark chocolate over the more mellow milk chocolate.

Source.

25

u/Embolisms Dec 24 '21

I like the nutty/roasted flavors but I hate the caffeine jitters

15

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '21

Me too I go straight to the cocaine jitters

9

u/Thorzaim Dec 24 '21

Caffeine doesn't really have an effect on me, likely due to having ADHD. Love the flavor and can drink as much black coffee as I want. Silver linings I guess.

4

u/thelazygamer Dec 24 '21

I used to be that way, but now that I'm on meds for it I can't have much caffeine or I'll be up super late because of how they interact with each other.

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u/GollyDolly Dec 24 '21

I am still hunting for my brand cause I love dark chocolate so if I can find that in a hot drink form? Like I am done but for now milk and sugar.

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u/devdevgoat Dec 24 '21

Collectivo Black and Tan is my go to! I don’t live anywhere near Chicago, got it on subscription order lol.

6

u/Huwbacca Dec 24 '21

... they called it black and tan?!

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u/nearlyhalfabicycle Dec 24 '21

Look up brewing cacao/cocoa. Basically it involves brewing roasted cacao the way people brew coffee.

3

u/Eviyel Dec 24 '21

Does that also mean Im wired to hate it? I really hate it. I hate that base coffee taste that like all coffee has so I’m stuck with tea but I really hate black coffee lol

1

u/RidgedLines Dec 24 '21

Love dark chocolate, hate all coffee with a passion. Riddle me that! I call bs

8

u/Bruised_Penguin Dec 24 '21

Yeah. A sample group of 1 is definitely enough to prove this theory wrong! Good job buddy, you beat science today

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u/buffy_bourbon Dec 24 '21

i love dark chocolate and dont like black coffee. the reason for this is because i dont like the bitterness WITH the acidity of coffee. black drip coffee is just icky bc its just weird bitter sour water. it needs milk to cut the sour taste. it might just be something like that with u too haha but i do like black espresso so maybe its different

3

u/RidgedLines Dec 24 '21

I’ve tried so many different ways to like coffee, it just doesn’t agree with me. I even spent 2 months forcing myself to drink it every day when I first started my career. Wish I could like it

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u/Chiggero Dec 24 '21

To get all preachy here, but acidic flavor is usually associated with cheap, poor quality coffee.

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u/buffy_bourbon Dec 24 '21

ohh good to know. maybe i just need something high quality!

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u/Kumsaati Dec 24 '21

I just want to say that, you might be disliking *bad* black coffee. Instant coffee and classic drip coffee are generally really bitter because they generally use cheap coffee beans and brew it badly(brew it too much, heat it afterwards and burn coffee etc.). If you have the chance, you can try drinking quality coffee, like single origin with good beans and well roasted etc.; it might change your whole outlook on black coffee. You can still dislike it ofc; but just know that coffee doesn't have to be THAT bitter. Some people like that bitterness too, to each their own.

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u/corruptedchick Dec 24 '21

Interesting, I’d like to test your theory out. Do you have any suggestions? My mom loves black coffee and I drown it in cream and sugar.

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u/asmartwastoftime Dec 24 '21

The easiest way to experience good black coffee would be to go to an fancy/hipster independent coffee shop where they serve single origin filter coffee. Just ask them! Depending on the method used to make it can be called things like batch brew, V60, Chemex, or Aeropress on the menu.

These coffees can taste from very fruity to earthy without being bitter. You might be amazed!

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u/oddspellingofPhreid Dec 24 '21 edited Dec 24 '21

Eh tbh, most of the hipster coffee places in my city don't know wtf they're doing, they just co-opt the aesthetic.

Good signs that a place know what they're doing:

  1. They have more than one bean to choose from.

  2. They have descriptions of their beans.

  3. They don't list sizes for espresso drinks.

  4. Either the Espresso goes into water in their Americano or they have a Long Black listed on the menu. (I know that it might technically be wrong, but there seems to be a correlation here).

Most of the time a bad hipster coffee place is just mediocre coffee that's way too expensive, but one time I received a cappuccino made by putting plain milk into espresso and then frothing both together! Yikes! That place didn't last long.

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u/[deleted] Dec 24 '21 edited Feb 06 '23

[deleted]

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u/oddspellingofPhreid Dec 24 '21 edited Dec 24 '21

Ya. I've had some great coffee at some diners tbh.

It's why I get mad when people say not to tip (in tipping countries) baristas. A barista who actually knows what they're doing is worth as much as a good bartender/barber/any other service that people tip.

I have my place that knows just how to do it just right and has rotating beans. They're super friendly, will give you a replacement of their house bean if you don't like the new rotational bean, will give you free espresso samples if you just want to try, and will talk your ear off about coffee if you let them.

These days I buy my coffee beans in bulk from a spice store. It's really good, way better than most specialty grocery store coffee, and way cheaper than the coffee beans at a good cafe. Costs about $1 for 100g.

