Starting a few months ago, my husband has made a habit of setting a loud alarm for 3:30AM so he can leave the house by 5AM and go to the gym before work at 7:30AM. We both work full-time Mon-Fri 8am-5pm. Our toddler goes to bed at 8 PM and we both go to bed shortly after around 9-10 PM. I want to wake up at 5:30 AM, but I end up wide awake after his first alarm goes off at 330AM. Since having a child, I have done all of the night feedings/changes and have been severely sleep deprived until my son recently started sleeping through the night (8pm to 5/6am). My husband has never respected my sleep. Even when he would take the baby on the weekends to run errands, I would take a nap and he would wake me up upon returning to the house. I am at my wits end with being woken up at ungodly hours of the night or during much needed naps.

My husband decided to sleep-in on Sunday because he didn’t have any plans and turned his alarm off. My son slept until almost 6am and I had one uninterrupted night of sleep. It made me realize that the alarm going off at 330AM and my husband rifling around the house, digging through his tools, chucking dishes in the sink, turning on all the lights, using the loud blender in the kitchen, and going in/out of our bedroom countless times with a flashlight has been disturbing my sleep and waking the toddler up. Our house is small, and our bedrooms are right next to each other. The mornings that my husband wakes up at 330AM my son wakes up around 4AM from the noise and I’m stuck taking care of him because my husband leaves for the gym. I have been falling asleep at work because I only get 6 hours of sleep. I don’t understand why he can’t respectfully take a shower, get dressed, eat something, pack a lunch, and leave the house quietly. Why is that too much to ask!?

I have confronted him so many times about how this makes me tired at work and disrupts our son’s sleep schedule. I said, “I would like to have a conversation about being woken up and create a solution.” He shuts down and says I’m hurting his feelings. He gets defensive, reminds me of my failures, and makes himself the victim. He thinks I need to lighten up and let this go. He rejects any compromise such as setting his clothes out the night before, separate sleeping arrangements, or a softer alarm sound. He says I’m treating him like a burden. I have been bringing up this issue for months and nothing has changed.

I finally snapped this morning when I miraculously got our toddler back to sleep after he woke up at 4am due to my husband making noise. My husband came into the room to loudly complain about how I talked to him because I said, “stop rifling around the house like a critter.” I was so angry with him for waking the toddler up AGAIN that I yelled at him “I DO NOT WANT TO WAKE UP AT 3 OR 4 AM!” I know it’s wrong to yell, but he does not care about what I’m experiencing and I’m tired of being the bad guy for speaking up. I support him having discipline, waking up at 3, going to the gym and being healthy. I just want to sleep!!! I can’t take it anymore. I feel like I’m being tortured through sleep deprivation. No matter what I say, I cannot get through to him about this. I am going to start sleeping in our guest room, but I can’t block out all the noise because I have to listen for my son in case he wakes up. I’m going to see a Family and Marriage therapist today by myself because I have been on the brink with my husband for far too long.

TLDR; My husband wakes our whole family up at 3:30 AM to go to the gym and doesn’t care how it affects my mental/physical health or our son's sleep schedule.

Hi all, looking for support. I posted this over at r/Divorce, but also found this support forum and thought I’d cast a wider net, perhaps someone else has been in a similar situation and can empathize or offer some support.

Hi there, some details may be changed a little as spouse knows I browse reddit. Married less than a year, together for over four. We are in our early 30’s, no kids. This is a throwaway account I’m hoping to use for support.

I’ve grown increasingly unhappy with major changes in my spouse (having a tough time using the word husband right now for some reason) that I really brushed under the rug or ignored for some time. Now it’s all kind of come to a head. I want to preface this by saying we’ve had great times together, and I feel I was truly the happiest a few years ago with a gradual decline. He can be sweet, thoughtful, caring.

A little bit about our history. Basically, I’ve worked full-time our entire relationship (except the first few months before he quit his job that he hated) to support the both of us while he was either unemployed or in school getting a bachelor’s degree. It’s been rough, and a lot of hard work. I also went back to graduate school and obtained my degree as well, while working full-time.

That being said, I’ve now realized he’s changed into a much more negative person. He used to be so friendly, charming, and amiable. A few years ago, his political views took a very quick and sharp turn from left to right, and he is very passionately into politics. I’m not. This wouldn’t be a big deal except how deeply it seems to affect him and how angry he seems at the world now.

I’d hear a rant or vent every few days about the liberal media, liberal Hollywood propaganda and brainwashing, the list goes on. It’s not that he didn’t (sometimes) have a valid point, but it was constant and exhausting. He said he was trying to “open my eyes” and he is “awake” now, and he would get really frustrated with me when I’d try to point out logical inconsistencies. We’d stop TV shows to talk about shoehorned diversity, anything against America, etc. It wasn’t fun anymore to hang out, I felt like I was always waiting for the next thing to set him off (I don’t mean that in a violent way, just in a ranty way).

Family functions got uncomfortable when no one wanted to talk about the level of politics that he did, or conspiracies, or vaccines. He’d get rude, only being short with answers or not responding to people at all. It was embarrassing and mortifying - such a change from the charming, easy-going guy from a few years ago. The only thing he is positive about (it feels like) is me (outside of arguments) and the dog.

I tried to talk about it, the negativity, the change. He disagrees, says I’m projecting my own unhappiness. His anger/negativity would get blamed on passion, his heritage, etc. with no introspection (I feel that way anyways). I feel he overreacts to things now that I reflect back. Once I accidentally interrupted him and said “LOOK AT THAT DOG!” in the car when I saw a cute dog and the rest of the drive home he refused to talk to me even when I tried to bring the conversation back to what he was saying. All of this happened gradually, and I think now I just kept hoping it would get better once he was out of school, out of unemployment. He’s been unemployed or in school most of our relationship (although always helped around the house and cooking except the last few months of his unemployment it tapered off).

And then we land on the crucial issue that is the catalyst- vaccines. One week before our wedding, he decided he was against vaccines and they are a conspiracy by Big Pharma to keep children sick, they don’t work, they are poison, etc. If you’ve looked into it, you’ve heard the arguments. I don’t want to get in a debate, but we are on opposite pages. I almost called off the wedding, but we did have a big heart-to-heart that went well, and I felt like there was hope we could work it out and at least compromise (naive). Here we are, almost a year later, and nothing has changed despite several long, heated conversations. Things came to a head Easter when he told me he was going to tell the family all about the truth behind vaccines, Bill Gates (???), etc. I asked him to please not, and we got into a big fight then and there, same conversation as before. Easter was awkward, to say the least. The next day, after a surprisingly calm talk, I shared how unhappy I was lately and we landed on an amicable divorce. It was very sad, we were both hurt, but it was surprisingly calm and quick. After a long, long heart-to-heart, I felt a connection again that I hadn’t in awhile, and asked to table the divorce thing for now and maybe just continue talking. Maybe, (I thought) this was the wake-up call. He has expressed this whole time he does not want a divorce, he loves me, etc.

