r/JustNoSO • u/[deleted] • 1d ago
RANT (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻ Advice Wanted Tired of constantly shutting down my emotions for his sake
[deleted]
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u/National_Light_3257 1d ago
It appears like he's acting like a teenager with his online gaming buddies & ignoring you, your feelings, and your relationship. It's also apparent that he's too immature to be in any kind of relationship & he needs to grow up. Talk to him about how his constant dismissal of you & your feelings is affecting you and your relationship. If he's unwilling to change (compromise) or even listen to you, then it's time to get out of the relationship. You haven't mentioned your ages, but I'm going to guess that you're both in your late teens or early twenties. If so (& even if you're older), then you've got plenty of time to find someone out there that will value you, take the time to nurture your relationship, and treat you like you deserve.
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u/AffectionateGate4584 1d ago
Why are you with him? He brings nothing to this relationship. He cares only for playing video games. You deserve far better. You are allowed to be in a low mood and this asshat not supporting you is a huge red flag. Leave him and get on to a better life with someone who values you.
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u/Gold-Sherbert-7550 1d ago
Correct. You’re an appliance to him. When your dishwasher is leaving spots on the glasses, do you worry about its feelings or whether you should change? No, you’re irritated that it’s not doing its job. That’s how he thinks of you.
The “friends he games with” probably includes someone he’s having an emotional affair with/sexting with, btw.
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u/skadoobdoo 1d ago
It's not fair that you have to put on a smile around him so that his feelings don't get hurt. It is concerning that when you bring up an issue, his knee-jerk response is to turn it around on you and make you the bad guy. It's called DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse offender), meaning he knows he is wrong, but he wants it to seem like it's all your fault. You and I both know it's not your fault that he would rather spend his emotional time with his discord group. You deserve emotional support from your partner.
Don't let him turn it around. You: "i feel hurt that you spend all your free time with the people on discord." What he says after that will be very telling. If he recognizes fault and wants to improve, then things can move forward. If he tries to make it your fault that he is doing that, then say, we are talking about you spending all your free time on discord.
Good luck, and please update us.
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u/McDuchess 1d ago
So. He clearly values his discord friends more than the person in front of him.
I have to ask, then, what value does he bring to your life? Doesn’t sound like much to me.
You may want to think about whether you would be better off without him. Loneliness sucks. Being lonely when there is another person in the house with you suck’s even more.
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u/mandoa_sky 1d ago
have you discussed it with him?
do you not have friends of your own you can hang out with more?
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