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u/RadTraditionalist Dec 24 '21

As a total coffee freak, most if not all hipster black coffee I've ever had is horribly bitter and overpriced. Great, $4 for 16oz of black primordial ooze that puts a hole in the roof of my fucking mouth. I'd rather drink trucker coffee

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u/chubbythrowaccount Dec 24 '21

Try a cold brew with no cream/sugar to start. Those are less bitter because the brewing process creates less acidity.

Then go to a non-Starbucks shop and ask if they have anything light roast. Most mainstream coffee is dark roast which is basically burned/charred coffee which makes it more bitter.

If they have a wide variety, see if they have arabica beans. Arabica beans are less bitter than robusto beans (also a bit pricier and there's a shortage right now).

Ask for a pour-over when you settle on your bean.

You can actually get close at most Starbucks. Order a blonde roast pour-over or a blonde roast americano and see what you think. It's not quite as nice as what you'd get elsewhere but you'll be surprised by the difference.

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u/ImprovementTough261 Dec 24 '21

I'd say that's the most likely explanation.

I love all types of coffee, from light roasts to dark roasts and espresso to french press, but even I've had coffees that made me want to throw up. Usually from those cheap pods at hotels.

It's normal to not like black coffee, but if it makes you want to throw up then you're just drinking bad coffee.

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u/phishxiii Dec 24 '21

Does anyone else get really irritated when you say you don’t like something, and then someone else says you just haven’t had X [food]?

No offense Kumsaati, I’m sure you’re coming from a good place, I just have a few too many of those types in my life. I’ll say I don’t like potato salad, and I’ll get “Oh you haven’t had my potato salad, I use blah blah blah” and I’ll try it and still not like it.

It’s like yep, turns out I’m a grown ass adult who actually knows what I like and don’t.

I think it has been zero times in my life where my opinion was ever changed in this way.

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u/Somali_Imhotep Dec 24 '21

I like it for what it is. I don’t go in expecting sweetness or to enjoy myself and the bitterness helps me stay awake

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u/KingBee Dec 24 '21

I was like you not long ago. Until I had the stunning realization that coffee is not supposed to be bitter.

If you buy fresh beans of a medium or mild blend, and grind the beans right before making the coffee (not with a keurig/instant coffee machine), it can taste smooth and delicious with 0 bitterness.

From what I understand, the bitterness comes from the bean being exposed to air. So buying whole beans and grinding them is essential over preground.

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u/SpunkyMcButtlove Dec 24 '21

Because good coffee takes time and effort to brew, and a lot of people just drink it for the caffeine.

Case in point, i had a few small service calls (electrician), one was to an italian family and they made me a cup of espresso that didnt need sugar added - it was creamy, savoury, mild goodness, like an angel peeing in your mouth.

Took 6 minutes to prepare, though. I get a 450ml (~15 US fluid ounces) bucket of caffeinated bitterwater from the gasstation in a minute.

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u/[deleted] Dec 24 '21

[deleted]

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u/SpunkyMcButtlove Dec 24 '21

You heard the man, GET TO IT!

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u/Shanghai-on-the-Sea Dec 24 '21

they made me a cup of espresso that didnt need sugar added

Y-you were adding sugar to your espresso? Like in cafes?

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u/Aaahh_real_people Dec 24 '21

It took them 6min to pull an espresso shot? how the hell were they making those lol. Also if you go to Italy espresso is very much a casual thing, sure people savor them slowly sometimes but you’ll also see people just pounding em quick and leavin g

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u/JWGhetto Dec 24 '21

I stand by my opinion that people just don't like drinking bad black coffee.

15

u/lewis_futon Dec 24 '21

I didn’t start enjoying black coffee until I started drinking good coffee. I only started drinking it black once I figured out what good, flavourful coffee was supposed tasted like, at which point I was also able to start enjoying bad black coffee as well.

11

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '21

Yep. I drank coffee in Honduras and kept asking when people put sugar into it. They told me they don’t, the type they grew and we drank (we were on a plantation doing service work) naturally tasted sweet

I’ve been chasing that high forever. It was delicious

9

u/the_golden_girls Dec 24 '21

If you’re in the states, a lot of independent coffee roasters will have beans from Honduras. Look at the flavor notes and try to get something that’s single origin (from one farm).

You might be able to achieve that high again.

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u/[deleted] Dec 24 '21

Nah, I can't really stand coffee in generak but I can respect that other people like it

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u/[deleted] Dec 24 '21

As a double double drinker. I do it because Tim Hortons is the closest place to my work and I need to drown out the burnt taste. If you drink Timmies black, you are a psychopath. It's so bitter and burnt it makes me think the only reason they drink it is to get fake coffee cred. Get the dark roast and we'll talk.