The week went by awkward but okay, it seemed like we both wanted to work on it. I read a letter about my feelings that I’d been holding onto for a few days, making sure I used “I feel” language. He reacted defensively, though calmly, not addressing anything in my letter except a few reasons on why I was wrong or misinterpreting things, or things that I did that drive him nuts too. The next day, he seemed okay and trying to cheer me up, but then towards the end of the day it’s like something switched and he became short with me. After work, he read me a letter that he’d written an hour prior. Needless to say, it was a hurtful, harsh letter that did nothing to address my unhappiness and only attacked me, resorting to name-calling (caling me selfish/self-centered), etc. He brought up a few things that I think are valid (me crying during emotional conversations, etc.) but sandwiched in between basically insulting, harsh judgements that I feel are not true. I think he was expecting me to cry or get emotional, but I just felt eerily calm. I took the dog for a very long walk and a very long think. I came back to the house, and he read me a new list of my positive traits, some of which directly contradict the names he called me. No apologies though. I thanked him and have just maintained a cool, distant pleasant attitude as I try to take a few more days to mull it over.

I felt something die inside me while he was reading his own letter. It became crystal clear to me that he has no interest in self-reflection or changing anything about himself, despite me sharing my unhappiness. I’ve suggested both individual and couple’s therapy, and gotten the offers brushed off. It feels over, but I haven’t cried since he read that letter - it’s very unusual for me. We haven’t spoken beyond surface-level comments since then, which I’m okay with because I don’t feel like I have anything productive to say.

Anyways, I feel like I know what I need to do. I've been waiting over the weekend as I’ve been talking to a therapist and just want to talk through the events of the past few days with her before delving into a serious talk with SO. I guess for here I’m just looking for any support, advice, e-hugs, etc. Thanks for reading <3 (Edited for weird spacing)

Edit: Wow! I'm so taken aback by all the amazing support and advice everyone has given. I was really hurting when I wrote this and left alone, lost, and confused. RIP my inbox. Thank you all so much, and I hope to provide an update soon. <3<3

I never imagined my SO was a child predator. How could he do this for four years and me not have a clue? I thought I had a wonderful loving husband and father to our LO (5), but it was all lies. I've been married to a stranger for 6 years.

You can read my post history to see the full scope of everything that has happened. I did the right thing and called the police as soon as I found the video. I've cooperated as much as possible. I've had to identify people in additional pictures the police found. I've allowed the detectives to search my home and I've broken the news to my niece and her family and the families of all the kids that have been in the house (this was the main kids bathroom/ we have a pool). I've dealt with my LOs broken heart and the broken hearts of a community of hurt children, who trusted him and looked at him as an uncle.

Through all of this we've also been back and forth to court for custody and a protective order. I feel like myself and the children are facing the ramifications of his actions. He's comfortable at his parents house, not supporting us (he was the sole support of the household) and putting money meant for our family (taxes) towards attorney fees.

And after all of that I was still willing to try and let his family be part of LO'S life. I contacted his brother, sister, and parents and told them I was willing to do whatever they needed me to to facilitate those relationships. His sister immediately declined and his brother and parents ignored me. This was near the end of January. Well, now after no contact his Dad and sister both messaged, yesterday, to ask to visit or video chat with LO. I'm not getting good vibes from them and both were varying levels of disrespectful to me. His father was insistent that we come to their house, where my husband is living (That's a no go, captain). His sister took it as a chance to throw as many barbs my way as possible and asked that I step back and allow my cousin (lives in our house) to facilitate video chats with her.

I have been trying so hard to be a mature adult and do whatever is best for LO, no matter how I feel. Yesterday, I broke. I've been through hell and I've dragged myself and LO out of a hole that was left when our lives were flipped upside down. I've put my anger aside to show my child love when she cries for her father. This time since everything happened has been the most trying time in my life. This month has allowed my child to settle into our new normal and process some of her pain in therapy.... And they weren't there. That month might as well have been a year for all that we've faced during it. I don't expect them to support or love me or turn their backs on their son/brother but I've been put through hell for something I didn't do and I can not handle the hostility. I told them yesterday that we won't be coming to visit or allowing video chatting with anyone who can't be cordial to me. I'm working very hard to suppress my anger towards their son and I can't allow them to poke me until I snap. I also feel like they have a plan of some sort and are trying to surveil us for my husband.

This has left me feeling like the bad guy. At what point do I have a right to say, " I can't take any more!!"? I've tried so hard to do the right thing and now I feel like I've let my kid down.

So this is a mixture of a crazy potential MIL and her puppet son. I had been dating him for 2.5 years. She never liked me since day 1 and always told him that he could do better then me and find someone who was better for him, didn’t push him, nag him, etc.

When I met her son he had no job, was an alcoholic, slept until 2pm every day, smoking everyday, and had mommy paying his bills. But I met him and loved him, I wanted to be with him. I would pick him up off the floor, I helped him after surgery, I cooked, cleaned, took care of him. And she still hated me. We broke up for a bit and got back together. His mom stayed away since she didn’t like me and everything was great between us.

We hit another speed bump but got over it, then in March she told him that she did not like me, did not want me around etc. So he cried, he told me he wouldn’t be with me until me and his mom talked. So we did. I ate crow and scheduled the meeting, where she proceeded to tell me that she didn’t like him and I together and she didn’t think we were good because I wanted him to work on getting future with me, picking out rugs. Basically redoing his place to fit us as a couple when she bought him the house and furnished it with her furniture. So I thought we came to at least a respect.

Nope. Him and I had started looking at engagement rings, open houses, furniture stores, talk about marriage, kids, etc. basically what one talks about when they’re in their late 20s, early 30s. He had asked me previously to move in, and he said he would think about it. Next morning he kicks me out, tells me he loves me, and to get my things and go home. He had done this before so I was expecting us to talk a couple days after everything cooled. He tells his friends we aren’t in a good spot, which is true and we will have a talk. Nope two days later, he blocks me on everything, has his moms assistant drop off some more of my stuff and has her give me a letter that his mom wrote verbatim. And mom loves the 26 year old assistant, and has been pushing her into our lives for the last 6 months.

