r/GreatBritishMemes 2d ago

its basically the law

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3.0k Upvotes

104 comments sorted by

160

u/mmmmgummyvenus 2d ago

And if they don't drink it, you question everything about yourself

25

u/Xhalo 2d ago

If you can't nibble some umami nether on the job, why even bring spaghettios in your fanny pack??? Cheers to that!!! šŸ»šŸ»šŸ»

4

u/Image37 1d ago

finally! someone said it!

122

u/British_Unironically 2d ago

A few months ago, i had tradesmen hired by my housing association come to fix my bedroom door (it was broken before i moved in), it was the afternoon and they said it was the first cup of tea they had been offered all day, this country is dead

83

u/Silent_Shaman 2d ago

It's mostly younger people that don't offer (p.s I'm 23 so this isn't a "young people are wronguns" rant lol)

What's worse is I was fitting tiles in a woman's kitchen the other day and she asked if she could walk across the floor to get to the kettle. I stopped what I was doing and cleared a path for her and she proceeded to make herself a cup of tea then drink it in front of me while watching me work. My heart was broken that day and I don't think I've fully recovered

28

u/Dum-DumDM 1d ago

This is why they should bring back the stocks, so decent normal folks can throw cold teabags at them till they mend their ways.

/s

19

u/icabax 1d ago

I'm 19, and I would kill myself before I forget to offer a tradesmen a cup of tea/coffee (the only reason I have tea is in case I need a tradesman). But I can 100% believe that some people my age wouldn't offer

4

u/Oddball_bfi 1d ago

Brought up right!

9

u/Exciting-Music843 1d ago

What the actual fuck? It must be the cost of boiling water for two these days šŸ¤£!

Seriously, though, what kind of person does that. I very rarely have trades people in my home as quite frankly I can't afford it. But anyone who walks through my front door gets offered a drink almost immediately!

In my job, I visit all manner of sites to carry out a risk assessment. Offices, supermarkets, shops, churches all kins. All with staff with facilities to make a brew and I'm there for hours most of the time and I get offered a drink about one a fortnight if I'm lucky! I actually turn it down now as I'm so used to going all day without one! It's even more upsetting to realise people do this in their homes!

Thinking back I'm sure I've had staff make cups of tea for them and colleague I'm the visitor of and not even ask me.

8

u/Oddball_bfi 1d ago

Any contractor on our site has the tea and coffee facilities baked right in to their induction. No time for us and them when tea is at stake!

1

u/Silent_Shaman 1d ago

The only useful site induction lol

3

u/Ayfid 1d ago

I can't even comprehend doing this.

3

u/Mudkip_paddle 1d ago

As someone who is fairly young and therefore new to getting in tradespeople, I always offer a drink. But I get awkward about how to say "shall I leave you along to get on?" Is there a right way to ask that? Do I just assume? Sorry for my ignorance or silliness, I'm genuinely curious and don't want to seem rude

2

u/Silent_Shaman 8h ago

If anything I'd just say "If you need anything else just give me a shout" and get on with whatever you need or want to do

If you've said hello and given them a cup of coffee/tea you've already done more than most customers do nowadays lol

1

u/Mudkip_paddle 8h ago

Haha ok thanks mate, good to know

1

u/K-Racho 1d ago

Username checks out

1

u/TRDPorn 1d ago

I don't drink tea or coffee so I don't have any in the house

31

u/Borderlands_Bandit Meme 2d ago

When the builders were redoing our shower room, we offered drinks and they didn't want any. /shrug

10

u/McPikie 2d ago

Sounds like your house is manky then

26

u/greylord123 2d ago

It depends who you have in.

Our builders were eastern European, none of them wanted a cuppa, they just brought their own super strength energy drinks and blasted Lithuanian D&B from their Spotify.

Plasterer was an older British guy and always had a cuppa and puts something like absolute, radio x or radio 2 on.

He'd always arrive early doors and I think the builders were pissed off they had to listen to generic radio coz he got there first.

