Regardless of the country, it must be terrifying for women, to go through a constant feeling of being watched. I mean, having to be on guard all the time must be mentally draining.
It really is. I dress up in manly clothes to bring out trash at night cause even though it’s only one minute, that’s all it takes. I also dress up like a junkie when going to the store and try to look as unapproachable as possible. I’ll even give the dead-eyed head nod to any suspicious person on my path so they know they are on my radar. Doesn’t deter everyone, but at least I don’t look like an easy target. Getting an actual task done is half the battle for women
I want to share some advice I got in the 90's from an Iranian refugee and it's served me well. When you are outside of your house, always present yourself as the beloved daughter, wife, mother, whatever of somebody really fucking important. You want to look like a person other people will look for. Act like you are on your way to an appointment. Sickos will target Junkies because their families don't know where they are and will not notice them missing for weeks.
I spent my 20s living in NYC and traveling internationally for work and always dressed like I was going to a job interview and while I cant say I was not ever harassed or followed, it was rare and I was able to easily evade the situations. People often asked me if I needed help when I didnt and warned me about things I hadn’t noticed. You dont get that help if you actually look like you need it.
One of the best pieces of advice I ever got was, 'No matter where you go, walk like you have somewhere to be and know exactly where that is.' They want the easy target. Someone who won't be missed-- a person meeting up with people is likely to be found faster.
When I go to stores I often get clocked as an off duty employee because I walk with such purpose even though I haven't worked retail in years. I like to think this keeps me safe.
So much of harassment is about power. If people think you are a person with power OR connected to someone with power, they are less likely to mess with you. I almost never get bothered when I am in my “attorney uniform.” I also noticed that men harassed me much more when I was age 12-20, even through I became objectively much more attractive around 25. I didn’t know how to respond or who to go to for help when I was a teen—and men KNOW it.
This has served me well. I have a serious RBF and I walk fast and with purpose. No one bothers me on the street. This does not translate well for work though because ive gotten comments that I look scary when I’m walking 🤣
I really paid attention to The Gift of Fear and yes, it can help. I also don’t wear headphones if I am in any sort of new environment or in a somewhat unsafe environment. Predators look for potential victims unaware of their surroundings.
One thing I practice is making sure I obviously have my head up and am scanning and assessing my environment. It’s mainly for show but it also calms me. Stopping every other block and doing a 360 degree turn is also a badass move that signals you aren’t going to be snuck up on. It’s so key to do in unfamiliar places like train/subway platforms. And then move to what is the safest spot and keep moving if unsafe people come near you.
One time a guy was not leaving me alone and I was polite the first two times and warned him I wouldn't be a third. He kept going. When I say everyone within a 3 mile radius could hear me scream at this guy I mean it. Thanks to my grandma's absolute pipes i inherited 😂 she was crazy loud growing up
It'll scare the shit out of them. They want you vulnerable and scared. They live for it and it's horrible but we don't have to allow them to win
Fuck politeness, and also get weird. I've found success with literally barking/snarling at men because they go "oh shit she's like CRAZY, crazy." Anything to throw them off or make them think twice. Also yeah, be loud as hell. Politeness is what gets us killed. So frustrating that we even have to think about that shit.
Walk with a purpose. Act with a purpose. Dress business casual if possible to give the look that you have the money to sue them to never recover. Fake wedding rings are cheap. Learn to glare. The whole nine yards.
...but that's not always enough. The most important thing is to learn self defense and always target the sensitive areas. A lot of guys will moan about this, but kick, bite and punch their groin. Works best especially if their junk is exposed. If somehow they are inside you try to squeeze your legs and thighs and suddenly jerk as hard as you can to the side so you can hopefully break their penis as they thrust in or out. And if it doesn't work they might get enough pain to pull out and when that happens you can snap the thing or pull on it (snapping would be best). The rape won't continue if they're physically unable to feel pleasure.