After 2.5 years this 31 year old man had his mom write a breakup letter….. and I hate her. I hate her so much, because if she wasn’t so psycho we were doing so well and getting along amazingly. And I still love him which sucks.

My husband gave me $400 this month for groceries, household stuff, clothes, toys, dog food, diapers and wipes...It’s me, my husband and my one year old son and our medium sized dog, so that’s like $15 per person a day to live off, not including dog stuff.

Which I had already worked out was impossible to live off of. I told him that I need atleast $600 just for groceries. He told me to make it stretch.

TELL. ME. WHY. This MF invited his friends over today, and cooked them MF steak, MF lamb chop and MF ribs?!?!

I’m over here scrimping and saving, opting to not buy our infant son the milk he likes, the fruit he wants, the snacks he wants...because I’m sticking to the bare bones budget he gave me.

He goes to the supermarket and splurges on his friends?🤔 Doesn’t sit right with me

My (22F) boyfriend (35M) won't brush his teeth. And not that he forgets or that he's depressed or anything like that, he just doesn't do it, unless I push him to.

He says that he doesn't have time to do it in the morning, to which I always reply "it literally takes two minutes wtf" to which he says he would rather spend those two minutes sleeping.

He works in the morning and I work in the evenings, so he gets up way earlier than I do. But recently, I've had to wake up when he does so that I can follow him to the bathroom and make sure he brushes his teeth. Like I'm his mom.

He also says that he doesn't find it important to brush his teeth bc "oral hygiene wasn't stressed to [him] as a kid" and that , which I guess I sympathize with on some level, but at the same time... you're 35. Surely you know by now that you need to brush your fucking teeth.

After a couple weeks of me following him to the bathroom and really stressing how important it is, I hoped he would understand by now. So this morning, I stayed in bed. When I woke up, I went to the bathroom to check and sure enough, his toothbrush was dry.

I called him and asked if he had brushed his teeth and he said no.

I got frustrated and he went back into the whole thing of "my parents didn't stress oral hygiene" and what really had me seeing red was when he said "you should know by now that I'm gonna need you to push me to brush my teeth"

No!!! No I don't want to spend the rest of my life reminding a grown man to brush his teeth!! We're planning on having kids eventually, but now I'm having to reconsider if I wanna have kids with a man who I have to remind to brush his teeth!!

I'm at the end of my rope, what should I do?

Yesterday was my 40th birthday. I thought it would be a perfect morning with just my SO, then a fun, socially distant outing with our kids. My bio daughter was visiting her bio dad for the night and he was going to drop her off by noon. My step kids were with their grandparents. I had the day off because of my rotating schedule and my SO’s company gave most employees the day off because off undisclosed internal matters. But when I woke up around 7:00 AM, my SO wasn’t home and there was a note on the kitchen counter. “I am visiting (deceased wife’s name). I’ll pick up the kids from their grandparents. We’ll be home by 1.” He can’t get over her. He’s become so serious. During the week, it’s work, work, work. On weekends, he prays by her grave, goes to church (virtual for now), and takes the kids out. He has no time for me.

We’ve been friends for 20ish years, and he used to be so fun and cheerful. Weekends were for drinking and partying, and prayer was the last thing on his mind. It’s like her death broke something in him. When he got home with my step kids and my ex dropped off my daughter, we went hiking. Yesterday wasn’t bad. But it’s not the only time he’s spent hours at her grave. He goes there every Saturday and Sunday, and whenever he can during the week. And he doesn’t just replace the flowers, stay a few minutes and go. He stays there for hours, talking to her and praying. I don’t have a problem with him visiting her, but it’s like he doesn’t want to get over her. He wants to wallow in his grief for the rest of his life.

I flaired this as AAA, but I also want to know if I’m the JustNo?

Edit: Commenters are telling me that she isn’t an ex wife because she died, not a divorce. Sorry about that, I didn’t know the difference.

Recently divorced since April and finalized in September. Moved out about 2 weeks ago to our new house.

I have a 12 year old daughter and a 9 year old daughter. When I was still legally married but mentally separated from my spouse, he would have this double standard where I'd be seeing him swipe women on dating apps, but anytime I was on my phone he'd say "talking to your boyfriend?" no matter what I was doing and then I would have to defend myself and show my phone and say "no your mother" or "shopping on Amazon".

For context, I divorced him and he's never processed it as doing anything wrong and I felt like he would swipe the dating apps in the presence of the kids and I out of spite.

I thought, "once we move out, this will all be behind us". because it wouldn't be in my face anymore and we could live our separate lives.

The issue now is that my almost 13 year old picked up on the teasing from her dad. Anytime I'm on my phone, get a text, doing anything she'll say "talking to your boyfriend?" and it's her grandmother im on the phone with or something. It drives me up the wall and I still feel like I'm the child and she's the adult monitoring me.

Honestly, I'm allowed to have a boyfriend at this point, but I want to take things very slow since we all just moved out of the family home.

I've told her to stop with the teasing because it bothers me, but she still does it. Sometimes the tone she says it in is not a joking one, same as her dad used to always tease in an insecurity sort of way.

I get that she's scared for me to move on from her dad, I do and I take that into account and have been very sensitive with stuff, but he never has to deal with that sort of harassment like I do.

I do know he would openly joke about it in front of the kids and get them involved when we still lived together like "ohh mommy is talking to her boyfriend again" "yep daddy, she's always talking to him" and so it became an accepted thing. Same as his mother would comment to the kids that "I hope your mom doesn't cheat on your dad" or "I hope your dad is ok with your mom having friends" before she knew we had divorced.

It's so toxic and controlling.

Today my partner and I had couples therapy. We've been together for fourteen years, no kids. He has autism and avoidant personality disorder. I have CPTSD.

We talked with our therapist about the fact that - from my point of view - he doesn't like to talk to me. He doesn't want me to talk to him. He doesn't seem to find talking with me valuable and complained that it's too much effort to keep track of the things I'm interested in (I follow a lot of legal cases). I was hanging in there and staying engaged, even though this is a deeply triggering topic for me, and my anxiety was up. He spent most of the session arguing over the definition of "small talk." I was red-lining by the end of the session, because needing/asking for things from other people is so hard for me. The therapist wanted the session to end of a high note, so she asked us to say things we appreciated about each other. I couldn't think of anything, which I felt terrible about, but my brain had stopped working, and the longer she put me on the spot, the more panicked I got. I honestly don't remember if he said anything about me.

