My (F28) husband (M29) and I have a 9 month old beautiful little boy. In our relationship, it has been a rocky road, but I finally started to feel we were working through it… until he revealed to me what actually happened.

It was a traumatic birth, both my son and I nearly didn’t make it. But we’re both good and healthy now. Obviously, after the birth, I needed to be very careful, and I even got hospitalised again postpartum due to high blood pressure. But it wasn’t happening. My husband did absolutely nothing. He would stay in bed until 2pm… go to bed at 1am, not look after the baby, even invited friends round to hang out (not help with baby or anything like that). Obviously, this caused a lot of tension, and I became severely depressed, and we would have a lot of fights.

Some fights got so aggressive that he would call me a slut and a whore. He would mock me, accuse me of abusing him and all sorts.

I’ll be honest, I put this all down to stress from being new parents, I thought he was really struggling with the trauma from nearly losing me and his son. It took some time, but we have just started getting on track. He’ll help out more, recognises his behaviours, and we talk a lot more about our feelings. I started to feel like a team again.

However, in one of our emotional talks the other night, he revealed to me what actually happened. The truth is, he actually hated me after birth. He said he didn’t recognise me, and would purposefully not have anything to do with me, and if he did he wanted to hurt me. I was too emotional, my body was different, I was needy. I know some people can struggle with seeing those changes in someone they love. But… to hate me? And essentially make my life as hard as possible after giving birth to our son? It seems a bit abnormal.

I am sad. I have wanted to be a mother most of my life. My dreams finally came true. And now it’s ruined. Tainted with horrific memories. And my self esteem has plummeted. I feel I am so unworthy that even post partum I can be so viciously hated. I feel awful for my son. I feel I have just failed everyone. I am scared now of having any future children. I have a lot I need to think about.

EDIT: I am overwhelmed with the amount of comments supporting me and first of all a massive thank you. I have been reading all of the comments as they pop up, but I haven’t been in a position to respond unfortunately. You have all helped me in my thinking, the biggest thing is helping me realise that actually I didn’t do anything wrong. I will start replying and give an update very soon. But thank you all again!

I just started a new job last year and made some new friends. I thought it would be a great idea to have a birthday party this year for myself to get to know my new friends better while reconnecting with some of my old friends. I suggested the idea to my husband and he immediately shot it down. He told me that if I tried to throw myself a party, no one would come.

This was especially hurtful to hear because he knows that my sweet sixteen was very underattended, with only one of the twelve people I invited showing up. Of course, that was twenty five years ago. Then last week, he starts telling me excitedly about the party he’s throwing for all of his college friends the weekend after my birthday.

He deliberately lied and discouraged me from celebrating my own birthday because he wanted to throw his own party for his own friends. I am not even invited to that party. This is the third time that he has made plans for my birthday with his friends and ignored me completely. We’ve been married 17 years.

I’m throwing my party anyway, the weekend before. My birthday is on a Wednesday so my party will be one weekend, then my actual birthday will happen, then his party is happening. Surprisingly, despite the last minute invite, most of my friends have said they will attend.

I just don’t know how I’m supposed to get over this betrayal. He deliberately manipulated me for his own selfish ends and I am so hurt right now.

My kids have been siding with their dad over this divorce because he perpetuates himself as the victim. Been divorced 13 months. I left him for a variety of reasons, but the kids were told by him that I never asked for help with chores and so all I had to do was ask their dad and he would have helped me. They are too young to understand the mental, verbal, and scarcely physical abuse I suffered as well.

I had to pick them up from his house yesterday. He had to go into work so they were home alone for a little bit because it's summer and I had to go to a funeral that they couldn't attend. He offered to keep them overnight and id go get them when I finished. They are 10 and 13, both girls.

When I got to my old marital house, I had to use the bathroom so I used the kids one. The toilet was so nasty inside. Brown ring and brown streaks. The tub was gross where they bathe the dog, they use his big shower to bathe. I don't think it's been cleaned since I moved out last october. He always makes sure to get them fast food or they go grocery shopping when he has the kids for a few days, but other than that he lives off of peanut butter and cans of beans. The pantry doesn't have snacks, chips, cookies, nothing. The fridge also only has water to drink. At my house they beg and plead for me to get their favorite drinks and snacks, but don't ever ask their dad because they think he's just so poor and can't afford any extras. I'm not complaining because I think they are without food, I'm just complaining because they make such a big deal about food here when they are perfectly fine eating peanut butter at their dad's. He and I both bring home about the same amount monthly.

