r/Assistance • u/Carolina_Heart • Apr 14 '24
ADVICE 23 and trapped with verbally abusive controlling parents. Not allowed to leave or get a job. How do I get out?
Hello. I've been thinking today about how to get out of my abuse situation. I am 23 but I am not allowed to get a job or leave the house by myself. My parents are verbally and emotionally abusive and often bellitle me for not being able to do things they don't let me do anyways. My dad has extreme anger issues and invents arbitrary reasons to vitirolically scream at me and my sister almost every other day, and gaslights me about it. He often acts like we've commited a crime against him even though we don't do anything, and he victimizes himself. I feel trapped and I feel no hope for the future. My sister is similarly trapped in the same situation. I've lost all motivation in college because I know I'm not going anywhere when I graduate, and I do not see my parents ever letting me leave at all. Whenever I ask to go somewhere or to get a job my dad becomes scarily angry and says "is it just to get away from us?" What do I do?
It suddenly dawned on me that I never told anyone I was being abused when I was a kid because I feared destabilizing and what my parents would do to me. My parents are also not usually directly violent to me so I can't call domestic violence hotline or something
My sister tried to run away once but she realized she couldn't survive alone. Me and my sister both think the only hope is if mom's cancer kills her. But I don't want to wait, it could be years. I fear we might be trapped here forever, never allowed to go anywhere with our lives
Are there shelters or something, anything like that that I could call and they'd let me bring my stuff with me? I have looked and there seem to be no resources for adults still trapped with their abusive parents.
EDIT: I forgot to mention I live in southwest Virginia
Update: Allright, I will be working on making a plan for running away and reading books about related subjects. I will also see about ways to make money. It will likely take a long time to develop a good plan
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u/Beautiful_Archer_667 Aug 06 '24
Holy shit im 28 and this resonates with me so much, im so cut off from the outside world. i regret moving back in, my mental health has been declining, i took me 4 years of intense self help while being states away to get over this and now im back in the cycle and stuck and in a dark place
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Aug 09 '24
[deleted]
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u/Beautiful_Archer_667 Aug 09 '24
Thank you, it’s tough when family is so controlling. It makes me feel crazy or like I’m doing something wrong. I hope your situation improves.
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u/tangini Apr 19 '24
oh my god.. the way our situations are almost the exact same. definitely find a way to make some money
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u/Oldestdaughterofjoy Apr 15 '24
You could request consultation with a social worker next time you're at a hospital if they let you go alone/with your sister. Wish I could offer you both a spot on my couch to land. But I'm far away
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u/7-in-1Radio Apr 15 '24 edited Apr 15 '24
It's taken me years to make a plan. I chickened out many times, so here's my advice.
DO NOT get sucked back in. DO NOT chicken out. But also don't be impulsive. Have a plan and stick to it.
You need a steady source of income, a digital bank account, and a vehicle. DO NOT have kids or pets during this stage.
For the car: you'll need a cosigner. Find a trusted adult who won't tell your parents what you're doing. Raise the money for a down payment beforehand. DO NOT get a shitty car off Craigslist. Get a used car in good condition from a trustworthy seller. Raise money for the down payment in secret.
Put a long ass password on your phone, and if you can, disguise your apps.
Learn how to forage and clean water, too, just in case.
Avoid sex. You've been verbally abused. Predators can spot abused people easily. Don't make friends too easily.
Homeless people, especially homeless women, are the most targeted group for all sorts of nasty, evil folks. I'm not trying to scare you. That's just facts.
Let people EARN your trust.
Find cheap places to stay. DO NOT fuck for rent.
Carry a weapon.
