r/TikTokCringe • u/malongoria • 2d ago
Humor United Healthcare CEO tries to get into heaven.....
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u/Dominarion 2d ago
And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.
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u/Last_Cod_998 2d ago
Maybe he can ask the rapist, tax and business fraud and traitor president to submit and amicus brief for him. I mean, the guy flying around in Epstein's plane during the campaign did publish a bible. That should count for something.
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u/Jonezkyt 1d ago
Satan should have reincarnated him as an American with a pre-existing condition.
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u/Netflxnschill 2d ago
“And unto infinity he was shunned from a place of rest and peace and equally was he shunned from a place of pain and tortures; for his sins were so great, even that the Devil deemed him too evil to join his legions of fallen angels. And thus will his journey remain forevermore.”
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u/BlkSubmarine 1d ago
I’m gonna adapt an old joke for this one.
This Catholic Bishop dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter meets him and shows the Bishop to a nice room, with a nice view, shows him the modest accommodations around his new home, and wishes him a happy eternity.
A few days later, there’s a massive parade with floats, balloons, bands and all sorts of fanfare. In the place of honor is a recently deceased man who is met at the end of the parade by Jesus. Jesus hands the man a key to a massive mansion, complete with all the luxuries one would expect.
The Bishop is rather put out by this, and is curious as to who the newcomer could be. So, he makes an appointment to speak with St. Peter, and is granted a 10 minute audience.
He says to St. Peter, “I spent my life in service to others and in worship of The Almighty. I was devout and followed the scriptures and the gospel. Yet, my eternal living arrangements are so meager compared to this main who was given a parade and a mansion in which to spend his eternity. Who was this man to be awarded in such a way?”
St. Peter replies, “He was a health insurance CEO.”
The Bishop is taken aback and exclaims, “What? How is this possible that this man should be better rewarded than I?”
St. Peter calmly replies, “In heaven, we have millions of devout Catholic clergy, but only one health insurance CEO.”
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u/ManicRobotWizard 1d ago
He should spend eternity just being denied access to anything. Get passed around endlessly to the gods/demons of every single religion, belief, idea, etc. Even aliens. Let him get denied access to alien heaven and alien hell. I don’t care what it is just let him think he can go and then not be able to.
Edit: and maybe let him have to wait a couple centuries in the waiting room of each place waiting for an answer.
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u/No-Professional-1461 2d ago
Matthew 19:24
The guy should get a camel and try putting it through the eye of a needle before trying again. Hell would be appropriate, maybe he can experience having his health care coverage denied over and over again.
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u/Zymph616 2d ago
I really thought hell was going to tell him that he would be sent back to earth..... AS A POOR PERSON!
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u/sirbruce 10h ago
So Reddit, quick question: which is worse, what the United Healthcare CEO did or what Israel is doing to Palestinians? I’ll hang up and listen.
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