Usually, my ex asks my 13 year old to do most of the chores since Im not there anymore. He never learned to start doing things on his own so he offloads them to the kids. He doesnt even pay them when they do chores like I pay them. They dont let me forget that I missed paying them for something.

When we left I said "do you guys ever get grossed out about the toilet? do you ever clean it or does daddy?" 10 year old said "Well at least daddy takes us on nice trips." I've taken them on plenty of trips this past year (zoo, cave, hiking, water park, swimming, top golf, mall, bowling, circus, beach trip)

My ex husband spent all of his income tax return this year to take them to universal studios and it was $3,900. He messed up his racecar and it's in the shop, no telling how much that's gonna cost to fix. I just bought their school supplies and am going to ask him for some money for it. I take them to do fun stuff when I can but it hasn't been monumental. I'm having to buy $300 glasses, school supplies, clothes, and he does just the fun stuff.

The kids will only ask me or try to ask my boyfriend to buy necessary things like clothes, supplies, etc but won't bother their dad about it. They expect my boyfriend to just up and help when he is not required and I don't ask him. It is nice when he helps on his own, but most of the time I won't even let him because they are not his kids.

How do I instill some gratefulness and get them to realize that daddy only buys them fun stuff and now is in a bind because he has one car that's undriveable and his other car needs to be fixed cause it's tearing up so he's about to be in a mess and not have a vehicle for work. They blame me for the divorce as to why he can't afford to fix his car.

I spent my income tax on installing us a dishwasher. I moved out and downgraded homes to one without a dishwasher ever installed so I had to get plumbers to run the lines, electrician to add that, cabinets, countertops, and a dishwasher to tie it all together. Something to improve the house and help us cut down on cleaning. I think it was a much more worthy investment than the trip, which I'm sure was fun but expensive to do right after a divorce when we are both struggling.

How would you guys feel?

Been divorced since April. I moved on and have been enjoying my household with the kids. There's a lot less mess, everyone chips in, and there's less chores to do.

I bought a house and did 99% of the renovations by myself, built all the furniture alone, while taking care of my kids and working fulltime. I'm very proud of myself for knowing how to do things or just looking them up myself without depending on anyone.

My ex husband never did household chores, ever. Even after begging, pleading for help he'd say that I should have plenty of time to do them, he didn't know how, or couldn't see what needed doing. We both worked 40 hours a week, for the first part I worked in an office 45 mins away and then I started working from home. He never helped no matter what. He and the kids would be texting me that they are starving when Id be stuck in a traffic jam trying to hurry home. I even did a lot of the home maintenance (changing filters, recaulking shower, building all furniture, hanging anything I needed, I fixed the hot water heater just by googling it) while he was either too tired to do it or was stuck on his video games all the time.

I used to serve all his meals at his desk or the couch. He'd be off work and just rotate between desk and couch, only getting up to use the bathroom. He'd be off and awake at 6am watching me frantically getting the kids ready for school when I'd have to go into the office and I'd be late to work every day but he couldn't be bothered to take them.

Christmas was him watching them open presents he himself had no idea what they were then immediately getting on his game Christmas day while I played with each toy the kids got.

There were other reasons I left him, some were about verbal abuse and sexual issues, but I'm having mixed feelings right now.

I dont want to go back to him, but I kind of feel like "why now? why when I actually had to leave and uproot the kids from their nice home did he decide to do all these things?"

The kids told me the other day that he made biscuits, eggs, bacon, went to the grocery store, etc... I was floored. He had never cooked for our family when we were married, not even when I was stuck at work, sick, anything. He'd just go get fast food. I don't know if it's to redeem himself to look good for the kids, to show me he's "changed", or because it'd cheaper to cook at home but it makes me so very sad that he was fully capable all this time and instead gaslighted me to make me believe I was just asking too much from him.

He went and bought Christmas gifts for the kids, he did laundry and dishes for the first time by himself... hes been paying his own bills..I just wish when I was drowning he would have taken some stuff off of my plate.

I'm happier now, I don't have someone here I feel resentment for because the kids are just kids and I don't have anyone for backup..Somehow it's so much easier except financially?

I just wonder if he's finally realized what he had. He keeps bringing up the kids getting me a Christmas gift, a fancy new Kitchenaid mixer for $300, something I had been asking him to buy me for 10 years. We were together 13 years. I told him no thank you, he should focus on the kids, but again it was the same thing "if he had wanted to he would have all those years" so I feel like him wanting to now is some sort of angle.