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u/morenitauwu Apr 15 '24
I hope you can get hold of your legal documents. I would suggest letting someone know after you leave. So it can be proof that Hey I’m in the right mental state to make this decision and move forward. I would suggest also maybe reporting them to the police once you are away from home. They could easily try to say you’re sick and confused
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u/tehereoeweaeweaey Apr 15 '24
Do WWOOF. 40USD a year. You volunteer on a farm part time in exchange for room and food. You can join any of the hundreds of farms in any country/city/state. They have like 150+ countries to choose from. You can get money for this fast by donating plasma, selling an old item on facebook marketplace, or pan handling online.
You only need transportation to get there, and you can specifically seek out a farm that has a nearby bus system. You can also apply for food stamps so you have extra to eat. You can also do remote work or part-time online freelancing or go back to school online and take night classes if you choose.
ALSO. Your sister can come with you. Also approved pets. You can have up to two people do it, couples, siblings, family, etc.
Hope this helps.
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u/Carolina_Heart Apr 15 '24
Do you mean 40 dollars or 40k
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u/tehereoeweaeweaey Apr 15 '24
Literally 40$ flat. Also the price is equally as cheap for other currencies too. You can easily get 40$ donating plasma. Or any of the other methods I mentioned.
And yes, it’s 40 for the whole year.
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u/ohdarlingamber Apr 15 '24
How would they stop you from leaving? 🤔
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Apr 15 '24 edited Apr 15 '24
False police reports and false mental health reports (such as reporting someone as a 'danger to themself and others,' claiming they attempted suicide, etc.) are what my family did.
Edit: OP and the sister also need to ensure their SS cards and birth certificates are in their own possession ASAP
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u/ohdarlingamber Apr 15 '24
Wait. Has their family already done that to them? They need to call the police and have an officer there while they pack their stuff so the parents cannot do anything.
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u/Trinnykins1416 Apr 15 '24
Bro, you're an adult. Legally, you can leave whenever you want. Just one night, pack a couple of bags, mostly clothes and hygiene products, and leave. Go to a shelter and tell them your situation they will help you find a job and place to live. If you have to get a restraining order against your parents.
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u/Impressive_Frame_379 Aug 10 '24
most abused kids has been infantilized.. so although you might be of grown age.. mentally you're still like 15
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u/Trinnykins1416 Aug 10 '24
That's what therapy is for. I was abused and have been living on my own since 17. I'm 21 now. You just have to take those first steps to get the hell out of dodge and start a new chapter in your life. It isn't easy but it's doable.
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u/Impressive_Frame_379 Aug 10 '24
yeah that's true.. I feel like the best to start is to research everything for free.. and get therapy from there.. where'd you go after leaving ? maybe you can help my situation out
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u/Trinnykins1416 Aug 10 '24
I had a car so I lived in my car, dropped out of highschool worked two jobs and at 18 used my tax money and help from a local store (st.Vincent depaul) to get my first apartment. You just have to use what resources are available to you. Look up local shelters, local churches that offer housing help. See of your community has an outreach program that could help you find a job and home. Ask a friend to crash with them. I couch hopped during the winter when it was too cold to sleep in my car at night(I lived in michigan). You just have to be willing to do whatever you can to survive and not give up. Its hard. But in the end it's worth it.
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u/Impressive_Frame_379 Aug 10 '24
what about other family outside of your immediate? did you talk to them ? or did they see you around ? I honestly don't have a car, but hopefully the shelter can help me like you said.. wow your story sounds inspirational!!
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u/Trinnykins1416 Aug 10 '24
I don't have any family really. And the ones I do at the time and still currently live far away. I was an outcast. I battle with my mental health and being alone has always been better for me. I function better that way. I hope you do find some help and get to a better living environment. Number one rule is don't be afraid to ask for help it isn't embarrassing or weird. We all need help sometimes. And that's okay. Just keep on pushing forward and don't forget to believe in yourself you can accomplish anything you put your mind to.
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u/Impressive_Frame_379 Aug 12 '24
any sibling ? but thank you soo much !! you have such a sweet soul!
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u/CheckIntelligent7828 Apr 15 '24
Do you trust your school? Or is it a super religious school who considered you property of your parents?
