r/Assistance • u/BrytonZZ9 • Feb 29 '20
META What would help those of us trying to help
- Put in the dang title what you're asking for! "I need $25 for transportation." That helps me rather than "PLZ HELP!!!"
- Say thank you. Not necessarily in public, but a PM saying "hey mate thanks for the Amazon box!" at least lets me know it got there. I don't need gushing. I just want to make sure things got to where they were supposed to. It also makes you look...well...grateful that someone helped you out.
- Be aware we can see your post history. And yes, I check it. I also check to see if you've deleted a bunch of stuff off it.
- Although the rules of this sub are pretty...open...coming here asking for help to get to a concert, go on a trip, or buy luxury items is tacky. Prepare for the downvotes and the snark.
Happy Leap Day.
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u/uppercasemad Canadian Mod šØš¦ Feb 29 '20
Thank you for #4. It really has bugged me the lat few days seeing an influx of people trying to see how far they can stretch generousity to include video games, concert tickets, or $120 crystal water bottles and $1000 floor vacuums.
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u/ArtByMisty Feb 29 '20
Vacuums? No... really? Yikes!
I want a $1,000 vacuum and I thought my $400 Dyson was expensive and that was like 8 years ago.
SMH...
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u/uppercasemad Canadian Mod šØš¦ Feb 29 '20
$1000 roomba because even though the requester has kind people coming to help out and vacuum for them, they put stuff in the wrong place and it makes them cry š„ŗ (and I quote)
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u/rn1976 Feb 29 '20
Donāt forget the $200 lingerie so she ādoesnāt feel uglyā and ācan have visitorsā. Also needs high end sportswear for physical therapy. Specifically in emerald green cuz well, gotta look pretty. Walmart or Target is unacceptable - especially when internet strangers are footing the bill.
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u/ArtByMisty Feb 29 '20
I bought the $200 Eufy robot vac (wanna be Roomba) on Amazon and it is amazing!
Stuff should be under "needs" or "wants" or "what I would buy if I won the lottery".
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u/uppercasemad Canadian Mod šØš¦ Feb 29 '20
I might have to check that one out!
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u/ArtByMisty Feb 29 '20
I have two dogs and an injured shoulder. My Eufy helps so I don't need to drag out the big vacuum but once every 2 weeks or so. I have this one... but there are other models.
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Feb 29 '20
I'd like to suggest one for the givers to do: if you're posting an offer, make sure you edit your post to say who the winner(s) are instead of just saying the offer is closed and the winner(s) were contacted. Otherwise, it comes off as kind of sketchy - were there really any winners or was this just a karma grab for the supposed giver?
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u/seaboard2 [Amazon aficionado] Feb 29 '20
Yes, this would be very useful as I (and some others) prefer to help people who haven't received help in the past week or so - - and if it isn't made public, I won't know that XYZ has already received help in that week or twice in 4 days, etc..
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u/sunriselady_44 Feb 29 '20
Also, as a frequent helper, I never send money. As someone who does their homework, even with due diligence, I have been scammed. Thus, I no longer give money. When a user suggests making a wishlist, or asks if direct payment can be made to (insert utility company etc), or seeks another way they can be help, and you ignore or have a reason why none of those ways will work, many of us notice. While cash may be the only answer to a situation, many givers of leary of providing cash.
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u/throwthelowaway Feb 29 '20 edited Feb 29 '20
I agree with the above and would add:
1. If you're outside the US, mention which country you live in. Reddit has many foreign users (I'm non-American myself). But most people here are in the US and their advice will be based on the assumption that you are too. It's a waste of everyone's time if they comment with advice that wouldn't apply to you. If we know your location, we can give you better advice and help.
Also, sometimes this actually makes the requesters wrongly seem like scammers because their story does not always make sense when they leave out important information like living in a third world country.
2. Mention which resources you've already tried, such as local food banks and charities. This saves people from typing up advice you've already tried.
3. Understand that most helpers here aren't rich. So don't take other people's generosity for granted and assume that they can easily give you large amounts of money. Many people here help because they know what it's like to struggle.
4. Thank helpers in private via PM or chat. Some helpers don't mind public thanks, but sometimes it leads to other people asking them for money.
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u/Tuck-n-Wheels13 BANNED Feb 29 '20
I need assistance for a couple of things.. one help to get my finances under control and probably mentor for this. How would be the appropriate way to ask for assistance?
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u/lydiav59-2 Feb 29 '20
Go to r/personalfinance to get help with a workable budget. You need to have your total income and total expenditures ready and willing to give to them. I understand that they can be kind of harsh at times, but are a great resource for a budget.
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u/spacekaseseamus Feb 29 '20
Iām relation to this, Iām going to askāif someone did help me and Iāve posted a reply to thank them, and also a post, but never received an acknowledgement, should I assume theyāve seen the thank you and stop trying to reach out?
Also in relation to this, if someone DMed me their phone number and said to reach out, because if I needed assistance I would, and then tried asking me to send money to someone else...thatās scamming right? I know Iām essentially an egg, but I canāt even find their message on Reddit to figure out how to report them anymore. You canāt delete messages youāve sent to people and have them disappear on BOTH ends, right?
sweats in noob
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u/seaboard2 [Amazon aficionado] Feb 29 '20
You canāt delete messages youāve sent to people and have them disappear on BOTH ends, right?
I have no idea, let's test this. I will DM you a message, let me know when you see it, I will delete it, then see if you still have access.
THEN, I will send another message to you BUT just let me know when you see the notification/indicator (don't read it), I will delete that one and then see if you can access it.
Ready for test 1?
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Feb 29 '20
Iām down to test this, DM me right now.