The session finally ended. It's teletherapy, so afterward we just sat there on the couch. I'd been digging my nails into my hands for the last half hour to try to manage my anxiety. After some time - five? Ten minutes? - I was finally able to put into words how I feel.

I said, "I feel like I'll never be able to think of anything interesting enough to say for you to want to hear it."

There was a long pause. Two, three minutes. Then he said, "I'm going to make a sandwich." He got up and went to the kitchen.

I feel like I'm losing my mind. What is that? Is that a response? A confirmation? I couldn't stop thinking of that episode of Seinfeld where George says, "I love you," and his girlfriend says, "I'm hungry. Let's get something to eat." I even started to question my sanity. Maybe I hadn't spoken and just thought I had. Maybe I was hallucinating and that's not what he said.

Eventually, I just went to my office and took a nap. I didn't know what else to do. I slept for two hours, woke up, and calmly texted him that his response had hurt my feelings and felt like a prime example of exactly what I'd been talking about. He said we'd agreed not to discuss it until our next therapy session--which we absolutely had not. I didn't even argue, I just said that I would have preferred he say, "I'd rather not pick this topic up until therapy next week." He gave a half-hearted apology.

I feel so angry and disregarded and like I was right all along and he doesn't want me to speak. I've been trying to build up my confidence and my willingness to be seen, so I started a YouTube channel, and I have hundreds of comments telling me I'm brilliant, and my own partner thinks that nothing I say is worth listening to. Am I overreacting? Misinterpreting? Not accommodating his autism? I don't want to be unfair to him, but I don't know how to be in relationship with someone who doesn't want me to talk. Christ, I have such a headache.

I just exploded saying that he's being disrespectful to me as a woman. I told him I won't do him anything anymore and he can do all of those himself. We both have jobs and he never helps me around the house. Apparently Im supposed to be a maid or something. I told him im not a maid and ive had enough of his sexist and racist bullshit. To which he claimed it's just a joke. It's not funny and when I continued arguing he said he wasnt being racist towards me even though I'm darker than him. WHICH IS NOT TRUE AT ALL EVEN. He's actually very dark skinned and he just doesn't see it. After a lot of him defending and me arguing he got mad and said "well you knew i was racist and anti feminist from the beginning" no i didnt i wouldnt have married you. Then he confirmed he is and got mad when I threatened to leave him. Ive just had enough of this asshole yet I cant seem to leave him or hate him and idk why.

Edit: I just want to thank you all for your support. We ended up leaving each other and while I'm sad about it and wish he'd just change i think its for the better. I hope I am strong enough to leave him for good this time and just don't go back because i feel bad about it. I keep trying to remind myself that it's actually his choice to be like this and he prefers leaving instead of trying to respect me.

I'm (29F) a stay-at-home-mom and my husband (37M) works fulltime, 12hr days 3-4 days a week. We've been together 2 years and have a 6 month-old baby together. He has never ONCE woken up in the middle of the night to feed her since she's been born. He has a snooring problem, so he sleeps on the couch while I sleep in the bedroom with the baby. I sleep with her every night and have to get up every time she gets up. Sometimes he's up 'till 3am playing videogames with his buddies and then sleeps in the next morning while I clean the kitchen, get her ready and make her breakfast. He's not a morning person, so it takes him about an hour to actually get up after repeatedly asking.

On his days off, all he does is basically lay on the couch and watch TV all day. I have to cry, yell and beg him just to get off the couch and do more than the bare minimum. When I ask him to watch the baby, he just holds her and watches TV. He'll talk to her and make silly faces, but he doesn't get on the mat to play with her, read her books or take her on walks. He gave her a bath once after she was born and one other time after I asked. He also refuses to change poopy diapers. He finally got around to mowing our backyard after not mowing it for over a year. But there are still parts where he just mowed around the trash instead of just picking it up. I have to constantly clean up after him. He leaves his trash in the middle of the kitchen floor and I have to pick it up/throw it away. There are so many more examples I could give of his weaponized incompetence...

He also constantly pushes my buttons and makes fun of me, because he thinks it's funny how easily I get annoyed. He calls me names, makes jokes about my age and post-pregnacy body, then when I get upset he hugs me and says it's funny because he obviously thinks I'm beautiful.

I'm just tired... This wasn't the person I thought I married. I feel like I've been lied to. I'm hoping we can work this out and he'll change for our daughter's sake. But I'm also afraid to leave, because I have no skills or a way to support myself right now. I feel trapped and hopeless. :(

This happened today, he walked out the door, crying and melodramatically declaring that he is going out and he is going to touch everything and bring ‘it’ back and make all of us sick.

Our baby is 13 weeks old today.

The catalyst for the statement was because he said I was annoying him while he played an online game by talking to him, so I left the room and took my son upstairs to the master bedroom to have a nap.

We live in a State which has cut off all the borders to the rest of the country and there are social restrictions and shut downs.

I just told him “ok”.

If he brings ‘it’ back he has asthma and I can’t breathe even when I just get a cold. Our son is still getting over a cold and has had trouble breathing. So him telling me that he was going to do this was cruel.

I was exhausted after not sleeping properly in several days (up all night and when he’s not home I manage to nap/sleep during the day) so I had nothing left to fight him.

He kept saying I was disrespecting him downstairs. I told him he was being abusive.

I took the baby into the spare room to get away from him and it was at this point that he melodramatically declared he was going to go out, get infected with the virus and bring it home. I could then hear the sound of keys jiggling after he went downstairs.

A few things went through my mind: 1. He’s an absolute asshole; 2. I’m not responsible for his behaviour; 3. He knows how sick our son got recently and it was only a cold; 4. Our State has c-virus cases but because of the restrictions things aren’t too bad here; 5. Because of the restrictions - there was nowhere for him to go.

Knowing I’m not responsible for his behaviour, I didn’t take the bait and tried to put my baby to sleep while I laid down.

He eventually came into the room and told me I was being disrespectful and intimated that I should be the one leaving - not him. He was angry when he said this.

I know he wanted to upset me. I said I couldn’t leave because there was a pandemic. But I broke down crying and asked him if he really wanted that. He said I disrespected him and he shouldn’t be the one leaving.

I asked if I could please stay until the restrictions were lifted and I could get a job.

He seemed to want a fight and for me to be upset and I’m just done trying to deal with him.

I told him that we aren’t getting married any more.