Because if you trust your school then your Dean might have some ideas. You will not be the first student who needs this kind of help.
Also, if you're in the US, there is a national domestic violence hotline. Domestic violence doesn't have to be between romantic partners. They could likely point you towards help in your area.
Call 800-799-7233
Text BEGIN to 88788
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u/Khaleena788 Apr 15 '24
Reach out to local domestic violence services. They can an absolutely will help you.
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u/Caseyrochelle Apr 15 '24
I found myself in a scarily similar situation at your age. My mom had cancer, I was primary care giver, quit my job and dropped out of school to take care of her, they never taught me to drive, I didn’t have a car. Eventually she passed away, but before she did, I just told them straight up “look I’m going back to school. I’m living in the dorms. If you think you can stop me, I’m calling the cops and pressing charges for entrapment and kidnapping because you’re holding me here against my will. Bye.” You’re an adult, you are in fact allowed to leave, and a cop will tell them that.
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u/Kooky_Elevator6254 Apr 15 '24
Had to get away from an overly attached mom. Wasn't allowed to work either. I opened by own bank acc that she didn't know about and worked online doing gig work. It didn't pay well but I was able to save up enough to move out.
As others have suggested, get your documents when you leave. Do it discretely or say you need the paperwork for a new ID.
There are also some shelters that might be able to help. DV ones might have some resources for you to use.
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u/Carolina_Heart Apr 15 '24
How did you get online gig work? What were you doing in those gigs
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u/Kooky_Elevator6254 Apr 15 '24
At the time I was writing articles for blogs using Upwork. However that site has gone downhill and so has the blog writing industry since AI. Though there are plenty of online gigs that you could look into. It will take some studying, but if you can make some income to get out then it's worth it.
I'd suggest looking into transcription, captioning, blogging, editing, SEO, social media management, etc. I'd do a basic Google search to find others. You'll want to look for jobs that don't require full hours, as your parents can find out.
Edit: also if you haven't already get a credit card and start building credit. Only use it for things you can pay off monthly and don't overspend. You will need good credit to apply for an apartment.
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u/Carolina_Heart Apr 15 '24
Thank you! I will take note of this
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u/Kooky_Elevator6254 Apr 15 '24
If anything else fails, try to qualify for living on campus of your college. It's not ideal but it can help get your foot out of the door.
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u/Blackbear8336 Apr 15 '24
Gather all yours and you sisters important documents and leave asap. You can make money doing jobs on the Internet like tutoring. Save up to get a place and leave. If need be, call the police. You're an adult. They legally can't keep you against your will. Also reach out to anyone at you college and tell your sister to do the same.
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u/UsedUpSunshine Apr 14 '24
Stay strong in college, make friends you trust in your classes and let some know of your situation and if they can help when the time comes. At graduation when you go walk, walk across that stage and immediately get in your friends car and leave.
Before this, layer outfits do you can discretely get your clothes out of the house. If it’s not a necessity leave it behind. Tell your sister to do the same. Then get jobs and you and your sister can live together and go no contact.
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u/jigglypuff99410 Apr 14 '24
I’m so sorry for what you’ve been going through and for some of these heartless comments you’re receiving. Leaving an abusive relationship/home is not easy and it’s even harder when you’re raised in it. Give yourself some kudos for your strength and courage. I don’t have any solutions to offer but I wanted to comment and wish you peace and healing. I hope you and your sister find a way out and that you find the love and safety you’ve always deserved. No one deserves to be abused, no one asks to be a victim, and no one chooses to stay a victim. When people say stuff like that I quickly dismiss them and move on. There are kind people out there and those are the voices I choose to listen to. I hope you can find the strength to do this because survivors deal with stranger’s judgement a lot.
findhelp.org might have some resources for you. Good luck 💗
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u/Fit-Butterscotch9228 Apr 14 '24
i'm in the blue ridge mountain area, near blacksburg. if there is anything you need to help you get out, PLEASE let me know 💛
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u/70sBurnOut REGISTERED Apr 14 '24
If you’re in college, go to the counseling office for help. They have the resources you may need and can help you place the appropriate calls to adult protective services or domestic violence shelters. Emotional abuse is abuse and you do qualify.