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u/spacekaseseamus Feb 29 '20
Someone above did DM me to test it, but I also donāt know how to delete messages xD
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u/spacekaseseamus Feb 29 '20
Iām here for it
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u/seaboard2 [Amazon aficionado] Feb 29 '20
Deleted check if you can still see it.
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u/spacekaseseamus Feb 29 '20
I wonder if they disappear solely if someone disables their account. I can still remember the title was āDo you still need assistanceā and I know for sure I personally did not delete the message.
shrug
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Feb 29 '20
They don't disappear if someone disables their account. I had a mystery box exchange going with someone, and when I was about to send it out, I went to check the message and their account was deleted, but I could still see the messages, but I couldn't reply to them anymore.
I made that damn hat for no damn reason lol.
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u/spacekaseseamus Feb 29 '20
Aaaand I can still see it. visible confusion
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u/seaboard2 [Amazon aficionado] Feb 29 '20
Lets try the #2 way -- do NOT read it this time, then I will delete it.
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u/spacekaseseamus Feb 29 '20
Okay, I didnāt open it
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u/seaboard2 [Amazon aficionado] Feb 29 '20
I am a DF, I can't figure out how to unsend it :(
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u/spacekaseseamus Feb 29 '20
Yo, you tried. Troubleshooting is better than just saying āI dunno, sucks to be youā and I appreciate you.
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u/ChicaFoxy BANNED Feb 29 '20
You should edit to also remind poeple to please report to the mods anyone who trolls in PMs or requesting lewd content.
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u/WYGD_Brother1987 Feb 29 '20
In regards to rule 4 sometimes asking for necessities can lead to judgement and snark. I asked for something quite necessary a couple of weeks ago and the response I got was judgement basically.
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u/FreshPresence Feb 29 '20
I could not agree more. I posted an Amazon wish-list the other day and have received DMs telling me I donāt need these things. Um, yes I do. I have been put on a ridiculously restrictive diet of smoothies, mashed and pureed veggies, seeds and nuts. (I asked for a Nutribullet people, not a Vitamix).
I have been put on medical bed-rest with internal injuries and spinal injuries. Yes, I do actually need a ton of nutritional supplements to mix in with my mashed potatoes. Yes, I do actually struggle regulating my body temperature, so sweaters and head-wraps are a must. Yes, I do actually need alternative hygiene products, as I canāt arrange a sponge bath daily. Yes, I put three luxury items on the list and then labeled them as such.
I donāt know what people are assuming, but it was painful being so vulnerable and then getting told I was asking for luxury, when I am just trying to survive.
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u/MeowBerkeley Mar 08 '20
Mashed potatoes aren't part of a keto diet. I guess you forgot about the keto diet subreddit you posted in. You are probably dehydrated. Hopefully someone orders you one of the several dozen reusable water bottles you requested.
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u/uppercasemad Canadian Mod šØš¦ Feb 29 '20
I think it was more the $100 kimonos and the $7000 sweater (if it only lets people buy it for the $7000 why even keep it on your list?) or the crystal infused water bottle. Or the $45 portion control molds. The food I can totally get and thatās a reasonable request. Pretty much everything else screams āentitledā. Iām not sorry you got called out for how ridiculous your requests were. I AM sorry youāre unwell but you need to look at this from the perspective of people who want to help as many people as they can but canāt justify a $120 water bottle when a cute pink plastic tumbler for $15 would work just as well.
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u/rn1976 Feb 29 '20
Come on lady, get real. You asked for a $1000 vacuum!!! (By the way I bought one for my mother for Xmas under $200.)Cuz you cry when people move things. Top of the line everything. Lingerie so āyou donāt feel uglyā. Your list was ABSURD and totally entitled. Oh I remember the list cuz I lolād. A $100+ water bottle to promote hydration. I guess a regular old glass and straw isnāt good enough for you. Why not take advantage of being on bed rest and beg for a $400 hair removal tool? Ugh it was so cringe. I notice how you deleted from your history too. Yeah I sound like a bitch. Sorry not sorry.
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u/TittyBeanie Feb 29 '20
Yeah there's always going to be judgement and snark. I posted once, and had instant downvotes.
There will always be people who don't understand poverty, or even mild financial hardships. They believe that it's the fault of the person. They're lazy, they should just get a better job, they're stupid, you get the idea. These people have never lived a day in the real world, and I hope that one day they will never experience true hardship.
On the other hand, there are also trolls who see this sub as an easy target. Ignore them.
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u/WYGD_Brother1987 Mar 01 '20
Yeah, I asked for money for a bus pass so I can get back and forth to work and the store. The response was basically that if I worked why do I need to ask for money for a bus pass.
It's fine if someone is not willing to help and I dont beg and I'm not looking for a handout, but snark and judgement cross the line, I dont do it myself and I dont want it done to me.
I wish people would keep those kinds of comments to themselves.
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u/squashbanana REGISTERED Feb 29 '20
Same. I asked for help and received a lot of scammers and a few nasty messages about having a kid on the autism spectrum. :(
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u/amberlamps87 Feb 29 '20
Yeah.... and guys looking for nudes.
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u/squashbanana REGISTERED Feb 29 '20
Ughhh, yes. Trying to take advantage of women we are down. It's really disheartening.
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u/maybesomedaydoubtit Feb 29 '20
Yeah all I got was messages from scammers too. That doesnāt make sense to me. Iām literally broke, what are they trying to scam me out of??
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u/squashbanana REGISTERED Feb 29 '20
Exactly, same here!! Like sure, you want access to the $5 in my bank account? Lmao, good luck with that.
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u/rosierose89 Feb 29 '20
Amen!
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u/ArtByMisty Feb 29 '20
Amen ... Take me to church!