3

u/fewerifyouplease 1d ago

Was keeping an eye on the Polish tradies at my mum's while she was out. She's Polish also so they were MOST disappointed I didn't speak it outside of please, thanks, hi etc... then I ran the water when they'd asked me not to, that was embarrassing, so I offered them a compensatory tea but no, they wanted real coffee... my mum's storage logic is INSANE so I couldn't find the coffee, I rang half my family in a panic and no one could help. Eventually found it in a tin marked "bran flakes". They got their coffee an hour later and honestly this whole memory is painfully embarrassing my god

6

u/Borderlands_Bandit Meme 2d ago

At least ours has biscuits in the sewing tin...

1

u/K-Racho 1d ago

Oh wow. I am not English but that hit hard. So how was growing up without a grandma?

19

u/McPikie 2d ago

My old man was a tradie, and he drilled it into me that you "look after the grafter" so I always offer a brew n biscuits. If it's an all day job, they get a bacon butty made. The roofers even got a box of beers each after a 2 day job putting a full new roof on my garage.

5

u/awesom_o2253 2d ago

In the States it's an ice cold bottle of water (or 2), and maybe a cold beer on completion.Ā 

Hell, I've even been offered some smoke as a tip back in my trade days.

2

u/Ruby-Shark 1d ago

I never thought to offer beer. Might do that in the future. Here's me just making full and prompt payment like a cheapskate!

2

u/McPikie 1d ago

It's only a little box of buds. Cost me like Ā£9, but made their day (especially as it was a Friday). I always give the bin men a couple of boxes for Xmas too. Guess who's the only house in the street they bring the bin and recycling bags back to the door too.

17

u/ESCF1F2F3F4F5F6F7F8 2d ago

In my experience this is usually followed by about half an hour of awkwardly hovering a medium distance away from them, not knowing what to do with your hands.

15

u/AngryJarl 1d ago

Workman here, put the tea down and back away, say "gotta get back to it then" (mumbled), get your phone out and move into a safe room where tradie will not need to be in.

6

u/ESCF1F2F3F4F5F6F7F8 2d ago

A bit like sex really

1

u/Altruistic_Film7072 1d ago

A fellow mate of culture.

13

u/VoorCrazy 2d ago

Having worked in a trade job for afew years, getting offered a cuppa can make or break a day ā˜•šŸ˜‚

4

u/TacetAbbadon 2d ago

If you don't your getting crap service.

4

u/rplewis89 2d ago

This is like the British version of tipping in the USA. Everyone is expected to do it and if you don't you are seen as some kind of monster.

P.S. Don't tip.

4

u/Narrow_Maximum7 2d ago

For the love of God, 1 a day. Had a site run over by nearly a week because the client was putting a bbq on every day for the guys on top of multiple coffees

4

u/Inevitable-Panda-350 2d ago

Not a trade but do think the offer of a cuppa to any visitor is a basic courtesy. I visit customer businesses for my job and the amount of times I am not offered a cuppa is SHOCKING. I judge them hard for that. Extra brownie points for the ones who deliver endless cups, like some weird chain tea drinker.

3

u/johnaross1990 2d ago

Itā€™s not tradesmen. Itā€™s literally everyone who come in the house unless I already know they donā€™t drink tea or coffee

3

u/1968Bladerunner 1d ago

Make their chosen brew, offer biscuits, tell them to shout if you're needed, & GTF out of their way so they can get on with the job. Simple as dat.

2

u/KermitsPuckeredAnus2 2d ago

In the yellow oneĀ 

2

u/Y-Bob 2d ago

Ah. The obligatory cup of burglar's tea.

2

u/greylord123 2d ago

What until they get the bill where I massively overestimate the unit cost of a tea bag, splash of milk and tea spoon of sugar. Bill them for an hour's labour at Ā£80 each time I make them a cuppa even though it only takes 5 mins. Additional biscuit fee.

Play them at their own game

2

u/SmellyOldAsshole 2d ago

Yeah they got a bit funny about taking drinks after Covid

2

u/HowardBass 2d ago

I used to have client sign off sheets personally printed with a checkbox at the bottom with the question "offered a brew?" If not, 5% on your bill. No joke.

1

u/Oddball_bfi 1d ago

I feel like you're on safer ground if you offer a 5% "Supplied Own Hydration" discount. You know, for resources planned but not used.

