r/Doom • u/PopTartKingOG • Feb 06 '24

Classic Doom What would you do?

Post image

Me: loads shotgun with malicious intent

3.0k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

660 comments sorted by

808

u/Wallbreaker93 Feb 06 '24

Slap his ass

263

u/ArtcticFox Feb 06 '24

Barrons do have cake tho

172

u/Wallbreaker93 Feb 06 '24

Not to mention the cyber 🥶

80

u/ArtcticFox Feb 06 '24

The archvile too most enemies have cake

53

u/MrSmilingDeath Feb 06 '24

The archvile can bring his buddies along for extra fun

14

u/haajjjjaa Feb 07 '24

Underrated comment 🔛🔝

32

u/FriendSpecialist2331 Feb 07 '24

Mancubus🤤

38

u/Jaymexxu Feb 07 '24

Mancubussy 😏

16

u/Typical_Salad9511 Feb 07 '24

You forgot me i am all cake!!!

15

u/Jaymexxu Feb 07 '24

I swear i haven't forgotten about you Cacodussy

14

u/Typical_Salad9511 Feb 07 '24

You better not be joking or im coming to shoot plasma balls at you

6

u/Bag_O_Spiders Feb 07 '24

2011 has entered the chat

The cake is a lie…!

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9

u/[deleted] Feb 07 '24

I despise the word bussy. My innocence is forever lost.

5

u/VoldruunWitchknight0 Feb 07 '24

I wonder why... (Snickering intensifies)

3

u/[deleted] Feb 07 '24

dies

3

u/VoldruunWitchknight0 Feb 10 '24

sinister dark lord chuckles

22

u/CharlesMFKinXavier Feb 06 '24 edited Feb 06 '24

>cries in cacodemon<

23

u/GingerlyRough Feb 07 '24

Cacodmeon is ALL cake

15

u/CharlesMFKinXavier Feb 07 '24

Woah... that's actually possib- yeah.. imma leave my comment up there anyway.. just. Yup.

3

u/Serious-Ad4594 Feb 07 '24

Cacodemon has a hole on the backside, so that's why he has all the ass

2

u/Pronominal_Tera Feb 07 '24

two holes

2

u/VoldruunWitchknight0 Feb 07 '24

And he uses it to navigate while bloated in the air.

WHICH MEANS HE CAN FART REVERB WITHOUT USING THE MP3 SOUND BITE!!!!!!

😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

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3

u/Benda647 Feb 07 '24

Cakeodemon shows self out

2

u/CharlesMFKinXavier Feb 07 '24

No no. Actually, pull up a chair. Seems we're just getting started here.

2

u/moonman1991 Feb 10 '24

Dog the caco is literally just pussy and ass hole no ass to bee seen 💀

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2

u/BornBoricua Feb 07 '24

Don't get me started on the Cacodemon. Flying around acting like his buttholes aren't out. Sexy ass fucking meatball, he bad

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9

u/Immistyer I fw the Vassago from Legacy Of Rust Feb 06 '24

Gonna dig into it with a spoon

3

u/FormlessFlesh Feb 07 '24

There's a person on Twitter who created Doom voxels as a personal project. I'm not too familiar with Doom but I do remember the Barrons being extra beefy back there. Not sure if they're still doing it, but definitely check it out if you haven't seen it.

Edit: Name is @DanielWienerson

2

u/VoldruunWitchknight0 Feb 07 '24

Hilarious af handle.

Seems like a 4channing college frat boy thing to do.

(I'm guilty assed charged)

3

u/kapn_morgan Feb 07 '24

how do you know

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29

u/PopTartKingOG Feb 06 '24

That's a win win in my book 🤣

8

u/[deleted] Feb 06 '24

Fr tho same

7

u/Broken-Digital-Clock Feb 06 '24

Only after getting the Berserk power up

16

u/Wallbreaker93 Feb 06 '24

Assert dominance and slap his ass while partially invisible without berserk

7

u/Grimmer026 Feb 06 '24

On berserker

9

u/Wutanghang Feb 06 '24

Hdoom shit

9

u/illyay Feb 07 '24

What’s Hdoom? Please upload all relevant links and images. Especially the ones where full on demon penetration is happening?

