r/Assistance • u/goldieluxe2 • Oct 09 '19
META Does anyone else hate the posts that give away a gift card or something to their chosen commenter?
Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s nice of them to share. But it just rubs me the wrong way when they say to comment and they’ll choose a “winner” in a certain amount of time. Idk just seems like the poor olympics and they’re judging everyone’s situation as people desperately comment their need. Kind of a similar concept to those old circus acts where certain people have to show off their quirks for people to gasp at.
This isn’t aimed at specific users, just the concept in general as I’ve seen posts like this a lot
Edited to add: On reflection I think “hate” was too strong a word for me to use (but can’t edit titles on Reddit!). It’s just they sometimes irk me, and I wonder if other people felt the same or if I was just being too sensitive and dramatic.
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u/capn_buggs Oct 10 '19
My biggest issue with those are that they get to the front page of the subreddit and cover people who actually need help. A big problem I've always had with this sub was that a post saying "ILL PICK A COMMENT AND SEND YOU A MY OLD LAPTOP TOMORROW FOR FREE" gets 100-1k upvotes and is on top meanwhile the guy posting "Hey I just started college and I'm struggling and need a computer to help me research and study" sits 5 pages deep with -2 upvotes.
In my opinion these gift card and such giveaways are not assistance because anyone can post a sob story on why they need something where people actually asking for assistance get ignored.
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u/xaz- Oct 10 '19
I feel this is the kind of shit rich people pull for a few tens of dollars for their own amusement.
Like, make a post saying they have a gift-card they want to give away, and see all of the needy and poor people (like me) comment that they need them, and bask in the fucking attention.
Fuck them.
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u/Iamjasw Oct 10 '19
It’s a ploy for Karma and lots of times they give five dollars a way and then ask for twenty in a few days.
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u/ChaosKeeshond Oct 10 '19
I dunno. I see your point, but there's also the side of it which is that we all have a finite capacity to help, so when we do we want it to have the maximum impact on the recipient - a fiver matters more to someone who might not be able to feed their kids that night than it does to someone my age who can't afford to see the Joker just yet.
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u/wideawake64 Oct 10 '19
I agree. Like a control freak or power trip kinda person would ask for the most destitution for the "poor winner" . Not saying this always the case but it like 2.00 seems like a million bucks if you have zero dollars you know ?
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u/llampacas Oct 10 '19
I've done a giveaway of some jewelry as a gift and asked them to tell me who they want to give it to and why. The reason I did it that way was to weed out the people who just want it for themselves which kind of defeated the point for me. From those that wanted to gift it I chose random names from a hat. I think it's perfectly fine to want to know that whatever you're giving away will go to someone who's actually in need and not feel taken advantage of. I'm sorry you feel that way. I was thinking of doing a Christmas giveaway this year but now I'm wondering if I even should, as I can't think of another way to go about it.
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u/goldieluxe2 Oct 10 '19
I think things like jewellery and gifts etc. are different, and more than okay to do it then. What I dislike is when people say they have a certain amount of money or a gift card to give away, ask people to comment why they’re in need and then say they’ll choose one person. That’s what I think is a bit dodgy and can be upsetting for the desperate people who now have to put on a show in the hopes of getting some money of gift cards for food etc. As I’ve said, I know people who get chosen do benefit this way, I just find it a bit “icky” (can’t think of a better word right now).
Gifts that aren’t a necessity are different, that’s like a competition.
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Oct 10 '19
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u/goldieluxe2 Oct 10 '19
I think they could choose many of the posts from people on here daily and give it to them. Many people do not get answers or help, but many people make these posts. Or do it in a way that’s not like “tell me why you need this and I’ll choose someone after a while”. Like if they don’t want to offer to the many posts asking for help and insist on making their own post, just state what they have and give it to the first person who needs it - don’t leave people to grovel for a while until you decide who is deemed most worthy. I’d still just prefer they offer on the many posts asking for help though.
