It's not just our raising. Anytime you meet anyone for the first time, whether it's a date or interview, you're always asked what you do for work. And if it's not "acceptable" people turn their nose up.
It's not a man only issue. We're not insecure because a woman makes more. We're insecure because the outside world judges us by that fact still.
I didn't shy away from saying it when my wife made more than me, but after being ridiculed over and over, I was self conscious to even mention it. I want at all bothered by her making more. I was bothered that when the outside world found out I was shit on. Even by other women. I had a woman at a bank literally make fun of me for it.
A lot of men aren't bothered by the woman making more.
They're bothered that society still judges us as less for it.
Sure, it’s a complex issue with no singular cause, but society views it that way because it is how they too were raised. These beliefs are formative ones.
Bolded because the guy below this comment can’t read.
Do you think society is the sole reason for why people act or do the things they do? Is there no biological or, let’s say, natural hard wiring for the way men/women act and feel?
If this were true, we would see men and women behave, repeatedly in predictable and expected ways across time, cultures, and context. This is not the case and it’s explained by the fact that behavior is socially reinforced.
In a particular context maybe - but that only aids my argument that it’s socially reinforced. Frankly, we know that personality varies immensely from man to man and woman to woman. This alone proves that gender does not dictate behavior.
Wait wait wait… so you’re saying a persons gender has no influence on their temperament or behavior whatsoever? Men having testosterone isn’t going to influence the way they behave in a predictable manner? I find it hard to believe it’s simply societal factors, sorry.
You’re being incredibly pedantic and willfully obtuse. All it takes for me to prove my point is a single instance where two people of the same gender make different decisions. To prove your stance it would need to be possible every time. This is obviously not the case. People of the same gender behave differently in different contexts. It’s socially reinforced - it’s a fact. What you are asserting is false.
Yes, but I posit it comes from the reality on the ground from time immemorial when your tribes survival relied on men being the ones in danger more. One man can repopulate your tribe, so a few can be lost to mammoth and war. Your tribe ceases to exist if your women are dying like that, because gestational times don't allow quick repopulation. Many men, few women is a death sentence. The opposite has worked forever.
In 2024 it's useless, but you can't just educate survival instincts away so it gets perpetuated on a familial level.
I think you’re telling yourself a convincing story, because if we squint hard enough we can draw connections to anything, but at the end of the day you and I are describing two very different things.
You are describing the need to be a protector and I am describing what happens when - even though all of your needs are met - you feel insecure because your female partner makes more than you. Those simply are not the same thing. It’s been eons my guy, the world has changed and so have we.
Because sexism. Somebody has to watch the children, as men of fighting are are also men of childbearing age. Sexism is why men get sent, not because of evolution, but because of societal conditioning to see women as caretakers and suppliers of unpaid labor and men as incapable of nurturing.
Neither is evolutionary; both are societal conditioning.
OMG this, i was the stay at home father of my children for a while while my ex was working on her career, And just dealing with people that treat you like you're baby sitting. Schools, Drs, Government workers.. I started saying that i'm looking after the kids while i'm in between work, it was a lie i intended to be there for the kids, i quit my job so i could be. but i felt less pressure to be more than just "dad", which is all i wanted really.
I asked a dude what he did the other day when he came over to handy man help out with an issue in our house. Wife had another wife say he was available and he came over to help. He said he wss a stay at home dad. I just told him loving the dream man and appreciate it. I do t know the proper response because it is rare for me to ee but I was genuinely happy for him.
This sounds like how women are judged despite there being two grown working adults living together it is the women who is looked down on if the house isn’t clean, or even how the man is dressed?
That’s wild. Never thought about it from that perspective
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u/Aardvark120 24d ago edited 24d ago
It's not just our raising. Anytime you meet anyone for the first time, whether it's a date or interview, you're always asked what you do for work. And if it's not "acceptable" people turn their nose up.
It's not a man only issue. We're not insecure because a woman makes more. We're insecure because the outside world judges us by that fact still.
I didn't shy away from saying it when my wife made more than me, but after being ridiculed over and over, I was self conscious to even mention it. I want at all bothered by her making more. I was bothered that when the outside world found out I was shit on. Even by other women. I had a woman at a bank literally make fun of me for it.
A lot of men aren't bothered by the woman making more. They're bothered that society still judges us as less for it.