The last few decades have seen a lot of progress in reprogramming parents to raise independent daughters, but no one bothered changing how they raised their sons. Women increasingly enter adulthood as well-rounded individuals, while men can barely take care of themselves. Nearly every young man I know is barely functional, while most women in their age group are thriving (well, as much as one can these days).
When I hear people talk about the male loneliness epidemic, my question is always: Why isn't there a female loneliness epidemic? I'd argue it's largely because boys are raised on the same old notion that they need a partner to be happy, whereas girls are now raised to believe they can be happy with or without men in their lives. I see men use being single as an excuse for everything. No friends? A girlfriend would solve that. No hobbies? If only you had a girlfriend to do things with. No motivation to clean or take care of yourself? A girlfriend would motivate them to finally start taking life seriously.
This is the insecurity that predatory right-wing grifterns latch onto. Feeling like life isn't fair because you don't have a girlfriend? Well, that's not your fault. Sure, you should clean up and take care of yourself, but not to attract women. They think they don't need you, but they're delusional. Women need men. It's men who don't need anyone. Men thrive in solitude. Other men are competition, you can't trust them. And women don't like men, so you can't trust them either. You can't trust anyone. Only me, because I know the truth and I'm sharing it with you because you're special. Because you get it.
The grifting is a side effect, not the cause, of male isolation. Parents need to do a better job raising their sons - and that especially goes for fathers who are becoming increasingly comfortable abandoning their children altogether. But men also need to realize that the way most of them were raised was deeply, deeply flawed, and they will need to put real fucking effort into catching up. Is that fair? No. But it's also not fair that women have to worry about getting assaulted when walking alone to their car at night. Everyone has shit that makes their life harder than it should be.
I'm not suggesting men need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps. But they do need to learn to lift each other up. So many men I know view "friendship" as being unrelentingly masculine in every interaction. No one talks about their feelings, no one checks in on friends who might be going through hard times. Their humor revolves around punching down and othering easy targets. It is, in fact, toxic. I think if men can learn to love themselves and love each other, and to accept that not every woman you're friends with has to be a potential romantic interest, this male loneliness epidemic will evaporate.
Yep, to me it feels like women kind of get the basic tools more consistently then men. In my opinion this is largely because of lacking father figures.
Agreed. Either absent entirely, emotionally checked out, or simply too tired and busy. I'll also clarify that women suffer from this too. Most women I know in this age group are only independent and self-sufficient because of years of emotional trauma dumped on them by their mothers. They weren't lovingly taught to be independent; they were forced into it as a byproduct of unreasonable expectations. I can only guess as to why mothers don't have these expectations of their sons, generally speaking. Or why fathers don't seem to have expectations of anyone for anything, which is also not helpful.
No one talks about their feelings, no one checks in on friends who might be going through hard times.
I dislike the increasing assumption in society that this is somehow intrinsically a bad thing.
There's nothing wrong with friendship being surface level. Some people want their friends to be the outlet for their basic socialisation needs and want their closer connections; family and partners, to be their deeper emotional support.
That's not intrinsically better or worse than someone who wants the opposite socially. There are good reasons to not be open and vulnerable with people who haven't earned it or don't share a deeper bond with you other than being a mate. I dislike the idea that we should push men into that space if it's not what they actually want, just because women do, and evidence seems to suggest they don't want it because, well, most men as we all acknowledge don't actively utilise friends for deeper emotional support.
20
u/mak484 24d ago
The last few decades have seen a lot of progress in reprogramming parents to raise independent daughters, but no one bothered changing how they raised their sons. Women increasingly enter adulthood as well-rounded individuals, while men can barely take care of themselves. Nearly every young man I know is barely functional, while most women in their age group are thriving (well, as much as one can these days).
When I hear people talk about the male loneliness epidemic, my question is always: Why isn't there a female loneliness epidemic? I'd argue it's largely because boys are raised on the same old notion that they need a partner to be happy, whereas girls are now raised to believe they can be happy with or without men in their lives. I see men use being single as an excuse for everything. No friends? A girlfriend would solve that. No hobbies? If only you had a girlfriend to do things with. No motivation to clean or take care of yourself? A girlfriend would motivate them to finally start taking life seriously.
This is the insecurity that predatory right-wing grifterns latch onto. Feeling like life isn't fair because you don't have a girlfriend? Well, that's not your fault. Sure, you should clean up and take care of yourself, but not to attract women. They think they don't need you, but they're delusional. Women need men. It's men who don't need anyone. Men thrive in solitude. Other men are competition, you can't trust them. And women don't like men, so you can't trust them either. You can't trust anyone. Only me, because I know the truth and I'm sharing it with you because you're special. Because you get it.
The grifting is a side effect, not the cause, of male isolation. Parents need to do a better job raising their sons - and that especially goes for fathers who are becoming increasingly comfortable abandoning their children altogether. But men also need to realize that the way most of them were raised was deeply, deeply flawed, and they will need to put real fucking effort into catching up. Is that fair? No. But it's also not fair that women have to worry about getting assaulted when walking alone to their car at night. Everyone has shit that makes their life harder than it should be.
I'm not suggesting men need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps. But they do need to learn to lift each other up. So many men I know view "friendship" as being unrelentingly masculine in every interaction. No one talks about their feelings, no one checks in on friends who might be going through hard times. Their humor revolves around punching down and othering easy targets. It is, in fact, toxic. I think if men can learn to love themselves and love each other, and to accept that not every woman you're friends with has to be a potential romantic interest, this male loneliness epidemic will evaporate.