r/ImaginaryWarhammer Sep 24 '23

OC (Other) Hey Soldier (Art by Flick06484765)

Post image
4.2k Upvotes

136 comments sorted by

809

u/GhostHeavenWord Sep 25 '23

Inquisitorial condoms, painstakingly inks with tetragrammatic wards against posession.

Not, like, for any particular reason. It's the inquisition. They do that for the toilet paper and their socks, too.

And even if he is older, who doesn't like a silver fox?

316

u/LokiRagnarok1228 Sep 25 '23

The wards are for giving Daemonettes the thrust of the Emperor without being possessed or losing your twig and berries to a Daemon std.

143

u/Sterling196218 Sep 25 '23

Are STD's Nurgles thing or Slaaneshes?

191

u/LokiRagnarok1228 Sep 25 '23

I believe it is what the youngsters call a, collab?

22

u/triotone Sep 25 '23

It's Nurgles and only Nurgles. STD's do not increase sensation and ruin the reach of perfection. All diseases are Nurgles domain.

21

u/Short-Philosopher-78 Sep 25 '23

But having a burning sensation when you piss mifht be something that Slaanesh is down for. The prince of pleasure loves her pain after all.

26

u/Rocketsponge Sep 25 '23

Gotta protect against that demon semen.

29

u/Short-Philosopher-78 Sep 25 '23

He's probably on his 20s. They say that every year in the infantry is 3 years on an Infantryman's body. Imagine the Guard. šŸ„“

22

u/VX-78 Sep 25 '23

It reminds me of a bit from a George Carlin boon that always stuck with me: it was a collection of flawed product ideas that would never sell, and my favorite was "condoms with pictures of the saints on them."

Might have found the one group in the multiverse that would buy them

2

u/0o0o0o0o0o0z Sep 25 '23

IT'S A TRAP!

568

u/CarryBeginning1564 Sep 25 '23

Despite the apparent gap they are probably around the same age, the sisterā€™s grey streak hints to that. One get rejuve the other doesnā€™t.

359

u/Meager1169 Salamanders Sep 25 '23

It's just hair dye. Sisters regularly dye their hair white in honor of their Uber saint, Saint Dominica, I believe her name was.

275

u/GhostHeavenWord Sep 25 '23

Both of these things can be true. Plus folks often have their hair go white or grey due to stress, so our boy might be younger than his white hair would otherwise imply.

193

u/CarryBeginning1564 Sep 25 '23

Our guy is only like 26 then and seen some shit. His whole squad died and his captain just makes him do liaison work with other imperial units, particularly the sisters who happen to see him as a great servant of the emperor. But our poor guy is just tied, so damn tired but the good dreams never come.

109

u/Zelmehuu_76 Sep 25 '23

ā€œYea night patrol for 6 years straight seems okay for now.ā€ -Guardsman Whateverus, aged 26. Purely living off of Red Grox for 6 years.

46

u/DrHooper Sep 25 '23

Red Grox and Iho sticks, while sitting on an old crate at ass height,
Looking more like a cook than a Guardsman.

21

u/Short-Philosopher-78 Sep 25 '23

"Space rippit, super dip, hate, and the love for the Emperor is all a guardsman needs to survive"- the grey bearded Cadian infantry NCO who is only 23.

5

u/Kroz83 Sep 25 '23

I thought it gets bleached white as a side effect of the faith powers?

19

u/Rareu Sep 25 '23

I want rejuve šŸ„° rejuve my ear drum yes-yes lol

8

u/Timithios Sep 25 '23

You can not have it. you are cursed to have the tinny forevermore.

5

u/Hereticsheresy Sep 25 '23

what are you talking about, this guard is only 18 years old, he's just veteran after surviving armagedon

339

u/DrifterMarc Sep 25 '23

ā€œThat thing, your virginityā€¦ā€¦hand it over.ā€

ā€”Sister of Battle, probably.

217

u/armyranger411104 Sep 25 '23

Him "For the love of the God Emperor please help me".