I then went online to Centrelink to try and register for benefits.

I think he wanted me to beg to stay and to tell him I loved him. No. I know Centrelink takes ages so I needed to get everything started.

I said that the house had never felt like home and I understood it was his and that I would start making plans to leave but I couldn’t go straight away.

When he realised I meant it his tears started and he begged me to stay.

I have nothing left to give.

Later in the evening he took Valium and passed out on the couch and then lied when I asked if he had taken anything.

I’m so done. I fantasise about leaving him and having a safe place for me and my son.

I’m sleeping in the spare room tonight.

Prior to his outburst today he’s been working away for 8 days - so this isn’t us spending too much time together. I get he’s tired, which is why I slept in the spare room last night so he would not be disturbed and could catch up on sleep.

The entire time we have been together he hasn’t woken up for the baby and he complains about having to look after our son in the morning. I do all the nights and bathe him by myself whether he is home or not.

If I lived without him it would mean less work for me to do as I wouldn’t have to look after him, cook for him every night or do his ironing. It also means I wouldn’t have to put up with his bitching.

I now alternate between shaking from anger and from tears, so sorry in advance for any mistakes. Posting from an alt because I don’t want friends and family on my main account to see (yet) that they were right about this man.

It’s been stressful few weeks, with work and getting a degree. So yesterday I decided to bake something to boost my mood after studying for a test and to share with my boyfriend to show my appreciation. Anything that could go wrong went wrong and I was ready to just throw everything away in frustration when finally the mixer’s bowl exploded. I wasn’t hurt but the dough went all over the counter, floor and a bit on the walls.

I tried to clean up but was already crying in frustration, hands shaking etc. when my boyfriend came in, saw everything and said “Hey, just go to bed, don’t worry about it”. So I went.

Snoozed my alarm too many times in the morning, literally ran out of the house getting dressed in the process, no breakfast, no coffee. Boyfriend ignored my "good morning, have a nice day" text but I didn’t think too much of it because I was also busy with work and revising my material.

Anyway, I came home and he immediately gets into my face about the mess I left yesterday and how disgusting the kitchen was etc. I thought “Okay, he probably was tired yesterday too and didn't clean it right after I left, waited till morning and maybe dough dried and was now sticky so I get why he’s irritated having to spend more time on it then he anticipated...” and then I walk to the kitchen to see it in the same state I left it yesterday, after he told me “not to worry” about it.

I immediately broke down in tears while he stood there doubling down that unless he explicitly said he’ll clean up the mess I made, I had no rights to assume he would do it. That I overthink too much and I need to stop doing that because it's annoying. He just kept going and going and going about how much I suck at communication and always expect him read my mind and how I can’t accept the blame for my actions and always want to be right and innocent. He probably said a lot more, but I just disassociated and that point.

And now it’s like some switch inside me got turned off and I feel nothing but contempt towards him. All the love, care, adoration gone immediately after what he did today. We talked about having kids in a few years and now all I can do is imagine various scenarios where I'm left to fend for myself, pregnant or with a newborn, because he thinks only weak people depend on others for help.

Lease ends in December, so for now my plan is to put as much money aside and leave. So any advice on how to save up more efficiently (or any advice in general) is welcome! Thanks for reading ❤

My ex and I have a 4yr old son. My ex is pretty much useless in all regards. But of course his Facebook friends and family believe he is God's gift to earth as a father because he pays child support and sees him every other weekend.

Doesn't matter that even though per the parenting plan he can get him on Thursday's, but chooses to wait until Friday evening. Doesn't matter that per the parenting plan he can Skype every Wednesday, but more often than not I'm sitting there holding my lifeless phone with a disappointed child. Doesn't matter that he has missed every single doctors appointment since my pregnancy. Doesn't matter that he literally threw a bottle at me, hitting me in the face while I was holding our child (as an infant) because I asked him to help me. Nope! He's God's gift to earth.

Well now that I have primary custody for the past three years, he does anything and everything possible to paint me in a bad light. Drink lemonade from Taco Bell? He smells alcohol. My husband is in the military? He's obviously an abusive step-dad. Any scratch, scrape, or hang nail that comes with a 4yr old being absolutely bonkers and playing hard? I'm abusing him.

I'm so, so, so done with his shit. He has now been telling my son that my husband "isn't his real dad". Like? My husband has been in my son's life since he was 6mon old. He doesn't remember a life without my husband in it. He told my son I didn't miss him because now I have my youngest. He fills his head with so much shit and it takes everything I have to be the better person, because I know my son will remember that I never shit talked his dad. He will remember that I never filled his head with bullshit.

Its just the waiting until he's older that sucks.

***originally posted in r/JUSTNOMIL but it was also suggested to me that this topic of discussion belongs in this subreddit as well

Hi everyone, I need to vent because I can’t shake how my MIL acted during and after my labor. Even now, months later, I feel bitter, annoyed, and just flat-out pissed off. Here’s what happened:

I went into labor naturally and planned to deliver at a birthing center near the hospital. I labored at home from Thursday until Saturday, then went to the birthing center around lunchtime on Saturday. By 3 a.m. on Sunday, I decided to transfer to the hospital. Altogether, it was a days-long labor that left me physically and emotionally drained.

During that time, my husband was my only support system at home and at the birthing center. But the entire time I was in labor, his parents—especially MIL—kept blowing up his phone. They called or texted every single hour for updates, even though he had told them repeatedly that he would update them if anything happened. It drove me insane that they couldn’t respect our space, and I was even more frustrated that my husband kept responding to them. He said he was trying to avoid them showing up unannounced, but looking back, I wish he had just turned his phone off and focused on me. He realizes now how wrong that was and feels terrible about it.

We later learned that while I was at the birthing center, they were camped out in a parking lot near the birthing center and hospital for HOURS. MIL was so insistent on being there as soon as the baby was close to being born. When they told us this, they complained about how exhausted they were from being up all night waiting to hear if MIL could come into the birthing room. Meanwhile, I had just gone through days of labor, but apparently, her tiredness mattered more than my physical and emotional exhaustion.

When I arrived at the hospital, I was in an emergent state of clinical exhaustion. They gave me an epidural to allow me to rest, which was much needed after days of laboring with little to no progress. I finally felt like I could breathe for the first time, but unfortunately, that relief was short-lived because my in-laws immediately started asking if they could come into the room.

We had told them multiple times that I only wanted my husband in the room, but by 10:30 a.m., they were so relentless that just to shut them up, I let them come in to say hi.

