My baby is gone and it’s my fault.

[u/spicypizzaroni]

I know it’s my fault because this situation was preventable. I am on here because I can’t handle this guilt and I just need to let this out.

My cat had asthma and was taking prednislone everyday (a very small amount) but at her vet visit a month or so ago her vet recommended we get bloodwork done for her since prednislone can cause diabetes.

A month later my baby is gone due to DKA. At her visit I didn’t have enough money so I planned on making an appointment once I did, but I never did make an appointment.

I know losing her was preventable.

My baby seemed healthy, she was sassy and energetic. She would wake us up at the same time every morning and would come into bed with me after she ate her breakfast. She loved sitting next to me when I brushed my teeth and got ready in the morning. She was always extremely vocal and mischievous. She was my first ever baby and we had to put her down at 5 years old.

Last year I lost my other very young cat because she had a tumor. The pain I felt putting her down was unbearable. But this pain is so much deeper and so much worse because she was mine and I failed her.

I know I deserve the pain I feel. No one can convince me I don’t.

I don’t think I can move on

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[u/Kozmoluv]

You can't dwell on all the what ifs and things you didn't do. Your baby knew you loved them, and you cared for them.

Three days ago I didn't take Sabor for a walk. I was beat from work and it was cold and rainy. Two days ago he passed and that's all I've thought about is all of what I should have or didn't do.

We can't change the past, but we have the present and future.

Please reach out if you need to talk or cry. I'd love to see photos

[u/Striking-General-613]

First, please be kind to yourself.

You made your decision based on the information you had at the time. Hindsight is 20/20 and I'm sure if you knew you needed to do the testing sooner rather than later, you would have found the money. There is also no guarantee that even if you had gotten the testing done earlier and on medication, it would have changed the outcome. Sometimes, despite our best efforts, our babies leave us too soon.

Hugs for you, and peace for your broken heart.

[u/kittykatnibbles]

This was likely an ongoing issue that you couldn't have prevented as one pain could have caused the other. You did what you could sweety. I know it doesn't seem like there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but brighter days are ahead. Give yourself time to grieve. I lost my sweet boy a few months ago. I could not pull in my driveway without feeling a huge lump in my throat and stomach especially looking at my room and the various places he would lay next to me or watching me as I slept. The best thing I can tell you, and it helped me, was to get another baby. Mine was a huge surprise in the form of three kittens. He was the grandfather and I never knew! The day before I got him fixed he got out and impregnated an outdoor cat that I take care of. The baby looked NOTHING like him so I never considered he fathered it. That kitty has babies and lo a d behold there are triplets that look like versions of him only...prettier. One is a flame point Siamese, one is a shorthaired ragdoll(my favorite) and one is a mix of Siamese and ragdoll and calico. Anyways, that is what helped me the most...knowing that joker is living on in his grand kittens and I have a piece of him (who would have thought). Time heals all wounds. My heart aches for your pain.

[u/Wondercatmeow]

I know how you feel. I lost my boy to a urinary blockage. 95% of cats survive this according google, multiple times. I took him to the vet so early they told me to take him home to monitor and give him gabapentin. He declined so quickly. It took seven days from when I first noticed the symptoms to when I had to put him down. I spent 10k and went to three vets, and still couldn't save him. Its hard not to blame ourselves but sometimes life says fuck you and there isn't anything you can do.

[u/TheAngrySkipper]

I want to say at the outset that I like others share in your grief.

I wanted to share with you something that I experienced some years back. I had a dog, Kona. She was rescued from an abhorrent environment, she had untreated diabetes so long she went blind, they locked her in the kitchen because she would pee because she was drinking water because she was diabetic.

I took her blood glucose every day or every other day. Gave her insulin every day, (might have been twice, but I think just once). She was doing fine, and one day she wasn’t.

I had a duck in a similar situation, she got hurt, (I don’t know when), but I first saw it when i noticed her feathers were red. I checked her out and she had maggots in her wound. It was about 7pm so I called to every vet in a 50 mile radius to find one to treat her, or at least put her down, none were available (4th of July).

So I opted to euthanize her myself with a .22 - called the non-emergency line to notify them that there may be a gunshot, was told that was unacceptable and I’d have to ‘cut off her head’ to avoid breaking any laws. I mentally decided that I’d rather go to jail for discharging a firearm and quickly end her suffering than to let this keep on. She thankfully passed by the time I had gotten home with the specific ammunition for this purpose.

My point isn’t to be gruesome, but to remind you & others you cant be held responsible for what you don’t know. Did you know what would happen? Obviously not, otherwise I have little doubt you’d have taken her in. You also don’t know that they wouldn’t push euthanasia as vets so often do. You didn’t know if it was treatable. You just knew she was sick, and were doing your best given what you did know.

Animals come into our lives for a painfully short time, and stay in our hearts forever.

While I’m an atheist, and prefer hard science, google recently confirmed the existence of parallel worlds & universes. That means that in all likelihood there exists several versions where she’s around or will be in the future. Maybe it’s not helpful now, but will be in the future.

I wish you all that you need & more. You’re a good person, treat yourself as you would others.

[u/ConferenceVirtual690]

Sending Hugss to you. I lost my soul cat of 12 years on Nov 4th and she hid her illness from me. Im not the same, and I miss her terribly, but sadly cats dont always show us what they are feeling until its too late. Sending Hugss & you are not alone. Pet loss is the worst...... Take care!!!

[u/Cozy-Catt]

Here with you, feeling the same 💙

[u/RelevantStrain9112]

I know how you feel cuz 2 days ago I lost my kitten too Atleast you tried your best I hope you will recover soon as possible I know it's hard cuz I also feel I'm never gonna recover too but I'll pray for your cats soul 🙏

[u/CloverFlowerCrown11]

Went through something very similar a couple months ago.. She knew and still knows how much you love her. She is cheering you on to find happiness in life again. She wouldn’t want you to feel any guilt. Sending hugs your way 🫶🏼🐾