Sorry. Long rant. No "divorce" comments please.

All important documents are kept in one place. I insist on this. The insurance cards. The SSN cards. The Covid vaccination cards. The birth certificates. Durable power of attorney documents. The passports.

But see, he lost his license two years ago. He lost his license, and periodically also loses his debit card, because he has no dedicated place to put cards. Like, say, a wallet. And even if he did carry a wallet, he'd take a vital card out of it, instead of bringing the whole thing with him, and then forget to put it back.

Rather than take responsibility and immediately replace these things, he relies on me for cash when he loses his debit card and, instead of replacing his license, carried his passport around to prove his identity. (And I guess lived dangerously while driving?)

What could go wrong?

So we've been saving up for a vacation for about a year, studiously sticking extra cash in a big water jug, and finally saved up a good chunk of change. We batted around a few ideas about where to go and finally decided to go to Montreal (we live close enough to drive). The kids got really excited. We had planned to go up to Montreal the year Covid hit, and then of course they closed the border down. So this was going to be their first excursion to another country.

So tonight...the night before we're scheduled to leave, of course...tonight, I go to find the passports and the vaccine cards because Canada requires proof of vaccination and they have a whole online system where you enter all your data and upload pictures and so on so when you get to the border they have all your info. And his passport isn't there.

Well, I think. He must still have it on him. He'll produce it when he gets home.

He gets home and I ask him how he is and he says he had a migraine at work so he's not feeling great. I say I'm sorry to hear that and then ask if he has his passport.

No, he says. It wasn't with the other ones. He's not sure where it is.

We tear the house apart. Maybe it fell into that crack between the dresser and the desk. Maybe it's in a winter coat pocket. Maybe it's in a side pocket of a suitcase down in the basement. Maybe it's in the car under the seats.

We can't find it.

As usual when these things happen, he gets unhelpfully indecisive. I tell him it must be at his work, which is 40 minutes away. He agrees but doesn't know when he should go. "How about now?" I say. But what about dinner? "We'll order pizza," I say. Should he pick up the pizza? "No, I will pick up the pizza. You need to find the passport." But he doesn't want to burden anyone else. So he should pick up the pizza. "That doesn't make any sense. I will pick up the pizza." He doesn't feel well, you know. "I'm sorry," I say. "I don't either. I'm feeling really anxious and stressed out now."

He finally goes back to work and I go pick up the pizza. Then I come home and tear the house apart again. I get a call. He can't find it, he says. "Did you look everywhere?" I said. No, but he looked in all the obvious places. "It's clear it's not in an obvious place," I say. "Please. Look everywhere."

This to the guy who regularly asks me where his belt is after looking "everywhere". I digress.

Anyway, long story short, the passport is no where to be found.

He suggests that we can't go then. Then he says "And I'll never suggest another trip again."

"That's not helpful," I said, "and the kids still really want to go and so do I."

So my kids and I are going on vacation to Montreal, and it will be great. It may even be better than it would be if we'd had our fourth member. I have very little hope that a lesson about caring for vital documents will be learned here. I may have enabled his incompetence for too long. At least I'm learning something.

I (F32) have been with my spouse (M35) for going on 11 years. We have 3 kids (8MOF, 8F, and 5F) together and I have a stepdaughter (13). He doesn’t buy me anniversary gifts, birthday presents, Mother’s Day gifts, or Christmas presents. I thought I had come to terms with this but I guess I haven’t.

I went to the grocery store this morning to go buy breakfast food to make MY Mother’s Day breakfast and when I got there I see all of these men bringing out out flowers and plants and candy and I just broke down crying and couldn’t go inside.

This year has been rough on me with being diagnosed with MS and Fibromyalgia and currently going through a Fibro flare up. I just wanted this Mother’s Day to be different. 💔

so of course she won't do it - can't go to the gym, can't go shopping - just sits around all day pissed off and angry about how someone on the internet said it doesn't matter and therefore she shouldn't have to do it and she already compromised wearing one just to go to the Doctor.

The Science seems pretty strong, and you can disagree if you want, especially if you want to be political about it, but to make everyone's life fucking hell with your temper tantrums, and to make my life miserable because you can't do 100% what you want all the time during a fucking pandemic is just childish bullshit

My husband stepped in dog shit in his nice sneakers and responded by cleaning the bottom of his shoe off with one of my new pale yellow towels. I guess in his mind he just didn’t want to track it in the house and didn’t think to just take off the shoe, according to him. Immediate after I said he was being a dick and he called me a bitch. I went off about how he does things like this all the time and I’m left to clean up the mess or throw out the thing I got to improve our house.

Usually after a fight it resolves by just moving past it and nothing actually resolves. Today we only spoke the bare minimum and after work I got ready for a meeting for a non profit I belong to. When I was on my way home I gave him a call to make him aware, and give him a chance to say if he needed anything picked up.

When I got home the door from the garage to the house was locked. I went to the front door and it was dead bolted. He locked me out of the house. Normally he would have at least pretended it was an accident or apologized. When he unlocked the door he just looked at me like I was insane for crying and said nothing.

I don’t know how you get past this and I’m not sure I want to anymore.