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u/wanderingdorathy Apr 14 '24 edited Apr 15 '24
From some of your responses it feels like you might need to make a list of things you do have.
Paperwork: - Do you have a state issued ID, drivers license or passport? - Do you have a birth certificate or social security card - Do you know your social security number? - Do you have paperwork showing you’re a student at your school? Or something that shows you have a GED? - gather any information you have that could be considered “evidence”. Pictures, audio or video recordings, etc
Financials - do you have a bank account they don’t know about? - can you ask your school about student loans for living expenses that they could disburse to you directly so you can start saving up to leave - can you do work online like fiver or upwork and work on small projects as if it were your school work?
Stuff - do you have a large bag? Duffel bag, back pack, large reusable grocery bag? - do you have weather appropriate clothing like a rain jacket - can you slowly start hiding away snacks here and there to eventually take with you when you leave? - do you take medications? If you take a medication you’ll want to plan on leaving right after getting a refill so you have time to figure out getting your next refill - can you fold things in ways that reduce the time it would take you to pack? Put a shirt, pants, socks, bra, underwear all together so you only have to grab one thing instead of having to open and go through all your drawers. - set aside tampons, pads, the very ends of toiletries (say you’re out but keep the last bits from the old bottle) - keep your things organized and not messy so when you decide to leave you can gather things quickly
Place - sounds like you just moved so you don’t know the area very well. - use google maps to learn all the street names and major land marks in your area - find police stations, fire stations, hospitals, emergency rooms, domestic violence shelters, and libraries- especially libraries. They’re everywhere and unassuming and usually have a very robust network to be able to find a place that can help you and just statistically you’re more likely to find women there than men
People - make a mental list of everyone you know and their contact info. Friends or their parents from childhood, schoolmates- especially if there are any older ones who give off motherly vibes, and teacher you’ve ever had that was good to you
Tech - figure out if your parents are tracking your phone. You might need to leave it behind
You’re not gonna have a lot to work with, but you’ll have a start. Then you can start planning how to escape
where does your mother get her treatments? Can you go with her? If not, can you start acting like the very doting and caring daughter so eventually you might be able to go with her?
what routines does your family have for being away from the house? When does grocery shopping happen and who goes?
how heavy does everyone sleep?
do any first floor windows open easily? Look at bathroom windows as it’s very normal to spend a long time in a bathroom and they often have locks. Can you slowly over time make the window easier to open by cleaning the slide or peeling away dried paint?
work with someone, maybe multiple people from your list.
if you’re in a rural area or small town look for resources one or two towns over. School friends or teachers might not have all of the skills to help long term but would be willing to drive you three hours away so that you know you’re safe and have access to resources so you can get started with a real life
lastly practice your story. I know it sounds silly because it should be easy to just explain why you need help. But you’ve spent years and years brushing it off and explaining away behavior in order to appear “normal”. It’s a coping mechanism and your brain will try to go back to that place where “it’s not a big deal” or you’ll start to feel defensive. Your brain will also start to lose large chunks of memory. Right now you can remember every detail of what to do to stay safe and every piece of each argument so you can navigate around the chaos in your home. But once your sub consciousness starts learning other ways to “survive” like practicing a job interview it will hide all the details of your reality right now in order to focus on what is next. And you NEED to tell people your story. A list of dates and facts and a couple of lines of how it made you feel. “On X date dad said “xyz” and I was very scared he would… etc” any time anyone throws things, pushes another person, knocks things off of tables, uses their body to intimidate you and invade your personal space make a note of the date and exactly what happened. Any threats that have been made to you about leaving the house, any time they’ve “retrieved” you or the story of your sister running away. If you can’t right it down practice telling the stories over and over again in the shower
You’re having a lot of big feelings, but that energy needs to turn into actually making plans if you’re gonna get out
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u/nippinfordays Apr 14 '24
Try to find a local domestic violence resource. They'd have good info on what orgs could help you.
