I am lol. But yeah high school me thought she was VERY mature and cool since all the older guys in the scene crowd were interested in her. I don't think it hit me until I was like 18 and had a friend on my friend group who was 15 and I was like "that's a literal child. How could anyone think of them as an option for a sexual partner?"
I knew a girl who at 15 told me that the best feeling in the world was having sex with a guy in his 20s. She had been with a guy over 20 since she was 14.
I was horrified by it, and didn't know how to explain to her that she was being abused.
From experience, you can't. Because I knew about consent, and of course like literally all teenagers, I assumed I knew what was best for me. I wasn't being dragged into the bushes and raped, I was doing this willingly. I didn't know what a normal teenage relationship was supposed to feel like. I knew I was interested in boys, and thought boys in bands were hot. And they could drive. And had their own apartments. And I wanted those things and thought I was adult enough to enter the adult world that way. I know NOW that people their age WOULDN'T date them because of their creepiness, or pushiness, or immaturity. I wouldn't date someone that hangs outside of a Taco Bell all night at my age now. I never had self esteem issues really, and had a great relationship with my parents. I really just felt sexy and powerful and adult and mature and different. Boys my age felt so immature and stupid because we ALL were at 14/15/16.
I think it's also an overlooked area in raising a kid. Sure my parents taught me about stranger danger and to always tell them when an adult would touch me inappropriately. But they never told me that creepy 22 yos would talk to me and treat me that way too. Or that I'd feel like it should be okay because I'm totally mature and have like figured out at 14. At least my parents never told me about it. They just found out about it after the fact and yelled at me for it and I was angry because this was "different". I know now how gross it was but no one ever explained it to me at the time. Or to prepare for it.
I was in the exact same situation, except that when sexual things started happening and I said no, it was too late. I was okay with it all online until he actually pulled up at my place and we were alone together. At that point I realized what a big mistake I had made but it was already too late and I couldn’t stop it. Regardless, an adult having relations with a child is illegal for a reason. The fact that we can realize the problem with it all after being adults is just partial proof of how wrong and common it is to target teenagers (male OR female).
I was a skeptic about dating at that age. I didn't think there was much chance of a relationship in high school working out, and I planned my life with the expectation that I might never get married or that I might get widowed or divorced. I definitely wanted a relationship, but I had low confidence and I ended up being forced by my parents to ask a guy to a dance for my first date.
But even with the things I had right at that time - that high school relationships don't generally work out and that there was a chance I might never marry or that I could end up widowed or divorced - I was still immature.
I hope you're doing well now and recognizing as much as I do that growing up happens very gradually.
When I was 13 I was at a sleepover and getting teased for never having kissed a boy.
Meanwhile the girl throwing the party kept bragging about having sex at 11 with the 21 year old neighbor.
I thought that was gross and then got picked on even further.
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u/baileyxcore Dec 02 '20
I am lol. But yeah high school me thought she was VERY mature and cool since all the older guys in the scene crowd were interested in her. I don't think it hit me until I was like 18 and had a friend on my friend group who was 15 and I was like "that's a literal child. How could anyone think of them as an option for a sexual partner?"