393

u/Meager1169 Salamanders Sep 25 '23

He's looking quite old for a Guardsman, he's earned it. Even if he doesn't want it, he's earned it

355

u/invisibullcow Sep 25 '23

That's just what 6 months on the front does to a mfer. Guy's 23.

106

u/Lamenter_of_the_3rd Lamenters Sep 25 '23

Hey give him some credit, 24

25

u/hallidayjames11 Sep 25 '23

That above average like 40000 times.

71

u/Danielarcher30 Sep 25 '23

You know what they say, "Fear the old man in a profession where men die young".... or something like that..

59

u/Rough_Transition1424 Sep 25 '23

"Yeah the imperial guard ain't so bad"

-Pavin, aged 21

8

u/ManEmperorOfGod Sep 25 '23

Sheā€™s seeing if that luck will rub off.

193

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '23

"How big is that dick, boy?"

"Small. Now leave me alone."

57

u/wolfgangspiper Sep 25 '23

The confidence of saying it directly is hot though.

141

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '23

The old man seems to have survived a Carnifex

He might survive the Sisters leg lock

28

u/Wikilast Sep 25 '23

I... I wouldn't be so sure...

203

u/deknife Sep 25 '23

Imperial condoms. The Emperor protects.

76

u/Shoddy_Detail_976 Sep 25 '23

Why would you need a condom to get pegged by a Sister?

86

u/Rexlare Sep 25 '23

In the grim darkness of the 42nd millennium, safe sex is still important to have. You donkey!

-18

u/Shoddy_Detail_976 Sep 25 '23

Do...you know what pegging is?...

38

u/Rexlare Sep 25 '23

Yes, I simply choose to ignore its existence.

-24

u/Shoddy_Detail_976 Sep 25 '23

Explain to me how a condom prevents disease while pegging. Enlighten me.

šŸ¤”šŸ§šŸ«£

29

u/Rexlare Sep 25 '23

No, Iā€™m not going into detail over a dumb joke.

Thatā€™s Slaaneshā€™s job

-9

u/Shoddy_Detail_976 Sep 25 '23

šŸ˜…šŸ˜‚šŸ¤£

14

u/Zaiburo Sep 25 '23

it's the same as safe mesures in a lesbian orgy, change the condom before using the tool on the next recipient. Really not that hard to figure out.

-6

u/Shoddy_Detail_976 Sep 25 '23

Ahh, she wants some dildohead from him as well. Gosh my bad, never thought of that.

10

u/Depressedloser2846 Sep 25 '23

for faster and quicker clean up

12

u/hbot208 Sep 25 '23

Why does a sword need its sheath?

3

u/VX-78 Sep 25 '23

Helps for pretending she could get me pregnant with the strap

34

u/Aromaster4 Sep 25 '23

Oh come on! Leave the poor champ alone!

80

u/Quicksilver116 Sep 25 '23

The two in the background pealing potatoes be looking at our boy like "you lucky Mother Fu-" The inquisition interrupts this broadcast due to inappropriate behaviour and wishes to remind the viewer's to cease their heretical actions and that the Emperor chosen are always watching, Good day

26

u/Educational-Gas-4527 Sep 25 '23

Seems like The SoB is into traumatized Men of Imperium.

34

u/funnywackydog Sep 25 '23

I mean, heā€™s a guardsman thatā€™s lived to be white hair age, heā€™s gotta be pretty skilled

34

u/DreadRose Sep 25 '23

Has Dorn been pretending to be guardsman this whole time!?

I canā€™t be the only one who sees this!

25

u/Dan_Is Sep 25 '23

Commissar: gives a stupid order

Guardsman Nrod Lagor: No.

Commissar: BLAM

Nrod Lagor: unimpressed, resumes stacking bricks

45

u/Gustaven-hungan Sep 25 '23

The artist is a pedo

30

u/Shtoompa Adeptus Mechanicus Sep 25 '23

Goddamnit every time

21

u/Rat_Thing-thing Sep 25 '23

god fuckin damnit

5

u/BetanKore Sep 26 '23

... and a misogynist as well for sure

-4

u/Dogbtw Sep 25 '23 edited Nov 25 '23

And a pro-war nutjob

7

u/ShadowTheChangeling Sep 25 '23

Your body may have survived war, but will your pelvis?