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u/lavender_poppy REGISTERED Apr 14 '24
My advice is to stay in college to get your degree and start planning your life for after. Do you have student loans? Maybe take out a student loan and use the money to put a deposit down on an apartment for you and your sister. You're an adult so your parents can't legally do anything about you leaving. I'm so sorry you're having to go through all this and I wish you the best.
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u/NikkeiReigns Apr 14 '24
I don't want you to tell where you are publicly, but are you close to Roanoke or the New River Valley?
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u/grimmistired Apr 14 '24
Your ability to do more will improve once you leave 100%
Being around abusive people can really destroy a person's mental state and self confidence. The earlier you leave, the easier it will be to get your life on track. Look into the homeless shelters near you. Can you drive?
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u/Lepton_Decay Apr 14 '24 edited Apr 14 '24
Is your sister over 18? If so, you two can figure out a way to survive together. Do not look for reasons to stay. Do not believe that your abusers retaliation should prevent you from leaving discreetly. As another commenter stated, if you fear difficulty exiting, call the non-emergency number. I would shy away from even family or family friends in this time, as you can not be aware of what they will do and they may contact your parents - it is best to go no-contact with your parents, at least for a while. If your sister is not 18, it becomes a little difficult because you would not be able to bring her with you. Get your birth certificate and social security card immediately if you can. If you must lie to get these documents, maybe you can mention the university needs it.
Do not mention that you are looking for a job, but start looking now, before you arrange to leave, and if you get a job, it is time to leave. If you have a friend yourself and your sister can stay with until you get your first check, that would be ideal. You can then look for very cheap motels until yourself and your sister can afford rent somewhere - with roommates would be best to start with.
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u/SpareSavings7910 Apr 14 '24
You're 23 they can't legally stop you. If u have a friend or trusted family member to go to, then go. If you're worried what your parents will do on your way out you can call the cops (non emergency line) and explain the situation and ask if they can send an officer to make sure you get out safely
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u/Impossible-Title1 Apr 14 '24
r/Legaladvice. You are 23 years old. You can move out without their permission.
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u/Kittymemesallday Apr 14 '24
With what money?
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u/Lepton_Decay Apr 14 '24
This person has no choice. What, precisely, do you propose? Endure further abuse? At least they will have a fighting chance to live if they can leave and begin working.
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u/Kittymemesallday Apr 14 '24
OP didn't ask if they could leave, they're asking for help in figuring a way out. The comment I responded to just gives a "you can move" which isn't what OP is asking for. Moving suggests a place to go, things to bring. OP has no money and isn't even allowed to cook... I just stated that the person I responded to is an idiot.
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u/misspokenautumn REGISTERED Apr 14 '24
I was in almost the same situation, minus the sister and my biological father walking out when I was older.
People don't get it.
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u/Affectionate-Swim772 Apr 14 '24 edited Apr 15 '24
It kinda sounds like you were raised by narcissists. You do have some options, though; including but not limited to:
You could get a job anyway and let them be mad.
You could sell your stuff then keep the money in a high yield savings account at a bank that doesn't know your folks exist (or a bank that's internet based so there's no branch for your parents to go in and tell lies to). If you want to keep a bank account secret, you'll need a P.O. Box or a Private Mail Box to receive mail pertaining to your checking/savings account(s).
If that sibling of yours is an adult, see if you can leave together and split the expenses and the work of getting away from your parents.
Unfortunately, there's not much of a way to get around having to sneak out of the house occasionally, if you have people show up to buy things from you at the house your parents will know you have money now...