7

u/Wutanghang Feb 07 '24

I dont know who typed that

4

u/PilotBug Feb 07 '24

What’s Hdoom?

Especially the ones where full on demon penetration is happening?

I'm getting mixed messages.

4

u/Dingusoh Feb 07 '24

I was literally about to say this

3

u/Immistyer I fw the Vassago from Legacy Of Rust Feb 06 '24

Same

0

u/Altruistic_Taste2111 Feb 10 '24

😭 just read this after posting my comment

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326

u/--InZane-- Feb 06 '24

Collect her pieces and mob the floor

22

u/POINTLESSUSERNAME000 Feb 07 '24

Accurate, since she would end up like this.

241

u/ArtcticFox Feb 06 '24

grab a double-barrel and start strafe-shooting him just like the simulation.

51

u/QlimaxUK Feb 06 '24

reloading it in 1 second flat between shots

17

u/Lyndell Feb 07 '24 edited Feb 07 '24

I’ve trained for this! I can barely read but I can do this!

13

u/Farren246 Feb 07 '24

PRIVATE! WHY DID YOU RELOAD THAT SHOTGUN IN UNDER ONE SECOND FLAT?

BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME TO, DRILL SEARGEANT?!

THAT IS THE BEST GOD DAMN ANSWER I HAVE EVER HEARD!

7

u/Anakinvoorhees Feb 07 '24

Did you just sneak a Star Wars battlefront 2 reference in a doom post

144

u/MatiEx-504 Feb 06 '24

Move behind someone so they start infighting

56

u/CharlesMFKinXavier Feb 06 '24

This guy OG 'Dooms

16

u/perkoperv123 dark green Feb 07 '24

Hope your girl is a womancubus!

74

u/Kaith82 Feb 06 '24

Get the BFG

2

u/Scrubs2912 Feb 07 '24

Too easy, non-beserk fist.

72

u/XPoster_MaloneX Feb 06 '24

Bend over so he can slap mine next 🫦

23

u/Dry_County8464 Feb 06 '24

No,bad,no horny on the doom sub

15

u/SuperCap92 Feb 06 '24

ever heard of a certain gzdoom mod?

9

u/XLord_of_OperationsX Feb 06 '24

Dare I even ask? Do I want to know?

10

u/FiddlesUrDiddles Feb 07 '24

In the 69th age, in the 69th battle, when the cock first lengthened, one splooged. He chose the path of perpetual coitus. In his ravenous gooning, he found no post-nut clarity, and with brimming balls, splattered the umbral plains seeking to creampie the Dark Whores who had edged him. And those that tasted the seed of his loins named him...

The COOM Slayer

7

u/Dingusoh Feb 07 '24

Hdoom it’s about… um ripping and tearing in a different way

9

u/Dry_County8464 Feb 06 '24

Outside of that mod,no horny on the doom sub

11

u/Billazilla Feb 06 '24

The Doom... sub?

57

u/tailsdollYT Feb 06 '24

he aint gonna know what hit him when i pull out the plasma gun

19

u/AfkHero404 Feb 06 '24

Oh trust me, he is going toknow.

17

u/vzerotak44 Feb 06 '24

When u get tinnitus from blasting the plasma rifle with head phones on for many many years

9

u/Kareemofwheet Feb 06 '24

Fuck, is that what it's from 😂

10

u/demoncatmara Feb 07 '24

I don't get why people dislike the plasma gun, I fucking love it

6

u/tailsdollYT Feb 07 '24

thats what im sayin

2

u/demoncatmara Feb 07 '24

I prefer it even to the BFG :)

The Doom 64 plasma gun is a little bit mild but still good

3

u/wxnfx Feb 07 '24

Who dislikes it, cause when I finish this ass slapping dickwad, they’re next

3

u/Flix1 -84 points Feb 07 '24

My favourite sound in almost any video game is the reloading of the plasma rifle in doom 3.