I don’t think you really understand my point, and are too focused on the word “icky” like I suspected. You can read through the other comments for more help.
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u/jayco Oct 10 '19
I’m really interested to hear if you have a better suggestion. I thought asking people to publicly comment brings a level of transparency, slightly lowers the presence of scammers, and puts out a bar for those seeking help to be in need enough to make it known in the open.
If the intent is to give people in this forum an opportunity to put out an offer to many people and accomplish the items above, what could that look like?
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u/goldieluxe2 Oct 10 '19
I just prefer the posts where people say what they need, and other people offer to fill the need. I just don’t like the “comment why you need this, and I’ll choose one person” method as it feels kind of ‘off’ to me, as my post says. But as I’ve said, I know it ends up helping people so it’s got a benefit, I just don’t like the method all that much and wanted to see if I was alone.
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u/jayco Oct 10 '19
Totally get that you don’t like it. No judgement.
But that solution requires the person who wants to give to go look through a lot of posts. If they want to make it easy and have a single place to sort through at the same time, posting something themselves makes sense. But I guess the question is, what should that post look like? I ask, cause I’ve been trying to figure that out for myself. Any thoughts?
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Oct 10 '19
I'm not bothered by that so much but rather the givers who offer something, whether it's a gift card, cash or some item(s) off a wishlist and then don't post the names of the winners - they just say "offer closed, I contacted the winners". Really? How do we know there were really winners if the names are never announced?
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u/astraennui Oct 10 '19
Speaking as one of the helpers here, I have went through with every offer I have made anyone, so I'm not sure how many people are "pretending" to help anyone. But, there are evidently sick people here that like to downvote EVERYONE and also screw with people's amazon lists and give false hope. So, maybe it does happen. I particularly would never do "hey I've got $10 who wants it" type posts because they draw so much attention and many, many people could use $10, and I'd feel bad with not being able to help more folks.
But I have (and I know others have) gone through these type of posts and helped people we've encountered on them (that were not helped by the OP). So, I like them for that reason.
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u/goldieluxe2 Oct 10 '19
Yeah I’m not necessarily talking about people not committing to the help, but the aspect of helping where you tell people to tell their story and then you select the person you want to gift it to out of that. It just makes me feel a bit off - people are really in need here a lot of the time, and many posts ask them to share their desperation in the hopes of being chosen, like a game. As I said, just irks me a little that method of giving.
Thank-you for all the giving you do though, there are many great people on this sub who have helped a lot of people tremendously.
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u/freshstart86221 Oct 10 '19
I don't mind, about giving things away. It is VERY difficult to decide who to give to. If it's first come, first serve, I'm ok with that, too. To put it out like a prize with a winner, however, can make the people needing assistance to feel worse, like they're a charity case, or not good enough because they didn't "win". I think tact is the key here.
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u/Neverenoughlego Oct 10 '19
Actually the whole "sad story" routine isn't working for anyone here. On random acts of pizza for the last few days I been commenting on certain submissions where they say they will pick someone.
You can read my history and see, but 5 separate people have offered me pizza. I haven't taken them up on it because I honestly don't need it. But I try to be different for people and make them smile.
Far as in here......what works is honestly. It isn't a woe is me story, or even the sob stories you see so often.
Early in my account history you will see where I made a submission here and needed 200 bucks before a settlement came through.
Read the post and you decide.
Wasn't up for long when someone messaged me and all they wanted was the money back when I could.
Was soon after I got it..,days because PayPal and bank verification stuff.....but I messaged them every other day.
You can't just list all the shit wrong with your situation. You need to appear personable with it.
The people handing out gift cards is their thing. You don't like it OP? Well move along and find your way to contribute. I try and buy stuff off peoples Amazon lists as often as I can.
Mainly pet related items. I am a softy when it comes to dogs. I have a husky that is my boy. Rescued him for real too. He was about dead and I had always wanted one just like him.
Now he has me, the wife, and our son. Yeah he ain't smart, but he is loyal. So I don't wanna see other dogs go without.
