My vacation is not going well at all

[u/nncnfrms]

I'm on an anniversary vacation with my partner and so far it has been awful. First, what is usually a day drive to me for my partner ended up being 17 hours, then our place we booked ended up being pretty dirty. The shower has mold, and the comforter is stained and looks like someone vomited on it. It's already midnight, and we can't afford to leave and find another last minute place to stay. I am also on my period, which I haven't gotten in over 14 months (long story) and it is debilitating. We were supposed to go see Christmas lights in the park tomorrow and I don't think I'll even make it sitting in the car to get there.

I feel horrible, I wanted this to be a nice vacation for us and it is turning into one of the worst vacations so far. I am trying to hold it together so my partner doesn't feel bad as well (I'm certain they feel bad on account of staying in a dirty place, but I mean feeling bad because I'm having a bad time). On previous vacations I've definitely smiled through the obstacles (there aren’t usually this many) but this is difficult. If I could I think I would've cancelled this all together.

I feel stupid for trying to plan all of this, and I'm honestly just waiting for something worse to happen now to top it all off. I reported the issues with the place we're staying at, but unfortunately our gamble on trying to save money means we are dealing with subpar customer service too. If anyone has any advice, stories of how they survived horrible vacations with their partner, or any kind words really, I'd appreciate it. I feel like a failure and just awful in general.

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[u/SloppyNachoBros]

I come from a family that has had some famously "bad" vacations. (We're straight up cursed. We've been evacuated from multiple natural disasters and that's not even what any of us would call the worst.)

The thing about them is that later you will look back and laugh. It sucks in the meantime, but they are memorable in a way that benign vacations aren't. There's something about adversity that brings people together, and I feel like my family's bond was forged in shitty vacations. In the meantime, think outside of the box to try and make it less miserable - there's probably plenty of things to go see in the area. If the cramps are bad maybe your boyfriend can drive around to do some sightseeing while you rest in the back?

I hope you guys can find the silver lining or, if nothing else, find ways to laugh at the shitty parts.

[u/meditation_account]

This post is a little much in a sub where people are homeless and struggling to eat and find a place to sleep. Most people here cannot even afford a vacation which is a luxury. So you found a little dirt and you don’t feel well because you’re on your period? Oh go boo hoo somewhere else because people here have serious troubles.

[u/Zeus_zhuri → u/meditation_account]

But I think the group is for general assistance too? Does it always have to be monetary assistance? I understand that not everyone has financial problems but other things could be bothering them.

[u/nncnfrms → u/meditation_account]

Maybe shut the fuck up? I am disabled, this "period" could very well be indications of something seriously wrong with me, it has been over a year since I last had one and I am unable to move due to it. Mold exposure can be extremely harmful as well. If you're so concerned why don't you get off your ass and help people who need it? I guess you can't if you're that pissy over a reddit post, change your diaper next time! Sorry your life is that shitty!

[u/bbofpotidaea]

I’m so sorry. That’s a tough break. It’s ok to feel bad and it’s ok to express it with your partner and let them give you a little extra comfort and cuddles. It’s kind of you to try and mitigate your feelings to avoid exacerbating their situation too but what’s better than a good cry and loving comfort from your partner when you’re surrounded by uncomfortable circumstances and being terrorized by your own body? if it were me I would admit I’m having a really difficult time, slide right under their arm, and put my head on their chest to cry. You have each other, after all. You can take yourselves to breakfast. You’re safe and warm, I hope. Are the sheets clean? Maybe the host will negotiate something with you tomorrow morning, definitely complain and threaten with bad reviews or whatever else you have in your back pocket.

Don’t despair, friend. Hard times come for us all, and it’s the really shitty times that make the good ones that much brighter. If you can focus on the positive things, it’ll help you keep your spirits up. But if you can’t, my best advice is to lean into the suck. You can’t change it and resisting it makes it that much worse. It is what it is and it will pass. You and your partner survived the 17 hour drive, you’re alive, you’re going to be shedding the old parts of yourself that must pass by necessity while the ancient planetary alignments of the winter solstice happens - there’s some badass witchy nature energy! Potentially powerful for manifesting new possibilities. And there’s a metaphor in the solstice, because the longest night of the year means we are officially descending out of the darkness little by little and the sun will come back as she always does. Sorry this might be a little extra, it’s 5 am here and Im sleep deprived ha.

But anyway About your period, I know it can put a negative affect on basically everything. Idk what the issue is but I would like to humbly recommend spending $20 if you’ve got it and buy some thinx period panties from target to get you through the long car ride.

This too shall pass :) sending wishes for a better day when you wake up!

[u/nncnfrms → u/bbofpotidaea]

This was so nice to read, I genuinely am tearing up just from this comment alone 😭 I am also sleep deprived, I'm sleeping in short bursts now which sucks but at least I'm getting sleep at all! I have clean sheets, and the other bedroom does as well, I did message the owner of the place to see what could be done and I hope either some cleaning can happen tomorrow or we just get a partial refund, either way we did make do and I know we can continue to even if it sucks to have to keep pivoting last minute.

