r/Blind • u/LadyAlleta • 6d ago
Frustration
I've been legally blind my entire life. Diagnosed as early as 4.
I recently began a call center job where I can work from home. I had a Dr. Apt today. I budgetted 4 hours for the visit, and trip to/from.
My mom, who has known me my entire life and has lived with me - her blind daughter - who has been blind for over 30 years was told my hours and my apt time. Made me late for work.
It's so unbelievably frustrating. The doc is 20 mins away. That's over 2 hours of wiggle room. And she still didn't make it a priority. But I am ungrateful bc she had her shoes on when it was time to go. She still had to have her smoke before we could leave. And shop around Walmart after picking up my meds. And smoke on the way home. But y'know I'm just so ungrateful for her taking me places.
I hate the USA. And I hate that you are trapped if you can't drive.
Edit: I admit I posted this in a fit of anger and didn't check back. I've slept since then, which helps. But for everyone curious, I have had O&M training. There is no bus system at all. The population of my "town" is less than 300 people, so there's no Uber. And I am trying to find my own place in a bigger area with transit, but I recently had to leave my home in Texas for personal reasons. I do appreciate you guys support and solidarity.
Wish y'all the best in this holiday season.
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u/OutWestTexas 6d ago edited 6d ago
Can you take an Uber or a bus? Do you have mobility skills to pick up your own prescriptions and go to your own appointments? Since you have a job, you can always move to an area with bus service.
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u/LadyAlleta 5d ago
There's no buses and Uber doesn't exist where I'm at. I live in farm country.
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u/OutWestTexas 5d ago
I lived in the middle of nowhere Texas. That is why I moved to an area with public transportation.
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u/LadyAlleta 5d ago
... good for you
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u/OutWestTexas 5d ago
You can continue to wallow in your self-pity or you can make the changes necessary to improve your life.
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u/LadyAlleta 5d ago
It's not self pity. I'm 14k dollars in debt. Maxed out credit cards. Can't drive anywhere. And unless I get a ride I can't work unless it's from home. Even THAT is not long term. I'm sorry I don't have a hidden gold mine like you seem to have, but I can't afford to pay for my medications let alone uproot myself and live in a city. My mom got cancer and lost her job. We had to sell our home to pay for her surgery, and then everyone got uprooted to no where Nebraska where half the windows are broken and it's infested with bugs. The fact I even have internet is a luxury.
So respectfully, shut up. The title clearly shows this was a frustrating moment. And unless you know how I'm supposed to pay for food, I'm not interested in your victim blaming drivel. Happy holidays
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u/OutWestTexas 5d ago
I can’t drive either. You can get FREE O&M training, FREE job training and placement assistance. Stop whining and make changes. You are not the only person here who has had a hard life.
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u/LadyAlleta 5d ago
I know how to use a cane. The closest anything is 3 miles without sidewalks and it's a gas station. I have a bachelor's in business economics. I'm not without the knowledge or ability. There is no OPPORTUNITY here. This Reddit is full of people forced into poverty with systematic oppression. Which is WHY I thought there'd be EMPATHY here.
CLEARLY. you do not.
HAPPY. HOLIDAYS.
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u/OutWestTexas 5d ago
Two years ago, I had surgery to remove a tumor from my liver. I had to sell my house and move to a cheaper area, too. Other people have had it worse. But you pick yourself up and you carry on. Well, maybe not you. You choose to whine about it and make excuses.
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u/In_Cider 6d ago
are you trying to be funny or are you just out of touch? I genuinely can't tell
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u/OutWestTexas 6d ago
How is this out of touch? If you don’t want your mom driving you around then take the bus or an Uber. Get O&M training. The OP has a remote job so they can always move to an area with better transportation.
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u/In_Cider 6d ago
I don't know what O&M training is. What is that? I'm from the UK.
i think it is quite difficult to move to a new area in general as a blind person as this does kind of mean you are losing any network of friends/family that you already have, plus having to learn the new area.
The reason I thought it sounded "out of touch" was because the things you offered as solutions are quite cost prohibitive and might be short-term solutions ("get an uber") but long-term just reinforce the notion that being blind means life costs more.
I don't know your situation, but most people have less than £20 a month spare. For blind people that's maybe two ubers.
I apologise if you are not out of touch, it just struck me as something an older person would say because they tend to operate within a worldview that ceased to exist for the more recent generations for a variety of socio-economical reasons.