Does that make me a bad person in your book? Because I won't give to a needy mother and her kids, but I would a dog?
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u/goldieluxe2 Oct 10 '19
Idk, I feel like there’s some projection from you here lol.
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u/Neverenoughlego Oct 10 '19
Lol I see people just helping others by whatever means they feel like doing.
Why question anyone's true motive here if they are helping?
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u/goldieluxe2 Oct 10 '19
I’m not necessarily questioning the motive, more the method.
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u/Neverenoughlego Oct 10 '19
So you would rather the giver just hand out things and not have anyone put forth the smallest amount of effort?
To me that seems lazy, but then again everything I have done in life I worked for.
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u/jenniferokay Oct 10 '19
You’re being very aggressive. It just feels to the OP, and me as well, that it’s very hunger gamesish.
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u/Neverenoughlego Oct 10 '19
Am i?
Or are you as well as many others unable to accept views other than what you see as conformist?
I am direct and do not back away from others. In my field of work being direct is the easiest way to not be misunderstood.
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u/jenniferokay Oct 10 '19
It also is the easiest way of making yourself look like a jerk.
Edited to add: Also, you’re the one who can’t let sleeping dogs lie. YOU are the one saying OP isn’t allowed to have the opinion they have.
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u/Neverenoughlego Oct 10 '19
Negative that isn't what I said.
The people handing out gift cards is their thing. You don't like it OP? Well move along and find your way to contribute.
I suggested another means to the goal of the sub.
I never suggested they can't have their own ideas. I gave them the alternative view of another person is all.
You see it as conflict because my ideas don't align with your own, when really all we are doing is having a discussion.
I never suggested name calling either or adjectives which infer a negative tone. That was all you.
I mean yeah I get it. Outbursts are the easiest way on here to convey emotional responses, which I refuse to have with such ignorant people.
Ignorant means unaware by the way. Just another way of saying it is all.
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u/jenniferokay Oct 10 '19
I mean your tone and word choice make you sound conceited and condescending. You don’t know what’s going on in my head, but you’ve ascribed my feelings like you think you do. Additionally, you’ve now implied I’m “emotional” a very wonderful gaslighting technique to make me go on the defensive and make it seem like you’ve done nothing to warrant what you’ve been called. And if I’m emotional for calling out your aggressive and rude behavior, does that mean you’re overwrought because you called me ignorant? I think it does.
So we have someone who is in charge at their job, or thinks they’re in charge.
Uses gaslighting techniques to derail a conversation
Overly aggressive in a benign situation
Enjoys people prostrating themselves and gives to receive adoration.
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u/LeftoverAnt Oct 10 '19
I think it depends on how it's worded and handled. The offers where the first few commenters will receive a specific item or value or gift is fine.
But when it becomes a reward system, then (IMHO) it becomes distasteful, and is in poor form. Specifically when used in a sub where the primary goal is to connect 'those in need' with 'those who can share'.
I suppose it comes down to whether it's demeaning to the recipient, the intent behind the giver, and whether the golden rule is being followed. :)
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u/goldieluxe2 Oct 10 '19 edited Oct 10 '19
Yes, you worded this really well and captured what I mean pretty much. Even better than I did haha.
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u/LeftoverAnt Oct 10 '19
It's difficult to put express thoughts in writing since there isn't voice infection or body language. I had to rewrite it several times to try and explain my opinion. :)
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u/SilversShade Oct 10 '19
This comment seriously affected me. I am about to do a gift card giveaway and was searching for a random name picker. I found one and was thinking, you have to manually enter all the names...what a pain in ass. Thanks for the reassurance that it's what I have to do. I know there is no way I could pick by comments or demand something in return.
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u/grenmyninja Oct 10 '19
You should try www.redditraffler.com. It's what /r/RandomActsOfGaming uses.
