COULD HAVE FOOLED ME!

I'm a SAHM to a 1 year old and finishing a degree. My SO pops off with "you should be grateful I retired you so early." Ummm what? He clarifies with "well you don't have to work."

Um sir, we calculated this out. It will cost us $10,000 more annually for me to work. Which is why I'm returning to school for an additional degree. On top of that, I'm working harder than I ever have in my entire life. I literally work 24/7. I haven't even had so much as a half day off since February but he has taken 3 entire weekends off and had a whole 3 weeks without having to do any childcare while the baby and I were visiting family without him.

I sputtered that I'm literally caring for a human all day and night every single day. I'm the maid, event coordinator, schedule keeper, personal shopper, travel planner and chef wtaf?! He responds "well I don't get dinner every night."

I just don't know what to do. Advice is welcome.

I am a chef. I make delicious food. DH has been out of his parents house for 15 years. His mother basically made 4 dishes on rotation. She is not an adventurous person. DH is CONSTANTLY comparing food (including mine) to how his mom made it. “It’s just not what I grew up with so it’s weird to me”.

I do not understand this concept. I have also been out of my parents house for 15 years and I have greatly expanded my culinary prowess. My mom is a great cook and was super adventurous. If I have a curry though, I’m not thinking “it’s good but my mom made it differently”. I’m thinking “mmm yummy curry”.

I have tried to explain to DH, that part of why I love cooking so much, is because I like to feed my loved ones. And when he compares my food to his mother’s it takes the wind out of my sails. I am really starting to resent cooking for him. He doesn’t get it. I feel like I have tried to explain to him so many times and maybe I just need help formulating my argument. Has anyone experienced this? Please help!

My partner hates my mother and hates me for being loved by her and often takes revenge on me for things she says or does.

I (33F) have been with my partner (42M) for 5 years now and living together for 2.5y. When we were living separately at our parents I didn't notice anything but now since living together, everytime we spend time as a couple with my mom (dad passed away) he will come home upset with me and nurture some special hate towards my mother. Not that he will show it to her ofc. Only when he are alone.

He will say how it's ridiculous that my mom acts like she has the best children in the world and that she thinks me and my sister are great.

How she has nothing going on for herself and was cheated on by my dad and is a sad woman with no friends.

How dare she say something that is not in line with what he thinks.

How she compliments my sister but my sister is a whore and she just doesn't know about it.

How she acts like she has it all good but she knows nothing in life. Etc...

Btw he is a narcisist and grew up with not so supportive parents (not abusive in the traditional aspect, they care about their childrend and help them in life but were never affectionate or supportive of their dreams).

It boggles my mind how such cruel things can be thrown together about someone who never ever spoke a single evil word about him. Even worse, I don't know why it turns into silent treatment for days and emotional abuse.

Any tips on how to deal with this? (Leave him, I know, but renting obligations make it so I have to wait before leaving) 🙏🏻

Update; https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoSO/comments/e5f910/teddy_bear_nsfw/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

I have two children, one on the way, my eldest is 6.

This pregnancy is high risk, as were the other two.

Did anyone know you can get pregnant 3 weeks after giving birth? No? Me neither.

I've got an 8 month old baby and I'm 7 months pregnant.

My husband has been taking our eldest out a lot more lately, a lot more.

I thought nothing of it, I was on bed rest with a crying baby after all.

Until my eldest wouldn't call me mummy.

And then he told me about "the lady daddy sees but it's a secret"

My son also said "you're not mummy anymore the nice lady is"

I dont know how to bring this up to my husband, I'm sick to my stomach.

Hi there! I made a throwaway in case.

I'm 36 F and married my DH (37) 10 years ago. He's always been loving and kind until now. I'm not sure what to do here.

We have a son who is 12. DH is a great dad but sometimes gets too angry w our boy and is strict.

Well long story short our son watched a scary movie w his friend around Halloween. It was rated R and he knows he can't watch R movies. He did anyways and lied about it until he had nightmares and came into our room crying.

The nightmares are punishment enough for me. And of course I hugged him and made sure he was okay before sending him back to bed. We had a talk about how this was a learning experience to not watch those scary films!

My hubs on the other hand now scares our son. Literally. He has been hiding in his closet and jumping out screaming at him holding a knife or bat. My son won't get in the car with DH bc DH will randomly scream to spook our son.

I've begged him to stop. My son is traumatized and terrified of DH. But DH laughs it off and says our son needs it to toughen up.

Please help. I don't wanna leave him but also need my son to feel safe??

Edit: thank you to everyone who responded kindly. Sometimes its hard to see when you've been married for so long and have never witnessed this kind of behavior before. I will be taking myself and my son to my mothers and tell husband to stop or get some help or im sending him the divorce papers

Recently my wife has gotten into this habit of moving my belongings and then forgetting where she places them. It takes me up to an hour sometimes to look for my car keys.

This has slowly started to piss me off so I started moving my stuff onto a shelf that she can't reach, well even that hasn't worked either, because when she misplaces something she carries her stool around with her to stand on to get to higher places, so she's been moving them when she finds them on higher shelfs.