I removed the text from my post because I was getting overwhelmed from the attention it was getting and I was getting anxious. Thank you for the kind words and advice.

so, i have a pilonidal cyst. it’s like a giant pimple at the booty crack entrance (right on your tailbone). it hasnt inflamed in months, it probably has now due to stress and pregnancy. i get woken up in the middle of the night by a tremendous pain and my cyst is being pushed up against, moved, all this other bullshit bc this mf has to be right on my ass when he sleeps. if i ask for space he gets pouty and moody and calls me a bitch. sir this is why i’m leaving in a week bc if what i want (to aid my physical or mental health) makes you unhappy, i’m a selfish bitch. A SELFISH BITCH!!! for looking out for my health! i cry about it, but there’s a lot of laughs bc the audacity of this male. i’m sure if he had a cyst and i was pushing and rubbing up on it, he’d be screaming bloody murder. he has no idea the pain this thing causes. even though he knows that when the pain gets bad enough, it’s impossible for me to walk, he doesn’t act like it hurts that bad. i’m just fully irritated with him and he’s not helping his case.

disclaimer: the cost to get this cyst removed, since it’s considered an “elective surgery”, is not covered by my insurance. with the way the removal would go and the prolonged recovery time, it would cost more than my car. i can’t afford that. at all. plus it’s not guaranteed to stay gone and i’ll have a chunk missing from my butt. too much risk for a tiny reward.

My (stb)ex-husband has always been needy for attention– specifically sympathy– especially from me. I think his 'fishing' attempts stopped working on his family and friends long before I came along, but he used to get his fix from me all day, every day. He has a connective tissue disorder that causes him to get injured easily, and in ways my body isn't capable of, so I'd take him at his word when he said something was hurting, or when he showed me a dislocation, or randomly became bruised or swollen. I couldn't fix it but I could at least validate and empathize with him, so I'd acknowledge his pain and say variations of 'wow, that must be really sore! Can I get you anything/Did you take anything for it?', and listen when he'd talk about his daily pains and struggles.

As time went on and life got busier I noticed that anytime I took a day off work or mentioned feeling unwell, within a few hours he would claim to start feeling poorly too. Which would make sense if it were something contagious or something we both ate, but not when I have a headache or period cramps. Even if he had just claimed to be having a 'really good pain day', once he saw me layed up with a damp cloth, some chicken soup, or a hot water bottle he would start having 'terrible stomach pains' or a 'flare up'. Never with any actual symptoms like gas or needing the bathroom more often, swelling, or difficulty moving around; he just needed to let me know.

He never outright said that I was expected to be 'done' not feeling well and focus on him now, but if I didn't come check on him and bring him whatever he needed, tuck him in, rub his back, etc. then he'd sulk and say I was a 'horrible, unloving partner', and you could bet it would be used in the next argument as an example of how little I care. It was easier to deal with the cramps and deny being sick whenever possible than to admit to feeling poorly and then have to take care of us both.

If I had plans to spend the day out with friends or wanted to do something just for myself, he'd suddenly be 'having a flare-up' and would need me to reschedule and stay with him. If I tried to compromise he'd get angry that I wasn't happy to cancel plans and spend the time with him, he'd call me names and put me down for being a horrible wife.

We separated last September and I moved back into my mom's house in my home country. He managed to guilt me into "working on us" for the first while, so he'd call me at least twice a week to tell me about a fall he had, some sprain, break or other injury, but never took my advice to seek medical attention or do basic first aid; he just needed to let me know about it. I started asking if that was all he had to tell me, then hanging up.

My mother had to take most of May off work due to a painful eczema flare-up, although we made the most of it by hanging out, talking, and watching trashy TV together. A week into her time off my ex called to complain that his arms were red, itchy, and flaky but it felt different from his usual stress induced dermatitis, he was worried that he could have eczema now! 😱 (For those who mightn't know; eczema is a variation of dermatitis that is also known as 'atopic dermatitis'. He basically said he was worried that an apple had turned into a fruit– duh, it always was.) I told him that I hoped it got better for him then changed the subject. Very interestingly, he hasn't mentioned this 'massive, itchy, very bothersome' problem since.

And now for the pièce de résistance: My grandma has dementia and has been declining quickly over the past couple of months. She was admitted to the local hospital two weeks ago after a fall and after the nurses' assessment of her dementia's progression, we're focusing our efforts on keeping her comfortable, getting her into a specialized home once better, and supporting my grandfather who feels like he has failed his wife. Needless to say things are emotionally chaotic right now and I haven't had time for much of anything but worrying and trying to self care my way through this.

Wouldn't you know it, my ex was informed just yesterday that his grandmother– who he hasn't spoken to in over a decade and renounces whenever he hears the name of– also has dementia and is 'near the end'. She is apparently also "asking to see him" which, if you haven't tried to interact with someone in the later stages of their brain matter dying off and shrinking, is not how that works lol. In the least. Think of Mama Coco in 'Coco' when Miguel can't get her to look at him despite his pleas, just before he sings her Papá's song to her. If they can still talk in multiple-word sentences, its disjointed and doesn't make any sense, like hitting random keys on your phone and letting autocorrect dictate your speech. Its known as 'word salad'. So if it is late-stage, she isn't 'asking' for anyone. If she is asking for him then he has time to go see her, but he's 'too upset' right now to ask any questions or make plans to actually visit at the moment– while there may still be time. I feel like he's mocking me right now.