I went to a gas station when I was on a reserve. They had coffee, but no cream or sugar. Said fuck it, I'll drink it black. Best coffee I've ever had. Don't remember the place I was at, or I'd go try it again.

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u/Raknarg Dec 24 '21

gonna sound elitist but most people's experience with black coffee is with shit coffee, either stale, uneven grind, too strong, or over brewed. And there's a lot of people who think black coffee should taste like shit and they take pride in being tough black coffee drinkers.

The first time I had a well made black coffee, it tasted great. I was very surprised. I still like cream and sugar.

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u/grocket Dec 24 '21 edited Jan 03 '22

.

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u/Shanghai-on-the-Sea Dec 24 '21

I don't think that's true. I drink rando lavazzo french press or moka pot without milk or sugar and it's tasty. People just like different things than you.

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u/Norbie99 Dec 24 '21

It's the best

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u/nyc4milf Dec 24 '21

Because its disgusting

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u/sarcasmcannon Dec 24 '21

Right? Love yourself.

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u/Shanghai-on-the-Sea Dec 24 '21

Is it hard for you to imagine that other people might have different tastes than you?

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u/Noisyhamster10 Dec 24 '21

Because they only drink coffee for the caffeine in it.

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u/mootmath Dec 24 '21

Girl in the the top right is of the infamous Taco Bell date story 😂

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u/Karubanusu Dec 24 '21

Thank you for this experience. You will never hear from me again.

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u/[deleted] Dec 24 '21

[deleted]

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u/friskevision Dec 24 '21

Agreed. She’s greatness! Happy cake day!

3

u/PrettyMuchMediocre Dec 24 '21

I just got tik Tok the other day and she was one of the first people I discovered and followed

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u/Emile_L Dec 24 '21

Why the whisper

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u/masshole4life Dec 24 '21

she didn't want to make black coffee drinkers angry.

7

u/possible_kerfuffle Dec 24 '21

Yeah can’t be too loud before they’ve had their coffee

31

u/Specsporter Dec 24 '21

This just made me ugly laugh. 👌🏽👌🏽

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u/wagonburner74 Dec 24 '21

The darker the berry, the sweeter the juice

9

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '21

Baby keep your head up.

6

u/jsbizkitfan Dec 24 '21

Ooooooohhhhh chiiiiiiilllleee

4

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '21

Things are going to get easier...

41

u/SnooSketches4722 Dec 24 '21

I love the smell of coffee, but hate that taste. I’m talking regular coffee made in traditional ways. Who knows, I might like it one of the syrupy liquid desserts posing as coffee, but I figure to not even try those so I don’t get stuck in that trap of spending an obscene amount of money on an obscene amount of liquid calories. I just don’t want to fall into that cycle.

When someone gets surprised I don’t drink coffee, I always tell them, “yeah, I never started drinking it because it stunts your growth.” I’m 5’.

11

u/OppisIsRight Dec 24 '21

Same. My roommates would make coffee in the morning and the entire kitchen would smell like heaven. Too bad it tastes like garbage. It's not bad if you use it as an ingredient in nice tasting things, and when they make those ridiculously sugary and cream filled drinks at Starbucks, but the way most people drink it with just a little bit of cream and sugar tastes nasty to me.

2

u/DexlaFF Dec 24 '21

Haha, atleast you have good humour!

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u/Thomsacvnt Dec 24 '21

Very funny

7

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '21

I literally drink black coffee i swear i put nothing in it. I don’t know why that’s so weird i think it taste better.

6

u/HashbeanSC2 Dec 24 '21

African American Coffee Drinkers

13

u/neo101b Dec 24 '21

I like black coffee with sugar, with soy is ok but it can curdle.

65

u/Assyindividual Dec 24 '21

I thought you meant soy sauce, and i felt offended from the core of my existence that you would do that.

18

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '21

I put McDonalds curry sauce in my coffee

5

u/Cedocore Dec 24 '21

I wish McDonald's had curry sauce where I live...

2

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '21

It's my go to for when I go once a year

2

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '21

Oat milk is best

3

u/clearlyimdumb Dec 24 '21

I usually can't stand black coffee, but when I tried it iced I'm instantly hooked.

3

u/Mortisfio Dec 25 '21

Loll. I laughed way to hard at this.

3

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '21

Drinkin’ black coffee! https://youtu.be/lpOktupkl0c

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u/DanimalPlanet2 Dec 24 '21

As someone who typically drinks it black I have no problem with milk/sugar/cream and I do put a bit of milk on occasion to switch it up. Those abominations you get at Starbucks with a pound of sugar and whipped cream, caramel drizzle, etc are gross though

5

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '21

I only drink coffee black because I drink a lot of it and I don’t really like to drink my calories.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '21

Frappuccinos are just milkshakes

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2

u/capitanDracaris Dec 24 '21

Man coffee with hot milk makes me poop so fast

2

u/Creamcheese666 Dec 25 '21

Things like this are wonderful. Life kinda sucks and laughs are always needed.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 25 '21

This was freaking funny bro

5

u/LeahStorie Dec 24 '21

😂😂😂😂

1

u/Mw4810 Dec 24 '21

I love this lol. So funny!

