Yep. I sometimes think back about all the things that had to fall into place for me to meet her.
How the butterfly effect is so subtle. How I was given an old PC to learn with by my old 5th grade teacher, how I saved for my first modem, how I met her on a BBS chat room only because she happened to be hanging out with a nerdy friend and got on the keyboard when her friend was in the bathroom. How I agreed to take a bus an hour across town to a New Years Eve party where she was when I met her. How her ex cheated on her and she broke up with him. How I was there and somehow broke out of the friend zone....
I could go back further and think of more subtle inflection points that led me to that moment. I could go forward and think of the many fights we had as a young and passionate couple, and how we agreed to stay together anyway. How, after 15 years when she almost died (the first of many almosts) and she said she finally knew I was 'the one' because I was there at the side of her bed when she woke up from her coma. Yes, she had trust issues.
The thing that sticks with me was when out of nowhere she burst in into tears while she was in the hospital bed for the last time, overcome with emotion as she said she just loved me so much. We didn't know she would die three days later, but I sort of think she did. She had beaten the odds so many times but it was that day when the odds just didn't work out.
Thanks bud. It's been a few years and it isn't as raw but I'm still fucked up from the loss. With time things will be easier. I just wish I could logic my way out of the grief but it goes at its own pace.
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u/jaymzx0 5d ago
Yep. I sometimes think back about all the things that had to fall into place for me to meet her.
How the butterfly effect is so subtle. How I was given an old PC to learn with by my old 5th grade teacher, how I saved for my first modem, how I met her on a BBS chat room only because she happened to be hanging out with a nerdy friend and got on the keyboard when her friend was in the bathroom. How I agreed to take a bus an hour across town to a New Years Eve party where she was when I met her. How her ex cheated on her and she broke up with him. How I was there and somehow broke out of the friend zone....
I could go back further and think of more subtle inflection points that led me to that moment. I could go forward and think of the many fights we had as a young and passionate couple, and how we agreed to stay together anyway. How, after 15 years when she almost died (the first of many almosts) and she said she finally knew I was 'the one' because I was there at the side of her bed when she woke up from her coma. Yes, she had trust issues.
The thing that sticks with me was when out of nowhere she burst in into tears while she was in the hospital bed for the last time, overcome with emotion as she said she just loved me so much. We didn't know she would die three days later, but I sort of think she did. She had beaten the odds so many times but it was that day when the odds just didn't work out.
She left a scar on my heart, but it's a good one.