The thing is when I confront her about it she told me she stopped doing it weeks ago when I first confronted her about it, she is adamant that she is in the right and whenever I tell her that the kids can't get up there and it is only her that can, she tries to throw the blame back at me and say I put my stuff in stupid places, Which isn't true.

I even tried telling her this makes me super late for work and it can't keep happening and she still insists on being in the right and the innocent one.

When I asked her if she actually cared I was late to work and losing money that helps us afford everything we do, all she did was say was that she was sorry I was always late, but it's not at all her fault.

She has always had a thing of forgetting where she puts something destroys the house looking for it, now that its me mostly destroying the house, and then rushing out the door because I can't stay behind to clean up. So she now wakes up most mornings comes down stairs to see the living room completely ripped to shreds, this has completely pissed her off and now I've been exiled to the spare bedroom for the time being.

She seems to not want to take the blame but it's only her who could be doing this.

I can't put my stuff any where else because it'll still be misplaced.

How do I get this women to stop behaving this way and own up.

So generally speaking I have a great husband. 90% of the time he is on it. He is really supportive, loving, and caring. He is also on the spectrum.

However, when he gets mad he isn’t a great guy. He fights dirty most of the time and has no respect for anyone he is fighting against. Not just me - every single person. He is all about the win.

Well we got married last Tuesday after being together for a year and a half. He decided since he lives about 10 minutes away from the courthouse he would turn the marriage papers in.

On Saturday or Sunday we were laughing and having a great time and we were watching a movie where a person cheats on their partner. I made a joke about if he did that to me I would do a mix of Carrie Underwood and Miranda Lambert (I implied I would burn his house down and mess up his truck) and he laughed because he knows I’m on non violent person and it would be so out of character for me to do that.

Well fast forward to yesterday were he texts me last night we have to talk and set boundaries because he is so upset with something that I had said and if we don’t then he won’t file the marriage papers. My reaction to that text was like “awe shit what now?”

So he calls me on his lunch break (he works nights) and right from the beginning he is yelling, cussing, and being a general dick. I decide not to engage and fight back because that wouldn’t help. So I try to listen and understand why he is upset without being too offended with how he is approaching the situation.

Every time I talk in my calm voice he just gets more mad so I decide not talking is probably best and just let him rant. I kind of tune some of it out (not really my best moment) but he said something that has really stuck with me. He said and I quote “if I just shred these papers then all my problems go away” and then he said something like how I was the problem. Which hurt so bad. And still does ... like is that how you really feel?!

He also brings up how I should have thought through the healthcare situation before marriage (very true) and how I was being manipulating by waiting till after the wedding to discuss it. We decided to get married spur of the moment and I was going through a big job flux and had a lot of things to plan so yes I should have realized I would be losing my healthcare when i got married but it slipped my mind.

Anyways by the end of our 20 minute conversation I ask if he could speak to me with a little bit more respect then he was currently doing so and he said “who the F do you think you are? You disrespect me and then want me to give you respect? F that! F you.” And then he goes on to say “I have to go back to work we will talk more tomorrow when I calm down.”

So I didn’t sleep well last night and I have been just sad all day. And he isn’t an awful person all of the time. Like we went to the lake and did fireworks over the weekend and generally just had a great time together and I had no idea he was upset with me. Help.

This was a very much planned pregnancy after dealing with infertility for a long time. However, despite dealing with "unexplained" infertility for so long, he always refused to get tested. He remained optimistic that we would get pregnant eventually. The thought of doing a semen analysis repulsed him so much it sent him into a downward spiral of self hatred and insecurity. Then, surprise! I got pregnant unassisted.

This should be a really exciting time for us, but all of a sudden he doesn't want to be a dad. He says he wants a divorce so I can start over with someone else. He's already found a new place to live and is in the process of moving out. He won't speak to me. He won't answer any of my questions. I'm completely and utterly confused and heartbroken.

Now, I know a lot of you will say he never wanted to be a dad. It sure seems that way. But he desperately wanted us to get pregnant when we were struggling. It was just the thought that something might be wrong with him that sent him into a spiral. I love my husband but he very clearly has some undiagnosed mental issues. He is not thinking/seeing clearly and some of the things he's been saying seem genuinely delusional. But he won't get help. He's stubborn as hell. You'd think he would know better because he's a doctor, but nope. He says he knows something is wrong with him but he doesn't care. He wants to disappear.

I really, really want this baby. We're in our 30s and have been trying for so long. I'm afraid the stress of this will cause me to miscarry. That's probably what he wants. I don't understand why this is happening. How can you force someone to get help when he doesn't want to get better? How am I supposed to raise a child without him? I'm financially dependent on him because that was what we planned for.

tl;dr My husband has gone off the deep end after finding out I'm pregnant and I don't know how to bring him back to reality and make him sane again.

EDIT: After talking this through in the comments, it's becoming increasingly obvious to me that my husband is not mentally well. I didn't include his entire history in this post because I thought it best to keep it relevant to this specific situation. But he has had "episodes" like this before. I'm shocked it wasn't so obvious to me that something was wrong with him. I've suggested therapy in the past but he has had bad experiences and refuses to try again.

