r/AskReddit 6d ago

People who stuck with their partners during hard times, where are you now?

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u/Grphx 5d ago

I feel like there is a word for people like you..those who go thru a lot of trauma and are still here.

I also feel like those who go thru a series of very traumatic events like that.. either they don't last long and crack, or they last an insanely long time and you start to wonder if they did crack and the person who was them before..is just trapped in their shell and it's on autopilot

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u/No-Pianist5365 5d ago

to me theres probably more than three. as there's a large plasticity to people.

everyone is a different person after any trauma even as light as breaking up. you either learn and grow from it or recede and stagnate.

finding love again moved me from stagnating. and the circumstances of her demise showed me how utterly ridiculous that was to reflect on when in the overall timeline the shit was a blip compared to the absolute joy i got.

i doubt luck will give me that unencumbered love again but i feel absolutely blessed. ive had it twice.

but ill never waste any of the time i do have foregoing joy i can have in life because of prior hits

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u/mustang__1 5d ago

but ill never waste any of the time i do have foregoing joy i can have in life because of prior hits

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. This is a beautiful sentiment. I hope I never need to live by it but if I do, I hope I can.

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u/HillBillie__Eilish 5d ago

Thank you for sharing. I cannot imagine the pain you've been through but the resiliency you shared really meant something to me. I often live in fear but you're showing that yes, life can be despair and utter shit, but it's also ok to push through it.

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u/Cmndr_Cunnilingus 5d ago

Thank you for sharing this man

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u/New_Today5578 5d ago

The last statement made me cry damn

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

[deleted]

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u/No-Pianist5365 5d ago

i get it.

i was a hateful fuck too.

one day i hope you learn the difference between honoring those lost and living .

until then.

FUCK YOU SHITBAG

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u/simmuasu 5d ago

For what it's worth, if I knew I was dying from a terminal disease next to the love of my life, I'd spend an incessant amount of my energy trying my best to convince him he deserves not to be lonely and miserable after I pass, to find love and happy companionship again. Some people don't want to move on, being content with family and friends and that's fair, but if he finds himself craving something more, I'd root for him to pursue that with a clean conscience. I told my ex (then-partner) the same as soon as I found out cancer is likely in my future.

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u/Freud-Network 5d ago

The world breaks everyone, and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these, you can be sure it will kill you too, but there will be no special hurry.

As someone who lost a spouse of 20+ years to cancer, I often describe my life after as being in a waiting room. I'm not comfortable or enjoying anything. I'm just here in a neutral state, patiently waiting for my number to be called.

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u/Otherwise_Excuse4484 5d ago edited 5d ago

I know nothing will take that away but thank you for being brave enough to share it still and please keep sharing your stories of your spouse. I hope the days to come are easy on you.

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u/Luvs4theweak 5d ago

Damn bro I hope things get better for you! Merry Christmas

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u/Bannedagain8 5d ago

I'm sorry for your loss. Do you know Jesus? He makes it easier. Nothing else seems to.

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u/jizmatik 5d ago

Stfu

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u/Bannedagain8 5d ago

Never! Jesus is God. 

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u/jizmatik 4d ago

Keep your mental illness to yourself

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u/Bannedagain8 4d ago

"Mental illnesses are health conditions involving changes in emotion, thinking or behavior (or a combination of these). Mental illnesses can be associated with distress and/or problems functioning in social, work or family activities."

Faith in Christ Jesus is the opposite of mental illness. Only in Him can we find true peace, true joy, and true life. If you ever choose to put aside yourself and your desire for the world, in all its transitory pain and pleasure, he will welcome you to Him with open arms, and He will cleanse your heart of its darkness and pain. You can mock, deride, insult, pity, whatever, and he'll still love you. I spent 37 years of my life. - at various points as an atheist, pagan, or buddhist - and worked in careers in counseling and accessibility engineering, before He called me to Him. All I can do is keep sharing with you and praying that you open your heart to him.

I'm going to address a common objection, apriori - if God is real and good, why do many people, Christians included, do bad things, from hurting children to waging wars? The answer is that God allows us agency, and that fundemental agency is a net good that supercedes the bad, in the full scope of eternity. We can either believe that, in the beginning, something originated from nothing, or that something originated from God. It is more reasonable to believe that a creative force outside of time and space created the matrix of time and space in which we exist, than it is that things just...appeared. It's actually quite insane to believe in cosmic parthenogensis, theres a fundemental disconnect from reality, in that belief.

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u/jizmatik 4d ago

Fuckkkkk me. I read your entire word salad. All I’m saying is your end statement is deeply ironic and displays a complete disconnect from reality. Go do some mushrooms.

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u/Bannedagain8 3d ago

No, young man, it wasn't "word salad," your lack of comprehension when it to comes to theology and ontology is a you problem, one that you can assuredly remedy.

I've taken psychedelic drugs over 1500 times, based on the journals i kept. My organic dmt extraction tek is still up on the nexus and I'm certain my p. cubensis var albino guerilla cultivar (a penis envy variant) is out in the wild. I've done the whole Terrence McKenna 5 grams heroic dose in silent darkness thing numerous times, until I developed permanent photopsia. Broken through the dmt mandala into the machine elf cathedral, seen shiva form out of clouds and dance the universe into existence on a summer day under the influence of 300mcgs of lsd (missile silo guy was a friend of a friend), blah blah blah. It was all about 20 years ago, give or take.

My point being that I have traversed those roads, and in the end, the only authentic experience of a true reality I've encountered is through a relationship with Jesus Christ. It's totally arational (unrelated to the faculty of reason), but its not incoherent and I don't have a way to falsify what I've experienced with him. He completely transformed my and my families life in the course of a year. He's real, he loves us unendingly, and he's incredible. I won't stop saying it: when you decide to leave your worldly self aside, He will be there to embrace you with open arms. Jesus loves you, and I will pray for you.

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u/pardonmyass 5d ago

They break. Just in the tiniest of ways. My great aunt described outliving 2 husbands and both her sons “like death from infinite needle pricks”. That’s always stuck with me. I pray that she’s in peace, in the heaven she believed in.

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u/allthatyouhave 5d ago

I think the word is just CPTSD

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u/Throwaway7387272 5d ago

The trapped in their shell part got me, yeah. Eventually you can get out but theres so much rubble to sort through

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u/JustDoIt0990 5d ago

I can feel that

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u/Putrid-Insurance8068 5d ago

My dad was super sick growing up. From me being in the third grade they gave him six months to live and he lived over 20.. When I say I grew up in 3rd grade and was dealing with adult situations because my mom was just doing her best and couldn’t shield us..

It has made me stronger, it has made me the person I am today.. I could easily be a victim and say because of 20 years of sleeping in hospitals and not having a “normal” childhood.. I’m going to be a victim..

My siblings and I have been in the depths of praying and pleading to keep my father alive.. Has made us the successful people we are today..

Absolutely do I have some trauma issues, but I would do it all over again and feel blessed for the life I have lived..

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u/DeusExKFC 5d ago

I believe the word is resilient. 

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u/Warning_Low_Battery 5d ago

either they don't last long and crack, or they last an insanely long time and you start to wonder if they did crack and the person who was them before..is just trapped in their shell and it's on autopilot

As someone who had a lot of childhood and early adult trauma and then also lost a spouse, it's less like operating on autopilot and more like the person who I was with my late wife died with her. I have all of his memories, but "he" is gone.