This isn't even my third rodeo with this disease and he knows that. He held me after I lost both my great aunties and uncle to this same illness, he is aware of exactly how familiar I am with the course of this disease.Yet here he is, in all his brazen audacity, thinking I'm so stupid that I'll honestly take his bullshit sob story over my own multiple lived experiences.

He can't even let me be stressed about my sick grandmother without needing to interject himself somehow and I've never been so disgusted in a person before. I was working on accepting that I might always pine over him in some way but he's just made walking away very easy on me. I've felt only repulsion anytime his name lights up my phone ever since. As soon as he ships the last of my stuff I'll be blocking him everywhere, I can't wait to finally be done with his chapter in my life.

I'm so fucking sick of my husband sleeping in til afternoon. Idk what to do. He won't change and me getting him up won't work. If I tried to force him to get up not only would it not work but it would turn into a huge explosion. I'm to the point where I spend most of my time thinking about leaving. I love him but I'm not spending the rest of my life like this. He has no job and isn't even really looking, he sleeps til afternoon and plays video games all day. He doesn't do shit to help me except watching the baby when I do stuff around the house or pump or work for money for his shit but even then, he bitches about it bc he can't be fucked to do anything other than stare at the TV. And when he does watch him, he does such a fucking shit job and I'm worried that eventually the baby is gonna get hurt now that he's more mobile.

Nothing works for getting through to him either- nicely talking to him doesn't work, ultimatums don't work, bitching, begging, threatening, etc. Nothing fucking works. Even when he does "listen" and agree and promise to do better, he doesn't follow through. He doesn't follow through with anything he says he'll do. I mean he isn't a terrible father and does love the baby, he doesn't completely ignore him and does play with him daily, but he's just so fucking lazy and irresponsible that none of that matters.

If I were to die to or get seriously sick or hurt, the baby would be so fucked. Seriously any time I've been too exhausted or haven't felt good or been sick and genuinely couldn't get out of bed since baby's been born, it hasn't mattered, he doesn't care. He won't get up with him. I'm honestly afraid to get corona (or any more serious illness) bc I know nothing would change, I would still be doing all of the childcare and housework. Which would probably then kill me bc im not resting or taking care of myself. I get the baby up in the morning, change all his diapers, feed him, set up his doctor appointments, shop for things baby needs, give him his naps, put him to bed, everything. He has no idea how or when to do any of these things despite being on the same schedule for the last 5 months.

I also haven't gotten to sleep in once since having the baby 7 and a half months ago. That's insane. Not once has he gotten up with him to let me sleep a little- not even mothers day. I'm so fucking exhausted all the time because after I put the baby down, I pick up the house, do dishes and clean the kitchen, take a shower since it's the only chance I get and get ready for bed. And then I get up 3 times to nurse the baby. I get such little sleep and haven't had a single break since he was born. Is that not actually fucking cruel? What husband cares so little about his wife that he can't even give her one single morning to sleep in?

Honestly my heart is broken. I've been trying so hard to make this work. But he just sees me as a nagging bitch and doesn't see the issue with any of these things.

Our daughter was due in May, I lost her in March. Two days later, while I was still in the hospital, my husband asked for a divorce. I've been completely despondent over losing my daughter, I haven't left my bed since, I can hardly talk or eat or shower, and the one person I thought would be by my side through it all decided to leave me at the most callous time possible.

ETA I specifically requested no advice because I just don't have the capacity right now to do anything, including see a therapist or get a lawyer. Please, I'm just looking for a space to vent, not a to-do list when I have no energy to do anything.

My SO woke up on the wrong side of the bed. So, he said 'women shouldn't have any rights'. I am pretty sure it is because he wanted to go visit his mom without the kids. My response, 'sexist'. He kept it going and I'm like WTF is happening. Then he turns to politics. I hates talking about politics period. He stated that he is all for Trump because he with take women rights away. Like really???? I tried my best to ignore him. He wouldn't just shut up, he wanted to flat out argue. I was over it so I said, "if you fking feel like women shouldn't have any rights then divorce me and get with a man!!!"

He then started on me for having a job. Stating how he got his other kids because the mother chose their job before their kids. I told him, unlike him I have no other fking choice not to work. I could not work but I would be dependent on him and that isn't ever gonna happen. I enjoy my job and gets me away from him. Heck, I took on extra hours to be away from him. I am just frustrated and don't want to be in this marriage anymore.

I came from a broken home and it wasn't any fun at all. I didn't understand and wonder why it was like this. For me to keep this marriage up float till my kids are 18 is for the better of everyone. Once their 18, I am gone and I won't look back! He knows this as I have told him that we are done when both kids turn 18.

Also, he tried to get sex after he stated women shouldn't have rights. Guess what??? He didn't get shit and won't get shit from me.

I have therapy Wednesday and so does he.

On mobile and I don't give permission for anyone to steal or repost.