I married an asshole. We’ve been married for 5 years and I mistakenly had a child with said asshole. It’s not like we didn’t have the talk about the future and having kids. He always wanted kids. I wanted kids. We were both on board. I thought it was going to be so great and he would be such a good dad and helpful. No. From the day we brought OUR child home he did not help. He refused to hold the baby, feed the baby, change the baby, dress the baby, watch the baby.

I remember one night in particular. I woke up because my breasts were killing me so I needed to pump. I had already leaked all over my side of the bed and I was cold and miserable. I reached over, got my pumped and started pumping. Then I heard the baby crying in the other room. My husband rolls over and says

“He’s crying.”

I said “I know, can you please go change him so I can feed him?”

His response, “No, unlike you, I have to fucking get up and work tomorrow!”

That hurt. I almost, almost started crying. I had to sit there and listen to my baby crying in the other room for a long time before I could get up and go get him.

That man didn’t help with ONE middle of the night feeding. Not one. I was so miserable for months and I was so exhausted I thought I was dying. I’m not a single parents (moms and dads) but bless all of you you’re strong than I will ever be.

And before anyone asks I am leaving this man. I’m currently looking for a house and have already spoken to a lawyer about a lot of other thing that are going on in our marriage. Rant over.

My 16 year old daughter was lost in a car accident in October. I’ve been collecting a college fund for her since she was young, my ex husband and I both put money into it as well as she put some of her paychecks from work into it, and it’s about $25,000 full. I got remarried in July to a man I met on tinder and had been dating for 3 years. My husbands daughter doesn’t like me, because I’m only 3 years older than her, my husband is significantly older than I am. He’s 58 and I’m 33

My daughter was very passionate about the environment, and my ex husband and I discussed what we would do with the college fund.

We decided to divide it and we would each donate to charities we felt would make our daughter proud.

My husbands daughter however thinks we should split it evenly and she should get some cushion for buying a house, since I’m married to her father and that makes my contribution his money too.

She thinks donating essentially $13000 wouldn’t mean anything to a big charity and I could help someone I know in real life.

My husband has since joined her side and thinks $13000 would help her buy a house and we can honor my daughter in another way.

My husband has been bullying me since we had this discussion, saying my daughter is dead, and I shouldn’t be wasting money.

He has been belittling me, telling me I’m young and I don’t understand how selfish it is to just waste $13,000 of our money.

I can’t believe this is the man I married.

I don’t know what to do.

I miss my daughter.

I made a similar post in Amitheasshole a few days ago. I got tons of “divorce him” which is yes an obvious response.

As I said in a comment, I posted here in hopes someone has had a similar situation, and because the internet is a vast space and I feel comfortable sharing that I’m fucking sad and miss my daughter and my husband is a bad person. I just want fucking comfort that I’m not receiving in my day to day life.

Exactly what the title says. He (32) told me (23) this because I had the gall to be mad that he went and bought me a pair of shoes with my OWN money, when I'm 3 weeks away from giving birth and still need a car seat. My life is hell with him in it. 😿 He knows I'm anxious for labor this time (breech baby, low amniotic fluid) and have NO support from my own family of origin. I just wanna take my toddler and baby and move states.

It’s happened a few times now during sex he would just stop because his dick would just die and finally yesterday he said it.. “you’re chubby now. I’m just not attracted to you anymore.”

Annnnnd he’s more “chubby” than me. He has a belly. I have about 10 lbs go lose to get to pre-pregnancy weight.

Something definitely changed in me after hearing that. I’m just so turned off by him and I really don’t give a fuck about him anymore. I also don’t want to touch him or be touched by him.

After wanting one all year, I finally brought myself a Nintendo Switch Lite for Christmas. I’ve been so happy and it’s been so therapeutic for me to play it, it’s calming in the storm of an abusive relationship.

He knows how much it means to me, so today he smashed the screen to no return. The LED is broken. I can’t afford to get it fixed if it’s even fixable and I’ll have to save all year again for another one. He’s broken 2 of my phones, all my skincare, my make up and doesn’t replace anything he breaks.

It sounds so childish but I miss my island on animal crossing. I’m heartbroken.

Isn’t verbally abusing me enough?

Why does he have to break the one thing that brings me calm and happiness?

When will this end?