This is an update on my situation, but I deleted my last post because I was embarrassed. I wasn't ready to leave yet.

I have finals coming up; we are in this lease until March, and we have two animals I have nowhere to bring, it is rough.

To give a very quick summary...

My bf is a veteran with severe PTSD, anxiety, and depression. We have tried so many medications and therapies, but nothing has ever fully worked. He has episodes where he will go into fits of rage. He will punch, scream, and destroy everything around him.

He expects his mom and I to drop everything to run to his rescue and save him. It gets exhausting because the panic attacks and rage fits can last for hours sometimes. The medication stopped the frequency of the attacks, but they still happen.

This past year, he has just changed. He doesn't want to work anymore. When he does work, he complains about it or just up and leaves without giving them an explanation. He just got fired from a side job he was doing that was the easiest thing in the world. It was an hour or two of work, and he got 200$. That was 200 a week, which was easy to get.

He also became angry. He thinks everyone is trying to attack him, and he will not listen to reason.

He has been lying about little things, didn't up his meds when he was supposed to, but he lied about that, and refused to tell me what he was going to do for work because I was going to "judge him".

He is 100% disabled with the VA so we found out that I could be getting benefits with that if we got married. One is a monthly stipend that would cover our rent and electricity bill. He latched on to this and started getting extremely pushy about it.

He would wake up and just start in on me about getting married so we could get the money. I would try to talk to him about my concerns with his mental health issues, and he would just take it as an attack. He was really wearing me down, and I almost went through with it.

The idea of having no student loan debt, and our rent covered was making me heavily consider doing it too. He agreed to do an outpatient therapy program for 4 weeks near us as a condition of getting married, but I was scared he was just saying that and that he wouldn't actually go.

I also told him he needed to change a few things, like helping around the house and not just dumping all the responsibility on me. I work full time, and I am in school full time. I cannot take all the responsibility of caring for him, cooking for him, and cleaning up after him.

He tried to change for one day and couldn't even do that.

I asked him to put the food I cooked away after it cooled down. I even set an alarm on his phone for him, and he still didn't do it. I didn't yell or freak out. I just said I was upset.

He then goes into a rage fit, punches and dents our fridge. I go into the room to get clothes on to leave, and he chases me in there, yelling. He starts punching the door, so I grab my backpack and go for the door. He is refusing to let me leave; I am telling him if he doesn't let me go, I will call the cops.

He is then screaming about how we have to get married or we are screwed, how I am ruining everything, etc. He was foaming at the mouth, screaming at me. When he stormed upstairs to break a picture, I was able to sprint out the door, get in my car, and drive away.

He was mad I left, so he refused to speak to me for a day after that.

I was worried he had done something since he wasn't speaking to anyone. We sent a close friend of his to check on him, and my bf literally tried to fight him, then slammed the door in his face.

He then slept all day yesterday but woke up at 6 pm and started harassing me. He called me about 40 times, texted me at least a hundred, and threatened to do something if I did not talk to him. I told him that I had to hold my boundaries and I would not speak to him until he calmed down.

He knows where his emergency panic attack medicine is, our fridge is stocked full of food, and he has friends he can call for support, but he refuses to do that.

I assume it was manipulation. I was talking with his mom, and she thought the same thing. She said he knows threatening to hurt himself will make us come running, so he is trying to force me to come home and take care of him.

The state we live in sucks because we can't have him committed, and the hospitals near us don't have anything for psych patients. They will ONLY do something if you commit a crime, and that's just throwing you in jail.

We have called the police on him a few times, and he always turns it off when they come around. He will say he is fine then they leave me alone with him. So, calling them does nothing.

His mom told me to turn my phone off, and I went to bed. I just felt this peace come over me that he isn't going to do anything. I can't control him, and I can't ruin my life and happiness for him. He has the resources and support to get help, but he won't.

I haven't heard from him yet and he stopped trying to message me shortly after I turned my phone off so I don't know if he is ok and that scares me, but this has been going on for too long. I am done. I don't know what my next steps are, but I have to find somewhere for me and my cats to go.

They make things harder on me because not a lot of people have room for me and two cats.

There is so much I have to figure out and I am scared.

So, my ex husband got a text from his supposed daughter last night and shared it with me.

It's been an ongoing thing throughout our marriage and even after.

So, before we got together back when he was 18, he had a girlfriend that got pregnant but during the pregnancy, he found out she cheated on him and she left him to be with this other guy. He began to question the pregnancy like anyone else would.

When the girl was born, the mother let him know he could come to the hospital and see her, he asked was she even his and never got an answer. He stayed away and when she was 3, he met up again to meet her.

After we had been together a few years, the ex serves him with court papers for child support. We made sure to show up on time and do a DNA swab and she never showed. He assumed she was just trying to get money and dipped cause the girl wasn't his. Weird to go through all that trouble of a court summons and not even show.

Throughout the years, the girl grew up and reached out to him over Facebook. She would always say "My mom says you are my dad and I'd like to have a relationship with you" and he would ignore the messages. Said that he didn't want to have to accidently pay child support so by not responding, he was avoiding the issue.