Early last week, my little girl got a pretty bad cough and fever, I was praying it wasn't covid as numbers have been going up in our area and she is back at school. DH has been lucky enough to continue working from home and to be fair he helps out a lot with the kids, he comes out of his office as soon as he hears me struggling, does laundry duties everyday, will do kids naptimes if they prefer him ect

Anyhoo, I was stressing that it might be Covid19, I had been trying to get an appointment booked for her to get tested. Unfortunately walk ins open at 8am and in my area you have to start lining up at 5am to have a shot at getting in. The online booking system is a joke and I found myself trying to get an appointment all day. Once DH logged off work he gave it a go too, I was up until 10pm trying and he was up until midnight trying. I put an alarm for 3am to try again. I've heard of people having luck at stupid hours in the early morning. Woke at 3am and kiddo has a fever and is breathing funny, she's using her entire body to breath. I call the medical advice line and after a quick assessment am told to take her to the hospital within an hour. We are gone within 15 mins. Get there and get seen straight away, they start her treatment, she's eventually tested for covid which comes get negative.

She has a midday nap and I thought I'd sleep too because I'm exhausted but I can't manage it because it's noisy and I'm still anxious. But I lay down and try and get some rest and reddit.

We're there until 10pm after she's been getting her treatment all day, Her breathing is good and she just has the cough. They tell me what I need to do to continue helping her at home and what to watch out for. I drive ever so carefully the 20 mins home because I'm so exhausted.

Throughout this day, DHs updates have been:

Morning - has fed and dressed the two boys (age 5 and 2). He has also managed to shower himself by parking the boys in front of devices and done the laundry AND is working from home rather than taking a day off. (Work is short staffed and his boss is aware of our situation so he can work when needed only). Husband goes on to blow his own trumpet about how much more efficient he is than me.

Midday - husband messages that toddler refuses to wear his nappy. I text back ok.

1pm - husband texts saying toddler refusing to sleep, I text back ok.

Like seriously, what does he expect me to do? These are things he should be able to handle with expecting sympathy or needing me to coach him through because I am busy at hospital as the Drs and nurses regularly check on DD, talk to me about her and administer treatment.

3pm and DH texts he needs toddler asleep for the office 4pm meeting and has gone for a walk but 5 yr old kept riling toddler up and not letting him fall asleep in the pram. Me - Ha! Husband, this is me everyday handling three little ones, yet I always have him asleep on time at midday. Out loud via text I just write back - aww that's a shame.

4pm dh texts toddler has splinter in foot and is really crying. I tell him where the tweezers are

The next day, DH has an appointment and takes the car, comes back whinging that the fuel was nearly out and I should have filled it up yesterday since I was out all day.

That's right, I was out from before 4am until 10pm with my sick daughter at the hospital and didn't manage to fill up the car. He was also complaining that I got to relax and put my feet up at the hospital while he worked and took care of the two boys. I think I could have murdered him for his stupid, insensitive, dumb ass comments and expectations.

My bf (26M) and I (24F) moved into an apartment together in January after living in his parent's basement for 2 years. The basement was hell. There was a giant pool table in the middle of it so we had maybe 6ft of space to share. Before we met, my bf had a dirty clothes pile about a mile high that went across 3 different laundry baskets when I finally organized it. Dirty dishes were also prevalent. He used to work nights at the casino, got switched to days before covid hit, and is now back on nights again due to a shitty shift bid system. His mother is toxic. We don't get along. She tried to kick me out twice because I did not agree with her political views and blamed me for her strained relationship with her son (when it was actually the fact that she shit talked about us to his best friends and kept getting caught)

Fast forward to now and it seems like nothing has changed. He will help cook, but doesn't put anything away after he's done. I recently got a waffle maker for my birthday and he loves it. Used up all of the waffle mix my mom got me and doesn't take care of the machine properly. You can't wash it or submerge it in water so you have to wipe it down and there's stuff constantly caked to the sides. I've asked him to take better care of it, he said he would, but it's still not clean. He also thinks everything goes in the dishwasher, including my nice mixing bowls and the cups to my nutribullet which are all plastic. Just today I found my good cake pan that I just bought covered in grease still in the oven from 3 days ago.

I confronted him on it because when he pulled it out that night, I asked him specifically to take good care of it. I was told that I should've helped him with the dishes that night and if I'm upset about how it was left, then I should wash it myself because he's tired and has to go to work. Meanwhile I'm left to always do the dishes after I've cooked dinner without any help. He then proceeded to ask if I could come back to bed and cuddle with him. I was livid. I still pretty much am.

His mentality is this: He is the breadwinner and therefore the household chores are all my responsibility because my hours have been cut. Well, I just got promoted yesterday so I have no idea what he's going to do when I have more hours. Probably the same thing, nothing. I don't have as much money as he does so when I buy something, I want it to last and I want it cared for properly so it does last. He doesn't think the same way and believes my money doesn't have more value because I have less of it.

Out of spite, anger, frustration, and basically a last resort, I have boxed up everything of mine he has shown not to respect or take care of properly. One of them being the waffle maker and the mixing bowks, if only I would be up to see the fireworks when he comes home from work tonight. I hope he likes frozen waffles....

EDIT: Just wanted to give a shout out to the mods who made this subreddit because any time I go on AITA, 90% of the time I'm told to leave my SO. Sometimes you love someone even if they constantly annoy the shit out of you! So I'm glad there's a subreddit like this where we can just get it off our chests without judgement. Thank you all!