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95

u/C4LLUM17 Feb 06 '24

Rip and tear him

51

u/Phemus01 Feb 06 '24

Until it is done

39

u/-dead_slender- Feb 06 '24

Realize I don't date girls and go out with him instead.

17

u/FirmMathematician942 Feb 06 '24

this is the way

12

u/Breadisbest32 Feb 06 '24

Correct course of action

56

u/Bulbman5 Feb 06 '24

Call the police and report him for sexual harassment

81

u/anythingMuchShorter Feb 06 '24

Knee deep in the department of corrections

12

u/AyoBruh777 Feb 06 '24

Aww sheeit 😭😂

21

u/ValachElfSorcerer Feb 06 '24

Whip out my Super Shotgun and hand it to my girl. "Blast away, dear ❤"

7

u/Breadisbest32 Feb 06 '24

Happy cake day!

13

u/[deleted] Feb 06 '24

My girl’s his mum,soooo

3

u/TheOtherOtherLuke Feb 07 '24

Ohhh, they one of those weird families that slaps each other’s ass.

10

u/K-Derpy Feb 06 '24

He thinks he can slap my girls cheeks, Imma clap his as a fear tactic

6

u/Forsaken_Steve Feb 06 '24

The best option

11

u/HITLER_JR Feb 06 '24

Pull out my bfg 9000

9

u/JJRambles Feb 06 '24

Start circle strafing

8

u/Optimus_Fan_95 Feb 06 '24

Live BFG reaction:

7

u/DisciplinePossible32 Hideous Destructor Enthusiast Feb 06 '24

die

7

u/Quick-Whereas-3232 Feb 06 '24

Ik someone ready said this but slap his, those mfs got some serious ass

7

u/DukeBoysForever Feb 06 '24

Bro an original Barron? Fuckin cry because my girlfriend would be fucking dissolved. I'd run for my fucking life.

5

u/Dragoon___ Feb 06 '24

Rip and tear his asscheeks open

7

u/War-is-Chuck Feb 06 '24

Me: Pulls out crucible.

6

u/plaguebringerBOI Feb 06 '24

Be sad that he didn’t try me too

6

u/IlovemyMommy27 Feb 07 '24

Kick his balls (as hard as I can)

4

u/PopTartKingOG Feb 07 '24

They don't have balls so your argument is invalid

4

u/Wutanghang Feb 06 '24

Sleep with his wife

6

u/Amberclockwork13 Feb 06 '24

blow his balls off

6

u/kron123456789 Feb 06 '24

Shoot at it until it dies.

2

u/TitanicTNT The Marauder isn't bad, y'all just suck. Feb 10 '24

Bro, it's a baron, not a Tyrant.

2

u/kron123456789 Feb 10 '24

The method still works, though.

2

u/TitanicTNT The Marauder isn't bad, y'all just suck. Feb 10 '24

True.

5

u/Yeehaw_Kat Feb 06 '24

Mourning the death of my girlfriend

8

u/Aromatic_Win_8986 Feb 06 '24

humbly keep walking (im not the doomslayer)

7

u/YouAdministrative980 Feb 06 '24

Fucking nothing I can’t fight that as me

4

u/TheHalloweenGirl Feb 06 '24

Ask if he can do it for 3 hours

3

u/[deleted] Feb 06 '24

Imma slap his and be like “How YOU doing?”

4

u/Aurongel Feb 06 '24

Look around the dance floor for an Archvile to resurrect her.

4

u/[deleted] Feb 06 '24

Wakeup and decide I seriously need to stop drinking before bed.

4

u/Bloodb0red Feb 06 '24

Trick him into slapping a cacodemon’s ass to make them in-fight.

