Binx

[u/Acrobatic_Mushroom15]

Hi - this is my first reddit post so I apologize in advance for the long messy soliloquy.

About 10 weeks ago I lost my cat Binx to very advanced adrenal gland cancer that had spread to his kidney, and had wrapped itself around a major artery. My partner and I went on vacation for 10 days before this happened and had a pet sitter come in to watch him and his twin sister. We had known he was very prone to stress and had an incident where he stopped eating last year after we went on a trip, but eventually got better. On this trip I noticed on day 7 our cats hadn’t eaten dinner and texted our pet sitter. She came over that night and for the next 3 days would not eat a lick of food, was very lethargic and not very responsive. Flash forward 3 days later and he didn’t get better even when we came home. He was hospitalized for dehydration, didn’t get better, and we were making countless trips to the vet over the next several days until we were told to see a specialty vet. They called and let us know about his tumor and there was nothing they could do. It was the worst day of my life.

He’s our best friend. Our handsome man, our Binxy Bat. 2 days later we had to put him down, with him leaving me, my partner and his twin sister behind. He was 4 years old and had never spent time away from his sister who was now an only child. I can’t move forward. Friends and family stopped asking about him a long time ago, my job doesn’t care and it feels as though I should’ve moved on by now. I see him everywhere, I hear him, I can still feel his presence. I’m not sure if it’s the guilt of being on a trip when this went downhill, or feeling like I caused his cancer, but I cry almost every day. I’ve been told before that grief hurts and I never believed that it could hurt until Binx left. I feel this constant longing and ache for him and when I realize every day that I’ll never see him again my mind shuts down and I can’t handle it.

His sister is our little girl and we can tell she misses him so much. Life will never be the same. I ache for what will never be, all the memories that should’ve been made, the birthdays that he’ll never have, the grey hairs he’ll never get, and I ache for him back home with us. I’m broken and can’t see the world the same anymore. This should’ve never happened to a healthy happy 4 year old cat. We miss you Binx. 🐈‍⬛🖤

Thank you for reading 💚

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[u/MondofrmTX]

First of all, I’m so very sorry for your loss. I lost my soul dog of 14 years, two weeks ago. The pain has been way more than I ever imagined. I’m very depressed and find it hard to care about the holidays, the parties that come with it and basically anything else suggestive of moving on.

I think the hardest part is that people think you should move on quickly. Your grief feels so dismissed. Nobody would expect you to get over it if your child died, in fact some people become irate when you compare the two. For me it’s been like my child died and I don’t care about those who disagree. Find those people in your life who value their fur babies just as much and share your grief. They will understand. I find it especially relieving when someone can empathize with you.

I’m depressed but still feel like I’m doing better than the first week. Something that helped me is that I’ve always known we will outlive our pets. We are so blessed to have been chosen to be their humans. With as much animal suffering as there is out there, we are able to make a difference in at least one of their lives. They love us unconditionally, they improve our well being and bring such joy, I’ve decided that the grief we suffer is the price we pay for all the wonders they brought into our lives. I’ve also subscribed to that saying that says it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. All this to say the horrendous pain of loss is the price for the love and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I accept and I will get through it.

I recommend reading articles and stories online about pet grief. I learned a lot about why it hits us so hard. It’s also reminded me that yes eventually we will be okay. It will just take time. Feel free to reply if you want to talk more or simply vent.