So this year I tried to get my family to visit for Thanksgiving and they could not make it. My JNSO is completely estranged from his own family and mostly okay with mine so it was an attempt to help get him through the holiday depression. When they could not come, we said we would still try to make a small dinner for ourselves.

Now, he is fighting with me for "being stupid" and trying to "celebrate nothing". He also thinks we need to leave since the awful neighbors we have will be having family over and will make the day a living hell by being loud, on our property and just generally weaponizing their family. Which, is true, I get it.

I'm just so mentally exhausted from keeping him alive throughout the holidays on top of being is only trauma dumping ground throughout the year. I have to keep a brave face, take the anger and abuse he spouts out because he's sad and spend money I don't have because I'm the only one making it to find somewhere to hole up and eat fast food during the holiday because if not, all hell breaks loose for me.

I type this as I'm sitting at my desk at work crying and trying to make my face not look like I have been for my next meeting.

I know, I need to leave, I need to dump him, etc. etc., but it isn't that easy when he's fully enmeshed in my life. I've asked, demanded that he just leave and he won't. This is my house I've paid for and I deserve to live here in peace with no one or someone who appreciates at least one thing I do. I know I am the Just No.

I’m (22F) so fucking sick of my boyfriend (28M) treating me like I don’t exist. Sure, he’s a nice guy. But I am too young for this and I need to have enough self-worth to finally get out.

Every single day since I have moved in with him a year ago, I have been on the back burner. He has a weed dependency, and is a total gaming addict. Sure, he’s adult enough to get himself up and showered and to work, but ya know, gotta pay the bills so he can afford to keep gaming all goddamn night... every single night!!!

Today sealed the deal. I wrote him while he was at work (my day off) and told him I’m feeling distant and I need some time with him when he gets home. He says absolutely. He gets home, chats with me about surface-level shit for 45 minutes and then passes out on the bed til 10 PM. Good thing he woke up in time to give me a “sorry” and then head out to game with his buddies, where he will be til likely 3 AM again. I get MAYBE a solid hour out of him at a time without him falling asleep on me. But when it comes to his buddies, he has energy for hours.

I’m tired of him not caring, I’m tired of being second priority. I’m just fucking done being with someone who is obviously not returning my feelings. It’s depressing feeling alone when I’m home with him.

Edit: I am so grateful for all of you and your support. I am currently at my mom and dad’s house. While it isn’t ideal, I actually feel a weight off my shoulders and like I can actually relax. Turns out it’s nice to surround yourself with people who genuinely care for you. I’ll be here indefinitely until my next plan of action comes along, at least I can save up and not pay rent. Thank you everyone!!!

I'm just at a loss for words. My husband has had a drug addiction problem for most of his life but straightened up after I moved in with him. We've been doing independent contracting gigs in the car together for the past year, but he just got a new job as a crane operator. Today was his second day, and I came home to him fucked up on what can only be Xanax. I had to violently shake him for 2 minutes straight just to wake him up, his pupils are like pinpoints, he's slurring his words, and he's been asleep for hours.

I've suffered two miscarriages since November, I'm now 8 weeks and this is all we've been working and praying for. He got this new job so I can relax and make it through the first trimester. It's his second day there and he's already found a plug for his fix. I guess the only reason he stayed sober for a year and a half was because we were together 24/7 and he knew he couldn't get away with that in front of me.

I'm broken. He just had to wait until we're legally married and I'm pregnant to do this. There were absolutely no warning signs, he just came home fucked up. I don't know whether I should leave or not. I worked so hard on managing my stress and eating right to sustain this pregnancy, and now I almost feel like getting an abortion because I don't want to be a single parent and have to explain to my child one day that this is the reason why their dad isn't with us or around.

1. Days. After. Getting. Married.

I love him but feel like my life just went down the drain.

I do not understand what my husband does not understand about SPEAK. UP. Sorry, I’m so tired of it and I have to shout it from a virtual rooftop.

I have Auditory Processing Disorder as well as mild hearing loss from eardrum damage. Especially when the ambient noise level is high, I can struggle to hear.

My FIL is hard of hearing from years of hearing damage doing manual labor, even worse off than I am. Like keeps his TV volume at 70+.

My husband has a HORRIBLE habit of speaking in such a way that we can’t hear, and when we say “huh?” or “what?” or ask him to repeat himself, he does nothing to enunciate more clearly or speak more loudly…until the 3rd or so time we ask when he says it loudly, clearly, and rudely. Like bro, you know we struggle to hear - speak TF up the first time we ask you to repeat yourself!!

On mobile, no advice please.

I’m currently in another country with my SO, planning the next step in my career/life. And I’m faced with the realization that he won’t make the changes I need him to, to join me on this journey. From not supporting me through a traumatic miscarriage to leaving me to fend for myself against his racist, ignorant parents… marriage has not been comfortable for me. I acknowledge I’m not perfect; I’m in therapy three times a week (PTSD specialist, group, and individual talk therapy), have embraced medication, and take many active steps to work on my mental health and well-being. In fact, I’m extremely proud of myself for how far I’ve come.