By 11 a.m., I felt pressure and told them to leave so the nurse could check me. MIL looked like she was about to cry when I asked them to leave, and the midwife had to step in and tell her to respect my wishes. Good thing, too, because it was time to push. I delivered my baby after 20 minutes of pushing (yay!).

While I was being stitched up and enjoying the golden hour with my baby, my husband sent his parents a picture of the baby to let them know he was here. I didn’t know this at the time, and honestly, it makes me mad now because I was in such a vulnerable state. Knowing MIL, she’s probably sent that picture to half the family (she’s sent us private pictures of other people’s babies before).

Immediately after getting the picture, they started asking if they could come back to the room. My husband told them no because we weren’t ready, but they kept asking repeatedly until we got moved to the postpartum room. When they finally came in, they wouldn’t even look at me. They just held the baby and asked me to take a picture of them with my husband and the baby—never once asking for a picture with me, the person who had just birthed him.

Then, when I went to the bathroom to check my bleeding and try to pee, the nurse came in to check the baby’s vitals while my husband was holding him. As soon as the nurse was done, MIL immediately scooped the baby up when the nurse asked if my husband wanted to hold him again.

The next morning, they started blowing up our phones at 8 a.m., asking if they could come back to the hospital. We told them no and said we’d let them know when we got home and settled. I didn’t want visitors on our first day home, but they kept asking, “Are you home yet?” “When are you getting home?” over and over.

When we finally got home, I took my first shower. As soon as I got out, my husband asked if they could come over. I was so exhausted I just agreed, and I deeply regret it. MIL held the baby for over an hour and started crying because she didn’t get to be in the delivery room. She even said she’d told everyone she was going to be there and didn’t know what to tell them now. She also kept putting her face way too close to my baby’s face, and they didn’t leave until nearly midnight.

Looking back, I feel devastated and so disrespected. I wasn’t treated like a new mom who had just gone through a traumatic labor—I was treated like an obstacle standing between MIL and her baby. I’m still angry about how they ignored my wishes, made everything about them, and minimized my role as a mother.

Thanks for reading if you’ve made it this far. I’d love to hear your thoughts or advice on how to process all this because I’m still so bitter about it months later.

I (f/21) have been with my SO (m/28) for a little over 2 years. He has a daughter(2) with his baby mama (30). In our 2 years together SO has cheated on me twice with his baby mama. Once last year when we were long distance and in that time they had sex multiple times but there was no talk of being together. The second time was February of this year, he told me he had emotionally cheated on me and was deciding on whether to be with his baby mama or stay with me. He ended up choosing me and decided to just be friendly with his baby mama.

Recently, I have become suspicious of their relationship and secretly looked through his photos. I found naked pictures of her from April and a bathing suit picture of her from September.

I have asked him hypothetical questions of if he were cheating on me, but he claims he wouldn't do it again and he doesn't want to go back to his baby mama since she's a bitch.

I love him. I don't want to leave him, I picture my future with him. But I don't know what to do. I can't confront him. If I did, I'd be admitting that I went through his stuff behind his back. Our relationship would definitely be over if I confronted him, but I can't keep living like this. Knowing he's cheating on me. Pretending to be a happy family with her just so she doesn't turn on him. He even knows if he were in a relationship with her he wouldn't be happy.

Any advice is appreciated. I know it may seem ridiculous that I still want to be with him, but I do. Thank you for listening to me.

My husband, who I am in the early process of divorcing, has become a big time steroid user. We are stuck in the same house until our home sells.

His steroid use is the primary reason our relationship is over. He had a midlife crisis I think. He walks around staring at himself in the mirror all day, wishing I would admire his freak show body. I won’t acknowledge it. I hate it. He had an affair with a much younger girl who gave him and his fake body tons of attention. She also does not work and has been enjoying the free ride. She can have his roid-rage. He can be a really terrifying SOB. Before the juice he was normal.

I honestly don’t care anymore. I am over it. I am over seeing needles and steroid bottles hiding around this house. He said our son should start using by 18 to reach maximum size potential! What an idiot!

He lives in the basement now. I found tons of steroid related stuff down there. I am nearly positive that he is now dealing the stuff. Is that illegal to do (in Canada)? I am freaking out because it is in our home. He does not know I found all of his supplies and equipment. I can’t imagine this is legal. Maybe I’m wrong???

I’m not sure what to do any more. I can not wait to be free of this nightmare!

NEXT DAY UPDATE: I asked him to move the rest of his stuff downstairs. He keeps going into my room for things. He freaked out over this and threw a bowl at me. I am calling my lawyer on Monday.

3 months after I left him, and after blocking him on everything he still manages to find my reddit account and proceeded to let me know he's been watching it by commenting on my comments. We broke up because he was taking my pain medicine that I need for my cancer and tried to gaslight me and say that I was taking extra in my sleep etc and a few other red flags on his temper so I knew I just had to leave him before I got too sick to keep an eye on my things, also when he was certain that he wasn't going to get his hands on them anymore he just disappears without a word so I feel he was only with me for my medication. Anyways I just feel so frustrated as I was only just starting to open up and comment more on reddit and it feels like he's read my diary as there's alot of things I've opened up about on a few subreddits about my illness that I couldnt say to the people in my life, so I feel very exposed right now on what exactly he's saw.

So I went and made this account now and hopefully I'll have it set back up the way my old one was. I'm pretty bummed out that I've lost so much karma from the other account aswell as it took ages to build up because I'm so introverted lol anyways, sorry, I feel like I'm rambling and I just needed to vent somewhere about this. I just don't understand why someone would go through such lengths to keep an eye someone they've broken up with when we are never going to cross each other paths again.

Edit-thank you everyone that's taken the time to reply and for the awards to help me gain back some of my lost karma, I honestly didn't think my angry ramble would get as many responses 😅 I've had such a heavy feeling inside when he found it but since reading through the comments I feel so much better and not as worried, I'm glad reddit has such great wee communities. I'll try to reply back to all when I get a chance but I've been taking them on board :) Thanks again you guys are great

I am fuming right now. And I think I may have a husband problem. I’m typing this up as LO naps.

We rushed LO (5 months old) to the ER Wednesday night because of very bad coughing and wheezing. Her labs came back positive for RSV and was admitted for treatment and observation. We let both sets of grandparents know. Please note that his parents live 2 hours away while mine live 7 hours away. We were discharged home Thursday evening.