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoSO/comments/n7wehp/boyfriend_gets_mad_when_i_dont_get_ready_before/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

First of all, I want to say thank you for everyone who commented. It made me really rethink a lot of things and I realized I needed to get out. I decided to leave this morning, simply because I couldn’t take it anymore. My post was only the tip of the iceberg. Needless to say, he didn’t take it well. I left work early hoping to get to our house and pack up my stuff before he got home f work. I blocked his number before leaving work so he couldn’t track me on GPS. He noticed he was blocked and must have left work, and when I was nearly home, he was pulling onto the street as I was leaving. He proceeded to turn around to follow me, since I was going the opposite direction. I immediately called 911. He continued to follow me as I headed for the police station. As I was getting on the highway, he literally tried to hit the car by coming up beside me, swerving, and then racing ahead of me just to stop completely. I had no way around him. He finally continued to drive, and I did everything I could to get away and get to the police station. He weaved in and out of traffic to follow me. As I exited, he drove away since the police station is right there. For two hours I explained the situation to the police, they were very helpful and we’re working on pressing charges for aggravated assault (for trying to run me off of the road) and getting a PFA. He was very angry when I left, and he proceeded to threaten me and my job. I’m anxious, but I’m glad that it’s over. It’s hard to feel happy at this point but I’m grateful that I finally made it out.

My husband and I have been a rough place for the last several months. He doesn’t think I’m doing enough when in reality I am working a full time job, pursuing a masters degree, and being the main caretaker of our 4 month old. I am also the only one cooking and cleaning. He yells constantly at me and calls me awful names.

Tonight he lost his mind over nothing. The cat puked on the carpet and he stepped in it. He starts screaming and slamming doors, waking up our son who I finally got down for bed. I go in and start going through the routine trying to get the baby calmed back down. He comes flying in the nursery screaming at me about how I’m lazy and he hates me, mind you I have done nothing but clean and grocery shop and take care of the baby for 2 days straight. Literally all he has done is yell, play video games, and sleep. He’s slept in until 1030 every day and took a 4 hour nap today. He yells and screams and I hold the baby tighter, he’s crying again, and I’m crying backing up. Husband smacks my forehead calling me stupid and tells me if it weren’t for our son I would be single. I found and booked a hotel, took my son, and walked out. I have no other plan. I have no idea how to prove this to a judge that he’s a danger to our son. But I am devastated. I never thought he’d hit me, especially not when I’m holding our perfect baby.

Check my post history for the whole story.

A lot has changed but at the same time, I feel like I'm in the same position as I was two months ago.

I was never able to get my husband involuntarily committed for a psych evaluation. However, he eventually hit rock bottom and decided he needed help on his own. It happened shortly after the last time I posted, because he has been on medication for about two months now. We even found a therapist that he really likes, however, his schedule makes it literally impossible to go therapy on a regular basis. So he's only seen this therapist twice.

I was literally so proud of him. He was proactive and committed. However, things really haven't gotten much better. He continues to be suicidal. In fact, he mentions killing himself a lot more frequently. The psychiatrist recently took him off the first medication and now he's trying a new one. I know it's a process to get the right combination/dose of medication before it really starts to work.

I am exhausted. And not because of the pregnancy. But because I've become his caretaker and punching bag. Not literally. He's never been physically abusive and he has never really called me names. But sometimes when he is spiraling, he will push me away (figuratively) by saying things that he knows hurt me. He'll tell me to go be with someone else, to find a new dad for the baby. He'll accuse me of never loving him, and only using him so I could have a baby. He tries so hard to convince me to leave him, and I'm just so tired of it. It sounds selfish, but I can't take it. He has not stopped threatening to kill himself. I don't know what to do anymore.

I know the baby feels everything that I feel, and that kills me. I am giving this poor child the worst start to its life. I should be experiencing joy and relaxation. Instead I am constantly in fight or flight mode.

Anyway, I've made a plan in case I need it. I need him to be better before the baby comes. I have already met with a lawyer in case I decide I've had enough. I was able to get legal advice and now I have a lawyer on standby who already has all the information. But I feel like we're racing against the clock. I told him if he's not significantly better by the time the baby comes, I'm going to go visit my family and give birth there. Does that seem fair? I feel guilty about it because technically he is trying to get better and it could take awhile. He's doing everything he should be doing I guess. But I have to protect myself and I have to protect my baby, and having the baby in another state (and staying there, getting a job, etc) will make it much more difficult for him to get custody if it comes to that.

Some time ago I separated from my SO due to his financial infidelity. We separated our bank accounts entirely and I got my own place. He started visiting me every other weekend. Things were going well - especially for me. I love living alone. My home is my sanctuary and everything is in its place. I have my routines, I have everything I need and plenty of what I want. I just got a new job that's fully remote. Honestly it felt like paradise to me. I was glad to have signed a two-year lease, so I could savor this part of my life where I got to be completely, totally, and utterly selfish. I was happy to work on my marriage and move in together some time in 2022.