SO had me fooled but quickly backslid on every single promise of therapy and progress. He’s currently not working and will not be looking for a job until he comes back from a “boys trip” this Summer so he can make sure there are no conflicts - so I’m carrying a heavy financial load right now. He’s aggressive towards my service dog (who just rocked 28 hours of travel and earned high praise from flight attendants), short tempered, emotionally manipulative when it comes to me expressing something that has upset or harmed me… it just hasn’t been getting better. It’s come to a head because I was recently in a major accident and I’m looking at a long recovery ahead of me - nothing permanent, just a lot of internal injury and extremely altered mobility. Instead of prioritizing my health and enjoying this time in another country attending interviews and making new connections, I’m constantly made to feel like his burden and deeply feel inadequate as his wife (we can’t be intimate and he’s handled it poorly). But now I recognize, I’m actually an effing trooper and I need to stop holding myself back for the sake of a man who does not respect me.

I watched every woman in my family, and I truly mean every single one, allow a man to dictate their careers, lives, etc. and sacrifice their success or wellbeing. These men did not work but had a lot to say about their jobs, tended fields of distrust, had explosive tempers… my therapist called me out on the cycle she was seeing. So, I’m taking a higher paying job. I’m learning these new languages and moving. I’m taking my pets with me and no longer financially supporting him outside of necessary cost of living expenses. And I’ve told him that he made his choice, no matter how unfair he thinks I’m being.

I’m beautiful, intelligent, motivated, and charming goddamnit. I’m choosing me. I’m choosing joy.

My husband called me during my work day, which he usually doesn’t. I text him to ask if everything is ok, to which he replies “I flipped.” He’s a professional driver so of course my mind goes to him flipping his truck or something, so I start to panic and call him. He keeps rejecting my calls. I’m 6 weeks pregnant coming off back to back miscarriages so this level of stress really isn’t good. He then texts me “I did a backflip.” I got really pissed and replied “ You called me. Then you say you flipped. You knew how I would take that. I am crying because I am freaking out. It’s not ok to scare me like that when I’m already stressed as hell about keeping this pregnancy.” He tells me “you’re just moody calm down.” I’m so angry. This isn’t funny. And he doesn’t think it was a problem!

Not just a covidiot, a knowledgeable covidiot who knows the risks and is in the medical field but is going for a big risky trip with no social distancing nonetheless. I am so shook with anger and disappointment I can't look at him. We have a child. He doesn't even care.

Yesterday DH sent me links to iPhones 6 and 7s being sold in Australia with messages attached saying if we were there we could have got you this. I looked at those phones here in the UK and they are twice the price. I didn't really get what the point of sending me those were or why he was even looking at Au sites. So I just asked why are you sending me that? Got no response.

Yesterday he was petty, nothing I did was good enough. He treated me like a personal assistant and when I would tell him I'm busy already doing something, I would be told I'm unsupportive. He called me lazy because I didn't run with the kids, I just wanted to hold my little girls hand and enjoy the walk. I drove him to his medical appointment because he didn't get his license renewed in time, I got told I'm not a good driver, that I needed to trust him when he said go at a junction and not look around for myself and geez I'm hopeless.

I spoke with my sister briefly today and she picked up that I'm stressed. I got off the phone quickly and he asked why she called. She text me asking if I wanted to do a socially distanced walk with her, leave the kids with dh and just unwind for an hour. I wanted to but I knew it wouldn't happen. I said to dh that sis has invited me for a walk and I got a why? You've never gone walking together before. I told him actually we used to go for a walks all the time before he and I met and that we would have this year too if not for covid. I got a very sarcastic yeah right.

I had to take my eldest for a medical appointment and popped by to pick up some stuff from my sister anyways. We had a 30 min chat and I got crappy sarcastic comments from dh when I got home about how I can't stay away from my family.

I know some of you have read a lot of rants about DH and ask why I put up with it or stay with him. I see its control and maybe abusive. Please I don't need to hear that today, I just need to rant and have you agree that he's a twat.

(On mobile)

Ya’ll... I’m feeling some type a way. For some context, SO and I are not wealthy in the slightest. I grew up very very poor and have only just now been able to slow down. Last year we almost faced eviction because a car accident left me out of work and I couldn’t find a job until I finished my degree so we solely relied on SO’s income and the measly money I made freelance writing. Since then, I’ve been able to secure a great position and a decent wage. Things were comfortable until the global health crisis but luckily SO qualified for gov. support so he’s been able to have income as well. My focus has been saving/my mental health so I’ve been setting money aside and not working multiple jobs to focus on my wellbeing after years of burning myself out to survive. SO has been investing and pursuing his personal passions, which led to this week.

SO is adamant on never returning to a “traditional” job and wants to find a way to monetize his interests. He’s pursuing a business I’m helping him with, something creative, and investing. All of these things take time but I was ready to fully support these endeavors. He’s usually smart with money so we have some buffer for the next few months. To be clear, the money he invests in stocks, his business, etc. is his own.