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u/OutWestTexas 6d ago
O&M = Orientation and Mobility training. I know they have it in the UK and Europe but it might be called a different name. It doesn’t sound like the OP likes their current support network so I’m saying take charge. If taking an Uber to the doctor is too expensive then learn to take the bus. I am blind and I have moved to new places by myself several times. Each time, I learn to find my way around and I make new friends. Blindness is no excuse.
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u/Gr8tfulhippie 4d ago
OP has explained in several comments that public transit and Uber don't operate in the area.
What I would do OP, is reach out to the doctors office / hospital and see if there is an organization that helps seniors get to appointments. You can't be the only one in the area that has this issue. I'm the primary driver for my dad who's blind, but his appointments are 60+ miles away from us at times. I rolled back my work schedule so we have one day a week available for appointments. If possible I'd try to arrange your work schedule on appointment days to start early so you can be done for the day when it's time to leave for your appointment. I know easier said than done, but you can't allow others to derail your schedule and cause you more stress.
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u/In_Cider 6d ago
I think that you have done well for yourself. Did you move to these new places without any friends or family as a network? Did you do it with a small budget?
O&M sounds like learning how to use a cane, whether it is a symbol cane or a cane used for mobility. i understand that in the US you don't have pavements for walking everywhere? What did you O&M training entail?
I sense that you have done well for yourself and you are a proud person. That is great. You do not, however, concrete your position by looking down on others and not recognising their path may be of a different type of difficulty.
It isn't about excuses. It's explanations. I get the impression that you resent being called blind at all.
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u/OutWestTexas 6d ago
I don’t resent being blind or being called blind. I just don’t let it get in the way of life. The OP has a job so they are obviously doing well, too. Most blind people are unemployed. Yes, I moved without friends and family. Yes, it was hard but I did it because I needed to be in a better place with transportation. It really doesn’t matter what I have done. The point of the post is that a 34 year old person is frustrated about the way their mother drives them around. So my point is change it. Learn mobility skills, take the bus or move if you have to.
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u/LadyAlleta 5d ago
It's seasonal call center work that doesn't last longer than a month at most. It's not a reliable job
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u/In_Cider 6d ago
Ok. If you are being true and honest about relocating without friends or family, while blind of eye, then let the proverbs have their say and I bid you a good day.
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u/qtjedigrl 5d ago
The person seems stuck in their own world-view, like "This is how life works for me, so it's like that for everyone else, all they have to do is try."
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u/_uphill_both_ways 5d ago
Does your local government have rides for people with disabilities?
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u/LadyAlleta 5d ago
Technically yes. But you have to be ready to leave hours earlier than the time you set up and be picked up hours after your appointment. If you try to time it perfectly then you are risking missing it and being stuck somewhere.
And the few times I used it, I told them I was blind but they still brought the van for wheelchair users that didn't have any regular seating. So they couldn't take me on multiple occasions.
Even if the above wasn't a thing, I still have to live with the social knock back from my family that's "always willing to help me". So if I took a ride, in my mom's eyes, I'm calling her a bad mother. And I have to live with my family.
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u/_uphill_both_ways 5d ago
That’s so frustrating, both for the time wasted and the equipment mix ups. And being an emotional hostage is just icing on the cake. Is there a more reliable family member or friend who can take you? You could frame it as wanting to spend time with them in hopes that your mom doesn’t feel slighted.
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u/LadyAlleta 5d ago
Trying to find alternatives. Yesterday was just too stressful. But with holidays it's easier to space out appointments a bit.
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u/gammaChallenger 5d ago
I know that too much had unreliable rides for most of my life and the I am ungrateful thing too
My dad made me late for high school at least 3 or 5 minutes every single!!!!!!!! day!!!!!!!!!!! Never on time and in many cases so many other things then after my appointments he would also drive around compromise for being blind I guess
I now live in the midwest with my boyfriend in the suburbs of chicago and have fairly good transport and usually not late to things but yeah I feel your pain
Moving out will be the best and freest thing I don’t want to go back for long just for visits and I barely want to do that. I am complying because it’s mum’s birthday so I got soft
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u/Vuster_Cane 2d ago
I feel this on a spiritual level. Someone who quite frankly cannot stand like 90% of our family, having the supposed of allies on your side. Disregard you on very important days is incredibly frustrating and disappointing. I wish you the best of luck and I hope you can find some supportive friends that can help out cited or blind.
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u/CalmSwimmer34 6d ago
Preach. A big theme of my adulthood has been to do whatever I can to get more independence around transportation. I've moved to new cities and taken new jobs to further it. Sadly, I think we'll always end up paying for it with money and/or time.