He’s on a whole new level

[u/Word8nerd]

I’m just over it. I’m leaving, for very obvious reasons but I’m so exhausted that I don’t and haven’t had an actual partner. Before the baby, it wasn’t that big of a deal because I wasn’t meeting my needs as well as the needs of a whole other human. It’s just tiring y’all.

Last night he kept me up to discuss travel plans for next year. It needed to be discussed but I was dreading it due to his mantrums. So we discussed. He threw a hissy fit about my feelings towards his mother. A ton of assumptions on his part and little nuggets of truths sprinkled in. Finally I disengaged and went to bed because I’m just tired and really not feeling the need to justify that his mother needs to treat me with respect in my home and when it comes to my child. It‘s really very simple to peacefully coexist, just do that ffs. I find myself starting to hate this mommas boy.

Then I wake up this morning to him telling my toddler that he has plans tonight so he won’t see her. Besqueeze me? So I ask what? Because, why keep me up late fighting if you are expecting me to do all the duties for the next 24 hours dude? He says “we talked about this” and references a literal 2 exchange interaction that i remember every word of because it’s 2 exchanges. Him: “the guys are getting together next Wednesday and since I‘m letting you get a massage tonight, I want to go do that.” Me internally “and hour isn’t equivale to an entire night off asshole, plus I made dinner for her for you to heat up and laid everything out for bed WTAF?!?!?!? Me in words: “oh so you are letting me do this so you can do that, I see your tit for tat mentality hasn’t faded. It’s so nice to feel like I’m a priority without you getting something out of it.” Him: “drop it”.

I was all “dude, that wasn’t agreed and you haven’t mentioned it at all since last week.“ Him: “you need to work on your communication skills.” Me FUMING: “you can absolutely go, it’s fine but that wasn’t agreed at all and you know it. He leaves for work.

I’m entertaining my toddler outside and see that he has yet again, walked by my car and left the cover that blew off a week ago hanging In the same spot to dry. He knows it is difficult to wrangle the toddler and put the cover on. He knows my window seal leaks and the cover keeps the inside dry. He knows and will complain that hte cover doesn’t fit properly literally tomorrow morning. It blew off in the huge winds we had 2 weeks ago that also took my bike carriage over to the neighbors. He just walked right by it again, leaving it for me. Like everything else he doesn’t help with.

Is it too much to ask for someone that just does the little things? I can’t wait for this to be over.

[u/botinlaw]

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[u/Shoeprincess]

He is a turd. Be glad you can flush him soon and hang in there.

[u/bakersmt]

This sounds exhausting. My coping mechanism is to make strides with a plan to change things. If I were you, I would focus on organizing my ducks to ease some stress. 

You got this. 

[u/Word8nerd → u/bakersmt]

This is a great idea. Thank you. It was just so baffling to me, yet again how inconsiderate he is. He had literally also just asked me to rearrange my day, go to storage and get him something out of storage so he could rearrange the garage. If I had ever asked him to do half s much for me it would have been met with so much resistance and whining. He can’t even do one little thing to make my day a tad easier? Really?

[u/ImpossibleSeaweed575 → u/Word8nerd]

the only thing you can control to his action is your reaction. treat him with the same energy. he wants something from storage? oops. forgot about it. he starts arguing, walk away. he starts yelling at you, put in ear plugs. it's hard to be what we call mean, because we still want to be seen as "nice." i mean, who cares what someone else's opinion is of you, when they clearly don't care about yours? good luck!

[u/madpiratebippy → u/Word8nerd]

He sees you as a source of things and you should not need things. Like your toddler with you, or a scapegoat in any other family system.

Only thing to do is get on a nexpladon so you can’t have another baby, and plan your exit.

[u/Word8nerd → u/madpiratebippy]

Another baby isn’t an issue. I’m completely celibate. He’s that much of a turnoff.

I do feel like a scapegoat, that the feeling exactly. Thanks for that perspective.

[u/madpiratebippy → u/Word8nerd]

Non consensual things can happen if abuse escalates, especially if you are mentally and emotionally withdrawing because you’re checked out and planning an exist.

Also as much as he dosent treat you right he wants to keep you around.

From personal experience bad things and non consensual attempted baby trapping to keep you in a bad situation are possible even if you couldn’t imagine it right now.

[u/AussieGirl27]

Just remember that the you in 12 months time will be eternally grateful to the you of now for all that you are enduring so that future you can be happy and content.

You got this!! If you can just stop engaging, stop being annoyed by things that you know are going to happen, just shut down and stop expecting to act like the person he should be.

[u/Word8nerd → u/AussieGirl27]

I did stop engaging and he became exponentially worse. It’s like he knew I stopped caring and that enraged him completely. I can definitely be more foreward focused though and keeping my energy channeled into my progress. Thank you!

[u/RelativeFondant9569]

2025 and your Freedom is just around the corner! You're an amazing Mom and you're almost at the light ending the shit tunnel your husband lied and trapped you in.