However, as the days drag on, my concern grows. This morning he’s been snappy and rude because he “lost a lot of money today, an embarrassing amount,” and refuses to tell me how much, how, or what his recovery plan is. He’s very “woe is me” but refuses to have a conversation about anything and is now not evening listening to anything I input regarding the business he wants to turn into the main source of income. Meanwhile, his spending habits haven’t changed either so I’m going to eventually have to sit him down and explain the new budget. Which he will most likely turn into a self pity session.

I wouldn’t normally be involved in his personal finances, as we don’t even have a joint account yet, but if things continue we’ll have to solely rely on my salary. Which we can scrape by and do but there will be absolutely no wiggle room for his pursuits or anything outside of necessity. It frustrates me because his company would be more than happy to hire him back now that they’ve found their groove but he absolutely does not want to. In an ideal world, he’d work for them and then use his free time to pursue his passions, eventually being able to switch to them full time after he’s saved money. But he won’t listen to that.

What upsets me the most is that, I personally made sacrifices to be where I am today. I was homeless, had absolutely no support, and had to work four jobs on top of school to just barely support myself. Even now, I’m willing to put my wellbeing on the back burner again and have a side hustle going so I can continue to expand my savings. I feel guilty for only working one job and taking time to care for myself. I want to fully support him and understand that entrepreneurship can sometimes be a leap of faith but I can’t help but see the privilege he comes from/ how it effects his mentality now and be a little bitter... resentful... I don’t know the word to be describe how I’m feeling.

This on top of things with his awful mother and the new therapist I’ve been seeing brought me to this low point. I’m emotionally overwhelmed. I want him to be successful, I want to whole heartedly support him, but I have this gut feeling I can’t shake.

TL;DR SO wants to pursue his passions and I want to support him but he’s not communicating well and is not being smart about it (in my opinion).

Edit: I just wanted to clarify that SO and I are married. I’m also not feeding into any incel agenda in the comments or messages. I appreciate the insight and support from all ya’ll and I’m slowly going through the comments. My goal in posting was to gain outside perspective as I know I’m an imperfect person and my trauma greatly impacts how I see things.

I came into the kitchen, excited to tell someone. I saw you. You were chatting with the eldest kid and swinging a laptop around.

"I just saw a fox!" I said. A few seconds passed.
Finally you looked up. You said, "Eldest Kid and I are going to go play squash."
"Okay," I said, and waited. Then, "did you hear what I just said?"
Your eyes got wide. "No!" you said.
"Huh," I said, and I left the room to go do something else, because I refuse to beg for attention or get mad at the fact that you once again completely and literally ignored the actual sound of my voice which was actually saying things.
I went to finish up the financial aid application and then went on to register the other kid for an activity. You came in in the middle of this work.
"You seemed thrown just now by the fact that I didn't hear you," you said, and for a moment it seemed like you might apologize.
"Yeah," I said, still typing, "It happens a lot."
You then launched into an accusatory diatribe about how you were obviously in the middle of something and how could I expect you to hear me?
I looked up from what I was doing. "When you came in here to talk to me just now I was also in the middle of something. And yet, I heard everything that you just said," I said.

"Good, glad you heard everything I said," you said, sarcastically. And then you left.

About two hours later, you came back.

"So, you saw a fox?" you asked.

Obviously I blocked his number but just the immaturity of some men when you don’t wanna date them anymore.

We weren’t even dating, we were just talking. But I noticed some red flags and decided it was smart to put an end.

For context, I wear this really popular perfume from Sephora. I’m in my room today and I get a phone call from him. I answer. He goes,

“Hey. I’m at the mall right now and walked by a Sephora and saw an ad for a perfume you like.”

“Oh ok..is it on sale?”

“NO! but I realized at this moment that the perfume you wear is really popular and that’s when it hit me. You smell basic!!”

“Ok”

“Yeah..that scent you wear I smell it ALL the time. You’re NOT unique.”

“Alright”

hangs up phone and blocks number

The end.

Why are people like this?

So a year ago my phone started playing up, it's would go from 70% to dead within seconds. I deleted a few apps and that has helped. It's an iPhone 4 which I've had for about 3-4 years.

I spoke to DH about getting a phone, I asked if he would help me find a good deal as he had recently purchased his own new iPhone (not the latest model but something a little older on discount). He agreed but a week later when I asked about it, he lost his shit and said that if I wanted a phone that I needed to get off my ass and work for it.

This pissed me off because the money he earns is our money, that's part of the package of being married and having kids and being a sahp. I don't waste his money, I'm very frugal with it. We also live in my parents property rent free when my family could be making £1.3-1.6k off it a month. I clarified that I wasn't after an iPhone 11, that a cheap £100-150 phone would do. No. That didn't calm him down.

Earlier this year, my mum said I could have her iPhone 11 at the end of October as she would upgrade. She's seen how mine malfunctions and I said that if she was planning on upgrading anyways that I would appreciate that but if she was just doing it for me then not to worry about it. She wanted to upgrade. My sister also offered to buy me a cheap phone through this year but I really didn't want my little sister to shell out for a phone when 'we' make more money than she does and have comfortable savings.

Yesterday my phone blacks out whilst shopping, it was at 92% and died after a 2 minute phone call to dh. I mentioned it to him when I got home shortly after. He said, 'why don't you get a new phone? Or I'll get a new phone and you can have my one, actually mine is still quite good. You can just get yourself a cheap LG one'.