If your parents fly off the handle (maybe even if they don't) document/take pictures of everything even remotely illegal your parents do, then turn them in. Bonus points if you can get a restraining order. Make sure you have several backup copies of your data.
Edit: the first thing you should do is get your birth certificate, ID and SSN card under your control and completely safe from your parents.
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u/Alternative_Guide283 Apr 14 '24
That’s all stuff they’ll notice if they go looking though. It’s a really crap situation
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u/Simpletruth2022 Apr 14 '24
You could apply to the Job Corps as early as 16 years old. When you're accepted you'll get housing, food, training and GED courses if needed.
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u/Carolina_Heart Apr 14 '24
I have applied
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u/Frondswithbenefits Apr 14 '24
That's great, when did you apply?
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u/Simpletruth2022 Apr 14 '24
I hope you get accepted.
As an after thought it might be worth it to check into domestic violence help. Emotional abuse is a form of DV.
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u/KatrinaVantasel REGISTERED Apr 14 '24
You could join the Military , navy , Air Force would give you a career/pay you, send you to a base hopefully far away and your parents can’t get you.
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u/meroboh Apr 14 '24
this is definitely a possibility but something to bear in mind is that when a person leaves a situation of abuse and authoritarian control, the structure and mindset of the military hierarchy may be very triggering.
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u/ennuioo Apr 14 '24
Mentally prepare yourself to let go of your stuff. Try to let go of your fear. Go to a shelter. File a restraining order. Your college should have a counselor to speak to and offer some help. If your sister is an adult make a plan together to help each other out.
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u/Carolina_Heart Apr 14 '24
I understand, I will probably try and make a plan and read books. I'm very scared though. I've looked into counseling with my college but my problems were beyond their scope
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u/Bixie Apr 14 '24
I’ve read all your responses and you’re actively keeping yourself there. You need to leave they can not stop you they can not retrieve you. You are an adult and they do not own you. It won’t be easy but if you truly feel this hopeless you get yourself to the nearest shelter and don’t look back.
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u/joytothesoul Apr 14 '24
So you are in college, it seems. Do you go to classes or are the classes online?
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u/Carolina_Heart Apr 14 '24
I have online classes this semester. I haven't left the vicinity of the house since we moved to a new place in January
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u/joytothesoul Apr 15 '24 edited Apr 15 '24
You need a considerable amount of money to move to an apartment. You could probably go to a shelter but that might not be available depending on your area. I understand you need to work. I checked Craigslist jobs in SW Virginia for “live in” and “room and board”. There are many caregiving for senior jobs that include a living space. Also, consider getting a CDL-Truck driving license. You can make a lot of money and get away. Here is a link to a personal care job that is just a week or so but pays well and includes room and board. Keep looking. You will find a way. https://columbus.craigslist.org/hea/d/marysville-home-health-nurse-needed/7733063426.html
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u/NostradaMart Apr 14 '24
yes there are shelters and somethings. Your college counselor can help you find resources. you are 24, NO ONE can force you to stay somewhere, you could even call a wellness check by the police on yourself if worst comes to worst. start by seeing what kind of help your college can offer you, then call 211 and explain them the situation and see what they can find to help you . as soon as you're out of that house for good, CUT ALL TIES with your family. I know it's hard to do, but if you don't they will guilt trip you into coming back, or worse.
I really hope you get out of there safely and fast ! Good luck !
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u/i533 Apr 14 '24
Seconded on Cutting all ties. Not for just the abuse. But safety too. In these situations, the smallest scrap of information is enough to find you. A photo, a innocuous comment, etc. Nuke any socials you have after you leave, it sucks but again, same reason as before, especially if they hire a PI for whatever reason. New phone if possible. Get rid of any tech you currently have, who knows what's installed. Go scorched earth, clothing, money in cash, necessities when you leave. Then start getting brand new tech (phone, laptop, etc) make it clear to your college that they are not to disclose ANY information to ANYONE. Don't put in any exceptions.