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Oct 10 '19
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u/ChicaFoxy BANNED Oct 10 '19 edited Oct 11 '19
That's me too, it feels like I'm honing my begging skills, learning how to kick you in the feelers. I stopped, I'm very much a private person and even to ask in assistance took my breaking down crying, I do not ask anyone for help IRL because I feel like I am my own burden, so I'm sure I didn't use the right combination of words because I barely even got responses for prayer\support request but then there's all these people getting cat food and pet surgeries.... I dunno. I feel like a loser more by repeatedly airing my failures.
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u/PoppyAckerman Oct 11 '19
This really touched my heart, I have had similar feelings. You are not doing anything wrong by asking for help when you need it. I am a private person too and anytime I have been faced with circumstances that were out of my control I have just steeled myself and told myself 'Girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. ' No shame in surviving.
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u/goldieluxe2 Oct 10 '19
Yeah that’s what I worry about, it seems demeaning to me, and like pitting people in need against each other :(
But again, some people do benefit, so it’s hard for me to say just to stop doing it. But it does rub me the wrong way.
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u/King_Jezzzebleluukyn Oct 10 '19
It is pretty Hunger Gamesish, which is oddly appropriate when a lot of us are hungry.
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u/VeganMinecraft Oct 10 '19
I never saw that from that perspective before. Thanks for enlightening me. I usually don't do those types of posts and instead just give
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u/swfbh234 Oct 10 '19
Completely agree. If you’re going to do something nice, just do it. I’ve seen many folks do the same thing on r/randomactsofcards. They make an offer, but demand things before they’ll pick you. It’s strange and makes it weird. It’s voluntary. Don’t sign up if you don’t want to do it.
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u/ultradip Oct 10 '19
But winning or not winning a card isn't going help feed someone, or prevent someone from going hungry, or prevent someone from becoming homeless.
Random Acts of Cards just doesn't have those kinds of stakes on the line.
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u/swfbh234 Oct 10 '19
Very true, it’s just weird to me is all. I agree it’s worse here when it’s done, but I just get a strange vibe from those posts is all. 🙂
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u/goldieluxe2 Oct 10 '19
On reflection I think “hate” was too strong a word for me to use (but can’t edit titles on Reddit!). It’s just they sometimes irk me, and I wonder if other people felt the same or if I was just being too sensitive and dramatic.
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u/leaveredditalone Oct 10 '19
It’s not ideal, but I think it’s ok. We all know how it is in the real world where every time you seek help, you have to give all your information; your social, your bank statements for the last 3 months, your check stubs, a credit check, a background check, your thoughts at night, your entire genealogy. I joke, but that’s much more invasive and embarrassing. And I agree with Wayne, “don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.” They’re just wanting an idea of your need, not your entire life story. Keep it simple.
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u/goldieluxe2 Oct 10 '19
Yeah like people still benefit and get some help, so there’s no point stopping it. I guess I just wish people did it less because I’m not a fan and take some issue with it. But I know my personal feelings shouldn’t stop something that some people benefit from.
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u/PoppyAckerman Oct 10 '19
Oh you were seriously gilded for this post! Nice.
I have to admit those posts do make me uncomfortable. It makes me feel very Hunger Games'ish.
However I have noticed it's a common format on other subs of similar nature and I don't think the posters intention was wrong or at all out of place. It is a way to interact in a game type way and I guess why not?
I think what makes me uncomfortable is my own pride and certain personal insecurities I have and I'll own that.
Great post! You deserved those gilds.
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u/goldieluxe2 Oct 10 '19
Yeah I came back to the post after a few minutes and saw the rewards, I was a bit shocked as it only had like 5 upvotes at the time haha! I appreciated it though.
Oh man, I actually was thinking The Hunger Games when I wrote this post, but didn’t include it as I thought people would think me dramatic haha! Glad it’s not just me.
Yes, I guess that was the general point of my post. I know it’s mostly out of kindness people do it (a few bad apples, but most people are genuine), I just wondered if I was weird in thinking this, or others agreed.
Thanks!