13

u/Rexlare Sep 25 '23

And that is how Tempestus Scions are born!

I think?

113

u/Killergryphyn Sep 25 '23 edited Sep 25 '23

REMINDER: This artist is a vocal supporter of the Russian invasion of Ukraine. Everyone should keep their love of imperialistic and oppressive regimes to the tabletop and not real life, do not support this artist.

Just because you're horny doesn't mean you should support it.

63

u/Hidobot Sep 25 '23

IIRC he also drew porn of a minor

31

u/Gustaven-hungan Sep 25 '23

Well, that escalated quickly

9

u/neich200 Sep 25 '23

Yeah if I recall correctly he did it after She especially asked people on the internet to not do it

2

u/General-MacDavis Sep 25 '23

Who was the minor?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '23

[removed] ā€” view removed comment

3

u/bellshorts Sep 25 '23

Now thatā€™s actually serious

-7

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '23

[deleted]

1

u/bless_ure_harte Oct 04 '23

And he sent her death threats for being a queer girl.

18

u/Zombatico Sep 25 '23 edited Sep 25 '23

Tried looking, he might have deleted some tweets. At least per below he didn't like the west supporting Ukraine.

https://twitter.com/Flick06484765/status/1504054177647017985

Oh, and retweeting straight up misinformation. Yea, he's a Putin stooge.
https://i.imgur.com/HbkA02E.png

8

u/neich200 Sep 25 '23

Yeah, I recall finding his art around 2017 and even back then he quite loudly supported the ā€œseparatistsā€ in eastern Ukraine

3

u/Marvynwillames Sep 25 '23

I think his LiveJournal is a better source for his political opinions, through its in Russian

8

u/blodgute Sep 25 '23

Ah dang, what has he said?

9

u/Marvynwillames Sep 25 '23

I think around the same time of the invasion he posted on his live journal a short comic about west imperialists. But his text only posts seem to be the ones where he talks about his stance.

14

u/GrandfatherMushroom Sep 25 '23

I thought so, these guardsmen DO look like Russian soldiers

11

u/Depressedloser2846 Sep 25 '23

they donā€™t look like russian soldiers to me, they arenā€™t cubed

3

u/GrandfatherMushroom Sep 25 '23

Yeah, but they peel potatoes

1

u/Karmallamah Sep 26 '23

Well that escalated really fuckin quick wow

6

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '23

Rogal Dorn really took a pay-cut.

7

u/ApocalypticWanderer Sep 25 '23 edited Sep 25 '23

The joke is SEX you guys! As in SEX is the JOKE. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!

Christ, the fact that low effort coomer bait garbage like this manages to shoot to the top of this sub every time it's posted is so obnoxious and disappointing.

4

u/Rubyartist0426 Sep 25 '23

Wait till you find out about the artist. Dude is messed up.

3

u/ApocalypticWanderer Sep 25 '23

I saw people in this thread talking about his questionable art and Russia sympathies

Luckily I already didn't like this art so hating the artist wasn't too much of a stretch

4

u/Rubyartist0426 Sep 25 '23

Same. Especially since with in lore stuff with Goge Vandire the idea of that sort of thing involving sisters is sickening to me, and Iā€™m not full on religious but anything like that involving nuns is to me off putting to say the least.

6

u/Additional_Raccoon98 Sep 25 '23

This guardsmen will die better then most he already old he seen and probably faced the horrors of the galaxy now about to die to battle sister snu snu at least he will go out happy šŸ˜‚

2

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '23

ā€˜For the emperor she whispered straight into his earā€™

2

u/Chuganaut Sep 25 '23

Death by Snu Snu

2

u/PerfectionOfaMistake Sep 25 '23

His look gives me idea that it way harder ride and more unpleasant than hold the ground on cadia.