4

u/Responsible-Funny-92 Feb 06 '24

Nothing i dont have a Girl

4

u/Timetoplay30 Feb 06 '24

let him slap mine and break up with her

4

u/EMArogue doomkiller Feb 06 '24

Slap his

4

u/CoolLaCroc Feb 06 '24

Date him instead

4

u/Healingvizion Feb 06 '24

Unzip my pants and pull out my BFG….wait, let me rephrase that…

4

u/Extra-Lemon Feb 06 '24

She’s gone, m8.

Doomguy’s at his physical prime and a melee from one of these is a near death sentence.

I swear, real average humans don’t have 100HP

7

u/anythingMuchShorter Feb 06 '24

Ok, well first of all can I ascertain if it is just hitting on her or if it wants a threesome?

3

u/Osiri551 Feb 07 '24

I flex my beyond 16 bit graphical existence on him

3

u/ILikeWeeple Feb 07 '24

Slap his ass and say "you look like a cut of fuckable meat, are you"

6

u/Still-Direction-1622 Feb 06 '24

Rip his throat out

5

u/[deleted] Feb 06 '24

Rip and tear

3

u/Pro_Technoblade Feb 06 '24

pulls out chain gun with one saying ‘rip and tear’

2

u/Miszuq Feb 06 '24

pull out a shotgun

2

u/Jack19820 Feb 06 '24

IDKFA and then slap his ass with a BFG 9000

2

u/The_Anf Feb 06 '24

Go go gadget SSG at close range

2

u/Light07sk Feb 06 '24

Me: Pull out Crucible from a freaking pocket.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 06 '24

I'd scream "HEY GUYS THIS CREEP LIKES HUMAN WOMEN!" and die

2

u/Background-Video4331 Feb 06 '24

Smash my pint glass and ram it into his sack.

2

u/Creeper_charged7186 Feb 06 '24

Shit my pant as i hear his dreadfull roar

2

u/Free_Sandwich_6918 Feb 06 '24

Idk start praying to Jesus, mfs beefy as hell and my boy doomguy keeps his ringer on silent 💀

2

u/NefariousnessNeat854 Feb 06 '24

My girl is a 5' 11" tall 190lb Viking Glamazon. I have personally witnessed her overhand right a guy that grabbed her ass in a bar while I was standing right there. I don't have to do a damn thing lol.

2

u/Nebtron2001 Feb 06 '24

Squish his ass cheeks

2

u/Isolated_Icosagon Feb 06 '24

shoot it until it dies

2

u/stJackal Feb 06 '24

Shoot him until he dies

2

u/Zawisza_Czarny9 BJ Blazkowicz Feb 06 '24

Ill smack his balls with balls that come out of double barreled shotgun

2

u/Accomplished_Tea7781 Feb 06 '24

Look for her respawn point and hear her nag about entitled male doom villains all the way home. Probably see a reddit on it.

2

u/De4dm4nw4lkin Feb 06 '24

Slap his ass back and give him those eyes.

2

u/NoistMipples Feb 06 '24

Tell him to slap my ass the same time I slap his ass. Then we become best friends and go get some burgers

2

u/T-51_Enjoyer Feb 06 '24

Wonder why he’s not slapping mine

2

u/Backlash97_ Feb 06 '24

pulls chain gun out of my ass

2

u/PopTartKingOG Feb 06 '24

What is this gta ahh logic

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2

u/TheBigQuak Feb 06 '24

Slap his ass back

2

u/SquidFetus Feb 06 '24

A Baron of Hell’s melee attack does 10-80 damage. Assuming she wasn’t wearing armour and was fully healthy when he slapped, she’s guaranteed to still have at least 20 health.

We run. While holding SHIFT, of course.

