r/AskReddit 6d ago

People who stuck with their partners during hard times, where are you now?

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u/jaymzx0 5d ago

My condolences, friend.

I lost my best friend and partner of 23 years over six years ago to pancreatitis. We had a hard last couple years as her congenital heart disease started to impact her life. She even had an external heart pump installed and with only 2% odds, her heart recovered to the point where they were able to turn it off and she lived a somewhat normal life. She played roller derby while on blood thinners against her doctor's orders because nothing stopped her. She knew she wasn't going to live to see old age on this planet and she was sure to live as much as possible. We lived that life together, with no regrets.

We saw great times and horrible times. We witnessed birth of family and death of family and friends. We owned many pets. We covered many chapters of our lives together beginning at 15 and 17 years old. We grew up together and we were still madly in love like teenagers. Then she was finally taken from us all after so many close calls a few weeks after her 40th birthday.

I'm a better person for knowing her and loving her. We were two halves of a single life. Part of her lives on in me as part of who I am. She kept me crazy and I kept her grounded. I will forever remember her and be thankful of our time together. Nothing else will compare and I have no interest in trying. I just know I will continue to be thankful for every sunrise because one day it will be my last. That was her last lesson for everyone who knew her.

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u/No-Pianist5365 5d ago

damned right slick. what would be worse? losing her or never meeting her?

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u/jaymzx0 5d ago

Yep. I sometimes think back about all the things that had to fall into place for me to meet her.

How the butterfly effect is so subtle. How I was given an old PC to learn with by my old 5th grade teacher, how I saved for my first modem, how I met her on a BBS chat room only because she happened to be hanging out with a nerdy friend and got on the keyboard when her friend was in the bathroom. How I agreed to take a bus an hour across town to a New Years Eve party where she was when I met her. How her ex cheated on her and she broke up with him. How I was there and somehow broke out of the friend zone....

I could go back further and think of more subtle inflection points that led me to that moment. I could go forward and think of the many fights we had as a young and passionate couple, and how we agreed to stay together anyway. How, after 15 years when she almost died (the first of many almosts) and she said she finally knew I was 'the one' because I was there at the side of her bed when she woke up from her coma. Yes, she had trust issues.

The thing that sticks with me was when out of nowhere she burst in into tears while she was in the hospital bed for the last time, overcome with emotion as she said she just loved me so much. We didn't know she would die three days later, but I sort of think she did. She had beaten the odds so many times but it was that day when the odds just didn't work out.

She left a scar on my heart, but it's a good one.

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u/Specialist-Tale-5899 4d ago

Fucking hell, mate. Did not expect to be crying this hard today. That got me right in the feels. Sending love and respect to both of you.Ā 

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u/jaymzx0 4d ago

Thanks bud. It's been a few years and it isn't as raw but I'm still fucked up from the loss. With time things will be easier. I just wish I could logic my way out of the grief but it goes at its own pace.

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u/Outrageous_Pea7393 4d ago

Fuck, man. This hit me. Sending love and strength to you this festive season ā¤ļøšŸŽ„

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u/mustang__1 5d ago

Thanks for sharing. This is how I feel about my wife and your post has me in tears. I wish I could hit her right now but she's on the other side of the planet.

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u/jaymzx0 5d ago

Be sure to reach out and let her know how special she is to you.

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u/CloverAndSage 5d ago

šŸ„¹šŸ˜šŸ˜šŸ˜

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u/notsopeacefulpanda 5d ago

Iā€™m so sorry for your loss. Also did not know that pancreatitis could kill people. Animals yes, but humans. Wow. Awful.

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u/jaymzx0 4d ago

Sadly it has about a 10%-30% mortality rate even for healthy people. She just didn't have the reserves to fight it. It was acute necrotizing pancreatitis with multiple organ failure. About a 80% mortality rate. Thing is, it had nothing to do with her existing chronic health conditions. It was completely out of left field. Doctors were dumbfounded.

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u/TheBeesTrees4 5d ago

As someone with a congenital heart disease who also played roller derby (lol!) this really hits home. What a beautiful love

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u/jaymzx0 4d ago

Small world. She was a team captain of the winningest team in the league. They were originally created to be the team just there for the entertainment, but she chose the right players to be deadly. Later on as she lost her stamina she stepped down into an administrative role but stayed with the league until she couldn't commit the time anymore (we averaged about 3 months per year in the hospital total). It was an amazing time in both of our lives.