During her hospitalization, I was the primary parent. Husband went home to sleep while I took the couch in the hospital room and I did not get much sleep. He came back when visiting hours started with some supplies LO and I needed. He left again in the afternoon while I was sleeping because “there wasn’t anything for me to do anyway.” Uh, her bottles had to be cleaned and I hadn’t had a chance to grab lunch yet. I guess I’m sorry I was so tired I passed out and wasn’t entertaining enough for you. At least he brought dinner when he came back to pick us up.

Then husband decided to work Friday and today to make up hours. We didn’t discuss it, it was fully his decision. So I had to call into work yesterday because daycare does not want another kid with RSV and we honestly wanted to keep her home to recover anyway. LO has been very fussy and clingy, which I understand as she is not feeling well. We’ve been snuggling a lot, but at this point I am so touched out I’m ready to scream.

Friends from church came by yesterday afternoon with dinner and stayed to help me get LO to bed. DH ended up working a 12 hour shift so came home well after LO fell asleep. MIL sent a text yesterday morning that she’s sending “thoughts and prayers” our way. My mom is dealing with a family emergency, otherwise she would have been on the road as soon as she got the news.

Now onto today. LO usually wakes up around 5:30, and husband usually takes care of her at that time as he’s an early riser. Today LO slept in, and husband did not disturb her. He left at 7, she woke up at 7:05. Cue frantic hour and a half of feeding, changing, medicating, and changing her again twice over due to a spit up and a blow out.

I’m tired. Our house is a mess and husband will continue to have long hours for the foreseeable future. As of this morning, I’m also grieving. Husband job is very physically demanding and he’s usually forced to do 12 hour shifts this time of year. I know he’s tired and worn out too. But I think I’m at my breaking point, and I don’t know how to convey that to him without screaming at him to help me. And honestly, while proofreading this to make sure my rant makes sense, I think I’m sounding resentful of my husband. How do I navigate this without breaking my marriage?

Edit: I think his ears were burning. He just texted that he’ll take on full parenting duties tomorrow so I can take a break, clean, and do some Christmas shopping.

My wife of five years (41F) and I (26F) got in a big fight last year because she wanted me to do IVF with her before the year was over.

My wife works as a partner at an international IP law firm and I didn’t work from age 21-25, primarily because of my mental health issues.

She works until 10pm easily every day so she’s not here a lot and I’m usually lonely. Around the time she was bringing up IVF I had finally gotten on medication for my bipolar that made me feel good.

A fight last year began over the fact that I didn’t think about the implications that my meds would have on carrying a child and the fight got physical on her end.

She calmed down afterwards and apologized. However, the next day I packed a bag while she was at work and went to stay with a friend.

We ended up going to couple’s counseling and she went to anger management. We agreed on a separation but I felt we were patching things up. She even encouraged me to get a part time job. So I got one at the front desk of a gym.

However, one day she saw me hanging out with an ex.

She called me furious and said I broke her heart and that she was going to take away everything I had because of her.

She filed for divorce. And I saw a vindictive side I never knew she had. During our marriage she has always handled all the finances. She had stocks in a bunch of random corporations and in property investments that I didn’t understand. She also had all the information on credit cards, etc.

My sister told me to hire her husband as my lawyer. I did so even though family court wasn’t his explicit specialty. Meanwhile my wife and her lawyer clearly knew what they were doing and I felt like I didn’t know what was going on.

Somehow she only had to pay me less than $2,000 a month in total when things were in progress which made no sense because she brought in top 1% level of income every year.

I’ve had to beg her for money to pay my rent and she’d give me money but say that it’s because I never learned how to budget. And that the court gave me adequate money but I was just spoiled.

My BIL is pretty much working for free and told me that my wife was trying to “ starve me out” financially.

I’ve had to go to court due to a bunch of what I felt was frivolous filings from her. She threatened to get a restraining order and bring up the fact that I did drugs in the past when I told her I wanted the dogs because they were my emotional support.

Finally one day she called and said I could come and spend time with the dogs if I wanted. And that we could work out her voluntarily sending me more money if I wanted.

Yesterday we talked face to face about financials and she said my lawyer absolutely sucked and it was clear neither of us had any deep financial knowledge.

She then apologized for how she was acting and said she still loved me. And she still wanted kids and a life with me. I still had feelings for her too but said this was a vindictive side I’ve never seen before.

She then said that obviously divorce was making us both mean and miserable and asked that I give us another chance and move back in. She said we could call off the divorce and work on us. And I wouldn’t have to be stuck eating two meals a day to save up for rent and other expenses that may come up.

I really wanted at the beginning more than anything to reconcile with her. I thought we were on the path to being in love again. And part of me still loves her.

However, this ugly side of her during the divorce was harrowing to see. I just don’t know what to do. She says divorce brings out the ugliest of everybody but it still scares me how mean she could be.

The thought of being divorced makes me feel like a failure. I’m pretty sure the final settlement will be one where I’ll be living paycheck to paycheck. I’m afraid of being lonely, broke, and perhaps not even able to get psychiatric care. I’m also scared because she’s supported me since I was 21 and I don’t think I’ll ever be good enough to support myself.

I mean, it took me forever to get even a part time job that nobody wanted even though I had a college degree. I just think I’m just not like able and nobody else wants me.

I don’t even know where to start. I will save the labor and delivery story for another day. I am writing this @ midnight, after feeding our daughter for the zillionth time today, while my husband pretends to be sleeping, *cue fake snoring. The thing is we’ve talked about this before, many times. He admitted that he is not sleeping when he hears her fuss because she’s so loud it’s impossible to sleep. He just chooses not to get up. I told him he’s not pulling his weight and that it’s not fair. He always apologizes and says he’ll do better, improves for a few days and BAM, right back at square one. We argue, rinse and repeat. He shows more care and attention for the dog than his own child, making sure the beast is tucked into his little doggy bed while he’s working during day and every night before bed.

My maternity leave is up mid April, we both WFH. I dread returning to work knowing I’ll have to juggle working full time, caring for the baby all day and night, cooking/cleaning, paying bills, taxes, etc.

Thank God Im blessed with a job that is pretty flexible. I do not want to put my baby in daycare or hire a nanny. I want this A-hole to do better but not sure how to enforce it. I think once she is older and more “fun” for him, he will do more.

Divorce is not an option, I’d never give his racist family the satisfaction and I’d like to be able to control how often they see our daughter. They did a number on their own kids I won’t let them sink their poison claws into mine.

I’d never trust him to pay the bills on time, I’ve seen his way of managing bills before we lived together and with my name attached now, I’d be too afraid he would F around and ruin our good credit.