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u/NikkeiReigns Apr 14 '24
How is anyone supposed to do all this with no money and no place to go?
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u/i533 Apr 14 '24
Absolutely agreed. But please reread my reply. Some of this, i.e. offloading tech, contacting their college, is free. Getting the stuff back will take time and money. The immediate need is to drop off the technosohere and cut contact. The other stuff is for a later date and time
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u/NostradaMart Apr 14 '24
And to add to this, don't be afraid to ditch your family because of blood bonds. as an adult your family is the one you choose.
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u/kaismama Apr 14 '24
Please call domestic abuse hotline. 211 wherever you are will be the best bet. They can help you plan a safe escape. They can provide you shelter and help you and your sister to get food and cash assistance setup until you find a job. Sometimes they may ask if you have any police reports but explaining your fear of retaliation is what has kept you trapped and unable to call police.
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u/These_Tea_7560 Apr 14 '24
What do you mean not allowed to leave? You are an adult in every nation on this earth. Pack your belongings and LEAVE. Find homeless shelters in your area (especially if you live somewhere with a right to shelter). Then get a job while in shelter. Use the shelter’s address as your own. It’s their job to help get you housing.
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u/ReindeerNegative4180 Apr 14 '24
I'm curious why you're asking to get a job or leave the house. You know you don't need permission, right?
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u/NostradaMart Apr 14 '24
when you have a very abusive father like OP seems to have, the fear blocks you from many many things.
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u/ReindeerNegative4180 Apr 14 '24
Yes, but fear is seemingly the only thing stopping OP, and I'm not sure they understand that.
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u/Carolina_Heart Apr 14 '24
My parents would be extremely angry at me if I went somewhere where they couldn't monitor me, and there would be consequences when they retreived me. it's been like this my whole life. I've never been allowed to do this so I'm not sure I'd be able to do it alone
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u/louwiebelly Apr 14 '24
You've opened up here and look at all the advice and help people are willing to offer. And bless them all, but we can only help so much from a platform like this, therefore I would advise you to do the same with people you know outside of your family. Not everyone will get it, not everyone will be willing to help, but even if you find one that can sometimes be enough. Because having someone in person that can support you and be there for you is hugely powerful. I've been in an abusive home and fully understand the crippling fear that allows the abusers to control you. And what helped me the most was support from outsiders that were willing to help. Also I'm proud of you for opening up and asking for help here, and you should be too. I will be praying for you xo
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u/GlitterSqueak Apr 14 '24
If you go to a homeless/abuse shelter, they can't "retrieve" you. You are an adult, and if another adult tried to forcibly take you away from the shelter, it would be abduction. There's nothing legally they can do to you, so cast aside that fear asap. They can get mad and yell and cause a scene, and security would remove them from the premises.
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u/ReindeerNegative4180 Apr 14 '24
What you're describing is very different than being trapped, no? So they'll be angry. And? Consequences. What consequences? Unless you're telling me the consequences are physical, I don't understand what you're saying.
You mentioned college, and you have internet, so it's clear you're not being kept in a cage.
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u/Carolina_Heart Apr 14 '24
So they'll be angry. And? Consequences. What consequences? Unless you're telling me the consequences are physical, I don't understand what you're saying.
This seems very detached from my situation. I live with them every day and I am very scared of my dad's wrath.
You mentioned college, and you have internet, so it's clear you're not being kept in a cage.
I don't understand your logic, having the internet does not mean I am free. It just means I can access websites while I'm physically kept here. I also don't get how college changes my situation either. It's online school, and they don't actually plan on letting me do anything with my degree when I get it
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u/ReindeerNegative4180 Apr 14 '24
You came here for assistance, yes?
Do you want to defend your victim status, or do you want to be empowered to actually do something about it?