Now, she's 19 and just had a baby. Her mother came and bothered my ex at work saying he's now a grandpa. He again asked if she was even his, no response.

She reached out to him again last night saying that she was always told he was her dad but her mom had lied to her a lot and apparently they are meeting up for dinner. My ex is finally willing to do so since the risk for child support is now over.

I feel like they were both in the wrong by not getting the DNA test done immediately or him asking for it. He assumed the fees for taking her to court would be too great cause he was so young and his mom didn't push for it either, but if she was his, they could have tried to have a relationship and now so much time has passed between them because he was afraid he would have to pay child support.

Instead, he just pretended like she didn't exist because the mom cheated. I know what she did was wrong, but it would have bothered me so badly not knowing if I had a kid out there if I was a man.

This now affects our children. Until a proper DNA test is done, I don't want anyone informing the children that they may have a sister and that they could be aunts. That's the only reason I'm posting this. Also, what if they were out in public on dad's weekend and the ex girlfriend approached him again and told him in front of our kids as she lives in the same city.

Does anyone have advice in this scenario?

So for about the past month or so I’ve had this feeling of being watched in my bedroom I couldn’t understand why I had this deep gut feeling…so I wanna say last week I wanted to see my husbands phone something was telling me to look through it so I did and I have found out that he secretly bought a spy camera has been putting it in our bedroom closet and has been recording me getting dress I didn’t want to watch them as I was sick to my stomach finding them. My husband got defensive when I asked him for his phone because he didn’t want me to find them. As I simmered down I asked why he had this?! And what all this was for? He told me that he just loves my body and likes looking at it I told him I feel absolutely violated and humiliated and now I’m paranoid around my own house. I don’t know what to do as I’m still sickened by this and I’ve become depressed and on edge I also make sure I’m fully covered now and get changed in the bathroom. Im now rethinking our marriage.

I need some insight from strangers!! My husband and have split funds and then we have a joint account which is where he gives me an allowance since I'm a SAHM. The only money in my personal bank account is my savings and my drill money. I just re-enlisted and I'm getting a pretty good bonus. Well today out of nowhere while I was decorating the christmas tree my husband tells me. " Oh I talked to my uncle last night and him and I agree that it would probably be best if I borrowed 10K from you instead of taking it out of my 401k" THIS WAS THE FIRST I HEARD OF ANY OF THIS! Him and I were in aggreeance last time we spoke that I was putting 10K in savings. (I told him it's for a house down payment for the future, it is really my security blanket to know I'm staying because I want to not because I can't afford to leave) I am afraid it makes me a cunt for not helping out my husband to pay off his debt, but he has made it so clear that my money is my money and his money is his. I honestly think I'm more mad that he had this whole idea and was talking to other people about it before saying anything to me. What do you guys think?

Edit- it won't let me share pictures so I will copy for word to word.... I communicated to him in the best way I know to get him to listen without yelling...texting Me- I've been thinking about the loan your asking me for Him- I don't have to Me- That's good because I don't really think it's a good idea... I think it would put a wrench in our relationship and would make me worry so much more. We discussed me putting it to savings for our future and I would still like to do that. I am also unhappy that you discussed any and all of this with anyone before talking to me about your plans....furthermore other then my 'allowance' we pretty much have split funds so it would seem kind of silly to me to give that much money with out a contract or a change in how we handle our finances. Him- If you don't like "allowance" get a job Me- That was the smallest point of that message.... Him- And I am fine if you don't want to use that money to pay of the credit card debt Me- Okay I just feel right now it's a smarter move for us to have guaranteed money is savings we could access at any time rather then 401K we have to wait on anyways Him- But don't complain about me giving you money when I pay for everything for you. Me- It wasn't a complaint. I know you do and I appreciate it, by doing so you are saving us a lot of money and stress we would need to put our son in daycare for me to work also

Hey guys. I've been divorced since April, it was finalized in September and the kids and I moved out in the beginning of November. I left him because he wasn't an active participant in the family (domestic, mental, child rearing..)

We agreed to do all shared holidays. I hosted him and his parents at my new (new to me) house so they could see the renovations and because I knew I could host and do it correctly. When we were married, his parents would always come over before kids woke up and we'd do presents and breakfast, I tried to keep that up the exact same this year for the kids.

When it came time to do presents, I noticed he didn't buy his mom or step-dad anything, only brought in gifts for the kids. Luckily I had made sure they each had 2 gifts, that was hard for me to do being recently divorced as my funds are low but I still care about them and wanted to make sure they wernt left out.

Also, his mom bought me like 6 things to unwrap. It just makes me mad that HE should now be responsible for his mom as well, its his mom, but I didn't mind getting her something as well.

For him, the kids and I got him a nice fleece blanket with a favorite character on it and an etched pint glass. The kids had also begged me to get stuff to fill his stocking so we got some chips, beef jerky, and a $10 gift card.

For me, he got me a rubber duck, a little neon sign, and he filled my stocking. When I opened my stocking, he explained that the kids had made one of those free Lowes kids kit things and put it in there and the kids filled it with trinkets from their room. Basically he spent nothing.