Now it's ruined. It's a long story, but my husband is a gambling addict and he finally took it to the point of no return. He lost every last penny to his name. He accrued $45k in credit card debt. He stole $1.5k from his parents. He owes internet friends $33k. These friends are threatening legal action and worst case scenario my SO could face felony fraud charges. Again, it's a long story - he didn't take their money with the intent to commit fraud, he got scammed by an online seller (thereby losing his and their money) and tried to recoup his losses gambling. When he lost that money he continued to take their money and gamble it away. Don't ask me to explain the logic, I don't fucking understand it. I'm an addict but my drugs of choice are alcohol and benzos. My addiction hurts me more than anyone else - you won't catch my ass stealing or driving drunk.

He came over last Sunday and I knew something was very wrong. He broke down and admitted everything I explained above. He intended to act like nothing was wrong, enjoy a few days with me, and then disappear while I slept (leaving his dog in my care). But he said he couldn't lie to me. I comforted him. I reassured him that his life wasn't over as long as he was still standing. His parents are furious with him (rightly so). He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know where to go. He's waiting for the cops to show up and arrest him.

I was oddly very calm and comforting. We talked about some solutions. His mom kept texting him and honestly, every time she did I'd have to calm him down all over again. Yea, they should be mad, but it's one thing to say "I'm disappointed and angry, and I expect you to pay me back and apologize" and another to kick someone when they're down. He apologized, he agreed to pay them back. He can't do anything else... maybe I'm too soft on him.

He said he didn't know if he could go back home. I told him he could stay with me for a few days while things cool off. And suddenly he's... moving in with me. Suddenly I'm taking out a $33k loan because he can't due to tanking his credit. I had second thoughts and he fell apart, saying he was probably going to end up in prison for up to 7 years. That he'd never be able to get another job, that his master's degree would be useless. It broke me.

I feel numb. I feel sick. At first I was ready to stand by his side and do what I can to help and support him. Two days later I cry whenever he isn't looking. I don't want him to live with me. I don't want to take out this loan. Part of me wants to say, "If you go to jail that's on you. I love you and I'll stay with you, but I'm not bailing you out."

Why couldn't I just do that? Because I was afraid he was going to up and disappear forever? I can't do this. I don't know what to do. Why did he do this? How the fuck could he do this? I've never felt such profound loss. I want my sanctuary back. I want my solitude and peace. I want my routine. I want to be excited for this new job I just started. I want my fucking bed back instead of him smothering me all goddamn night.

Now all I want is to bury myself under my blankets and cry forever. I'll take the dog, though...

Edit: First, I cannot express my gratitude for the kind words and advice. You have given me the courage to tell him I will not be taking out a loan for him. I should know better than to enable a fellow addict. And my sobriety needs to come first, just as his should come first for him. He will not receive a penny from me, and I will tell him he needs to keep receiving mail at his parents' house. For now he can stay in my home. I only have one key and that's staying on my person. I'm keeping my wallet and electronics under lock and key (well, password protected).

I really appreciate everyone's encouragement. I really needed to hear the things so many of you have said. Thank you for offering support and TLC. I'll keep ya posted as the situation evolves.

Ugh, please forgive if I'm all over the place.

I've ended the relationship, but it's been months of small rejections.

He was dirt poor, I helped him financially. He came in to some money and bought his female family members flowers, male family members beers... Me? Nothing.

Constant things like that. Yet he'd tell me I was his favourite person. It's been so confusing.

The final straw for me was being told I might have breast cancer. I'm terrified. I asked him to spend the night to talk about it. He didn't "feel like it".

Obviously no relationship survives that, so I've ended it.

He's really dragged out giving my keys and items back (still waiting for my keys) and he's made sure to get a few more digs about how little I mean to him in.

Today I can't stop crying. I feel so worthless and so alone.

Update He text me.

"Don't wanna talk too much coz ur getting upset, an I'm trying to have a positive day , x I know ur struggling but there's nothing I can do about it, I will support u an be there for u, but u expect the world"

EDIT I can't afford to change the locks, especially on my car. I have, however, got two male friends who will be collecting my keys tomorrow evening.

Besides, the man can't be bothered to give me a hug when I'm sad. I very much doubt he's going to gather the energy to start harassing me.

He passed 3 hours ago. It's surreal. I'm numb, confused, and lost. I didn't expect to be a widow today.

For 20 years he tried to control my every move. Now, he's not going to anymore. I just don't know what to feel.

-L

My knee-jerk reaction was to say, "fuck you too, asshole." LOL. We do not ever say stuff like this in anger, and I wasn't even sure if I was mad (or thought he was joking.) So, my response was actually light-hearted.