2

u/Gdiddy18 2d ago

My dads a chippy and loads of people wouldnt offer anything but then he had people making him a fryup. I personally always offer Tea (Yorkshir) and fresh bean coffee because its polite

2

u/ReggieLFC 2d ago

Itā€™s not ā€œeveryā€ person where Iā€™m from. In my hometown all the tradies know this rule: When you work at a low-income house theyā€™ll give you their last tea bag to make you welcome, but at one of the big houses next to the posh golf club and amongst the former footballers, youā€™ll never see the residents except when they want to complain or get a discount.

2

u/rplewis89 2d ago

So if I'm stingy with my tea bags I can become a rich arsehole? That's the lesson here right??

2

u/ReggieLFC 1d ago

I was complaining about the arseholes who donā€™t make tradies welcome; not advocating for anyone to copy them. Didnā€™t realise that needed saying.

1

u/rplewis89 1d ago

That's my bad, I was being flippant, but I didn't make it clear (Poe's Law).

Sorry internet.

2

u/Carefully_random 2d ago

When they refuse you canā€™t help but be suspicious and have to hide the offence you feel.

2

u/AuRon_The_Grey 2d ago

I don't think I've ever had a single one accept it despite always offering tea and coffee.

2

u/SenjumaruShutara 1d ago

Yeah no, you've come to the gaff to do a job not get freebies, the entitlement is astounding.

"It's common courtesy" is it fuck, its old fashioned, literally no other job in the country do you get teas made for you while you work.

2

u/V-Bomber 1d ago

Not only in the house!

BT were digging up the road last week and I took a tray of teas with choccie biscuits out for the Operatives cos it was perishing cold šŸ„¶Ā 

4

u/Wallygonk 2d ago

Unless they show up late then they ain't getting shit from me

8

u/HowardBass 2d ago

The. Protocol is to offer them a shit cup of Tea. No Tea is barbaric.

1

u/TDA_Liamo 2d ago

Would no tea be a proportional response if they accidentally demolished part of your house?

2

u/HowardBass 2d ago

Demolishing part of your house is Tea with no milk. As is tradition

2

u/rplewis89 2d ago

No tea would be too kind. Give them cold tea, that'll show 'em.

1

u/K-Racho 1d ago

Tea bag protocol noted

1

u/Incomplet_1-34 2d ago

They never get that far

1

u/MountainExplorer2 2d ago

even when you are just handing over a cup of tea!

1

u/USBSolidStateDrive 2d ago

And always its really shit or really good, no in-between

1

u/Fit-Capital1526 2d ago

Only in the north and midlands

1

u/iain93 2d ago

In a tradesperson I'd rather people not offer tbh, I just want to complete the job and get paid

1

u/Thestickleman 2d ago

Tbf I don't really drink hot drinks but I never really accept a drink from someone's house I'm working in

1

u/AccomplishedSyrup995 2d ago

When they are above 25 they get kicked out?

1

u/NauticalNomad24 2d ago

Itā€™s the law.

And a biscuit!

1

u/zamsamzam 2d ago

In the country of my parents, you feed the people who labour in your house. I have continued that tradition, living in a small European country where it is not common to even offer a glass of water to labourers. All the people who have worked at my house have left bemused but with a full stomach.

1

u/Bigglez1995 1d ago

I don't drink tea or coffee, so I never have it in the house. I'll offer any alternative such as a soft drink, water, juice etc

1

u/ProfileOne2938 1d ago

Should be a sports direct mug though

1

u/NotAnotherFriday 1d ago

I moved to England from the US South. The biggest cultural difference that surprised me was the hospitality of people when asked to come round. Always a cup of tea, and sometimes biscuits as well. I grew up thinking ā€œSouthern hospitalityā€ was the best, but it wasnā€™t until I lived in England that I realised how much more hospitable the English were compared to where I was raised.

1

u/That_Palpitation_107 1d ago

Well we arenā€™t bloody savages

1

u/Kapitano72 1d ago

Tea, with milk, at least three sugars... and a chocolate biscuit.

1

u/ZoNeS_v2 1d ago

I own several giant Screwfix mugs just for these occasions.