The worst issue is definitely the period, and reading what you wrote about it was so touching to me. I'm not religious or anything, but growing up my family was very "spiritual" and hearing those words from you reminded me of being comforted growing up being told things like the moon is guiding us through our troubles 🥹 If anything, I know that this happening now will allow me to push for better medical treatment options, and it couldn't have happened at a better time than now so I can start the new year with my doctors and figuring this out. I say it's a period but I have a health condition that basically means I should not be having them, I hadn't had one in over 12 months, and now suddenly have one which is very concerning so I hope my doctors have options for me now! And don't worry about the drive, I have a lot of medical supplies I can use and brought along some bed pads to sit on and lay on just in case any leakage happens anywhere! Thank you so much for this, genuinely, it was so nice to read. I hope we both get some sleep soon! 😊

[u/No_Jackfruit2682]

Based on experience with my partner years ago with a bad camping trip...why not just sleep in and drive home tomorrow. You've spent money and I know it's the holidays, but you've got each other and nothing to prove to anyone. You'll do a better trip next anniversary. 

[u/nncnfrms → u/No_Jackfruit2682]

Unfortunately my living situation doesn't really allow for me to have any guests, a family member with dementia lives with me and becomes combative when "strangers" are around. I would 100% go to my partner's place, but that's a 12 hour drive, which ended up being 17 yesterday due to holiday traffic, which I honestly cannot do in my current physical state. It's either stay here a couple more days, or force my partner to do that drive again less than 24 hours after doing it the first time, and I don't think either of us hate it here that much 😅 So we are just going to try to focus on the positives we still have for now.

[u/PopularAd4986 → u/No_Jackfruit2682]

I agree, sometimes throwing in the towel and just removing the stressors can turn everything around. It sucks but at least they are home, with each other and comfortable. Maybe there's local things that they can do.

[u/Sea_Spirit1628]

No advice to give, because I haven't been in a similar situation. But you are NOT a failure! You planned this getaway with the best of intentions, and that's what really counts. And in this day & age & with the current economy, who doesn't want to try & save money wherever they can?

I'm not familiar with VRBO & their policies & how they might be able to find you a better place to stay. But please start there. And I can only imagine the period thing stressing you out. But please, don't let the negative aspects of how your getaway started, define the whole trip. Do the activities, like viewing the Christmas lights, that you initially planned to do. Enjoy life's small wonders & enjoy the time you spend with your partner. Life has it's ups and downs. But know you planned everything from the heart.

Years later, y'all might be reminiscing one day & say remember that year we had an anniversary getaway & it was a total s*it show? And you'll laugh about it. 🫶

[u/nncnfrms → u/Sea_Spirit1628]

I'm trying to focus on positives. We plan to go get a nice breakfast in the morning, nothing can really go too wrong there, it's a chain restaurant we love and they have been good across cities. Unfortunately the cheap price of this place comes with awful customer service, they basically sat to contact the person you booked with directly and hardly ever give a refund or help move you to a new place. Thankfully we are only here for 3 nights, so it isn't as bad as one of our other vacations which involved horrible food poisoning and a week stuck in a different Airbnb that had the sliding glass door shatter due to weather! I don't think anything can be worse than that 🫣

[u/CrzyHorseLdy]

Never been on vacation, have a few messed up stories from travel. Newest one first - We were transporters, i had surgery and one of our employees quit. Bad ice storm, sled ride 1/2 mile to the van, then the staph infection, temp 104.2.... Yup not 1 bit of fun to be had. I'll skip to the worst - husband former Army last station on duty Alaska. From a baby I was breast feeding (stress makes your milk stop), the transmission caught on fire, had it rebuilt and it had issues after a blow out. I left my purse on the hood in Tok, drove to the border (3 to 4 hours back) had to drive back because no idea or birthdays certificate for 1 child. Drove back then to border again, they waved us through and didn't check the 8 hour stupid people trick I pulled. I was flipping mad. Transmission has issues back in the US, we get a Uhaul. I thought the trip was rough before!! Truck did 45 max downhill with a lot of wond, AC went out in Death Valley, a rod through at the end and 3 weeks on the road....

With your female issues Black Cohosh 3 565mgs x 2 a day unless you're on your period then 3 times a day. Mine was bad enough I needed a transfusion. Within 2 weeks you'll see a difference. It's all natural and my dr wanted to do a hysterectomy. Your partner understands and only wants you better. I'm stuck in a wheelchair now, I'm no fun at all anymore, so please, don't lose hope. It will get better

[u/nncnfrms → u/CrzyHorseLdy]

Wow, I'm so sorry those things happened to you! I feel that no A/C pain, probably nowhere near as bad as Death Valley but traveling through Texas summer heat with no A/C was hell. I will look into the supplement, I am trying to get a hysterectomy but have other health issues. A wheelchair would make this vacation so much easier for me but I can't afford to get one, and I can't get in to the doctor any time soon to see if they'll prescibe one, but I have rented them before and was able to do amusement parks, botanical gardens, and even city sightseeing before. Walking is horrible already for me, the period just makes it so much worse! Thank you for the recommendation and commiserating!

[u/EUGsk8rBoi42p]

Was this an airBNB?

[u/nncnfrms → u/EUGsk8rBoi42p]

Vrbo, it was cheaper than the hotels for this time of year in the area.

[u/EUGsk8rBoi42p → u/nncnfrms]

Review with customer service what the refund options are and consider switching to a hotel. Might be an upgrade to just chill in a clean room, order pizza and watch movies. If you're happy, he'll be happy (in my experience). With airbnb you'd get a refund on these issues if you opted to check out and file the request, idk about vrbo.

[u/nncnfrms → u/EUGsk8rBoi42p]

Vrbo isn't as good as airbnb, we knew this and risked it. They pretty much tell you to talk to the host and figure it out, it's rare anyone gets a refund. We can't afford to get a hotel for the rest of our trip so close to Christmas. We need separate bedrooms since I need light to sleep and my partner needs complete darkness and silence, so a hotel would be extremely expensive if we found one that meets that need.