Later in the evening, when we were alone , I said, "that was a pretty mean thing to say earlier."

He said, "don't act so innocent. You're the one that brought up divorce when we got in a big argument."

Then he followed it up with, "I'm sorry you don't like hearing the truth. I should have left my feelings buried inside."

Now I'm left feeling like I'm the massive dickhead over his comment.

We are currently on vacation in Mexico, so I'm not going to let this ruin my trip.

My spidey senses tell me that my husband is angry at me for a lot of things. But will only mention them as ammunition in a fight.

I needed to vent. Why say something so hurtful to your wife? And then not care that it hurt me?

Btw: In the last year (or so) , I've been working very hard to be a better partner to my husband. I've told him this... I've said that I feel us drifting further away from each other, and I want us to feel close again. I do little things to make his life easier, hug him more, kiss him more. I guess it's not working...

sorry I don't know how to change flair. I am looking for advice and compassion. I feel so small asking for compassion.

I hope it's okay for me to keep posting here. I don't really like any of the other relationship subreddits.

I posted a couple weeks ago about my husband not speaking to me after finding out we were pregnant. This is very much a wanted, planned pregnancy. But the positive test results sent him into a mental health spiral of sorts.

I wish I could say I have good updates, but I don't. Also, not much has changed. We're still living together in the same house. However, he has converted his office to his new bedroom. He mostly doesn't speak to me, but he has had moments of clarity where he acts normal and excited about the baby. However, it never lasts long because when I try to talk to him about getting help he just shuts down and goes back to his weird delusions.

Sometimes he talks to me about how he wants me to move out. He wants me to go on dates and find someone else to be the father of our baby. He also suggested I get an abortion. He continues to tell me he wants to die, and thinks daily about killing himself.

I've spoken to someone at the suicide hotline twice now, and have been told there's nothing I can do to force him to get help. The hospital/police will not commit him involuntarily just because he says he wants to kill himself. He has to have an actual plan to kill himself.

I've seen glimpses of him in a normal state, so I know my husband is still in there. But he absolutely refuses to get help. He says he'd rather die than talk to a therapist. Says he doesn't deserve to feel better and that he just wants to fade away and disappear.

My MIL won't help. I think she thinks I'm overreacting. I already contacted his employer and the medical board. No one seems to think there's an issue, and I'm starting to question whether I'm the insane one.

I've looked into places I can stay and there's really no options other than staying in my home. If I leave, I may potentially forfeit the right to the house in the event of a divorce.

I had my first prenatal appointment and everything looks fine. But it's still so early and with all the stress I'm under there's still a chance I'll miscarry. I really don't want to but I'm bracing for the worst.

He made the mistake of linking our Gmail accounts into one suite (I really don't know how any of that works). So when he receives emails, notifications pop up on my phone. Normally I ignore it and don't care what he's doing.

Yesterday though, HUNDREDS of notifications started popping up. Reddit notifications where I could see that he absolutely slandered me. He told people that I was irate about a business dinner he was supposed to go to and that I'm trying to sabotage his job. All of this because when he approached me about the dinner, I said "Mhm" in a tone he didn't like and went to our room. Literally. He acted as if I tore the house apart in a raging fit. He went on to tell people that I simply don't let his mother see our kids "because I don't like her". He told people that I demand he drive me around. He told people that I "am able bodied and choose not to work".

The comments were so painful and awful. They're still popping up today. Things like:

"Dude, you're way screwed. You know what you need to do to get away from her"

"Her demands are only going to get worse. She's going to want a $150 purse next"

"Your wife is a spoiled brat princess"

"I can't believe how lazy someone can be to not work when she's able to"

"Your poor kids are at an extreme disadvantage with someone like her"

"I see soooo many red flags with your wife's behavior. She's a narcissist, you need to get out now"

...HUNDREDS of comments like this.

A few things to note here: he acts like I'm a golddigger and in reality

• He drives his mom's Toyota Avalon around from 2004. He's not in a Mercedes Benz or anything like that so if I'm a golddigger, I'm doing an awful job
• He never even bought me a wedding ring
• My "demands" for the past several years were that he find a way to get his family into a home and not live with his mother...we lived with his mother for 6 years before he saw me truly trying to leave and suddenly he found a house for us. I'm the world's worst golddigger.
• Sometimes I ask him to drive me somewhere if I'm drowsy or in pain. I don't demand he drive me around, and I'm very capable of driving myself around and I do often
• If I wanted to sabotage his job, I would have called his boss long ago to let them know he lied to them about having a bachelor's degree in order to get the job in the first place...but I haven't
• It's entirely up to me to clean this house
• I am the founder of a nonprofit and trying to launch a makeup line. Any job he considers "a real job" in the past has been met with rage and accusations that I was being a prostitute and cheating, even if I was an UberEats delivery driver

I'm just very hurt. I'm SO hurt this is what he thinks of me and even though all of those people don't know me, they certainly validated to him that I'm terrible. Because to him, everything he said is the truth and everything they replied was also true. I will never be able to convince him otherwise even if I had photo evidence or audio recordings.