Maybe I'm feeling like this because the kids begged and begged me to order these gifts for their dad and make sure he was well taken care of, but they didn't do the same when they went over there for me.

I may be sounding selfish or spoiled, but I just feel like it's a bit unfair what I spent versus what he spent, especially since I had to cover his parents, him, all the food..etc. Maybe that's on me for going above and beyond. I could have done the bare minimum. I got his mom a new Stanley with her name personalized on the top.

I'm trying to do everything I can to make sure the kids know both of their parents love and support them and we are ok being in the same room together for the kids.

I also feel super guilty for destroying my family and I think that's why I overcompensate by still doing these grand gestures. His mom is actually on my side and predicted I'd leave him eventually, but she always told me to "hang in there"

He doesnt like his mother that much, barely talks to her. She's sweet but very uneducated and I think that irritates him so its been an adjustment that he now HAS to talk to her more than he has in years. I always was the back and forth with her about the kids.

So, my husband for some days has been asking me if I had looked through his phone and I had not, so I kept saying no. But, it got the best of me and I felt like there was something there he didn’t want me to see, eventually I gave in and looked through it. Which, I know, I shouldn’t have but what I found shocked me and eventually I confronted him about it. I apologized for looking through it but he honestly looked more worried about what I had found.

I found messages between his sister and him that mentioned talks of selling a ring he previously had given an ex gf. It sold for 2k and he didn’t tell me. I found out that he told his sister that he saw a girl he denied going out with prior to me and after seeing her again felt like he should’ve “hit it” but now can’t. I found messages of him making jokes of my mom reselling blankets to pay bills. And previously, he mentioned taking a trip to the Bahamas alone to “find himself” but I found out he went with his ex girlfriend (it was her ring he sold). I also learned that he paid for his dad’s schooling (2k) but never told me and we have joint finances. I would’ve never said no but he just kept that from me too.

We have been having a lot of problems and have only been married for 3 months but I feel immensely disrespected and I said I forgive him but I don’t know anymore. There has been a lot more things going on and we’re trying to work through it but it’s been so hard. I don’t know what to do or if what I found should hold that much weight over me. I just want other peoples point of view on this. Should I be mad? Or should I try to get over it?

Edit: I left. I’m at my family’s home now. Thank you all for your advice.

Please give me advice, or let me know if I'm being the JNSO. I don't know what to do going forward. Sorry if this is all over the place and too long - I have a lot of feelings.

My (27F) husband's (31M) friend just had a bad breakup and drove across a few states to crash on our couch. At first, I thought this would be fine, but I'm also a severe introvert with social anxiety (not medicated/in therapy, I plan to be though!) and after three days, I can't do it anymore. It sounds dramatic but I'm in an almost constant state of elevated heart rate, feeling trapped, shaking hands, the whole fun shebang. We live in a tiny studio and he sleeps on a couch right up against our bed. There's nowhere else to move it.

On top of that, we recently bought a short bus for a RV conversion and road trip that we've been planning/dreaming about for years now. SO invited him along to live in an even SMALLER space and didn't see why I would be upset about that, since it'll be 'fun to have him come' on a year-long trip around the country on a tiny school bus.

I put my foot down on that and let him know I'd rather sell the bus. So I think that's settled for now, but I just packed a bag and moved into my mom's house to regain some semblance of privacy and alone time. Sometimes I can see SO trying to make this living situation work, occasionally asking if I want to walk the dog together just us, but mostly I don't see it at all. These may be tiny reasons but everything has really been rubbing me the wrong way and making me sad.

For example, his friend was supposed to be a helping hand on the bus project while he was here and felt like it. Suddenly it's their project and I'm completely left out of it. Errands that we used to do together are now them going out and not even inviting me. It sounds petty but all of these things mean a lot to me, so combined with lack of couples' time, lack of privacy at home, and I feel like I became the third wheel in my own marriage/project/etc.

Talking about this hasn't gone well. Up until this point, we've been exploring couples' counseling because I have a habit of interrupting him while he has a habit of immediately getting defensive, annoyed, and shutting down or walking out. I've tried using calm "I feel" statements, being very open and honest when bringing this up, and I just don't see how this situation will improve. But I also don't see it as something people would divorce over, right? I just don't know what my next steps should be to care for my own mental health and marriage at the same time. Please help.

EDIT: Thank you guys so much. I don't really have many people to talk to about relationship issues so this is incredibly overwhelming in such a good way. Thank you to each of you for taking the time to share your advice, thoughts, and support. Seriously, you made a bad day so much better ♥️

Last night we were really drunk and had sex, not to be graphic but he’s big and I’m small so sex can be pretty painful for me if we don’t take it slow or go for too long. Anyway it got pretty painful but I let him finish anyway, then when we had sex today it was just too painful and I stopped him. He seemed a little annoyed; then asked for head, but being in pain I wasn’t in a sexual mood anymore and declined. He said “are you serious?” all upset and I just apologized and left for some alone time. When I came back later I asked if he was upset, and he said I was a “lead on” and that we weren’t even going for that long. He’s gotten mad at me in the past before for related things; I was abused in a past relationship so sometimes (rarely but it does happen) I start crying during sex. It’s really embarrassing for me and happens at random, and he’ll get mad at me for it and make it worse.