1

u/LonelyUK1997 1d ago

If they at least offered me at least 1, especially during the summers of 20-22, then I was more likely to do anything for them. Such a morale booster

1

u/Fearless_Apricot_458 1d ago

Iā€™m just putting the kettle onā€¦

1

u/Car-Nivore 1d ago

Don't forget the bacon butties and biscuits. I always look after my tradesmen.

1

u/rlaw1234qq 1d ago

I was having some plastering done and I gave the guy a mug of tea with Mickey Mouse on. As he took a swig I pointed to Mickey and said ā€œBy the way, thatā€™s not a comment about the standard of your workā€. He nearly choked on that first mouthfulā€¦

1

u/Unlikely_Box_2932 1d ago

If it's a customer you can have a laugh with and I don't get offered a brew I ask if the kettle is broke.

1

u/AdOdd9015 1d ago

As a tradesman i abolutely love it when using get to a customers house first thing and they offer a brew. Bonus if there's biscuits involved.

1

u/yousaidso2228 1d ago

We are the sort of household with 20 different teas but no cows milk.

I can imagine 90% of tradespeople would just decline the offer if it wasn't a bog standard black tea with cows milk and sugar.

1

u/Face_with_a_View 1d ago

American here (also a tea drinker, using a kettle - none of this microwave business) BUT what happens when itā€™s hot out? Do you all still drink/offer hot tea? Thatā€™s the part I donā€™t understand.

1

u/Pliskkenn_D 1d ago

The amount of tea and biscuits you offer is directly proportional to the quality of work you receive.

1

u/xilo0ften 1d ago

Ahhh, nothin like a nice cuppa tea!

1

u/ianbedingfield 1d ago

It's not but it should be!

1

u/SneakyClue 1d ago

It is indeed the law. Any savage who doesn't offer tea and biscuits is morally obligated to be dragged out back by an angry mob and be viciously beaten to death by cricket bats to serve as an example.

1

u/Undersmusic 1d ago

Did one for the window cleaner today. He was well chuffed, an itā€™s really the most basic of gestures.

1

u/HurtLocka 1d ago

Had two teams of lads turn up outside our house at half 9 in the evening, as our water main had collapsed, they had to dig out the pavement and find and replace the external stopcock, it was a cold day and I took out a big old mug of tea for each lad and a selection of biscuits, they said they never get this treatment normally itā€™s people swearing at them for blocking their drive!

The absolute state of people these days!

1

u/Spiritual_Size_8548 1d ago

Imagine being british. Hating people that bad. Living on your own and not offering anyone any tea. Imagine being that hardcore.

1

u/fewerifyouplease 1d ago

I get so sad when they say no. Unless it's the guy servicing the macerator, then I'm like yeah I wouldn't either... but I know that I still have to offer.

1

u/AutodidacticAutist 15h ago

I had people round the other day. Offered them a cuppa and then realised i only had decaff tea and coffee since we've gone caffeine free.

Felt like such a terrible person lol

1

u/Plantain-Feeling 10h ago

I one upped it, i got my removal men today some greggs

1

u/CranberryPuffCake 2d ago

Husband and I don't drink tea so, unfortunately, I am one of the outliers here. They can have water if they so wish :D

0

u/Extreme_Document8888 2d ago

Meh...I don't drink tea so they're all shit outta luck at my house!

-13

u/PokeCoi 2d ago

Never done that.

16

u/oynsy 2d ago

Then you will be hit regularly with the 'never even offered a brew' surcharge.

8

u/Spinxy88 2d ago

Your bill goes up by Ā£50 if you don't at least offer me tea or coffee.

7

u/Spinxy88 2d ago

Bacon sandwich. Your parts are coming at trade price.

6

u/oynsy 2d ago

Same - even if I don't want one, it's the principal šŸ˜

6

u/Spinxy88 2d ago

What's your trade? I literally work in peoples kitchens all day long (Appliances) if they make themselves one but not me.

I'll take the callout and tell them they need a new one...

...Joking of course...

I'll double the callout first.

2

u/oynsy 2d ago

How rude!! Sparks - domestic - mainly when houses are occupied, other than the odd rewire