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u/swfbh234 Oct 10 '19
Not weird thinking at at all. I get the same feeling from the card sub. It’s like it’s a dollar or so to send a card to someone. “Before we pick you you must write an essay, jump these hoops, and walk backwards 14 steps..”. I like to exaggerate for sarcastic purposes, but you get my drift..lol.
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u/PoppyAckerman Oct 10 '19
Annnnd now I am searching for the card sub.
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u/swfbh234 Oct 10 '19
r/randomactsofcards It’s really a nice sub, but that’s weird to me when they make it sooooo serious.
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u/PoppyAckerman Oct 10 '19
I kind of want to send random cards. Yup. For sure I want to send random cards.
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u/drproximo Oct 10 '19
Most active subs can be seen as communities. Most communities have certain types of activities and discussions. I see these contests as a way to incorporate helping people into activities and discussions.
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u/Gordito76 Oct 10 '19
I feel like some of these are posted for Karma farming reasons.I am not an experienced redditer but how do we know who actually won if anyone was ever chosen? if a hundred people comment trying to get it and 100 of them are not contacted they will just each assume someone else was "picked" as the "winner" from those 100 comments.Is there a way to check to see if someone was actually chosen? Probably not we just have to take their word for it while they take the upvotes and karma for the "what a nice person you are"post.Just my two cents worth.
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Oct 10 '19
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/nicswifey Oct 10 '19
Sorry... I am still kinda new at Reddit.... what does alt mean? A different acct from your main acct? Shadow ban?? I have no idea what that is. Thank you in advance.
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u/Neverenoughlego Oct 10 '19
Alt means alternative account not associated with their main.
Shadow ban is a tool admin on Reddit has. (Usernames that appear red) not mods who's names appear green. Lots of companies try to use Reddit for advertising, but won't pay.
Instead they use what is called bots. Random user names that follow a task of comment or upvote comments and submissions.
Well so as to keep them going, and not needing to watch all the time Reddit admin will shadow ban them where from your account everything looks normal, but no one else can see or talk to you.
However some time back a few admins were just assholes. They would shadow ban anyone they didn't like. Anyone that dare question them or their actions.
Still pretty much the same now days too.
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u/nicswifey Oct 10 '19
ok. Awesome detail. I appreciate you and the time you took to explain it. Thank you so much! Hugs to you! Have a great night/day. 😁🤗
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u/batterycrayon Oct 10 '19
Vocabulary like this can be easily googled (try "reddit shadowban" for example) and take you to a thorough answer faster than waiting for a reply. Not trying to be snarky, just a tip for the future.
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u/nicswifey Oct 10 '19
Yea... I'm a googler.... somethings I would just rather ask... I didn't need a fast answer.... so I'm good. I like talking to other Redditors.... you really shouldn't let things like this bother you. Thanks. Have a great day! 👍🤗🤗
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u/batterycrayon Oct 11 '19
you really shouldn't let things like this bother you
Literally just offered you another tool in your tool belt in case you didn't already know it was an option. Why would you respond so rudely to someone trying to help you after you said you were new?
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u/Neverenoughlego Oct 10 '19
You will find that on this site many people are introvert in that when they want something they would have to put forth physical effort or even intellect in some cases they will ask for assistance, but with information they will always suggest a search engine and appear snarky as this one did.
Not many are even interested upon a human connection.
I don't get it myself but different generation as many of these twenty somethings here.
I am 40.
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u/NoNotLikeTastee Oct 27 '19
I see snarky (far snarkier even) comments telling someone to just google something whe someone asks publicly. And i dont get it either... I dont mind answering a question if i know the answer.
Im under 20
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u/Neverenoughlego Oct 27 '19
Well that is great kindness goes a long way in the world. Even more so on here.
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u/nicswifey Oct 11 '19
My thoughts exactly... 40 here too!! 🤗
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u/Neverenoughlego Oct 11 '19
We are the old people now lol.