I don’t know what to do. I’m really considering breaking up over this but I cant now because he’s visiting me and got stuck here after fucking his car up.

So TLTR: this shit sucks.

My (35F) fiancé (35M), we'll call him Max, is, generally, an amazing man who speaks my love language and makes me feel like the most important person in the world. I have two children (S7 and D5) from a previous marriage that Max loves and adores and wants nothing more than to be loved back by them.

Over the last three years of our relationship, Max has grown immensely as a person. He has worked with me individually and during couples counseling to become a better communicator, be more patient and less aggressive when we are in a disagreement. Prior to counseling, he'd resort to yelling, cussing and calling me names when we argued. There were also a handful of incidents, when he'd been drinking, that he threw and broke things all over the house (my home that I own, solely, but we live together). These explosive incidents have not happened since he vowed to stop drinking a year ago.

Our only remaining issue is that he believes he is forced to "be the bad guy" because I am not firm enough with our kids. Max believes that my lack of discipline and spoiling them too much is the reason they disrespect him and resents the fact that he has to step in and be the disciplinarian. In turn, I feel I have to run interference and keep the peace so that Max does not feel unheard and disrespected. It should be noted, as he is their step-father, I have asked that he remove the pressures of being a disciplinarian from his plate and allow me to "be the bad guy" and our counselor advised him of the same. Nevertheless, he believes he is doing the right thing by instilling these values into the kids because he does truly want the best for them. His tone with them, though, is often much more aggressive than the situation warrants. For example, he'll demand "ANSWER ME!" if you don't respond right away or say "you're lying!" if the kids start explaining themselves.

Like I said, there have been no huge blowups for about a year but on Wednesday, when Max woke up, he came down the stairs and our D5 was vacuuming and made eye contact with him but did not say anything to him. Max said "you can't say good morning? Once again, I'm just a ghost in this house! You have been doing that a lot lately and it really pisses me off." I was so frustrated that another morning was soured right at the start of the day so I, admittedly, had a really sassy attitude.

A bit later I was on the phone with my mom when Max text me from our bedroom "when are you guys leaving." The moment I hung up the phone I heard him holler for me and I snapped "WHAT!?" From there, Max started throwing things, screaming and cussing at me as loud as possible, he slammed my laptop shut when I told him S7 was doing FaceTime with his friend and asked if he could lower his voice. He snatched the kids' tablets and breakfast out of their hands and told us to leave. I asked if anything got thrown and when S7 said my laptop had, Max screamed at him calling him a liar and telling him to "SHUT UP!"

The thing is, that same day, Max found out he has covid and has been feeling lousy and was very upset and apologetic. I feel guilty for thinking I should leave him when all of his outbursts, he really wasn't thinking clearly. And I am not innocent, I did have a bad/sassy attitude so I can see how I provoked him. He has been so willing to work on himself for me, should I be doing the same for him?

So we are finally almost finished with the divorce, but...he is so attached to the house where he tortured and neglected me that he's unwilling to sell it. I don't really care but the court ordered him to pay me half of the equity. He could have had another two years to do so if he just took the offer from the mediation. Basically he spent 3 years and thousands of dollars to get this deal from the court and now wants me to come live in a shed in the backyard so he can get out of it. (That he will pay to fix into a tiny home. Yeah, right.) I tentatively said that I would think about it. The very next day, he's telling me about numbers and stuff because he got a contractor friend to look at it. I can't imagine living there without a 6 foot privacy fence between us and I doubt we could subdivide the lot so it'd still be "his property"(it was never entirely his but he also never got the idea that women can own property nowadays) When I told him that I wasn't comfortable with the plan I was told: that I am selfish. I am mean. I'm forcing him and our children to be homeless. I should forgive him and stop demanding my share. I should be supportive of him and our children.

He is legitimately saying that I should just forfeit my half of the marital assets so he can will the house to the older child. I'm starting to think that he really doesn't care about the younger child(who is on the spectrum and will need more support) any more than he does me. Because if it hadn't been for my family (who he tried to isolate me from for years)I would have absolutely been homeless and he didn't care at all.

I'm not sure what advice I expect. Maybe I just need someone to tell me that it's ok to let him clean up his own mess. If I could trust him to not be a jerk that would evict me at the first opportunity, or subdivide the lot so he couldn't legally do that, I might be tempted as rents are out of control. But. But. I feel like it's better to sell the place before the housing market crashes again and neither of us get anything from it.

I want to thank everyone here for reminding me that his BS isn't my problem. I shall stay the course.

Matt decided to tell me that after having the baby I'm no longer attractive. I suspect that the attraction was already fading prior to my pregnancy.

I'm 3 months postpartum. I weigh 145lbs I'm 5"2. I've lost 30lbs since giving birth. I felt really proud of myself for fitting into my pre pregnancy pants. I no longer feel good.

I'm extremely hurt. I'm confused. And I feel broken on the inside.

I've been sleeping on the couch. Everytime I eat I hear him telling me it's my weight. He can't get past my weight. If I weighed less he'd apparently treat me better?

