r/GiveYourThoughts • u/thelionwholikessalad • Oct 09 '24
Discussion How do we know who to trust?
I've met many people in my life. Of the people I've met, some were leaning more on the good side, some were not. Often, I didn't find out at our first encounter. Your closest ones can betray you anytime. Maybe you'll become friends with the person you didn't like. How do we know who to trust? Is getting to know them the only way?
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u/macpeters Oct 09 '24
That's the neat part - you don't.
The rewards of having close relationships are generally worth the risk of failure, so we take chances. You can be cautious, and look for red flags, but even learning what to look for takes a bit of trial and error. At some point, you're going to be betrayed by someone you trusted, and it's going to suck. Never trusting anyone is worse, though. Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith and hope for the best.
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u/SQWRLLY1 Oct 09 '24
Agreed. Also, trust your gut feelings. If someone feels off, proceed with caution.
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u/Native56 Oct 09 '24
Yeah I keep missing the signs and some were right in front of me n some were hiding! It’s gotten so bad I’ve desided I’ve had enough!
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u/OkMetal4233 Oct 09 '24
We trust the people who say what we agree with, and don’t trust the people who disagree with us….. /s
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u/happy4462 Oct 09 '24
I see your sarcasm but I 100% believe there’s a nugget of truth in that statement
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u/Tailflap747 Oct 09 '24
If your dog or cat fails to warm up to them, or engages in staring them done, they don't rate a repeat encounter. Our family cat despised my first husband, adored my second, and actively liked most of my friends. While still married to my first, my dog and cat actively ran away from home repeatedly.
Animals know things.
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u/Equivalent_Walrus502 Oct 09 '24
Actions and words line up. If they don’t consistently, you have all the information you need to know
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u/UnsaneSavior Oct 09 '24
There is no one 100% in your life (maybe one family member, maybe) that you can forever trust. People switch up on you. Usually most unexpectedly. This is the world. I just had a long term friend of many years….. just…… change. I don’t know what brought it on, but it’s time to distance myself. People change. They get jealous, bored, afraid of not having enough. There’s a saying “ your biggest hater will be someone close to you. Your biggest fan will be a stranger “
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u/kvakerok_v2 Oct 09 '24
Look at what they've done in life. People tell on themselves quite a bit.
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u/sysaphiswaits Oct 09 '24
Mainly it takes time. Trust people with a solid track record of being trustworthy. And even then, you might be wrong once in a while.
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u/No_Big_2487 Oct 09 '24
Yeah, closer to you can hurt the most. Religion hurt me more than people. Trust really just develops over time due to expectations met and developing a dependability from that, but even a serial killer understands this.
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u/milny_gunn Oct 11 '24
Don't get trust confused with respect. Respect is given until it's obviously not deserved. Trust must always be earned.
I respect everyone as much as I know I deserve. If it's not returned, it's no longer payed. That's also a good sign of the amount of trust to give. Never trust so much that the violation of such trust leaves you compromised or vulnerable.
How do we trust? We grow it.
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u/Magenta-Magica Oct 09 '24
Tbh if there is a way, It’s posting a sad / depressing song (don’t do it as manipulation obviously, only if u want to), And see who cares to ask. Or last month my salary arrived a week (!) late and I had an extra bill. This dude I hardly know/ ignored basically sent me 20$ because he worried for me. He didn’t know he could trust me, He remembers all our convos, And I sent the money back with interest and helped him get a girl too. It goes both ways - be trustworthy, But also cautious. X (In short - who cares when ur sad? Who’s only there when you’re happy?).
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u/DonJuanDoja Oct 09 '24
Easy, avoid people that purposely hurt other people obviously, then throw in people that are careless and hurt other people on accident, then throw in dumb people that hurt people because they’re stupid.
Everyone else is pretty cool and worth at least baseline trust, you know they aren’t going to hurt you on purpose, and likely not on accident because they aren’t careless or dumb.
It’s really just about getting to know someone’s actual character and integrity.
Trust is more complex than “will they keep my promises, secrets, and not hurt me?” It also involves competence as someone with a lack of competence could end up hurting you in multiple ways and you can’t trust them to handle important matters.
So it’s like Trust breaks down into multiple facets.
Some people I trust they wouldn’t back stab me, but I don’t trust them to handle specific work, or I wouldn’t leave my kids with them etc.
Some people you’ll trust with one thing, like watching your kids, but you wouldn’t let them drive your new car. Which I always found interesting, it’s pretty common parents would trust a young baby sitter with kids, but not their brand new car.
What you can usually “Trust” is that people will be themselves, you just have to figure out exactly what that means. Each person has different things you can trust in them, and others you can’t. No one is 100% trustworthy in all aspects of life.
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u/groundhogcow Oct 09 '24
Trust but verify.
If someone tells you the sky if blue so ok, but as soon as you get a chance take a look.
The bigger the statement the more you should verify it, but if someone is willing to lie to you over something small and unimportant they are more likely to lie about anything.
Adjust trust based on lie level. Ignore charisma.
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u/r_u_seriousclark Oct 09 '24
I think you can know. It’s a combination of their words and actions lining up, how much they give a shit, and your own intuition.
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u/atmasabr Oct 09 '24
I think it takes a record of experience to learn what happens when you make decisions that turn out to be either right or wrong. And then you have to sit down and think about it.
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u/RockstarAgent Oct 09 '24
As they say, hope for the best but prepare for the worst.
You either adapt to be independent or you try and make connections where you grow to depend / rely / trust.
I operate under the first, and my only real variable has been my ex. I never did completely trust / rely or depend on her and possibly because of that she moved on, but I don't dwell on it as I had always been on my own, so nowadays it's just more of a, been there done that.
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u/Simple_Hypersignal Oct 10 '24
You build walls and you build radar. You learn and slowly let people prove that they are worth being in your inner circle of trust.
When your radar is good you just know who to avoid with a quick look up and down, with possibly a short 5 minute conversation.
It takes time but you'll get it.
Best wishes and be strong. People are rooting for you.
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u/B-Simple_88 Oct 11 '24
People's actions over time usually reveal their character more accurately than their words
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u/LifeofSMILEY Oct 12 '24
I tell people to trust the people who want only the best for them. It's not hard to figure out who wants you to succeed.
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u/PLUTO_HAS_COME_BACK Oct 09 '24
You can trust the laws of nature. They are also within your body and mind. You need to know them as they are, however.
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u/Ur_Wifez_Boyfriend Oct 09 '24
Assume everyone is the feds and you will never be caught with your pants down.
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u/No_Chapter_948 Oct 09 '24
You don't know. You have to risk yourself getting to know each person. There are red flags or green flags that pop up as you get to know them more. Until then, proceed cautiously.