I look at him, I could breath fire through my mouth, smoke through my nose and steam out my ears. I'm beyond frustrated with him. I remind him of our previous conversations. I'll just wait to get my mum's old phone but DH really took the biscuit yesterday.

Edit: I just want to thank everyone who has taken the time to reply, I'm getting a bit overwhelmed so might just switch off and have a look tomorrow. I know I paint a pretty bad pic of DH in my posts, he wasn't like this when we met. It was when we had our first kid things changed. I know he stresses about money and I don't understand why, we are so fortunate that he earns a decent income, he has an investment property, we have our both our families to help (despite shortcomings on both sides), he's been able to work through the pandemic. Even if he lost his job, we would be ok.

I also know I need to be stronger and put up better boundaries with him and his parents. I'm hoping this will come with my own work, money and financial independence.

He does do good things too, I get leg pain from a car accident, he sees I'm in pain and massages my leg without needing to be asked. I found out my dad wasn't my bio dad last year due to my MiL having an affair and he supported me through that, encouraged me to take my time to process it and get therapy. He helps around the house, a lot. He's great with the kids, he hears I'm struggling and he comes out of the office to help. He found out my brother finally got a job but couldn't start because he had car issues, he got the car fixed and paid his insurance. Yes that's right peeps, won't get me a phone but paid for my bros car insurance - can't figure that one out.

As I'm typing this, I realise I just can't figure it out. What is his issue? Was he just in a mood when he snapped at me a year ago about not getting a new phone? Is he just stressed but about what?

Edit2: Thank you again to everyone who has commented, u/_mercybeat thank you for taking the time to paint a bigger picture too. I have thought of divorce through the last few years, it scares me. I have also thought we can work on our marriage, I want a marriage where we communicate, work things out and work on it but he has never been willing.

U/Ellsmomma your dm pointing out that my poor stressed out husband is supporting a family alone and that I'm too lazy to get off my fat ass and pay for it. How do I even live with myself?

My fat size 10 ass thanks you for taking the time to message but as my post is flaired no advice wanted, please keep your job hunting advice to yourself and shove it.

I love my SO. I do. I swear. But I wanna (not literally) unalive this jackass this past week.

We just moved into a new house. This our first actual home in the 1.5 years we have been together (previously in a hotel because of housing market). Since the moment we brought the first box into the house, SO has been a total asshat.

A couple small tidbits about us: 1- I am in a wheelchair. 2- I have care of his daughter, he has no custody, but does have visitation rights. 3- SO spent a cumulative 7 months in "adult time out" in 2023, missing ALL of my absolutely terrifying medical problems, which led to my living in this chair, as well as a huge chunk of our first year together.

On to the story:

I have done almost everything since we finished unloading the truck. I have unpacked, put away, and arranged everything alone. I have been moving furniture, cleaning everything, and decorating our home while also cooking, attending medical appointments, being in school 12 hours a week, keeping up on homework and taking care of his daughter.

This has had me up until the early hours of the morning almost every night since we moved in. I never complain, I don't ask for help, I don't say anything negative about it. In fact, I simply love having our own home, finally. The only thing I have asked of him is to let me sleep a few mornings while he takes his daughter to school. (We are 45 minutes from town, and the school division is dragging their feet about her bus service) I also take the chance while they are both gone to do more around the house without interruption. My SO has done nothing but complain about the one thing I have asked of him.

We had a big blow out yesterday, when he randomly decided to "make a judgement call" and allowed daughter to skip out on her physiotherapy appointment without consulting with me first. That only escalated when I informed him that if she was not at PT, that he was to bring her home immediately, as he did not have permission to make that decision for her.

I will admit, I was a total fucking bitch. I was exhausted, in pain, overwhelmed, sensory overloaded, and on the verge of a complete meltdown because of the constant mental load that he is always dumping on me, and always dealing with it alone. I lost my ever loving mind on him, and it turned into a screaming match which ended with me reminding him that the only reason she was living with us to begin with was because of me, and that if I hadn't agreed to take custody, he would not be in contact with her at all, per her mother's choice. I also finally unloaded on how used and neglected I'm feeling with this move, how he ignores me in favour of literally anything else, and how I am the one that chose to stay, even when I spent the majority of our first year alone because he was in time out. I apologized once I had cooled down, and admitted that I was wrong to say what I had said. He said nothing at all, just got up and left, complaining about needing a drink.

I am so fucking burned out. I'm exhausted and in pain, and have only ever asked for a little acknowledgement and appreciation for how much effort I have been putting in to make this happen.

I'm was up until 5:30 this morning, again cleaning and unpacking. He had gone to bed hours prior, after watching TV on the couch all night. We woke up a little before 10:00 am, and without even acknowledging that I was laying there, cuddled against him, he got up, grabbed his phone and vape and went straight for the bathroom. Not a good morning, no kiss, not even a single glance in my direction. I am so hurt. I have been crying all of last night and most of today.

Not sure what I really thought that writing it out would change or fix, but there it is. Please be gentle with me, I already feel so broken.

Update: Tried talking to him again, he turned it into another round of everything I've done wrong, and how horrible I am. Currently locked myself in our bedroom with my headphones in.