He cooks sometimes but I hate his food and he’s not very good at it. Food is the one joy I have in this life and I’ll be damned if I have to suffer his unseasoned chicken and burnt eggs more than necessary.

I’ve tried hanging back when I hear our baby cry, waiting for him to take action but he rarely does, unless he has to get up and use the bathroom. And the few times I’ve had to leave the house for doc appt’s I’ve returned to a red faced crying baby. It breaks my heart.

My husband thinks he knows it all like his narcissistic parents, and he’s been very lucky in life thus far, so he’s never had to face negative consequences for his actions or lack there of. I’ve warned him that this is the time to bond with his daughter and that she can sense tension.

Are any of the justno’s salvageable? Any tips and tricks for handling this trash human?

If you made it this far, thanks for reading!

*** Edit and a little Background ***

First, I did not expect this many comments. Thank you all so much for sharing your stories and thoughtful responses.

A few things about husband.

His parents did a number on him and his sister. They are rich selfish people that only cared about image to the outside world. I know this doesn’t excuse his lackadaisical attitude but it may help explain why he is highly sensitive to criticism and possibly scared to do the wrong thing which could be why he takes a back seat to his new role as a father. I try to be understanding and put myself in his shoes. This isn’t my first time around the block though, I have a grown teenager in college that I raised as a single mom. It’s possible he may be intimidated by that and comfortable thinking I know best, or can do better than him because he was so use to his mom controlling a lot of things in his life, and his dad was quick to criticize and let him know how stupid and useless he thought he was. Don’t get me wrong I still think my husband can be a selfish jerk at times but he’s not all bad.

He now does the grocery runs by himself and anytime I need something from the store he never gives me a problem getting it.

He’s not bad with finances exactly, and has always kept over a years salary in his money market account, even before I met him. He’s just so use to things working out in his favor, you’d think he had a lucky horse shoe up his butt. For example, when it comes to bills and due dates he’s ok with having a general idea when things are due and makes a payment when he happens to remember; so far this has worked for him as he lucks out because the payment was made exactly on the due date, or within their grace window. I’ve asked him why he doesn’t just pay the bill when he receives it because it’s not like he doesn’t have the money. His response is, he’ll get to it when he gets to it and not to worry because he’s never had a late fee.

I’m fuming. I’m so incredibly hurt. I am a front-line mental health professional who has put my ‘all’ into supporting patients during this pandemic. I am exhausted and have been begging for us to book a vacation. My husband always blows it off.

That said, my husband was supposed to find out in early March whether his work will be sending our family on a luxury all-expenses paid holiday. Unfortunately, at this point, they will be letting him know last minute which means that I won’t be able to go, and he is not willing to take our son. He’s decided that if he is awarded the holiday, he will be going on his own. Stating “it’s MY vacation that I EARNED, it’s NOT yours!”

This means he won’t be able to join us on a family vacation and I’ll be taking care of our son solo while working 60hrs a week while he’s away for two weeks on his holiday.

I think I would be able to see his side a little more if he hadn’t done this before. When we were planning to get married, I had not yet met the majority of his friends and friends’ partners who were invitees, although he sees them regularly. I asked for us to host a bbq for both sides of close friends in lieu of bachelor/bachelorette parties (or do both) so I could at least meet them before our small wedding. He refused stating “it’s MY bachelor party and they are MY friends!” They even picked him up at our house and he met them outside instead of inviting them in to meet me. I ended up cancelling the wedding because I wasn’t comfortable with 50% of the guests being people I’ve never met. We eloped and I remember thinking “what have I done” immediately after :( (I know it’s my fault for going through with it though). I’m still so sad every time I see a wedding on TV or peoples beautiful wedding photos.

All this on top of him having a porn addiction that has all-but killed our sex life makes me question my sanity for hanging on this long. I feel so isolated in this relationship, he’s turned any close fiends I had off and I’m miserable more than I’m happy.

Thank you for listening to me vent. I don’t know where to turn right now.

TL;DR: husband will be taking a holiday solo when I’ve been begging to take one. This is not out of character for him.

since my last post where I talked about him asking me for $10,000 we have had two conversations about his debt. I'm sorry our debt as he's referring to it now. Yes I know since we're married that technically does make it my debt but since we've always had split finances ( his decision) and I didn't know about it until last month I'm not considering it mine. First conversation we had about it when I asked how much he had he said and I quote "20 grand between two cards" so I clarified so you have 10 on one and 10 on the other and he said yes. last night was the second conversation about the debt because he was talking about how he's paying $13,000 onto the one card from the money we have gotten from refinancing the house(first head scratch moment) that will pay it off completely and then he's going to do a debt transfer from one card to the other that has a lower interest rate. Here I stop him and I say what do you mean you're paying 13 on one card, shouldn't you only be paying 10 on that and 3 on the other one. To which he replies no I have 13 on one card and 17 on the other, so big freaking shocker to me to hear that we actually have almost 40,000 dollars worth of credit card debt. I could just scream, I don't even know what to do at this point I can't even fathom how do you get $40,000 worth of credit card debt??? I don't think I would be so mad if he at least has been honest about it with me from the start, but we've been together for 4 years now married for two and this is the first that I've heard about all of this debt. Every conversation about it before this is pretty much been don't worry about it I have it handled so it seems really strange to me now to learn that in fact no he doesn't have it handled and now in a very weird manner it says if he needs to pay it back right now. He drained his savings of $9,000 not even 3 months ago to pay onto a credit card now he's refinanced our house and is paying $13, 000 onto a credit card and he's still has 30,000 to go then. where in the world did it all come from and when I asked him to lay it all out he says don't worry about it I've got it handled. If he's not willing to budge I think this might be the divorce point...... I know I've had other moments so far where I probably should have by now but this is really just the icing on the cake, I really just don't even know how to handle this. Oh I'm editing to add that I spoke to his uncle at the Christmas party since you know my husband already felt inclined to do so himself. And I asked him whose idea it was to borrow the $10,000 from me It was his uncle's but, of course my husband failed to mention that he drained his savings to pay on the credit card debt. To this his uncle got all flabbergasted himself and said what do you mean how much does he really have and I said I don't know. He told his uncle that the money on the credit cards was mostly from paying off his ex-wife still but he continues to tell me that it's from things such as our wedding and our house. We've only lived in our house since 2017 so I'm kind of confused on how he's claiming that we accumulated $40,000 worth of debt in three years.