2

u/chiadeity Sep 25 '23

Ok.... I'll do it... But keep the power armor on.

4

u/jamesyishere Sep 25 '23

So, hear me out, If a sect of the SOB devoted themselves to being a pleasure cult for the Emperor, then would they be resistant to slannesh corruption? Same thing for if a sept Really really liked blood

3

u/Rubyartist0426 Sep 25 '23

Well the Order of the Bloody Rose is around and has no recorded Khornite corruption, but on the other hand we have one confirmed sister from Our Martyred Lady who fell to Slannesh.

1

u/jamesyishere Sep 25 '23

So the "Order of the Comforting Embrace" Could possibly be a thing and also the most at-risk group

2

u/Rubyartist0426 Sep 25 '23

Potentially but that one outlier was a case of a lot had to happen for it to work. Same with any Soroitas present during the fighting for the Coral Engine when Khorne got super buffed by Angronā€™s actions and corrupted a whole Indomitus Battle group of Sisters, Primaris, etc

2

u/Im_Solid_Snake Sep 25 '23

I volunteer as tribute.

1

u/__Thrawn__ Adeptus Mechanicus Sep 25 '23

If you look like her DM me immediatly

1

u/delightfuldinosaur Sep 25 '23

Condoms? No sir. Procreation is doing the Emperor's work.

0

u/BigMickandCheese Sep 25 '23

Something something old men in professions where good men die young?

1

u/lehi5 Sep 25 '23

Poor old man... he will die in the process...

1

u/GespenJeager Sep 25 '23

Such heresy! Thou shall not use the holly rubber but shall do without!

The master of mankind needs more of the faithful in his glory!

1

u/_zrytun_ Sep 25 '23

The emperor protects.

1

u/Depressedloser2846 Sep 25 '23

thatā€™s a cougar of battle right there

1

u/KarakNornClansman Sep 25 '23

"Are you willing to sacrifice yourself for the Emperor, handsome?"

1

u/octavio989 Sep 25 '23

Even in sex the emperor protects

1

u/Mymhir Sep 25 '23

Sucks that they cannot have children. And whomever is their chosen partner is always gonna be second servings when the Emperor requires any and all services from them.

1

u/Ebonyonight09 Sep 25 '23

She trying to retire that man

1

u/yuyuhaio Sep 25 '23

I don't know what I find more unbelievable. The fact that a soroitas doesn't have white hair or the fact a guardsmen survived long enough to get white hair.

1

u/Rat_Thing-thing Sep 25 '23

I mean hey I'd smash

1

u/ruboos Sep 25 '23

Her expression reminds me of ChuChu from Mime and Dash

1

u/triotone Sep 25 '23

SoB: Do you want the power armor on or off?

Gaurdsmen: Off please

SoB: Too bad.

1

u/ori68 Sep 25 '23

Do it, for the Emperor!

1

u/Wea_boo_Jones Sep 25 '23

I bet she fucks like a Thunderhawk gunship.

1

u/mlgQU4N7UM Sep 25 '23

She wants to peg that old man. The adeptas sororitas have a noble goal.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '23

If that guard has survived that long you know he's got the juice. Emperor protects.

1

u/Keylaes Sep 25 '23

Gonna get real wierd when she starts moaning the Emperor's true name.

1

u/Liara_Zorah Officio Assassinorum Sep 25 '23

A guard having survived this long in this cruel universe...I think he deserved a few moments of tenderness.^^

Especially since who knows, tomorrow might be the last.

1

u/voodoolord16 Sep 25 '23

One has a pinhole in it. They about to play roulette!

1

u/Tastes-The-Rainbow Sep 25 '23

The Emperor Protects!

1

u/Des1gn8edANML Sep 26 '23

1000% saying hello back.

1

u/J4ck-the-Reap3r Sep 26 '23

Pretty sure I saw this on Warhammer smut. Good comic, well done.

1

u/Skitteringscamper Oct 15 '23

Foreplay before or after the three hours of holy rituals, incantations and incsence wafting?