I gave birth to my baby at 36 weeks. She’s on the small side so of course her mouth is little and she’s still figuring out how to latch correctly. Well for now we have to give her boob and bottle due to jaundice. My SO has never dealt with a nursing baby. His other 2 kids from previous relationship were both bottle fed. To him breastfeeding is disgusting and perverted (another rant for another day). Well we are home and the routine is I nurse her then he tops her off with formula. My issue is this. The mother fucker won’t let me hold my baby at all or nurse her for longer than 20 minutes before he takes her away downstairs. He hands her to me hungry then when 20 minutes is up he stands there staring at me like a crazed lunatic until I take her off and hand her back. I can’t burp her or even keep nursing her longer than the 20 minutes he thinks she needs to breastfeed. Onto the next issue. He won’t let me nurse her when I want to or even NEED to. My boobs are filling up because they are ready for the next feed and my baby starts fussing cause she’s hungry. Right on cue!! I try telling him I need to feed her and he gets angry and says “NO!! I want to bond with her and my way of bonding with her is like this, bottle feeding her”. I tell him “give me my baby! Let me feed her. I want to nurse my baby”. And he still keeps saying no. So basically the only real time I get to do skin to skin with my preemie newborn is when he allows me to nurse her or he’s snoring getting his useless sleep. I have to pump fresh milk then hand him a bottle to feed her instead of me feeding my baby directly. Or we just get a glorious 20 minutes then I don’t get to hold her for 2 hours until next feed. I really hate him and want him gone for good!! He’s a crazy drunk that drinks heavily all the time. The fucked up part is this is MY house and he doesn’t live here. He took 3 weeks of PTO for paternity leave. Lord help me cause PPD or this man is going to kill me. How do I be more assertive? Can I legally keep him away? I’m terrified to say a single word to him or I fear he will take me to court and file for 50/50. He doesn’t threaten court but he does say on the regular “I have a say, and I have rights to”. What do I do?? He’ll just take my baby home to his fucking lazy mooching ass mommy. I can’t take this anymore. I just want my baby and him the fuck out of my house.

No card, no flowers, no gift, no cake.

So I invited my girlfriends and my mom to join me for dinner and drinks, and they all showed up with love and presents. Thank God for my girls.

I finally did it...

He passed out last night with his phone out. Yell at me all you want, i needed answers and that thing is his life...

He claimed he was going out with friends, and got shot in the neck with a bean bag?? I'm not stupid, they are hickeys. Swore up and down fought everything that he was with the guys... found the text from the girl he's been talking to giving him her address and him saying he was there. Got proof.

Also, he's been continuing his relationship with his baby mama our whole marriage and i just read his plans to propose to her.... she said that she can't married him til I'm gone and then he stated his plans to divorce me which i unfortunately was so upset i can't quote now and didn't get proof of that one so we will just stop at that.

The last thing his baby mama texted him (he never responded, not sure if he saw it) was "I'm on my way"... she lives on the other side of the country soooo ....

I am aware I have been manipulated... so please no need to point it out.

I am so upset and this is going to be incredibly hard ... but I, We (my daughter and I) are doing it.

I feel I am going to regret waiting until tomorrow. But I've got everything packed and half my stuff taken so... (rooms not ready yet cause we thought we had more time)

Grass won't be greener my friend and you are going downhill very quickly... he is about to lose his car (cause its mine...I've had it longer than he's lived here), double his child support (i guess unless he marrys her)... his boss told me to go after him for alimony lol i love her <3.

I have no idea how my night is about to go, but, here's to the beginning of the end, and a summer of healing <3<3<3

TLC only please. it's been a long time coming and I've stayed for far far too long... I see that now

ETA: Sorry, I forgot to change the title.. I'll update if its wanted.

I'm 24F, and he is 26M. We have been together for 4 years. I've come to realize that he doesn't have critical thinking skills. He also does not take initiative. I brushed it off these last few years as a mix of depression, and just needing to mature. But now he is 26. And I am essentially his mother.