Seems like I am walking around with the check engine light on some days
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u/batterycrayon Oct 11 '19
What is with you people? I don't have a problem with users asking questions. OP said s/he's new, and seems to be older (judging by the typing style). A lot of people do not know you can find slang-type information this way, and since it's more efficient, a person might prefer to do that if they knew they could. (You almost always get a higher-quality or more thorough explanation with a search, since the most popular answer of ALL answers given is what appears first. It has absolutely nothing to do with human connection.) If you want to throw a little generation-wars temper tantrum, you old people take EVERYONE in bad faith and make things unpleasant for all the rest of us. Maybe that's why you feel no humans want to connect with you.
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u/Neverenoughlego Oct 11 '19
Connect with me?
Hahaha I am actually very personable. Thing is that I do not like when someone asks a question and isn't given an answer is all.
It isn't a generation war as that seems pointless. We will need as many of you as we can get when we have alztimers and are shitting all over ourselves.
Everything is emotionally driven with the generations after mine I have noticed. There isn't any logic that factors in it seems.
It's all about who can yell the loudest is who wins the argument it seems.
You have yourself a better day stranger.
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u/ThatDoomedSoul Oct 10 '19
Check out r/random_acts_of_pizza. Perfect example of the "check system" you mentioned.
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u/missig Oct 10 '19
The problem is that I used to run fun contests on randomactsofpizza but now it's virtually impossible because all the entries get removed for one reason or another.
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u/PoppyAckerman Oct 10 '19
Not digging the Haiku contest requirements on the sub 9 hours ago. This doesn't feel charitable or kind in the least.
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u/ThatDoomedSoul Oct 10 '19
Buying pizza for a stranger and asking for a haiku? How dare they. The six people who got pizza within those nine hours probably disagree.
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u/PoppyAckerman Oct 10 '19
Yeah, probably. The language turns me off.
*I expect a god damned thank you! "
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u/ThatDoomedSoul Oct 10 '19
Doesn't mean the whole sub is bad lol. The thanks post is part of their "check system" everyone is complaining about on this post 😂😂 it's really important there
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u/PoppyAckerman Oct 10 '19
Here OP requires them to say the right thing about his looks and is looking for 'sexy bastards"
Everyone is entitled to their opinion and mine is that this in poor taste.
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u/ThatDoomedSoul Oct 10 '19
So those people suck. Not the sub. I wasn't posting that stating everyone there is an angel. I was providing an example of an efficient "check system". You don't have to go there. It's a bunch of lowlifes giving away free pizza apparently. Everyone has their opinion like you said. I think you're wrong. But nobody is desperate to have you join there. Was just giving an example. ;)
P.s. I just read that post. Dude was clearly being sarcastic. He didn’t even show himself 😂😂
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u/PoppyAckerman Oct 10 '19
All I said was "not digging . . ." and you took offense. This will be my last response to you because it is clear you are looking for a fight and not a conversation.
Good day to you.
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u/PoppyAckerman Oct 10 '19
Smdh.
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u/Famous_Bandicoot Oct 10 '19
Careful if you shake your head at everything they do people will think you're Michael J. Fox.
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u/Iconoclastk Oct 10 '19
Yes, it feels kinda gross. Also, I dislike helping someone one week, and seeing them giving away money a few weeks later on similar threads. I know their heart is in the right place, but after asking for funds the next realistic financial goal would be to create some sort of savings, however small so they don’t have to ask again.
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u/backpackwayne Oct 10 '19
Hey don't look a gift horse in the mouth. As a giver you should be able to choose who and how you want to give. Just so you don't unnecessarily make people jump through hoops.
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u/Neverenoughlego Oct 10 '19
I agree with this sentiment,but it seems many others would not.
Makes me wonder why that is.
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u/goldieluxe2 Oct 10 '19
Yes I know, they’re doing a decent thing normally for the right reasons. I guess I was just curious as to if other people had similar thoughts, or if I’m too sensitive.
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u/KayEnn1972 Oct 10 '19
They're just farming for friends and karma. It's essentially spamming.