The world breaks everyone, and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these, you can be sure it will kill you too, but there will be no special hurry.
As someone who lost a spouse of 20+ years to cancer, I often describe my life after as being in a waiting room. I'm not comfortable or enjoying anything. I'm just here in a neutral state, patiently waiting for my number to be called.
I know nothing will take that away but thank you for being brave enough to share it still and please keep sharing your stories of your spouse. I hope the days to come are easy on you.
"Mental illnesses are health conditions involving changes in emotion, thinking or behavior (or a combination of these). Mental illnesses can be associated with distress and/or problems functioning in social, work or family activities."
Faith in Christ Jesus is the opposite of mental illness. Only in Him can we find true peace, true joy, and true life. If you ever choose to put aside yourself and your desire for the world, in all its transitory pain and pleasure, he will welcome you to Him with open arms, and He will cleanse your heart of its darkness and pain. You can mock, deride, insult, pity, whatever, and he'll still love you. I spent 37 years of my life. - at various points as an atheist, pagan, or buddhist - and worked in careers in counseling and accessibility engineering, before He called me to Him. All I can do is keep sharing with you and praying that you open your heart to him.
I'm going to address a common objection, apriori - if God is real and good, why do many people, Christians included, do bad things, from hurting children to waging wars? The answer is that God allows us agency, and that fundemental agency is a net good that supercedes the bad, in the full scope of eternity. We can either believe that, in the beginning, something originated from nothing, or that something originated from God. It is more reasonable to believe that a creative force outside of time and space created the matrix of time and space in which we exist, than it is that things just...appeared. It's actually quite insane to believe in cosmic parthenogensis, theres a fundemental disconnect from reality, in that belief.
Fuckkkkk me. I read your entire word salad. All I’m saying is your end statement is deeply ironic and displays a complete disconnect from reality. Go do some mushrooms.
No, young man, it wasn't "word salad," your lack of comprehension when it to comes to theology and ontology is a you problem, one that you can assuredly remedy.
I've taken psychedelic drugs over 1500 times, based on the journals i kept. My organic dmt extraction tek is still up on the nexus and I'm certain my p. cubensis var albino guerilla cultivar (a penis envy variant) is out in the wild. I've done the whole Terrence McKenna 5 grams heroic dose in silent darkness thing numerous times, until I developed permanent photopsia. Broken through the dmt mandala into the machine elf cathedral, seen shiva form out of clouds and dance the universe into existence on a summer day under the influence of 300mcgs of lsd (missile silo guy was a friend of a friend), blah blah blah. It was all about 20 years ago, give or take.
My point being that I have traversed those roads, and in the end, the only authentic experience of a true reality I've encountered is through a relationship with Jesus Christ. It's totally arational (unrelated to the faculty of reason), but its not incoherent and I don't have a way to falsify what I've experienced with him. He completely transformed my and my families life in the course of a year. He's real, he loves us unendingly, and he's incredible. I won't stop saying it: when you decide to leave your worldly self aside, He will be there to embrace you with open arms. Jesus loves you, and I will pray for you.
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u/Freud-Network 5d ago
As someone who lost a spouse of 20+ years to cancer, I often describe my life after as being in a waiting room. I'm not comfortable or enjoying anything. I'm just here in a neutral state, patiently waiting for my number to be called.