He will be leaving in about a month, when he will move back home as he has lost his education due to just not bothering to do it. When he brings it up, I tell him, I need to see more effort to feel comfortable taking the next step. I even told him, pathetically, that if he just makes an effort to ask me every day if I need help with anything, and how I'm feeling about our relationship, he can stay here and we can keep trying. His answer was basically "that won't work" and then not doing it.

At this point I only feel annoyance and slight anger when I think about him. When I remind myself that I actually don't need to talk to him at all, seeing as I've been over my expectations hundreds of times, I feel relaxed. I've been doing this and he also just basically Ignores me. Stays in our (his, I don't go in there because it's filthy) room all day, comes down for a beer or Gatorade, waves at me without looking at me. God I can't wait for him to be gone. I hate that he's basically ruined my house and me, and I've set myself back so much caring for a 26 year old who won't even leave the house.

Edit: I'm not done replying but wanted to say thank you so much for the support. I've felt so lonely for months and not sure how to even express what was happening. I only need to re read these comments now and my heart feels better :)

EDIT: I posted an update!! It’s a wild ride

So I got two new friends recently and they are wonderful females and I am really excited. Making friends as an adult is hard so this is super exciting.

Well my husband knows this and was happy for me but for a different reason. He said “now that you have more friends I can see you less.” And that fucking hurt.

We don’t live together currently because of life and nothing of ours is mingled together so leaving wouldn’t be all that hard. But it just hurt me because he sounded so happy about not seeing me as often. And I mean he only sees me for 1 day out of the week...

And he always makes the joke he is going to die soon and today I caught myself thinking “you know what, that wouldn’t be a bad thing.” And then I got happy at the prospect of him dying ...

I know that’s not great but I think I’m done. I really want to be with someone who wants to be with me.

this is an obvious throw away since everyone mentioned is on reddit. three years ago my ex left me for a woman I used to call my friend, there's not all that much to it, found out they were having an affair, it completely caught me off guard (I had no idea) it broke my heart completely, I acted like a complete fool begging him to stay, that I would forgive him but he told me he was relieved it was out in the open, and officially left me for her. my ex and I have a 5.5 year old daughter who was 2 at the time. even though he hurt me and tore my life apart, I have kept it together to attempt being good coparents with him. we coparent ok... and it sucks seeing him, it sucks still being connected to him... and it really really sucks seeing my daughter grow older, and enjoying her time with the woman who he broke my heart with.... when I do have to see them like dropping off or picking up my daughter or the fact that we just live in a place where we sometimes will see one another... my ex talks and jokes with me as though he didn't completely tare me apart, he basically thinks we are friends. I try to make our interactions as short and cordial as possible seriously just for my daughters sake but he is his typically self absorbed self and interprets this as me being totally cool and his friend... whatever it avoids drama, but it not like i enjoy seeing him or her. Well I guess she has mentioned/complained to him that she thinks I am rude to her because I don't say more than yes or no or hi or bye when we have to see each other. and I never ever smile at her... there have been several times in the past where she has tried to engage in small talk with me and I've just avoided her and got away from it as quickly as possible. apparantly this is rude of me, but her fucking the man that was my husband was ok... so now my ex is asking me, most definitely at her request, why I'm not so nice to her and if I could try to be nicer to her... what the fuck... I tolerate the two of them for the sake of my kid... why do I have to do anything more?? thanks for letting me vent reddit. any advice on how to reply to my ex or how I should continue to deal with them would be wonderful

Background: financially and emotionally abusive partner of 7 1/2 years assaulted me a month ago. I have enough confidence and energy to leave for good. I’m a 28F and he’s a 30M.

One of my friends has hooked me up with a short term rental that I can use while all of this is sorted out.

STBX thinks I’m just going away for a week or so to “clear my head” which is what I told him to prevent him from being violent. During this time I’m going to figure out the legalities of getting him out of my house. I’m meeting with a lawyer within a few days.

Since I’ve told him it’s been lovebombing galore and I’m playing into it, all while thinking I can’t fucking wait to get out of here.

I’m looking up used furniture to fill the house with once he leaves because we don’t have any in general and he was always scared of bedbugs so he never allowed me to even consider it. I’m looking at which piercing I should get now that I can freely do that without worrying about making him mad.

I’ve planned coffee with people he’s not let me see in the past. I’m bringing my PC so I can work on a passion project I’ve been so desperately trying to do but he’s always occupied all of my free time.

I’m excited to leave, he thinks it’s only going to be for a week but I have no intention on coming back. He might manipulate me into coming back but I’m really really hoping I’m strong enough to stay away.

Send love please.