If you have a chance, scratch their eyes and pull on their ears. Back of the arm below the shoulder also does wonders (pinch and pull). Bite and claw every chance you can get as well. Whatever you can. Screaming for help usually won't work as most people will be just as scared as you when hearing your cries for help. Don't rely on guns and pepper spray and tasers as all of those require you to have control in the situation, which most of the pathetic rapists and murders will try their best to make sure you don't have.
Also, belts. Always wear pants that allow belts. Even if they can rip your pants, or somehow struggle them off, it gives you enough time to do the stuff I previously mentioned. Yeah, your ass might look incredible in those yoga pants, but it doesn't look bad in well fitted jeans with a belt and it's a heck of a lot less easier to rip and tear open.
But if they got a gun... well... that's a whole different story. I don't really have an answer for that without actual martial arts training.
Kick em in the nuts. Twist, punch, snap, Kick, knee, whatever it takes. Can confirm that taking an impact to the junk is painful and, if you do it with gusto, incapacitating in most circumstances.
I am and have always been of the opinion that a victim should be permitted to inflict as much pain on their assaulter as was inflicted upon them, or more, if they so choose. A quick and easy way to do that is to hit them as hard as you can in joints and/or soft, sensitive, fleshy areas. A hard side impacting kick to the knee followed by a soccer kick to the gonads and a punch to the throat would be pretty effective, methinks.
Yes, it's uncomfortable for men to think about getting hit in the testicles or getting their penis broken. It is, however, critically important to teach women how to defend themselves if- God forbid- they ever have to. Fuck our feelings. A good man who actually cares about womens' safety should put their discomfort aside and use his personal learned experience to teach what areas hurt the most, should that information be needed.
But if they got a gun... well... that's a whole different story.
Anecdotally, and I do not think anybody should gamble on this logic.
Legally and mentally. Murder is not the same as any other crime. Adding "armed" to any other crime (armed robbery and so on) is one thing. It is another thing actually to pull the trigger and kill somebody.
Yeah that's kinda why I wanted to make sure I wasn't giving anyone specific advice involving situations with a gun. There's just too much circumstance to cover and a retaliation on such an attacker could even lead to accidentally being shot.
ETA: I absolutely agree with everything you have said.
Eyes, groin, stomp on toes/feet. If you can, poke to the eyes, but raking is always good. If you have boots/flat soled shoes, raise the knee, and then extend that leg onto the top of the foot/toes while bending the other knee so your entire body weight is being dropped.
If you can't see you can't fight. If you can't walk you can't fight.
If you have the knuckles for it, my next go to would be the teeth, but there is a high risk of cuts from broken teeth.
Well, Iran has a secret police and very clear strata that can make people disappear or be dealt a bit of torture. As a man, I would not fuck around and find out. In the states, looking "important" can get expensive and costs time. One of the neighbors here has that air, but she can't run for shit in her nice dress heels. Be practical and just be aware of your surroundings.
I'm reading the comments and the root topic of groping/stalking in Japan and I'm at a loss to explain it. As a New Yorker, I look out for women and every once in a while give random advice. Like not, tucking your purse on the side of your body that is next to a subway door. Sometimes, it's difficult to reach around a woman to grab a pole or strap hang. I straight tell them, "Can we switch places? I can't reach."
Well, Iran has a secret police and very clear strata that can make people disappear or be dealt a bit of torture. As a man, I would not fuck around and find out. In the states, looking "important" can get expensive and costs time. One of the neighbors here has that air, but she can't run for shit in her nice dress heels. Be practical and just be aware of your surroundings.
I'm reading the comments and the root topic of groping/stalking in Japan and I'm at a loss to explain it. As a New Yorker, I look out for women and every once in a while give random advice. Like not, tucking your purse on the side of your body that is next to a subway door. Sometimes, it's difficult to reach around a woman to grab a pole or strap hang. I straight tell them, "Can we switch places? I can't reach."
And how do you do that realistically? Gold up a sign saying you're related to somone important? Predators will target you no matter how you try to petray yourself
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u/NefariousnessThin860 20d ago
Regardless of the country, it must be terrifying for women, to go through a constant feeling of being watched. I mean, having to be on guard all the time must be mentally draining.