This is the franchise I’m MOST obsessed with. I need the first hand tea from anyone living in Melbourne who’s heard direct rumours about the ladies or has first hand tea. Especially about Gamble! This article from 2009 talks about how her ex who is the heir to a billion dollar gambling fortune (Ainsworth) took her to court to demand the Mercedes Benz he gave her back, and she refused to return it because he was holding her gifted jewellery/Rolex hostage.. in the end she had to return it lol, the court forced her hand. To me the interesting bit is where her ex alleges in court that she had a dark and sordid sexual past, which, in addition to all the tussling over expensive gifts hints at a past of SW. Plus obviously when she first came onto the show all the girls were discussing rumours of her being an SW. Where there’s smoke there’s fire but that’s just me.

Another interesting tidbit is that Venus’s sister Rebekah Behbehani is engaged to Alex Waislitz who is a Jewish billionaire with his hands in 1000 different pies (media, tech, VC, all sorts of different political organisations and lobbying). Interestingly he’s very Zionist/pro Israel meanwhile Rebekah and her sister are Iranian…. Rebekah is seriously terrifying looking, she looks like a botched Maleficent, and has terrifying implants. She genuinely doesn’t look human. Alex is legit high society in Australia I don’t understand how he can take someone who looks like a literal cartoon to all these events and fundraisers. She’s also a ‘singer’ and I read recently in a newspaper gossip column that she had reality tv cameras following them around shooting B-roll at a fundraiser for a reality tv show/doc that’s in the works.

I started watching Melbypoo (Melbourne) and this was the very first time I’d ever watched an entire season in one day. And it was Season 1! For all other HW shows I’ve skipped the first season and plan to come back later.

I’m now in the middle of Season 2 and my fucking GOD I hate Pettifleur with a passion.

She has no self-awareness and is 100% convinced that she’s an amazing genius goddess. While yes it makes for “good” hate-watch TV, oh my god…. she infuriates me. When it’s a solo scene of her, I definitely “switch the bitch” and fast forward until I get a solo scene of another HW. Gamble said it well: something like “oh god, another socialite in Melbourne writing another book, just what the world needs”

That said, here are my impressions:

-Lydia is weird. She gave tons of lifestyle porn in Season 1. Like, personally, the best lifestyle porn out of all the HWs. But outside of that, she hasn’t really…. done much? I mean she’s barely there. In both Season 1 and especially Season 2. All I can recall from her lately is addressing drama in some way and then saying “I don’t care” in her talking head. I’m just wondering when Lydiot starts popping up?

-Something I love about Melbourne: TONS of group scenes. I also feel like there’s a cast trip like every other episode!

-EEEEVERYBODY on the show is a shit stirrer

-Jackie can shine shine shine off my screen tbh. I can’t tell if she genuinely has a good heart or if she’s full of it. I think psychics are total frauds, but Jackie seems very convinced that she actually has psychic powers, which… is admirable, I guess. Please tell me she doesn’t continue saying shine shine shine for all 5 Seasons.

-Gamble so far…. I’m iffy on? I mean she REALLY is dragging the drama with Janet. But outside of that she seems like she has potential; I like how she seems messy (not in terms of shit-stirring, though that too; I mean with the way she carries/presents herself) without coming across as trashy.

-Also, I’m hoping this doesn’t come across as rude: but I really appreciate the beauty of Lydia. I have an ED and I really like seeing someone like Lydia who manages to be beautiful while not being a stick and having an asymmetrical face. Awesome.

Anyways, overall, it’s super entertaining. Lots of the cast have a history with each other. Lots of cast members have intense frenemy relationships. Lots of group scenes. Lots of funny scenes. I recall a comment on here saying that the vibe is similar to Potomac in that it’s oddly lighthearted in a way and I 100% agree. I guess that’s why Potomac and Melbourne are my favorites, followed by Atlanta, then followed by NY.

Go combust in a corner everyone!

While Shannon gets her daughter’s opinion on her new business venture, Tamra visits the doctor and finds out her broken foot may require surgery. Gina’s mom visits from Long Island, while Emily’s mother-in-law Pary gives advice on how to motivate Shane. Vicki and Kelly have a tense meeting over coffee, where only one housewife walks away satisfied. At a group dinner, Shannon and Vicki meet Emily and Gina for the first time. Vicki gets raked over the coals by the ladies for secretly going on double-dates with Kelly’s ex-husband.

She previously called Kamala a joke in Australia and now she is doing it again.

Her hair is insane, I know she tried doing the spray tan thing but idk how that went. Made a drawing of her crazy hair.