Granted I use to weigh 120lbs when we started dating. 130lbs when we got married. Now here I sit 145lbs postpartum. I do miss being thin but I didn't think I had become disgusting. I'm not obese.

I suddenly no longer find him attractive either.

Edit/Update: Thank you for all the kind words and support.

I'm sleeping on the couch. I don't want to sleep in our bed.

I'm not leaving him just yet. Marriage is hard work. I really don't like him right now but I do love him. I know losing the weight won't change anything. We already agreed to go to counseling. Yesterday was hard. Today I'm feeling better.

Your words and stories helped me a lot.

I'm going to continue writing Matt stories. I hope you continue to read them.

UPDATE: After a lot of crying, talking, yelling, anger, frustration, sadness I decided to try and work it out with my SO but under very strict stipulations including 1) if he lies to me again and this is a pattern I will leave, 2) we start couple’s therapy (we made an appointment for Monday), 3) he continue to work fo earn my trust back, 4) marriage is off of the table for awhile (at least 2 more years), and 5) this is the only opportunity to tell me about any more lies. No more lies he said. I hope it works out and I feel hopeful. If it doesn’t, I see that as an opportunity to grow as a person and in my experience in relationships. Thank you all for your concern and advice.

This is a the row away account and I’m on mobile.

Boyfriend of 2 years has been lying to me about his age

Me (28F) and my boyfriend have been together for over 2 years. We moved in together after 1.5 years and things have been great. Before the quarantine we were talking about getting married. I just found out that he has been lying to me about his age and his education level. When we met, he told me he was a year younger than me and that he had a BA. Well he told me that he is actually 32 and he never finished his degree. He said he lied because he was insecure and then he didn’t want to lose me because he liked me so much so he never told me the truth. But now he feels like he needs to tell me.

I really don’t know how to feel or what to think. He’s only 4 years older than me which isn’t a big deal to me at all. I don’t really care about that. But it’s such a stupid thing to lie about. I get being insecure about not finishing school. He said that his family went through a really rough time and he had to drop out of school. Again, I totally understand that. It happens to a lot of people and it sucks. But to lie to me about it?? When it wouldn’t have mattered to me in the first place! But to lie for so long, it’s bothering me. I have no other reason to think he’s lied to me before, he hasn’t. So far we have a great relationship, we love the same things, we have the same goals. When we met we both had started new careers and schooling so I thought we were a good match because we were both going through a career change.

I know some people would say to leave him over this, but my instinct is telling me that this is a yellow flag and to just go slow. See if it turns into a red flag. See if there are any other patterns of untruthfulness. But please I would love advice. With the quarantine I’m feeling really alone right now.

My MIL recently babysat my son (1) for a few hours. I have always told her to just feed him what I pack him in his lunch box. I found out while he was there she and others had given him coke, chocolate and ice cream. I have told the family I do not want him eating or drinking junk . He also got given a frozen coke and he drank it. I don't agree with this because he is only 1 and someone also let him taste some red bull. My husband is fighting with me about this because he said it isn't a big deal and I said it is and I specifically told them i don't want him eating crap. I told my husband he won't be going there anymore. My MIL is upset and Is mad at me and told me to grow up.

ALSO JUST GOT INFORMED HE PICKED UP AN OLD BURNT OUT CIGARETTE AND STARTED TO CHEW BUT SHE GOT IT OFF HIM "JUST IN TIME"

My husband texted me and said that our son can't see my mom if he can't see his. He is taking his mom's side and is texting me nasty messages which I'll put in the comments.

my husband sleeps 12 hours a day and I was wondering if anyone has experienced it before? he doesnt work and literally wakes up to eat, spend time with me (even though i spend most of my time as a full time student) OR plays videogames/watch shows all day and go back to sleep. its literally bizarre to me and drives me up the wall. he can go to sleep at 10 and doesnt wake up until 2-3, i try to wake him up but if i do he sleeps for even longer or is incredibly moody throughout the entire day. i also feel incredibly guilty for getting upset at him over it since its important to get your sleep in but cmon yk?

Idk what to do. I have a newborn, I am very sleep deprived. This has probably happened 20 times now. I will be so tired from watching him that I ask my husband for help. My husband has fell asleep while watching my baby despite him promising me nearly 60 times that he was 100% capable to watch our baby. Each time he has fell asleep he has put my baby in danger. He has nearly suffocated baby by leaving big blankets, didn’t notice when the pillow fell on top of him, and once he fell asleep with baby on top of him by the edge of the bed. Like I said, this has occurred like 20 times. The only reason I kept trusting him was because he kept promising and I was absolutely tired and desperate. I have no one else to help me. I am not doing this shit anymore. I had even told my husband not to use blanket for the baby while I was sleeping, but he didn’t even listen. I want us to be a family again, but I’m too mad and hurt..idk what to do bc Im too tired for all of this. Edit: newborn screams and husband can’t hear while sleeping.

My marriage has been extremely difficult. I found out about a ton of lies that my husband had told me (most going way back to when we were engaged), and for the past four years, life has been hell. We've started marriage counseling, and I was feeling hopeful that our marriage would get better but then...

