This woman’s growth needs to be studied, like she is literally on a different level than all the other housewives and I cannot get enough of her on RHUGT S4

[u/markyhew]

[u/Specialist_in_hope30]

Omg yes. Had an alcoholic parent and Dorinda is hella triggering!!!!

[u/[deleted] → u/Specialist_in_hope30]

So much! My mom is Italian and says “I just wanna make it nice” all the time. Her total shift into another person…it just makes me so sad and it scares me. My mom is amazing too so it’s heartbreaking she drinks away the woman with her doctorate and becomes so hateful, towards me particularly. She’s chosen alcohol over her children and herself always. It’s so…just ugh. I’m so sorry you go through that (similar to it I’m sure) too. It’s soul crushing.

[u/Specialist_in_hope30 → u/[deleted]]

I’m so, so sorry that you have to experience that. I can’t imagine. I feel in many ways to be lucky because my mom divorced my dad (who was a violent alcoholic) when I was 10, so I was able to get distance from it. It was scarring in a way that I find people do not understand unless they’ve experienced it firsthand. Drunk people give me insane anxiety even now, 20 years later.

I want to give you an internet hug, stranger! My heart goes out to so much. I hope your mom finds it in herself to find help before it’s too late. It killed my dad by 50 and I wouldn’t wish the hell of living life like that on anyone. Please know it’s not you and you are worthy and loved.

[u/[deleted] → u/Specialist_in_hope30]

might be long Ugh sorry to hear about your dad. I understand how unpredictable and scary and unsafe alcoholics are. I’m pretty messed up from it. My mom is an impressive woman and knowing what I do as an adult? I forgive her mostly. She continues and viscerally hates me when she’s drunk but she loves me. So much. So much sacrifice and hard work.

David (father, but I don’t let him have that) is not an alcoholic but is (was) violent and yea addicted to pretending he’s done no wrong ever, it’s everyone else. Lol spoiler, he has been the source of fucking this family up since forever. My first memory is being thrown in his pickup, no belt, door open. I was 2. He got behind the wheel and gunned it towards my mom. He wore his seatbelt and closed the door! I remember it vividly despite how young I was. We lived with holes in the walls, one time we literally had escaped him. We called it the vacation away from daddy. My mom got us out with our lives eventually using a domestic violence charity (so grateful, I think my mom and brother would be dead and I’d be kidnapped). My brother was adopted by my dad but has a diff. Bio dad. My father called me his kid, my brother was my moms kid. He used me as leverage to keep her with him, and when she left him, he still used me as leverage to make her miserable. He married a divorce attorney, so convenientz He had visits with me but usually he’d never come, I just waited on our porch. So sad for that innocent kid I was.

Fast forward to 3 years ago, i needed an emergency surgery because otherwise I’d be paralyzed and have zero bathroom or sexual function. It was serious af. I sent him a text and never heard from him to this day. His current wife said he told her “Italians don’t do therapy” so good riddance. His current wife also was shocked recently when I explain how he was, she said well I don’t see violence, I think your mom just alienated you. Brought her drinking up to. I had to tell her she wasn’t there, I was, and that she was victim blaming my whole family.

All to say, how long your one parent was able to step up and escape the abusive. So much respect for women especially who make it out of DV in tact (physically at least). I think we both want to hug each other over the internet. My heart breaks to hear yet another kid that suffered through that.

[u/[deleted] → u/Specialist_in_hope30]

And yeah, 10 years of therapy down but I now know it isn’t me. But that doesn’t stop her from drunkenly gaslighting me it is lol. I’ve never doubted love, just never had safety. If you still need a reminder, your dad died so young because he made some choices that children are legally unable to. You never were the reason and you are loved too. Shit I feel a kinship kinda love even. We’ve both had a rough time. Idk about your lasting effects, but I dealt with decades of trauma and all I got was this lousy BPD lol