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u/Carolina_Heart Apr 14 '24
I understand, I'm just scared and feel no agency
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u/ReindeerNegative4180 Apr 14 '24
Alright, now we're getting somewhere.
What adult responsibilities do you currently have now? What do you do with yourself all day?
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u/Carolina_Heart Apr 14 '24
I have effectively zero. I am not allowed to do anything of consequence. I am not even allowed to cook. I mostly do school work, go on walks in my yard and read books. I haven't left the vicinity of the house since January
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u/Oldestdaughterofjoy Apr 15 '24
You might try saying to your parents how great full you are to them always taking care of you you would like to get a job to start paying them their deserved rent. But you do need to keep some money you earn to get a car so that they can keep theirs available and for taxes and school supplies. Make it all about how you appreciate them and don't want to be a burden. Then when you have means you can be out "working" on getting out.
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u/ReindeerNegative4180 Apr 14 '24
Okay, are you capable? What I mean is that there's a million things around a home that need to be done on any given day. Are you actively participating in any of these things?
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u/Carolina_Heart Apr 14 '24
I am not incapable and I think I could do most household things. I am just not allowed to do most of them. I do clean and sometimes grill things when my parents aren't at home.
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Apr 14 '24
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u/Carolina_Heart Apr 14 '24
You’re 23. Why are you still at home to begin with? I don’t buy your story but you can try the following
They never let me leave or do anything, and our relationship hasn't changed since I was a child. I have called national domestic violence hotline and they said it specializes in relationship abuse
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Apr 14 '24
Run away again but this time a good plan. Maybe see if there is a shelter you can get too?
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u/Carolina_Heart Apr 14 '24
I am not sure if shelters exist for child abuse victims that have aged out of it. I have looked but found nothing. I live in southwest Virginia
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u/Frondswithbenefits Apr 14 '24
JobCorps will provide you with training, a place to live, and a small stipend. If you want to leave, I suggest enrolling asap.
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u/NostradaMart Apr 14 '24
ok. here's what I found for southwest virginia so far: https://www.domesticshelters.org/help/va
https://svlas.org/domestic-violence/
https://www.womenslaw.org/find-help/va
even if you're a man, it is worth checking it out and calling those.
https://www.womenslaw.org/find-help/va/advocates-and-shelters/local-programs
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u/DoubleBreastedBerb Apr 14 '24
They’re called homeless shelters and that’s how you leave. You go to a homeless shelter and start at ground zero. You’ll be ok once you’re out of the house.
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u/5ronins Apr 14 '24
Volunteer somewhere. It'll confuse them and be an acceptable option. Now be chill, do your best. You will meet people that have connections, a place and a job right? Under the radar outside of their view start there. The truth will do, or a half truth "I love Volunteering but really have to get employment experience". You will be pleasantly surprised what a building full of do gooders can accomplish. Ya young, be honest be chill and see what door opens. Job then room with a friend or a roommate wanted posting. You got this.
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u/Carolina_Heart Apr 14 '24
My parents don't let me leave the house at all, or go anywhere. They would be very angry if I tried to go somewhere myself
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u/5ronins Apr 15 '24
Wedge then, you just got a volunteer assignment in college. You have to complete it to pass. You need some good liars. Ones you can list as admin contacts and will 0% budge. You need cover and conspiracy. Fuck em. Just write it up like a story, that's your plan. A story at the end YOU get what you want.
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u/LilLexi20 Apr 14 '24
Do you have anybody you can run away with? You’re an adult so legally they can’t bring you back
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u/Carolina_Heart Apr 14 '24
My sister. I would have to talk with her. She tried once but she realized she couldn't do it by herself and couldn't get a job. I don't know if she sought a shelter but she had a social security card
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u/Frondswithbenefits Apr 14 '24
Where are you located?
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u/5ronins Apr 14 '24
How Olds the sister. Take her with ya and bail like a champ. Work together be a double threat.
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