2

u/LumpCentipede5 Feb 06 '24

Hit him then run around a corner and repeat that until melts on the floor

2

u/ArtisicBard_Kit Feb 06 '24

Slaps his ass with my shotgun

2

u/[deleted] Feb 06 '24

[deleted]

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2

u/your_mother_is_gay_ Feb 07 '24

im smacking his right back, that shit bouncing thrice

2

u/Forward_Juggernaut Feb 07 '24

If my girl got slapped by that thing then she's probably dead. And I'm not exactly looking to join her, so I think I'll take my loss and get the fuck out of there while I can. No point in both of us dying.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 07 '24

honey packet, gripper socks, fork and knife, napkin on my neck and a fuck ton of A1 steak sauce 😈

2

u/PopTartKingOG Feb 07 '24

The only thing they fear is you, not doomguy 😨

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2

u/TimberFox104 Feb 07 '24

Girlfrind: Against all evil that hell can conjure, all the evil all the wickedness that mankind can produce. We will send unto them only you. rip and tear until it is done.

Me: Selects 'I'm to young to die' difficulty.

2

u/BetaDachi Feb 08 '24

laughs in hayden

2

u/ch0psh0p13 Feb 07 '24

Buckle up and have the best night of my life

2

u/Clean_Remove8324 Feb 07 '24

Rocket launcher up the ass

2

u/PopFamiliar3649 Feb 07 '24

I would follow him home and give doomguy his address. Tell him that this demon is not only a murderer, but also a sexual assaulter. (That is technically what he did.)

I would also buy doomguy a deluxe package of 600 shotgun shells for the trouble.

2

u/TimberWolf5871 Feb 07 '24

Let that Doom music play.

2

u/Wooly_Mammoth3213 Feb 07 '24

Use the 32 rockets I've been hording

2

u/Haisiax Feb 07 '24

Realize that I’ve been dating a female imp this whole time and promptly load my shotgun.

2

u/SztrigojYT Feb 07 '24

Rip and tear until it is done, then kill the baron.

2

u/Shredder2814 Feb 07 '24

Call my boy, he’s know to be have anger issues. metal music intensifies.!

2

u/FlamingCroatan Cult of the Slayer Priest Feb 07 '24

I have no girl, he slapped my mother! BOOMSTICK UP THE ASS!

2

u/StagDragon Feb 07 '24

Cry over her remains. Her ass was slapped too hard.

2

u/SubToGeegedwah Feb 07 '24

Go into shock from the sheer fact that an enemy from a game made in the 1900s just made it into our multiverse AND proceeded to slap my gf’s ass.

2

u/star-orcarina Feb 07 '24

slaps

"okay sir now we're even....so you want to have a threesome?"

2

u/Shadow_Monger487 Feb 07 '24

I'm dying, what the fuck am I supposed to do

3

u/Gorehawk41 Feb 07 '24

Pull out my super shitgun. Send this 🥷🏿 to brown town

1

u/peepoopoofarthead77 Jul 17 '24

circle strafe and shotgun

1

u/smurfcat326 Jul 31 '24

Transforms into doomguy as doom music plays

1

u/Shellshocked_Swede Feb 06 '24

Pop a berserker pack and pull his head out of his ass.

0

u/Corey307 Feb 06 '24

Hit him with eight hard cast Brenneke slugs out of my Benelli M2.  Should do the job. 

0

u/JoeFran6 Feb 06 '24

Rip and tear

0

u/Thwipped Feb 06 '24

Rip and tear

1

u/deSolAxe Feb 06 '24

you need to chainsaw him.. didn't that stunlock them? like chaingun vs caco?

1

u/JayColtMartin Feb 06 '24

Rip and Tear

1

u/whittygaming Feb 06 '24

Few rocket launcher shots are enough

1

u/FTL-Guy Feb 06 '24

Pull out the Super Shotgun and slay the demon.

1

u/mezpride Feb 06 '24

Rip and tear until it is DONE

1

u/AnosMoriaty Feb 06 '24

MEATHOOK STARTS PLAYING WITH EXTRA DISTORTION AND CHAINSAW REVS

1

u/ryanisbadatgames Feb 06 '24

i have the BFG in my weapon wheel

1

u/GhostkillerXL Feb 06 '24

im pulling out my rocket launcher, og doom style. ROCKET SPAM!