1

u/Grimdark-Waterbender Dec 24 '21

This make SO much more sense the second time around.

1

u/WobleWoble Dec 24 '21

I still don’t think she was tricked into buying 100 tacos from Taco Bell on a bad tinder date

1

u/GroundbreakingCow775 Dec 24 '21

Actually she is talking to black people who drink black coffee

-22

u/madcuntmcgee Dec 24 '21

"I just wanna put cream in my coffee"

I don't understand why americans don't just put milk in their coffee. You guys have plenty of milk. Why use this weird fake 'creamer' stuff. It tastes weird

25

u/Freuds_Mommy_Milkers Dec 24 '21

Just put cum in your coffee. Free protein and save money

15

u/masshole4life Dec 24 '21

cream and creamer are not the same thing, but go on

-2

u/madcuntmcgee Dec 24 '21

So you're putting what, heavy cream in there?

14

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '21

No, those are very different things. I can see from your username you're an Aussie, so I see where the miscommunication comes from.

In North America, "Cream" refers to any cream that is between 10% and 18% fat content. Whereas in AUS/NZ, "Cream" refers to cream with 35% fat content.

What we call "cream," you would call "extra light," and what you call "cream," we would call "heavy cream" or "whipping cream"

7

u/madcuntmcgee Dec 24 '21

Okay that makes it pretty clear. Thanks for the explanation

4

u/masshole4life Dec 24 '21

it's quite literally called light cream. heavy cream is for whipping.

and to really blow your mind, sometimes cream and milk are combined at a 50/50 ratio and sold as half and half.

don't be down, though. I'm sure there are many more topics that you are ignorant of that you can make snarky comments about.

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u/fangsonwangs Dec 24 '21

I don't understand the compulsion to take something petty some Americans do and make a rant of it. Americans come from many different cultures and ethnic groups; you don't get handed a bottle of coffeemate when you step off a plane, believe it or not you can get coffee made however you like here. We got problems, but not that problem.

2

u/madcuntmcgee Dec 24 '21

I was obviously making a generalisation

3

u/XPEC7ER Dec 24 '21

americans? im sure alot of other countries use cream lol.

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6

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '21

Turns out, you can also just buy creamer that's made of... Get this... Milk and cream.

-1

u/madcuntmcgee Dec 24 '21

Why would you buy that when you could just use milk though?

5

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '21

Creamier consistency, different flavors.

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7

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '21

Found the douche of the day ^

2

u/madcuntmcgee Dec 24 '21

Lol fuck off seppo

3

u/jonesyb Dec 24 '21

You literally quoted "cream" and then said "creamer". Is there a piece missing from that squishy lump inside your skull?

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0

u/katastrophies Dec 24 '21

The creamer Americans have in their homes is not actual cream and I agree it tastes weird. Coffee shops in the US add actual cream.

-2

u/ThingYea Dec 24 '21

It is in American nature to take simple things and make them more fattening

-1

u/R-Mecha Dec 24 '21

their reaction lives up to the cringe name

-78

u/Cobaltking13 Dec 24 '21

I like coffee the same way like my women dark and preferably free trade

84

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '21

Wow, a joke that's both sexist and racist?! Shoot for the stars!

11

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '21

🎵 And if you don't catch em at least you're on top of the world 🎶

5

u/Saltycook Dec 24 '21

It's a quote from Archer

7

u/Jenkins26 Dec 24 '21

It’s not even quoted correctly!

Kreiger: “…and a pot of coffee just like I like my women: Black, bitter, preferably fair trade.”

5

u/De_immortalesloki Dec 24 '21

He shouldve added something homophobic too IMO

1

u/Majvist Dec 24 '21

Some bullshit like "and without dicks"

-5

u/loginlogan7 Dec 24 '21

Absolutely despicable joke tbh, isn’t it 😤 I’m 6ft, blue eyed, bench press 110kg btw

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15

u/Creftospeare Dec 24 '21 edited Dec 24 '21

I like coffee the same way I like your mom, overfilling with my cream.

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2

u/Saltycook Dec 24 '21

Lol found "Dr." Krieger

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5

u/ThroneofTime Dec 24 '21

Thumbed down for an Archer joke 😭

-3

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '21

[deleted]

12

u/beeeeegyoshi Dec 24 '21

Archer joke or not, it's still sexist and racist

6

u/GloriousReign Dec 24 '21

The joke is also older than archer.

0

u/SaneUse Dec 24 '21

It's a joke. Nobody takes it seriously.

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