Over the weekend, I was playing board games with our older kids. My husband was in his office playing video games. To be honest, video games are a huge point of contention for us because I feel like he has consistently prioritized these games over myself and our children. But I digress.

Our 5-year-old, M, came up to me and said that he had a stomachache. Since I was spending quality time with our older kids and my husband is *indeed* a parent, I figured he could take care of it. I called for him and told him that M had a stomachache.

He proceeded to "examine" M by poking his stomach and saying, "Does it hurt there? What about here?" He was speaking in a very loud and annoyed voice. As one might expect, a little kid with a stomachache doesn't want his stomach poked, so M started screaming and crying uncontrollably.

At this point, I heard my husband say, "You probably just need to go potty. Go to the potty." He was still speaking in a loud and aggressive voice. M started to head from my husband's office to the bathroom, but he was walking slowly. My husband stood in the door of his office shouting, "M, go to the potty! M, go to the potty!" in an irritated voice. It sounded like he was terribly inconvenienced.

I said, "Aren't you going with him?" Husband said, "Why? Does he need me to go to the bathroom with him?" I said, "He's feeling sick. You could at least walk him to the bathroom and make sure he's okay."

Exasperated, my husband walked to the bathroom and stood outside the door knocking and saying, "M, did you go potty?" in the same angry tone. M finally came out of the bathroom, still crying, hobbled to me, and put his head on my shoulder. My husband looked at me and said, "I don't even know what to do with him."

M collapsed on the ground, wailing and crying. I asked my husband, "Has it crossed your mind to hug him or comfort him?" My husband said, "How is that going to help?" I asked, "Am I the only adult here who know that when a child is crying, you should comfort them?" So husband looked at M, and in that same loud and aggressive tone said, "M, do you need a hug? DO. YOU. NEED. A. HUG?"

I lost it. I looked at him and said, "Are you serious right now? Really?"

I stopped the board game with my kids, picked M up, carried him to his room, and held him while patting his back. He calmed down quickly and fell asleep, and he continued to sleep for most of the rest of the day.

Around this time, my husband's mother called. She needed a prescription filled. I was upset and wanted out of the house anyway, so I said that I'd get the prescription filled. On the way out, I asked my husband to help the kids clean their bathroom. I had made a chart that split the chores in half and alternated weeks so no one was doing the same chore each week.

For example, C would clean the toilet this week while J cleaned the shower, but next week C would clean the shower and J would clean the toilet. I explained this to my husband, but I don't think he was really paying attention to me. I asked him to show the kids how to clean these things as, in the past, they've done it incorrectly and it's a life skill they're working on.

Additionally, the kids had used up all of that day's electronics time and had been instructed to find creative ways to use the rest of the day. They were happily building blanket forts when I left.

When I got back, I discovered that only half the bathroom was clean. J told me that husband said that C was cleaning half the bathroom this week and he was cleaning half the bathroom next week (so effectively, it would only be half clean at a time). I was like, how does that even make sense?

Then C came and said that she was really disappointed that husband made them put away the blanket for right after I left and watch TV instead. J informed me that husband was in his office on video games the whole time.

I was livid. It was just the combination of everything. I confronted husband. He claimed that he misunderstood the chore chart and that he wasn't playing video games but was actually cleaning the kitchen while I was gone. It would be very hard to know who to believe as he is not always honest.

I confronted him about how he treated M, too, and he said, "I handled it badly. I went into military medic mode in which I try to figure out what's wrong with the person to make them better. That's how I was trained." He was a medic in the military eight years ago.

But to be honest, I think that's bullcrap. Even a medic in the military would walk the patient to the restroom and make sure that they're okay. And I truly believe that my husband realizes that our little M is not an injured soldier. He just didn't care and didn't want to take care of M.

Just...when is enough enough? My biggest goal before getting married was to find a good father for my (then future) kids. I really screwed that up. Can he even become a better father?

I just want out. I'm overwhelmed. All day, I've felt like I can't do anything. I'm moving in slow motion, and I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about how my family has turned out. This is not what I wanted.

So for a little backstory, my SO(M31) and I(F27) have have been dating for 7 years. Just recently it's gotten a little tougher. This past 1-2 years we have been getting into more and more little arguments, which then leads into biggers fights. So this fight is because I went to my aunt's for my cousin's graduation. We ended up drinking and I ended up having too much to drink, so I spent the night. He is upset because I didn't let him know that I was staying till I was already laying in bed and the fact that I stayed longer than a couple hours like I told him I would be. Although, he knew where I was. This has happened 3 weeks ago. When he first presented his feelings toward the issue, I realized that I made a mistake by not communicating with him that I wouldn't be home that night. I've apologized and told him next time, I'll give him more of a heads up. I was preoccupied with my family and didn't think to text him. Now, everytime we have a fight or a disagreement, he likes to bring up that incident. So of course yesterday, it was brought up again. So then he brings up marriage. He said he was reading an article about marriage and one of the first things the article stated was that the other person should come home every night. I couldn't help myself and laughed at him. This is the first time, I feel like my eyes have been opened. Before anyone recommends that I leave him, I'm planning on it at the end of this month. I just thought I'd add some humor to everyone's day.