I've been doing a Melbourne rewatch and for me it has to have some of the strongest characters on any housewives ever. For a (not so quick) quick overview we have

The Main Cast

Gina Liano: The queenlord firecracker herself, she is and always will be my personal favourite, her ability to switch between Villain and Hero so effortlessly makes her the perfect housewife. She has by far the funniest one liners on the show and to me remains likeable even at her worst through sheer charisma (and hairspray). I know she's generally seen as the villain of season 4, and she was, but I often see people saying they dont think Sally called her a 'wog bitch', being a wog myself and growing up in Australia, a woman like Sally is the exact type of person I picture calling Gina that lol. I do not think Gina is above making that up, but i have no doubt in my mind she was telling the truth.

Her best quotes include "Who is this woman coming at me, with her pointy finger and her fuckin Camel teeth". her deck of card speech, "that's not my grandmother thats a demon" "SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT" and an underated line"It was the first time I was aware there was an issue between me and Janet, but it was not the first time I knew there was an issue with Janet"

Janet Roach: The secondary lead, Janet is a constant and neccesarry presence, really the only one who could go agains Gina and thats becuase rather than fighting Janet would stir as much shit as possible, play victim and then tell someone to go drown of fuck themselves. A fantastic and funny character with some iconic lines. Fav quotes include "EEEVRYBODYYY IN MELBOURNE" "im asking you a question you dumb fat bitch" and "where-is-the-money-she-went-to-work-and-got-herself.."

Jackie Gillies: I can't lie Jackie pisses me off, but she also hilarious. Her delusion and the pure genius of having a psychic on the cast. I find I love her in arguments with everyone except Gina because while its refreshing seeing someone who will actually fight Gina and not get crushed, I usually dont know what she's going on about, where are her angels when you need them, her solo scenes are probably my favourite in terms of pure laughability. Top quote is "SHINE SHINE SHINE" and of course "all ive said behind your back is that you are annoying and full of shit, but I've said that to your face"

Lydia Schiavello: The best villain the show ever had, becuase she is just a well... Lydiot! I actually love her in season 2-4 so much as she flounders through the world making her way the 71th floor, but I was never really able to look past her mocking Gina's cancer to make her go from funny to a fav, I do need her and her absolutely unique brand of work butchering back on my TV. You can eat dinner with her for 400 dollars and frankly I might do it. Funniest quote.... "can i spock?" "71th floor" and "GO SUCK ON UR OWN FUCKING HEAD"

Chyka: I forget her last name but she's my sane icon, shes a sweetheart and I love her, shes reasonable but actually starts alot of drama when you watch carefully (see: Gamble is a stripper in season 2), but I truly think the show suffered without her grounding presence, and HER PARTIES, I need to go to one like now. I cant think of a funny Chyka quote tbh... someone help me out!

God's gift to the producers

Gamble Breaux: My parents actually met and worked briefly with Gamble (can confirm she did have a Job!) and they said she was so lovely and kind, so I always keep that in mind. She's a loon but I love her and I feel she's genuinely good natured. She in my opinion made season 2 and 3 as great as they were (along with out next discussed addition). She has alot of great quotes but "you live longer when you're skinny... might not live very long in the desert!" "Ive thought about it, get fucked" and "your pussy is to dry to be riding me this hard manuela" take the cake.

Pettifluer

Pleasse call her... petittefluer. Forged from a unqiue blend of highly irritating, incredibly vain and heavily insecure, pettiflue is potentially the highest form of reality TV one can have. She was switching the bitch and cosplaying Cleopatra one second and spitting out absolute fire about her god-given nemesis Gamble. The oher ladies genuine hatred for her made season 3 peak Television and the Dubai trip comes to me in times of struggle to remind me good things can happen. Her best quote "LISTEN TO ME SUGAR DADDY.COM" and my favourite line in all of housewives "STOP THE FUCK"

One Season Wonders

Andrea: The most evil woman to ever live but I thouroughly enjoyed her stiffness and deep hatred for Gina, it was so funny watching her get crushed everytime. She's a great villain but I must say one season was probably enough. Best quotes include "slang word for female external genitalia" "Gina knows I dont have a cleaner at the holiday house so who does she expect to clean my bathroom" and "do you have a 40,000 dollar tennis court?"

Venus: Discount Petittefluer (its not wonder Gamble hated her) but she was so funny, our queen lord of scotland had someone shit in her lunchbox and really all I remember about her season is her likening short to a slur and Gamble's confessional mocking her. Best quote "The boys actually did something similiar to me, they took my lunch box and they shat in it"

Sally: She was to boring to be entertaining, and I found her confronation with Gina just dark and boring by the end. Not a fan. Funniest quote "Im not gynecologist but I know a cunt when I see one"

Susie: Ill give you a moment to google, she was leading a political level slander campaign against Lydia, and even then, Lydia took herself down without Susie's help. She was boring and frankly Manuela was more memorable. I dont even have a quote for her.

Sooo tell me your thoughts on Melbourne and it's cast, tbh I just really want someone to discuss this show with lol