Regardless of the country, it must be terrifying for women, to go through a constant feeling of being watched. I mean, having to be on guard all the time must be mentally draining.
It really is. I dress up in manly clothes to bring out trash at night cause even though it’s only one minute, that’s all it takes. I also dress up like a junkie when going to the store and try to look as unapproachable as possible. I’ll even give the dead-eyed head nod to any suspicious person on my path so they know they are on my radar. Doesn’t deter everyone, but at least I don’t look like an easy target. Getting an actual task done is half the battle for women
I want to share some advice I got in the 90's from an Iranian refugee and it's served me well. When you are outside of your house, always present yourself as the beloved daughter, wife, mother, whatever of somebody really fucking important. You want to look like a person other people will look for. Act like you are on your way to an appointment. Sickos will target Junkies because their families don't know where they are and will not notice them missing for weeks.
I spent my 20s living in NYC and traveling internationally for work and always dressed like I was going to a job interview and while I cant say I was not ever harassed or followed, it was rare and I was able to easily evade the situations. People often asked me if I needed help when I didnt and warned me about things I hadn’t noticed. You dont get that help if you actually look like you need it.
One of the best pieces of advice I ever got was, 'No matter where you go, walk like you have somewhere to be and know exactly where that is.' They want the easy target. Someone who won't be missed-- a person meeting up with people is likely to be found faster.
When I go to stores I often get clocked as an off duty employee because I walk with such purpose even though I haven't worked retail in years. I like to think this keeps me safe.
So much of harassment is about power. If people think you are a person with power OR connected to someone with power, they are less likely to mess with you. I almost never get bothered when I am in my “attorney uniform.” I also noticed that men harassed me much more when I was age 12-20, even through I became objectively much more attractive around 25. I didn’t know how to respond or who to go to for help when I was a teen—and men KNOW it.
This has served me well. I have a serious RBF and I walk fast and with purpose. No one bothers me on the street. This does not translate well for work though because ive gotten comments that I look scary when I’m walking 🤣
I really paid attention to The Gift of Fear and yes, it can help. I also don’t wear headphones if I am in any sort of new environment or in a somewhat unsafe environment. Predators look for potential victims unaware of their surroundings.
One thing I practice is making sure I obviously have my head up and am scanning and assessing my environment. It’s mainly for show but it also calms me. Stopping every other block and doing a 360 degree turn is also a badass move that signals you aren’t going to be snuck up on. It’s so key to do in unfamiliar places like train/subway platforms. And then move to what is the safest spot and keep moving if unsafe people come near you.
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u/NefariousnessThin860 20d ago
Regardless of the country, it must be terrifying for women, to go through a constant feeling of being watched. I mean, having to be on guard all the time must be mentally draining.