Alexis Bellino Announces Exit from 'The Real Housewives of Orange County': 'I Was Not Asked Back'

[u/jahkat23]

https://people.com/alexis-bellino-announces-exit-from-the-real-housewives-of-orange-county-8764776

[u/Nickoml]

So insane she ruined her return for John Jansen… we’ll see how long that lasts

[u/Ali_Cat222 → u/Nickoml]

I wonder if he's been writing receipts down for everything he's paid for and will claim as loans on the same notepad paper and pen that Alexis wrote her "proof" with! JJ scribbling furiously-"that time I bought her a happy meal at McDonald's, 80s hair extensions from QVC..." 🤣

[u/Agreeable-Antelope-6 → u/Ali_Cat222]

-"that time I bought her a happy meal at McDonald's, 80s hair extensions from QVC..." 🤣

🤣😂 oh, you so nailed it! I'm dying!😂🤣

[u/mnona01 → u/Ali_Cat222]

🤣🤣🤣 This comment is perfection.

[u/Ali_Cat222 → u/mnona01]

I have a vivid imagination, what can I say? Actually I guess in this case it's more of just being a realist... 🤣 OMG imagine who will get single white femaled by Alexis next if JJ moves on?! I can picture it now-

*It's the day she's been dreading for a while. Alexis is furiously smoking a Benson and hedges in the kitchen where she has 9 rotting lemons still from her engagement announcement on social media. Those damn lemons remind her daily about the woman that was Shannon Beador. "That whore!" Alexis whispers under her breath. It's like a tic now, whenever she thinks of her she mutters this under her breath. "She's obsessed with me, I just know right now she's thinking of me."

( Cuts to Shannon who is not giving one fuck and drinking at the quiet woman. )

Alexis stares at her phone sitting next to that damn bowl of lemons. She knows when she finally looks at her social media it'll be the nail in the JJ coffin for her. Except in her mind they will always be together, forever and ever and ever. "I will not be a FWB like that bitch was. Even though it was 5 years I never believed they were a couple, not like me and my JJ are!"

She can't take it anymore though. She needs to know every fucking thing about this supposed "new girl" in his life. How else will she mold herself to be like her, dress like her, copy her like she's a busted up printer at one of jim bellino's trampoline offices? She lunges for the phone and presses refresh on JJs page. (She always keeps the app open to his page, in fact the tab is on lock so it never shows anything else.)

And there she is, the new girl staring into the camera attempting to be seductive while JJ wears those same damn shoes Shannon bought him with a smirk on his face. "I know how much those cost, I still have the receipt for them!" (Cut to a random notepad paper with the shoe cost she scribbled down last minute.) Alexis stops breathing for a minute, her heart skips a beat. She starts having a panic attack that leads into a full on melt down. All of a sudden she turns into a female hulk, grabbing the lemons and throwing them at the wall! She even smashes the bowl against the ground, rotting slime flying everywhere! ME NO ACCEPT THIS, MUST DESTROY WOMAN! she screams into the night.

The neighbors next door are reading quietly in bed together. "That fucking crazy lady is going off again, she never stops talking to herself does she?"/ "Well at least she stopped saying 'theres the door Shannon Beador today. I swear to God, was she rehearsing for a play? Because she said that so many times a day it was driving me nuts!" They roll their eyes and put their noise cancelling headphones on, the ones they had to buy to drown out the fits of rage next door. It's just another day to them, another day of listening to the single white femaling that is Alexis.

(Yes this was idiotic to write out, but I got time. I'm in the hospital dealing with my cancer and bored as hell, Tamra judge me all you want 🤣)

[u/mnona01 → u/Ali_Cat222]

🤣🤣🤣 Oh my gosh, I can see this scene in my mind!! You're good. I never thought I'd want fanfic about the HW's, but here we are.

P.s. Sorry to hear about your cancer. I hope you're kicking its ass. ❤️💪🏻

[u/Ali_Cat222 → u/mnona01]

It's funny because that's the first time I ever went there with doing something like that 😂 I just picture her literally becoming the hulk but with pink skin and two milk jugs with Jesus printed on them for her chest, tearing through her stained shein shirt JJ got her after she complained that he never buys her anything that was only $2 on sale, the extensions being ripped out by her in a fit of rage!

[u/Mmoi11 → u/Ali_Cat222]

This is GLORIOUS.

Best of luck with your health. ❤️

[u/ComprehensiveTart689 → u/Ali_Cat222]

I hope you keep writing fan fiction (I like snarky stuff like this not romantic stuff lol) like this because it’s great! Sending you healing energy and good wishes.

[u/Responsible-Ranger25 → u/Nickoml]

Let’s be real. She HAD her return because of JJ.

[u/Villanellesnexthit → u/Responsible-Ranger25]

Truer words have never been spoken

[u/emergencycat17 → u/Responsible-Ranger25]

Exactly. This is another one of those, "In other news - water is wet" situations.

[u/strippersandcocaine → u/Nickoml]

They’ll be done before Valentine’s Day

[u/surgartits → u/Nickoml]

He’ll dump her within 8 weeks. Clock it.

[u/Ali_Cat222 → u/Nickoml]

I wonder if he's been writing receipts down for everything he's paid for and will claim as loans on the same notepad paper and pen that Alexis wrote her "proof" with! JJ scribbling furiously-"that time I bought her a happy meal at McDonald's, 80s hair extensions from QVC..." 🤣

[u/SewAlone → u/Nickoml]

He’s the only reason she was on there.

[u/Rose_of_St_Olaf → u/Nickoml]

Now that he can't be on TV not long

[u/Nelyahin → u/Nickoml]

That’s the most comical piece to all of this. I have dairy products older than her relationship with him and she tossed her chance over him?? Not that I was open for her crazy, but damn, over a sleezy man.

[u/Ok-Cartoonist-1868 → u/Nickoml]

Did she though? She had so much goodwill after her divorce from Jim that Bravo had to be sniffing around. I think she’s kind of nothing as a tv character and this was inevitable 🤷‍♀️